I'm 24, female, virgin. He's a couple years younger than me.
Around 6 months ago I got my very first boyfriend ever. He's your average normie Chad. He's been insistent about having sex since month 1 but lately he's been getting really frustrated and kinda angry. I've given him blowjobs, handjobs, etc but that doesn't seem to be enough. He keeps saying having sex isn't a big deal and that it would instead deepen our relationship.
But it is a big deal for me. He doesn't know but I was diddled once by an older kid when I was little, so now I'm really insecure, shy, and nervous when it comes to any sexual activity. I don't dislike sex at all, I just don't want to feel like I'm being used. I want him to genuinely care about me first, and I've told him that before. I don't think he likes me that much so I don't want to do it. But he's not very open about his feelings so I don't really know. I personally also want to feel closer to him before doing it, he's very busy so we don't actually see each other that often.
I don't know how to approach this anymore. I wouldn't mind having sex if it did deepen our relationship, but if we did it and things stay as they are now, I would hate myself for what I did and would probably break up with him. I don't want to lose him, I'm a dumb socially awkward autist so god knows if I'll even be able to get a bf again. And this aside he's a catch.
Bf wants to have sex but I don't what do
I'm 24, female, virgin. He's a couple years younger than me.
>awkward autist gf gives her virginity to her normie chad bf who doesn't give a shit about her beyond her holes
OHNONONONO AAAAHAHAHA it's like an Jow Forums shitpost
I think you've answered your own question. You already seem to doubt his sincerity, so usually one's instincts are correct. However, under what conditions do you see losing your virginity? You'll have to parse from that what is realistic in a relationship vs. what is wish fulfillment.
>I don't think he likes me that much
Can you describe what makes you feel this way?
>I'm a dumb socially awkward autist so god knows if I'll even be able to get a bf again
Could you expand on this a bit. What do you think makes you seem awkward to others?
>my life is a meme
Pretty funny desu.
>Can you describe what makes you feel this way?
He isn't a very attentive and romantic person by nature, but I can't tell how much of that is part of his personality and how much of it is just a lack of interest in me. He doesn't really compliment me, didn't do anything on valentine's day, doesn't make any compromises to see me, he doesn't really know much about me nor does he ask. The relationship just feels very casual. I can't complain though since it's also my fault that the relationship is like this, my insecurities prevent me from showing interest too. I feel like I'd just be bothering him.
>What do you think makes you seem awkward to others?
I have a really hard time talking to new people. I'm extremely shy and can't make friends, can barely hold a conversation. I don't talk to others and others don't talk to me. Guys just avoid me too. I told him about it and he said it's because I'm too pretty so they're afraid to approach me. And I don't make myself approachable either because autism.
>He doesn't really compliment me, didn't do anything on valentine's day, doesn't make any compromises to see me
These things are pretty much expected even for a pretty basic relationship.
>...he doesn't really know much about me nor does he ask. The relationship just feels very casual.
You are giving me a picture of a very superficial relationship. In that case, it sounds like you are going to regret giving him your first-time. However, this is merely a read from only a few paragraphs of having met you.
>my insecurities prevent me from showing interest too.
It is important to be honest with the person you are with. However, I have had relationships which have been destroyed by the insecurities of my submissives or partners. Is this entirely based on your childhood or are there other issues at play too?
>I have a really hard time talking to new people. I'm extremely shy and can't make friends, can barely hold a conversation.
This isn't that uncommon, but it is something that you will have to address in time.
>I told him about it and he said it's because I'm too pretty so they're afraid to approach me. And I don't make myself approachable either because autism.
Well I'm not going to ask you to post a picture, but how attractive do you feel you are? That said, non-beta men tend to approach attractive women, so I don't know how genuine his response is. You know him more than I do.
Do you happen to have a Discord? This might continue into a productive discussion, but with the lack of posts this thread could get pruned pretty easily.
He's only with you because he wants to pop your cherry. That's the only thing he's interested in.
If you weren't a virgin, he wouldn't even be in a relationship with you.
Easy. If you don't think he likes you and he gets angry about you not putting out, leave him. It's obviously what he wants, and it's not what you want.
Leave him OP.
If you're not sure how he feels about you, leave. Don't bother asking him, he'll just lie to you. He wants your virginity. And once he gets it, he's just going to leave/get bored of you anyway. To him, your virginity is a trophy. You're nothing else but that no matter what he says or does to try to make you feel different.
When a man truly love you, you know it without any doubts. He does anything and everything to make you feel safe and comfortable. When you tell him you arent ready yet, he respects that-even admires it. and when you finally tell him you're ready, he's so careful and kind. The fact that this current guy is getting angry says way more than you need to know. Don't do it. You'll regret it with everything you have. You'll be nothing but a story of a time he scored some autists virginity.
You'll get another bf some day. Love yourself more. and that guy will get many gfs after you-in fact with him being so pushy I wouldnt be shocked if he's been talking to other girls on the side anyway. So just forget him. Focus on yourself. When it happens, it happens, but don't let it happen with this guy.
>You are giving me a picture of a very superficial relationship
I personally think it is, but I don't think he does. I don't know much about him either, which is why I don't want to get into sex yet.
>Is this entirely based on your childhood or are there other issues at play too?
I think most problems stem from it. Basically I just have a huge fear of being judged. Also he's extremely smart so the fear of being judged by him is immense and persistent. If he showed more interest in getting to know me I wouldn't be so afraid to do it too.
>but it is something that you will have to address in time
I mean I do try. That's how I managed to date him, I tried really hard and forced myself to talk to him as much as I could.
I think I'm pretty attractive. I've been complimented on my looks by others my whole life. From Chad classmates to random strangers on the street. I just don't hang out in places where men can approach me so it's only expected.
I do have a discord but I'd rather keep it in comfy anonymity. I'll post it if becomes necessary later.
I don't think he's precisely after that, he makes fun of people who care about virginity.
But I don't want to break up. Surely I can fix this somehow. It's more of a frustration based anger since he keeps asking and I keep saying no.
let's be real, you'll end up putting out for him in a last ditch attempt to win his affection and keep him, only to have him leave you after because he got what he wanted already. Could've given it to some fellow autist but chad has you wrapped around his little finger.
You can give a compromise
>If you are together with me for x amount of months then I will give you my v-card cause you proved with your actions that you earned it
>I don't think he's precisely after that
Then why would he keep bugging you for sex knowing you don't want to do it?
>I don't know much about him either, which is why I don't want to get into sex yet.
Understandable. This doesn't even apply to your virginity, but if you are in a serious relationship then you should feel that connection and intimacy with someone first. I actually will deny My subs and pets until I feel we have a strong grasp on each other.
>Also he's extremely smart so the fear of being judged by him is immense and persistent.
I have had this issue with subs before. Disparities in intellect can feel very devaluing for the other party. How old is he compared to you? I might have missed that. Are there education differences? If there is a large age gap then a lot of the wisdom gained through life experience might be at play rather than raw talent. Intellect is only one aspect, as many end up bitter, cynical, and just awful people.
That said, what you said earlier is a bit puzzling, so you might have to expand. You are afraid of being judged by someone who is supposed to be intimately close to you? This is someone who is to be your partner and wants to be sexually involved, yet someone you can't bring yourself to trust. I think your gut is a good guide here. Can you tell me what misgivings you have about disclosing this to him? 6 months is not a short amount of time, but if everything has been surface level then it makes sense. Have you had "Real" conversations?
> I think I'm pretty attractive. I've been complimented on my looks by others my whole life.
A lot of people probably view you in a certain lens because of that, taking for granted social skills that you might not possess or simply feelings about being in groups that they wouldn't assume looking at you. In some ways this can make it harder for you, not that you'll get credit for that, simply sour grapes from others.
> ...rather keep it in comfy anonymity
Entirely understandable. It seems the thread is getting enough traction to not 404 anyway which was the main thrust.
Yeah that second paragraph really does make me feel bad, it's what I wish he would do.
I'll keep following my gut and the advice here and won't have sex with him yet.
It can't be helped, Chad is the only guy who liked me back and actually asked me out. I did try to get to know a cute nerdy autist like me once but we both were too socially retarded.
It's not just about the amount of time, it's about how deep our relationship is.
I meant that he wasn't precisely after my virginity, not sex in general.
>I actually will deny My subs and pets until I feel we have a strong grasp on each other.
how long you are with somebody IS how deep the relationship is hun
>I did try to get to know a cute nerdy autist like me once but we both were too socially retarded.
lol just imagine him sitting at home jerking off while the girl he liked gets her cherry popped by chad. What a world.
>he's just after sex
>which would involved taking my virginity
not seeing the logic here
Not sure if this was OP or not responding, but I learned very early in the lifestyle that sex itself, all the bindings, whips, orgasms, and such are the cherry on top. They merely accentuate what already exists in a relationship. At the core it is about trust and nothing else.
A lot of My subs have been surprised that I force them to wait because they are only seeking physical gratification, and they expect Daddy to simply take them here and now. Granted that happens in time, but there is so much more value in understanding what makes each other tick prior to any sort of debauchery. Sex can be acquired almost anywhere, but a close-knit relationship cannot, and I think they understand that point by the time I do allow them their relief.
the difference between you and me is that I am a monogamist and you are poly-sexual
Not judging you, but I'll just step out of this thread cause I am not gay
I actually only ever take a single submissive at a time, as it requires a massive amount of time and effort to guide them to their fulfillment. Though, I'm a rather nurturing/teaching Dom so I tend to cross over with a lot of domestic areas as well as kink.
>How old is he compared to you?
He's a couple years younger than me.
We're both in university. He's just very well educated, very knowledgeable, reads a lot, gets the best grades grades in his class, etc. I'm always afraid of saying something stupid in front of him.
>You are afraid of being judged by someone who is supposed to be intimately close to you?
Yes. I don't want to disappoint them or for them to think less of me.
>yet someone you can't bring yourself to trust
>Can you tell me what misgivings you have about disclosing this to him
I've tried to talk about it but I've never gotten much of a reaction out of him. At first I would tell him I wanted to take things slow, and he insisted that we already were. I told him that I wanted to get to know him better first, get more comfortable around him, feel less nervous, but he doesn't really comment on it.
>Have you had "Real" conversations
Nope. I mentioned it in the OP but he's a very busy person so we only get to see each other a couple times a week. That plus my autism makes it hard to have serious conversations.
Well no, seeing how we've technically been together for 6 months but still keep a pretty shallow relationship. If we kept this up for another 6 months it would still be pretty shallow.
He would still insist on having sex even if I wasn't a virgin, is what I meant.
unironically break up with him if your relationship is so shallow. sounds like all he wants is sex, he couldn't even be bothered to pretend to care on valentines day
But why is he insisting on having sex with you specifically if he is supposedly not interested in you and ignores your needs?
Especially if he could be getting all his sexual needs attended to by a woman who wouldn't have a problem with sex?
Because he is only interested in your virginity.
If he wanted a long term relationship, he would have built one with you by now.
>I'm always afraid of saying something stupid in front of him.
How has he reacted in the past when you've said things that you regret saying or felt stupid for saying? What I'm trying to understand is how much of this is him being distant vs. your own insecurity setting you up for a bad time.
>I don't want to disappoint them or for them to think less of me.
This is a difficult hill to climb because it sounds like a lot of your own self-esteem comes from how others view you. This is not a good thing, but it is what it is. This is another point to be addressed in the future. You have innate value, remember that.
>I told him that I wanted to get to know him better first, get more comfortable around him, feel less nervous, but he doesn't really comment on it.
This whole explanation seems to be a pretty typical example of someone who is rather selfish and self-centered. Do you believe he is capable of change? I fear you are putting yourself into a position, because all of this that you were talking about is who he is. Take that in for a moment. I don't know if you are going to end up with someone who really is into it for simply you as a person. Has he expressed other desires beyond fucking? What are his goals for you two? Where does he see your relationship in a couple months or years? What other things has he done or said that show there is more to it than you simply being there to serve a certain need?
>hard to have serious conversations
This is sort of a definition of relationships. Intimacy involves disclosing to each other things about you that no one else can see. That is part of developing a strong bond, and that seems to be what you want, but he doesn't want to provide. I'm not going to tell you what to do or not do with your body. You have to make your own decision. However, I think you already understand, but it is about coming to terms with it that is difficult.
Would you mind if I asked you for advice OP?
I’m in similar situation and I really think you could shed some light for me.
Yeah not gonna lie that felt pretty bad.
I'm just not so sure because he also does things that do make it seem like he cares. He wanted to introduce me to his family pretty quickly and we've gone out together with them multiple times. Same with his friends, and when they do something together he invites me too. He just really ins't attentive at all so I don't know how much of this is a genuine lack of interest.
>with you specifically
Because I'm attractive and he does like me on some level. It's only obvious that he wants to fuck me. He doesn't ignore every need, just some of them.
>If he wanted a long term relationship, he would have built one with you by now
Well this is true.
>How has he reacted in the past when you've said things that you regret saying or felt stupid for saying?
Did nothing. In the beginning I specifically told him once that I was embarrassed to talk to him and was surprised and said he wasn't going to judge me or anything.
I do think he is kinda distant, but that's because I also am and due to the small amount of time we actually spend together.
Yeah I pretty much have no self esteem. I unconsciously can't get along with people who are superior to me in some way, even if they're the nicest person out there. I just can't get comfortable no matter how much I try. All my friends could be considered inferior or equal to me in either looks or intelligence.
(gonna cont in next post)
I don't think I can help much but go ahead.
I guess he is kinda self-centered.
>Has he expressed other desires beyond fucking?
>What other things has he done or said that show there is more to it than you simply being there to serve a certain need?
Like I mentioned above he did introduce me to his friends and family and we go out with both when we have the chance. When we meet it doesn't always end in sexual activity either. Now that I think about it, it's pretty balanced. And when we do it he always tries really hard to please me too.
>What are his goals for you two?
>Where does he see your relationship in a couple months or years?
Never discussed this.
>and that seems to be what you want, but he doesn't want to provide
Yeah I guess I'll just have to swallow my insecurity and try to build this. If I ask him he will tell me, guess I'll just have to be the one to take the first step and see if we can make it work.
I think you can.
My girlfriend was a virgin before we slept together. Thing is, she is extreamely tense when it comes to sex. I’ve never forced or pressured her to do anything, the first time we had sex was because she wanted to. But she gets horny, enjoys sex, she’s just really hesitant any time I try to ‘get things going’. She’ll change the subject to something random. It’s so damn confusing for me because we have an extreamely loving and trusting relationship and she swears to me she gets horny and wants me, and even though we’ve had sex a couple of times once the time comes to get physical it’s like her mind just switches immediately. And she’s very, very into non-sexual physical contact.
So as someone who is nervous about this stuff, any idea what may be going on?
Men have a biological imperative. At that age, men are under considerable biochemical pressure to have regular intercourse. If he’s waited 6 months, he definitely loves you, but if you deny him, you will kill it if you haven’t already. He’s understandably angry at being strung along. You need to get with the program and start having regular sex with him that you both enjoy or you need to let him go have a fulfilling relationship with someone healthy.
and so is he, what makes you think he couldn't get another girl as attractive as you?
I feel like you're just dodging that your virginity could be the reason he's sticking around.
If you really thought half the stuff you said about sex in this thread and about this relationship you wouldn't have made the thread to begin with. You would have just fucked him to 'deepen the relationship' already since he 'doesn't care' about your virginity and you want a long term relationship with him.
So on some level I guess you acknowledge your virginity at least gives you some kind of bargaining power or value.
But I'm kind of tired of following this thread now.
Just do whatever you want.
I dunno mate, I'm actually the opposite. I'm too nervous to bring up sexual stuff on my own, but when it's on the table I'm really into it.
But if a girl is tense about sex I can only assume she's had some trauma related to it. I can tell you I also enjoy non-sexual physical contact a lot because it makes me feel loved and cared for, but I think that's just normal for most people.
if he isn't willing to marry you first you should move on.
it is very unlikely that he will stay with you if you give him what he wants.
under NO circumstances will losing your virginity make a man want to be with you more.
I'm not going to try to get with you solely because it would cheapen my advice, but there are plenty of men who actually will want to stay with you and wait as long as you want.
>told him once that I was embarrassed to talk to him and was surprised and said he wasn't going to judge me or anything.
He may simply be rather matter-of-fact about things. It isn't necessarily bad, but it seems like it might not be an affect that meshes well with you. You strike me as a bit of a needy girl, one who would like extra support instead of distance. That isn't meant to be a dig, as it is just part of your nature. A lot of times you end up with paradoxical things after having rough pasts. Deep insecurity and pushing people away, but the unending desire for closeness.
>Yeah I pretty much have no self esteem.
That can be struggle. It is something that can be fixed over time with proper care. What do you feel would make you content as a person, not limited solely to relationships, but your fulfillment as a person and woman?
>he did introduce me to his friends and family and we go out with both when we have the chance.
That is very nice. This also points to more long-term planning, at least in my mind. I rarely have flings, but I wouldn't likely be introducing them to people close to me.
>it doesn't always end in sexual activity either. Now that I think about it, it's pretty balanced.
It seems he has his libido in check at least. Also a good sign. I'll generally will only pair with women with higher libidos since I'm pretty much still a fifteen year old in that regard despite being twice that age. Now, do you feel this is a good balance for you? It is important that you are compatible too.
>when we do it he always tries really hard to please me too.
Good for him. Making each other happy is exceptionally vital in a healthy relationship. While he has his hang-ups, do you feel fulfilled in the sexual aspect of your relationship?
>I'll just have to be the one to take the first step
Good job. I'm getting the picture that he might be rushed and a little oblivious, so you could try to center him.
yeah, OP, just give him your virginity then he is sure to turn around and completely change his personality now that he has what he wants.
>He keeps saying having sex isn't a big deal
>keeps pushing for it and making it obvious it is a big deal
Drop him. He is a lying, hypocritical piece of shit.
>What do you feel would make you content as a person, not limited solely to relationships, but your fulfillment as a person and woman?
I have any big aspirations, just to be able to financially support myself eventually and to find someone who wants to marry me one day and have kids.
>do you feel this is a good balance for you? It is important that you are compatible too.
Yes. It was nerve wracking at first but I truly enjoy any chance we get now.
>do you feel fulfilled in the sexual aspect of your relationship?
Yes. I only feel bad about not being able to fulfill all his needs.
It's 3am so I'll be going, but thanks for all the different opinions. If there's any more replies I'll definitely read them tomorrow. I came to Jow Forums after much desperation and tears but I feel a lot less lost now. Will try to make things work with Mr. chad.
>Will try to make things work with Mr. chad.
So said every girl chad dates
Good luck to you. Should this thread be up tomorrow then tell me about your goals and aspirations. Otherwise, fare thee well.
Hah, I think you meant a don't in there. Well, it still would be interesting to hear about your studies among other things, but regardless hopefully this helped you a bit.
This OP. It's worth the wait.
t. molested ex-virgin who found the right man after years
Talk talk talk. Tell him about the past.
It's like in my r9k greentexts
>He's been insistent about having sex since month 1 but lately he's been getting really frustrated and kinda angry. I've given him blowjobs, handjobs, etc but that doesn't seem to be enough. He keeps saying having sex isn't a big deal
>24 years old
Check his ID, he sounds like a teenager. He sure lies like one.
Chad's dont act like a child, and dont get pissy if they dont get sex.
>the awkward guy who didn't get her
but I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so
Just leave him you fucking retard
Why are girls so fucking stupid?
>I don't want to lose him, I'm a dumb socially awkward autist so god knows if I'll even be able to get a bf again
He should be the one not wanting to lose you because you value who you give yourself to. Fuck this brainlet, dump him without remorse, he doesn't care about your feelings. You should have no doubts about this. I swear it gets better and you'll realize how silly doubting was. Don't let yourself disrespect your own person because you want someone. As soon as someone disrespects you you should send them crawling back in their holes.
Girl, he probably won't be able to satisfy you anyway in sex, since he only cares about himself. Most likely he will use you like he's fucking an inflatable doll and he won't care about you in sex just as he doesn't in everything else. Straight to the trash! Don't let this pussy fuck you and let you regret it. You don't have to catch an occasion at all costs because you feel like you're losing something, I was just like you. Not all ponds are made to be jumped into. Some waters are infected, no matter how much you want a bath. The frustration of that is much better than getting poisoned.
Give a chance to someone who's less of a chad but who will be able to give you a lot more.