I’m having sexual trouble with my gf.
It’s really odd and I’d love advice from people who can relate to her, if anyone can. The thing is, she doesn’t seem to like the idea of sex or sexual things. And I say she doesn’t like the ‘idea’, because when we do have sex, she genuinely enjoys it, orgasms, etc. But when I try to start being intimate, she’s always hesitant and or tries to change the subject. Until I get her aroused, which takes a pretty good while, she’s very tense and acts strangely. And she does love and trust me, to an extreme, as I do her. I treat her incredibly well, as I’m attentive to her physical and emotional needs. We don’t argue ever, and when I say I have to ‘get her in the mood’ I want to emphasize I have never forced her to do anything, I basically just mean I have to try over and over. The really confusing thing is that she says she is horny and wants to have sex, but for some reason just kind of panics when we start doing stuff. I believe her because the signs are there, she shows all the signs such as getting really ‘wet’. And she loves non-sexual physical contact, if she could glue our hands together when we’re out she would, and at home she’s always laying, sitting or leaning on me.
I’m really confused, at first I thought maybe she’s asexual but it’s become apparent that isn’t the case.
A few other things, I’m her fist serious boyfriend and the first person she’s ever done anything sexual with. And no we aren’t kids I’m 25 and she’s 20.
I’m having sexual trouble with my gf
I’m having sexual trouble with my gf.
Sounds like she may have been sexually abused in the past or had a particularily bad previous boyfriend and has issues trusting anyone, including you.
One of the best things you can do in a relationship is take her out to her favorite restaraunt or cook her favorite dish, take her out for her favorite activity, and do a night or a few nights in a row, no sex after just be a little awkward, spoil her.
Then ask her why she doesn't like getting intimate and talk about it. That will help her get in the right mindset.
>One of the best things you can do in a relationship is take her out to her favorite restaraunt or cook her favorite dish, take her out for her favorite activity, and do a night or a few nights in a row, no sex after just be a little awkward, spoil her.
Done this, many times. Including the no sex nor any indication of sex. I’ve been so lax/non-pressuring about it that we’ve had sex a total of 4 times in almost a year of dating. And no she doesn’t suck me off or anything ‘in between’. It’s just no sexual contact. And I love her so much, I just, well it sounds shitty but I need sex. I’m a guy, with a really high drive.
When I ask her she says she legitimately doesn’t know why she’s so weird about it. And even though I never pressure her we do talk about it, of course not constantly but enough to where I really believe she doesn’t know why.
You have to stick your dick in her ass. It's the only way op. Good luck
Perhaps maybe she's fucking other guys and you don't turn her on that much. That could also be the reason
Nah, it may sound weird but I’m really good friends with her mom, that’s actually how we met and she gave me her ‘blessing’ before we even started dating. When she isn’t with me she’s at home with her mother. She can’t drive because she’s terrified of it which while hilarious also means that she doesn’t go anywhere unless me or mommy dearest take her. I’m a nice dude but I’m not an idiot. On top of that she is really, really bad at lying as well as not the typeto cheat. If she wanted someone else she’s break up with me instead of fucking around. Plus she has no benefit to using me, I’m not wealthy, just average income, but physically I’m very attractive and have a big wang. Not saying it’s completely impossible, but her mom who loves me and essentially set us up helping her lie to and cheat on me? Probably not.
That’s where poop comes from user.
Maybe she wants you to fuck her mom instead. Na jk. It sounds like you scored big time then and got yourself an actual wholesome good girl which is rare. Her being shy about sex is cute too. Unless however it's what said about her being abused then that may be the reason. How long have you two been dating again?
Id say she had some sexual trauma in the past of some kind. Even thought you're in a relationship with someone, its really hard to talk about this kind of stuff. Especially if it really traumatise you. Maybe thats the case for your gf. Its weird though, because as you said you are being kind, patient, comprehensive with her and even with all of this she still is shy/ not used to sexual approach. Id talk about your needs and stuff to her to let her known that you have needs and stuffs. Cheers man.
I am a girl and I get very horny and masturbate, watch porn, etc. but I was scared of having sex when I was younger so I can relate to that. I haven't had any past sexual trauma but I have been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia so there is that
How do you know? Do you eat her out?
Many - I might guess most - women need a psychological warming-up before the physical one. More time spent early in the evening in non-sexual warmth - sweet talk, casual touch, little favors, etc - will have her well on the way toward sex by the time you get into bed
11 months, like I said almost a year. And yeah she’s actually wholesome it’s and it is pretty sweet, I really did luck out because she is absolutely crazy about me.
I’ve been getting that from most sources, that she has had sexual trauma of some kind and just hasn’t been able to tell me or anyone about it.
Sucks ass but I think you guys are correct. Other than talking to her, if she ends up telling me, what the fuck do I do? How can I help both make her understand it’s not her fault and that she’s safe and ok while also helping her move past it? I’m a great boyfriend but I’m not a therapist.
Idk it’s the only single thing she’s ‘weird’ about so I really don’t think so. I mean I’m no professional it just seems very unlikely, ya kno?
Other than the fact I trust her and believe her when she says she came ‘x’ times while making love, the physical evidence is pretty obvious. I have had to change my sheets every time accept for the first, since it was her first ever and mostly painful for her.
>So your evidence is wet sheets? Wow
That’s not the point of this thread but that’s just one example of many. This reply is mainly a self bump cause I need advice on what to do if she did have something traumatic happen.
Doesn't really seem like it's gonna work.
I hate to stereotype but these are usually rape or molestation cases. It's usually the kind of thing that needs therapy.
I’m gonna see if she’s up for therapy
broke up with my last gf because she was like this.
it gets extremely tiring being with someone who never actually wants to have sex.
Hey user, I’m the same as your girlfriend I am very tense and awkward most of the time and the thought of sex makes me very incomfortable until I get aroused. I have autism and have sensory issues and don’t really like being touched most of the time and I have very high anxiety, most of the time I’m tensing my muscles in my whole body and don’t realise it. Sex with my husband is one of the only things that relaxes my body. I hope that helps
Also I forgot to add that me and my husband are in an agreement that I do want sex and that it’s good for me to have it regularly to relax my body so I just agree now whenever he asks because I know I’ll end up enjoying it and feeling better after
>She could be a legit frigid
And that's 100% HER issue
>She doesn't like sex with you
>She doesn't know her body
>She think sex is something but when she does it -with you- it's not like she thought, and it's just not enough for her to get going solo
>You don't make her cum
>She hates the hassle of prepping her body to sex because she doesn't like
If she's like:
>I rather having you starting it
>I rather having you just do it without all this previous games
She just doesn't like sex in the way you do. My gf is the same and on the 2 + mark i have given her like 2 ultimatums, got some changes but they are not real, and it's a real shame because i can tell she loves me/thinks she loves me but she clearly doesn't like to fuck like me.
I mean, yeah it could be some bullshit like "rape" or "bad experiences", they are not your fault, being a nice guy just for sex is not something honest, and attraction is not something you can reason with a women, sadly.
My recomendation? Step your game, get in shape, show yourself to the world like if you were single, increase your perceived value. If she values you, she will want to have sex with you, if things don't get better over a reasonable time period, you will be your best for the next romantic relationship!
Fuck her right in the pussy.
I'll tell you what I think as a girl who went through a bit of sexual abuse.
If she was abused hasn't told you anything, it's probably because she thinks you'll break up with her if you find out. First I'd let her know that your opinion and love for her won't change even if she was abused.
I personally don't like to tell people about it because I just want to forget about it. I don't want them to feel sorry for me, I don't want them to think about it every time we do something, I don't want them to always feel the need to be extra careful. I just want to be treated like a normal person. I don't want to tell my boyfriend about it either because I don't know how he'll react. But if he was suspicious to the point where he'd end up asking me and told me that he would be fine with it, I would tell him.
You're already being nice and supportive, I don't think there's much else you can do.
I personally don't believe that she doesn't genuinely know why she's like this, but it could be some sort of unconscious trauma. Maybe something happened and she doesn't remember, but her body does. I don't think there's anything you can do about this, she would need therapy.
I can really relate to her though. I really love and crave non-sexual contact, I'm terrified of driving, I'm always with my mom. I hope it works out for you guys.
Maybe she wants you to be more assertive about it and not like ask to ask her. Perhaps be more dominant about it instead. You should try and figure out what she thinks is hot or what her kinks are and try to play towards whatever it may be. For example, you've mentioned how she doesn't blow you, maybe she wants to or that's some kind of foreplay kink that gets her in the mood. Or vise versa, maybe what turns her on is you pulling off her pants and eating her out. Just some ideas
Have to ask her*
Reminder this is also considering that she doesn't have past abuse trauma. Otherwise this may be a bad idea. But then again, some victims of abuse sometimes sort of secretly have a thing for forceful sex as a result of the experience. It's kind of weird but it is a thing, look it up. If this is the case it's kind of a complicated problem to try and approach. I wish you luck on figuring this out!