I just heard it from a bitter person that was interested in me but lied about their past and i catched the lie through friends. I mean, everyone went through a serious relationship before, some, altrough rarely, didn't yet, and some of those are even in their late 20s etc etc. Serious relationships aren't the problem and most times makes a person grow. I'm talking about fucking one night stands all around and being a guy or a girl with no self respect before deciding to settle down. It may be a stupid question, but am i overthinking what i heard and worrying too much? Is it still possible to find people that didn't fuck half of the city nowadays and only tried serious things, even if they failed?
Yes. Keep trying. As we get older, people will naturally have more and more experiences. It those of us who aren’t honest about that that you should avoid.
You sound like an insecure autistic virgin.
I get the idea. I really don't mind serious experiences, it's the hookups that annoy me, i have a past myself with two long lasting relationships. Maybe i should chill about that.
What’s your problem with hookups though? You don’t mind a girl getting fucked several times by the same man but if it only happens once, that’s a no-no?
Butt mad roastie detected. More sexual encounters ruin a person's ability to pairbond, hence why divorice rates are 65%+ and growing the more sexual partners, but less than 10% for virgins. No good guy is going to want to settle down with a girl for a girl who freely gave away sex. It shows a serious lack of intelligence and responsibility
Because it shows how little they value intimacy.
Whoops! Looks like you clicked on the wrong board! You might want to try
Incel pseudoscience copypasta again.
Sex =/= intimacy though. People have sex for pleasure sometimes. And you can be in a long term sexual relationship and still put little value on intimacy
Sex is the very height of intimacy, though. Theres no way around it.
perhaps you are placing too much importance on sex if you think you need to do it to get close to people
Laughing my ass off at the females in this thread trying to convince others that there's nothing wrong with their days on the cock carousel
>he didn’t ride the pussy carousel
>someone who is not an angry incel like me must be a woman
The opposite mate, you cant do it with someone unless either you're very close or you dont value intimacy. Sex requires you to be naked with another human. That is intimate, no matter how you slice it. Youre baring everything about yourself to another human being. It is literally the closest two people can be. Anything else is rationalization.
People like you make me extremely disappointed and demoralized.
>riding the cock carousel >slut bound to be a lonely cat lady after she hits the wall
>plowing the pussy parade >based alpha who will marry a cute 20 year old when he is 32 and raise a happy family of 4
>People like you make me extremely disappointed and demoralized. Same to you user. I’m sorry that you need intercourse to feel close to your partner
Holy fucking shit how many times do I need to repeat that you're interpreting the problem fuckinf backwards
Ignore her, just a girl trying to feel better about the bad choices she has made.
I’m not the one who’s obsessed with sex and thinks that putting my peepee inside a woman is the only way to intimacy
Sure, but not everyone is going to lie about it...??
Getting lost here. Who is arguing against who? Which poster is the angry incel?
>only way Point out EXACTLY where is said this I said "sex is inherently intimate" And then you ran all the fucking way to the entire other end of the continent and started shouting about unrelated bullshit What does any of this have to do with hookups being bad because they mean you dont value intimacy
People don't fit into neat little boxes and categories like that, and I'm not just talking about sex and dating histories. Part of growing up and becoming mature is accepting that the majority of human beings are complicated and messy. Approach people on a case by case basis.
gosh user I’m sorry you got butthurt because I called you out on your bullshit. maybe someday you’ll learn to value intimacy.
What kind of awful upbringing must someone have endured for them to believe sex isn't intimate?
No, you called me out on some whackadoodle interpretation of what you THINK my bullshit is. You didnt even read my post correctly, and I suspect English is your third or fourth language.
Rape, abuse, molestation, or simply overexposure (mom was a whore/dad was a player/they used the home as a flophouse/any other things)...
C'mon guy, you aren't this blocked off?
New to this thread. But you're moving the goalposts, roastie. First you were implying that Sex is not inherently intimate, now you're saying it's not the only way to achieve intimacy. Nobody was arguing against the latter point.
That is extremely rare though. Sorry for not automatically jumping in to that.
Dude, the main takeaway here is that she LIED to you. Choose wisely.
>Sex =/= intimacy I want to avoid people who genuinely believe that.
way overthinking and over-analizing (yes i spelt that one correctly) because your being too anal worrying about evryone else trying to see whats in everyone eles backyard instead of your own.
I'm going to give you some honest insight that resists joining in on "roastie vs incel" shitflinging.
People are works in progress. People do great things and terrible things throughout their life, and that's just life. You are not the same person you were at 12, at 16, at 18, at 20, at 25, at 30, and it goes like that till death. Growing up is messy. Figuring out what you want is messy. What you want at 16 is not what you want at 30, and there's no shame in anyone recognizing that, for anyone, for any reason. That's growing up.
People who appear or believe themselves to be morally pristine usually grew up very privileged. They can pass judgment on others who have buried, regretful pasts because they have never known that sort of strife. It's easy to judge a man who relapses if you've never experienced addiction. It's easy to judge an abuse victim for not leaving their abuser if you've never been abused. And it's easy to judge men or women who sleep around when young when you yourself never had that opportunity/experience.
In other words, yes, everyone "has a past." But that isn't bad. People make mistakes. People lose sight of who they are or what they want.
Before you toss stones at a man or woman who was into casual sex until they realized it wasn't what they wanted, use basic empathy. Think about your younger self and what he wanted, and whether you want it now. Think about what you used to do that you regret now. Understand that everything helps us grow, whether we're proud of it or not.
And if you think about yourself and cannot find any flaws or regrets, or if you want the same things you did at 16 you do at 25, then perhaps you should question the beliefs and actions of yourself rather than others.
That's a lot of cope
I'm really not sure that any of this actually excuses bad behavior, or that your egalitarian attitude should prevent people from judging other people.
You really need to understand that there's a reason that people judge other people. Actually, there are a lot of reasons. There's the obvious - survival - is this person safe to be around? Are they a danger to themselves or others? There's also the social aspect of it. Do I want to be around this person? Are they the kind of person with whom I would want myself or my children to associate with?
I'm not sure why you feel that this is an unreasonable point of view. You wouldn't advocate for your children or yourself to hang out with, say, a methhead, or a murderer or child molester for that matter. Its both healthy and proper that people make the determination as to whether or not another person's actions are something they want to be around or associate with.
Having said that, the only further point of contention would be whether or not you personally feel that the skeletons in someone's closet fit those characteristics, for you. This is going to be different for everyone, and I'm not sure why you would feel it unreasonable for any one person to decide for themselves that they want to draw the line in this manner. Some people don't want to be around someone who takes something they consider extremely personal and intimate so frivolously. Other people are going to be uncomfortable with the lack of self-discipline or personal responsibility that someone who sleeps around shows. Still other people simply don't want to mingle with people with multiple STDs, which is still very much a concern today, in a world where half of the people on the planet have Hep or Herpes to spread around just through a kiss or sharing a drink, much less sex. All of these are valid reasons to turn someone down for a relationship for the sake of your personal safety or the safety of your children.
>And if you think about yourself and cannot find any flaws or regrets, or if you want the same things you did at 16 you do at 25, then perhaps you should question the beliefs and actions of yourself rather than others. This is literally the most stupid shit i read this year and it'll take something extremely stupid to take your throne.
Incels can go fuck themselves, people without self control that seek validation in casual sex too, so i'm not biased when i say that's ridiculous.
It simply doesn't makes any sense
2/2 >People are works in progress Yes, they absolutely are. But if other people don't hold you to the consequences of your actions, you will never learn your lesson or temper your behavior. Alternatively, you can do whatever you like and choose to accept the consequences like an adult. Arguing that there should be no consequences at all just because everybody makes mistakes is ridiculous. Why would you even practice self control at that point?
>People who believe themselves pristine... I'm not sure where you even get this idea from. As previously stated, there are very good reasons to condemn bad behavior whether your own behavior is perfect or not. Its the only standard by which we can protect ourselves from other people without violence. Protest on a personal level is both peaceful and just. What more do you want?
>Before you toss stones... Nobody is tossing stones. They just don't want to talk to you, associate with you, or be around you if you behave this way. Do they not have this right?
listen pal we can both agree that it usually doesn't end well for girls that spend their youth fucking around but you'd have to be pretty delusional to think the high school quarterback is any better off typically
there's no double standard, people that party hard and fuck around usually look like they've got one foot in the grave by 25
Not really. I was never one for the casual scene by choice, but I don't believe people deserve punishment for it later in life, that they're so undesirable that society must reject them on principle because they've committed this arduous sin. It just reeks of childish insecurity as opposed to any meaningful engagement with reality.
Sure, but there's a definite cognitive dissonance at play with people who believe that they must reject everyone because no one is good enough for their standards. In other words, if you're struggling to find someone who doesn't have your specific moral set, you need to look inward before you cry and say the world is against you. After all, there are plenty of people who DO share OP's ideas on intimacy, but they might reject him because his definitions of fucking people you're dating is the very social sin he says he's against. And, people can still change. Someone can sleep around in their past and hate every second of it, hate themselves for it, and have changed. So, is OP looking for someone who shares morals, or must they have never been challenged in the first place and be "pristine?" In essence, what matters, sharing the belief system you do, or sharing the past you do? You often have to compromise one - people don't come out of molds. Or, risk being alone for a very long time.
Also, I've been around ex-heroin addicts, ex-alcoholics, and even a couple murderers. The murderer I know is the nicest man; he just did what he had to do to survive, and it costed him everything. Again, seek empathy.
They have this right, sure, but it makes you an elitist asshole. And, it tends to reduce your justification for bitching about being lonely and not finding anyone if you write off groups of people.
>Reject everyone >No one is good enough >Entire groups of people
Nobody ever said this and neither did I. We're talking about individual people rejecting other individual people based on a very specific set of criteria. We're not talking about racism, sexism, or any other kind of ism in which an entire group of people is being thrown in a bin. OP is just one person, and so am I - and if we don't want to associate with individuals we come into contact with that don't match our values, that doesn't make anyone an elitist asshole. Accept that people have the right to choose for themselves and move on. Find someone who will enjoy your company anyway because their values are different. There's no need to turn it into a crusade to force everyone else to agree with your personal values, and what you feel is right and wrong. There's also nothing elitist about having a personal opinion or in judging other people on their own actions.
Incorrect. OP is worried he won't find anyone that hasn't "fucked half the town." He should instead think about why he's afraid of that in the first place. He needs to treat people as individuals. Which brings me right back to my original point: people have a past, and that isn't bad. I had strong morals about this sort of thing too, but then I found someone who showed me that my fears weren't always productive. He, and everyone, should keep an open mind to dating, and be cautious of paint-by-numbers judgment.
>befriends murderers >tells other people to seek empathy yeah who cares about the victim or their family members, they're just meanie elitists