How do I get my inexperienced girlfriend to enjoy sex?
She doesn't know what to do during it, and freezes up. But she's assured me she's open to it, she just doesn't know how to get into it or what she likes.
The advice I've gotten so far:
>Watch porn with her, it will help her understand what to do and help her figure it out
>Coach her during it, tell her what to do
>Don't watch porn with her, it will mess her up
She has 0 experience with anything aside from the two times we've done it.
Buy some lube, buy some different types of condoms, and set aside an afternoon to specifically devote to exploring sex, and most importantly, each other. Give her time to get her head properly in the game for it.
Then hold off on sex as long as you're able. Foreplay as much as you can. Ask her to try stuff. Ask if she'd like if you tried stuff on her. I recommend playing with her clit with the tips of your fingers very lightly while using lube. See if she likes it, and adjust your touch as necessary. Make sure you can figure out how to please her. And then incentivize her to do things to you that you like. Compliment her technique when she does something well, do things that she likes in response to things you like, and give her tips if she's having a hard time figuring out what to do. "Hey, can you try this?" can be a really good starting place.
One last bit of advice: never, ever thank her for sex. I got this advice real early on in my relationship and I think it's worked wonders. Thanking her makes it seem like a chore that she does for you. Instead, say things like "that was awesome," or "how was that for you?" That worked really, really well for me.
Experiment with her. Get closer to each other. I did this by cuddling with my girlfriend before we eventually had sex. First time was amazing because of that. While cuddling with her, explore her body and find out what she likes and what she doesn't. You'll know. Lack of experience is simply the lack of exploration and trying things out. Don't watch porn either. It's better to explore things that both of you like with each other.
That's all good advice. I'll see if I can work that in this weekend.
This might seem surprising, but I've been dating her since September. We sleep in the same bed about twice a week and have identical interests. I also get along really well with her family, and my family likes her a lot.
She used to pull away from everything. This was definitely from nervousness, and gradually went away with time and patience. She used to wear the clothing equivalent of an EOD suit to bed, but now she just wears a t-shirt.
That being said, she's difficult to read because she doesn't react to anything.
To bounce off this, how do I get her to be more interactive and responsive? Should I try and build her up with positive affirmation?
It's either anxiety or a lack of strong opinions, As it stands, I make all the decisions in the relationship because she always defaults to me.
Stop worrying about it, it’ll just make it stressful. It’ll become natural for her, just give it some time.
Don't watch porn with her, porn gives people wrong info about sex. People don't fuck like they do in sex IRL.
Sex is pretty intuitive for most. Experiment with her - explore her body, guide her through things you want to try with her (without talking much).
If she's very nervous, talk to her about it. Extensively. Communication is key in this kind of thing. Don't talk WHILE fucking as much as before and after.
It's depressing hearing about so many guys having problem with inexperienced women, when I can't find one when specifically looking for it. It feels like at this rate they are going to run out, but that is probably silly considering how many there have to be.
but what does leave me worried are men who claim to have taken 10+ virginities and are proud of it.
There's nothing more unappealing as a virgin than having a guy who wants to fuck you specifically because you're a virgin.
Start easy. What you want to avoid is a situation where either you are dressed and doing "normal things", or full on sex is going on. Take a shower together where you wash each other's body, kiss, cuddle, then dress and go do something else. Spend time just being naked together and goofing around and talking. This way less elements about sex will seem intimidating and foreign, and she can associate fun with it a little more.
When you do get to penetration, make sure there's a lot of foreplay and she's really turned on by the time it happens.
I definitely don't recommend watching porn. You don't know how she'll see it, there's a good chance she'll look at it as "wow, so this is what he expects from me, x and y is what I should be able to do, should I really make that much noise" and only add pressure. Porn is sex as a visual performance, not as intimacy. Not to mention many things in (even amateur) porn, like the superhard fingering, look very much horrifying to some women.
Porn helps you have sex like anime helps you socialize. It really, truly does not.
Just coach her through and ask her what she likes, spend time getting her into it.
I always found libido to be one of those undeniable sorts of things.
Pretty much the only reason I worry is because I felt bad about it last week. I felt like she was doing it to make me happy.
I brought it up last night. She said she doesn't know what she likes and says she doesn't have any ideas for improvements. She did say that she felt like she'll probably get more accustomed to it with time.
It's hard for me to tell what is receptive because she doesn't give any reactions. I can definitely feel her heart rate increase though.
My previous girlfriend was a 27 year old virgin. The one before that was a 23 year old virgin (didn't sleep with her). They definitely exist, but you can't go looking for them specifically.
You're a virgin chaser. That automatically puts you in the bottom pile of desirability of men. Your choices are to either die alone and bitter, or stop being such an entitled snowflake incel.
Forgot my picture.
One thing I should mention, she's very defeatist. She's always putting herself down and worrying she's not good enough.
Maybe she has performance anxiety?
that's what I'm talking about, yet those dudes still manage to find and seduce several. Meanwhile somebody who actually waits for long term commitment gets nothing.
meant to reply to you too.
And I don't "case" as it seems to imply some kind of fetish.
I love seeking out and fucking virgin guys. Is that the same level of cringe ?
venus flytrap
>don’t watch porn
>go slow
>have fun
>just chill and touch eachother and discuss what you like when you do it
>be comfortable and laugh so you guys are comfortable and have fun
what do you mean by entitled? surely you meant acting as though entitled, but how does that post demonstrate it?
Hi
Don't watch porn, it's way too over the top and would only add to her fear.
Go slow. Press downward on and rub her clit gently in a circular motion. Kiss all over, MOAN. Don't fucking be silent, guys being silent only makes women more frigid and confused because they can't tell if they're doing anything right. Try different angles. What you're looking for is the spot that makes her go "OH!". A lot of men are fine with their gfs just fake moaning, but if you want her to actually enjoy it and not just fake it for you, then you're going to have to find her Gspot. Not too difficult, just requires you to move your hips around a little when you're inside her. Try laying her on her back and lifting her legs over your shoulder. Go in deep that way, see if you can get any genuine reactions. Once you find the real pressure point just keep hitting that and she'll finally experience her first leg shaking orgasm.
Once she feels such an intense feeling, this should blow open the door to a lot of other new things. She'll want to feel that again and again and again. Womens pleasure mainly revolves around the mood and the partners abilities. If a woman isn't turned on mentally, the sex is going to be bad no matter what. She just wont say it. So try to get in her head. but NOT through cringy dirty-talking. Don't try to force her to answer questions during sex, that can be a big huge turnoff too. I don't know what else to say other than passion is important. and maybe vibrating toys.