>be 20 year old girl dating a 22 year old guy >been together two months >visit his house yesterday >his parents come home after about an hour >they're both clearly on drugs >the dad's geeked out and screams at me "EAT A DICK, BITCH" before running upstairs and locking himself in his bedroom for the rest of the visit >the mom is shirtless and looks like she took 50 valiums >she says "Hi sweetie" before lying down in the middle of the living room floor and fallling asleep >boyfriend apologizes profusely and explains that they're both druggies, but that their drug use has declined and he didn't expect them to be fucked up that day
Should I break up with him? I mean. He's pretty much the perfect guy on the surface. Sweet, romantic, intelligent, fun, hard-working, patient. But I'm afraid that - coming from this kind of background - he might have a dark side or mental issues that he's hiding because we just started going out.
Do note that he has never showed a single sign to indicate that he's anything but a kind, mentally stable man. I'm just speculating here, because it's very common for people with this background to be basketcases and lure girls in by being nice at the beginning.
LOOk aT MEEEEEEE iM a GIrL aNdD i NeEEd AtTenTiON!!!
Yaas qween slaaay
The real question is do his parents influence him to try or have drugged him in the past? Or has he pretty much a deep hatred for their abusive streaks? Does he go to therapy?
He told me once early on that he "despises" drugs and wishes they had never been invented or discovered, though I didn't think much about it at the time (though he showed an uncharacteristic intensity that scared me a little). Otherwise I don't really know anything about his relationship with his parents. I asked him once what they were like, and he just said "Ah, they're just average parents" before quickly changing the subject. It seemed a little odd to me because he's normally a chatty Kathy that gives all my questions long and thoughtful answers.
> common for people from this situation to lure girls
Now, hold the fuck up. I bet it's far more likely that females that come from these situations are way more mentally fucked.
Might be time to have a longer conversation to justify breaking up with him. Talk about your parents, even unhealthy bits and see if he reflects anything. I'd say the subject avoidance might mean there have been some issues but he's afraid to open up about it and seem crazy.
If he's a perfectly nice guy then at least give him longer then two months to prove it to you. He isn't his parents and seemed to be embarrased about the situation. If he acted like it wasn't a big deal that his parents were fucked up that would be another story.
Also, what are these two posts about? How the heck am I trying to attract attention???
Just ignore the incels, they go crazy whenever a girl posts anything.
If you like him stay with him if you don't like him leave him alone.
Parents are a problem but they're not when you're an adult who doesn't live with them. Chances are he will never end up like that because he's seen what it can do. Talk to him about it and tell him that you don't see him as anything but very kind and all that, and be honest that you're worried because that kind of drug abuse is just no something you'd like to be around. Ask him for his thoughts etc.
The fact that his dad told you to eat a dick and he let it slide is NG.
My mom is a raging alcoholic with an opiate addiction on the side, who beat me regularly as a child. Aside from some history of depression, I came out pretty much fine. My boyfriend compliments me for managing to grow up to be stable and responsible despite the circumstances. So no, don't dump him. His shitty parents aren't his fault. If anything, he's learned from their mistakes.
Incels have bought into the whole privilege + power = oppression narrative feminists spew. It means because women are in power, they are oppressing men and take your post to be a proof of that. So when you post doesn't seek advice, it is just "I am breaking up with my bf who is so great, but had a shitty upbringing. I am a girl btw" to them.
I come from a family of "up til 7am piss yourself drunk and pass out" alcoholics.
I don't drink.
My father used crack cocaine heavily though my childhood. He still does from time to time, my mother was an alcoholic and was rarely home, I had a rough childhood, but I am not my parents. Don't judge him based on them. I maybe be a little fucked up and have a few problems but aside from depression and my own bought with alcohol abuse, I turned out fairly okay.
Kick him to the curve. You go girl!
I don't get what sarcastic messages like these are getting at......
>The fact that his dad told you to eat a dick and he let it slide is NG.
He told me that he would talk to him after the drugs had worn off. I can't blame him for not telling his father off. Not only did it all happen incredibly quickly, but his dad was clearly out of his mind; he might have gotten violent if my boyfriend had done anything to provoke him.
The greatest thing my dad did for me was to die of smoking related cancer and teach me never to smoke.
Your bf could be the same but with drugs. If hes anything alike, I sympathize with him.
This thread was probably made by an Jow Forums incel to make us hate women.
My father was an alcoholic and smoked like an old diesel truck. He died when I was 18. He didn't even have the chance to get caner, his heart gave out. It made me completely despise both smoking and drinking.
this post is so BRAVE
You know with a family like that he doesn't have any money, so he has no worth. Of course dump him!
No... I think my concerns were pretty reasonable... don't tell me you've never seen the "guy raised in a dysfunctional family turns out to be a secret abuser later down the road" thing happen.
Don’t blame the guy for the fault of the parents.
FWIW, i say this knowing someone who’s father was addicted to meth. She is very well adjusted and successful.
>Should I break up with him? I mean. He's pretty much the perfect guy on the surface. Sweet, romantic, intelligent, fun, hard-working, patient.
Not that I'm an expert or anything, but to be fair, people tend to fall in to one of two categories when it comes to their relationship with their parents:
They either they subconsciously start to mirror their behavior, or they see what their parents have done and become, and then actively go out of their way to model their lives in the exact opposite direction.
From your own description, your boyfriend sounds like the latter.
And anyway. I know you'll roll your eyes hearing this, but you're young. Even if this is a mistake, you're supposed to make those while you're young. As long as they don't ruin you and you keep an open and learning mindset, mistakes are what help you grow.
>This man who's treated me with nothing but kindness, should I abandon him for something totally out of his control that other people did? You sound like a terrible human being. Kill yourself and save him the trouble of wasting his energy on you.
OP is seriously trying hard with this bait thread
Have some loyalty. If he seems like a good man and has never been abusive towards you, there should be no reason to leave him. Everyone has issues of some sort.
However if he starts to showing red flags after awhile of being together you want to get the hell out of there. Guys don't talk about their feelings much. Its just the way they are, and you want figure out what theyre really like until you move in together or get married.
Imagine being such a massive incel you have to make a thread like this.
OP here. Okay, okay, I get it, I'll give him a chance, sheesh...
> Should I break up with him?
OP - are you dating the parents or are you dating their son?
Is this bait?
No. I have my two older sisters in mind - both of whom dated guys who came from broken homes that came across as perfectly nice at first before turning into monsters.
Though I guess it's worth mentioning that with them, the boyfriends DID have a somewhat negative reputation amongst various people. I've done some sleuthing around by asking long-term friends of his what they think about him, and I can't find anyone who thinks of him as anything other than a stellar guy. I think I should let my guard down and view him as a blank slate.
>Girl, on the internet, on Jow Forums, willing to take advice from total stranger who visit this shithole....
Hmmmm. I don't know, who seems to be more unstable here? You, or that poor guy who has had it rough and is really good at hiding his pain? What's worse, you do not care about his mental state and want to dump him based on the actions of evil parents. He could ponder killing himself for all you know, he could hurt inside, but what do you know about pain and suffering? You speak of dumping him like it's some kind of joke, like his feelings are meaningless. You're just an evil psychopath.
What do you look for in a man anyways? I bet that you want a bad boy to fuck your life sideways, and that's why you don't want to date him. Because he's too nice.
I don't think he deserves you, he deserves someone way better than you. But I wouldn't tell you to dump him either, as it could obviously end up pretty bad.
No, I don't like bad boys. I'm a hopeless romantic that wants to be with a loving guy. I don't want to be with some 'cool' person that throws me a bone by acting like a decent boyfriend once a month.
And don't call me a psychopath!!! I'm not breaking up with him...
>Wanting to break up at the first sign of any issue in a relationship You're setting yourself up for failure and you don't even know