Offering Advice

back again
51 year old guy, married 26+ years, 6 kids with the grown ones out of the house and doing well.
I've won, lost, failed, succeeded, etc enough to know what not to do.
Offering advice

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Best 5 pieces of advice, go.

How to escape kissless dateless virginity at 22?

1) Avoid debt
2) You can't read minds, so ask people what they think/feel; no one else can read minds so tell people what you think/feel
3) Work is for making money, not friends. Be friendly, but remember that
4) We are what we habitually think and do, so build good habits of thought and action
5) Lies always come out, so tell the truth

Focus on changing yourself until you would date you (if that makes sense); then continue to change until the sort of person you want would date you if your standards are low!.
Then go where people are and interact with them; hiking clubs, cooking classes, book clubs, whatever.

shameless self bump

Wholesome duck bump.

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What was the most damaging event that happened in your marriage? That possibly threatened the marriage? How did you solve it?

4 days ago after going out with my gf. she texts me the next morning that she doesnt have feelings for me anymore and wants space. just wants to be friends again but no sex. I told her thats fine and have a good week. but now her friend told me that in the last two weeks shes been fucking other guys and didnt feel right that i didnt know.
now im pretty pissed/sad and idk what to do. do i text her again calling her out on doing me wrong or just leave it and dont contact her again?

also we usually fucked without a condom. so now im paranoid she did the same with them
im getting tested for std's today

That is hard to identify, but probably this-
I had dated a girl for 2 years, then she broke it off. I spent a year trying to get back but no dice.
then I met a *really* nice girl, then proposed, then married her (Mrs Oldfag).
Seven months after the wedding lo and behold, the ex visits me at work. At first it was to congratulate me, then invite me to lunch, etc.
She slowly but surely tried to get back with me.
And I damn near didn't realize it. after about 5 weeks I suddenly just sort of 'woke up' and grasped that the manipulative wench just wanted to 'win' by getting me to cheat on my wife.
I sent the ex packing, but I realized I had a lot to change about myself because I was so easily tempted

She's using you, hard. She wants all the emotional support she gets from you as a boyfriend ('let's just be friends, but no sex, ok?' BS) while giving you nothing back.
get tested, block her like a case of the plague, and move on

yo, not really here for advice (though I got plenty of issues, actually.. would be nice, but I am not in a share-y mood atm.)
im just curious about you finding this place
when & how, what made you stay, how well do you fit in here in your opinion

I was actually here first in 2007 because of /tg/ (I am a tabletop gamer and a friend linked it).
After a while I spread out a bit more. I ws one of the first posters on Jow Forums when it was new for whatever reason.
I stay because there is a fair amount of good information and discussion here. I only really tripfag on Jow Forums when I make one of these threads. And Jow Forums seems to attract a lot of young people asking the same questions every year, so....
And, bluntly, my job sometimes has 8 hour days where I have to be at my desk by the phone with nothing to do unless a client calls and this passes the time.

fair enough, you seem like a decent fella,
ill be sure to post in the thread you start next time


another self bump

ok me again, since you seemed really bored @work.

How do you manage your "you" time?
or have managed when you had keedz.
It is probably easier nowadays, but between takin care of them, being in a commited ship and having a 8hr job (previously daily, assumin).
Its becoming a huge issue, and its takin a toll on my mental health.

At one point we had 3 in diapers at a time for, oh, 3 years? Veeeery busy.
I actually really enjoyed my commute - radio on, no phone, it was oddly relaxing. I got the wife out to a coffeeshop or to mom's night every other week and I went to gaming nights the weeks she stayed home.
The tough part was time *as a couple*. If we could get it down to just one of them awake we were having sex on the washing machine, in the walk in closet, etc. The rare times we got out of the house without the kids together was like a vacation in Hawaii even if we just got a burger. We maintained a minimum of 12 times a month, nut it was work!

*but it was work.
A little freudian

probably means Im not even close to being able to have mine (not that Id wantem, but its a question one ponders often, the answer is never quite definite)
I can barely function on a day to day basis with just a job and a gf i see few times a week..

well, you do adapt very quickly. Have a SAHW helped a lot

How to escape from my comfort-zone?
I'm feeling that it is ruining my life, but I didn't manage yet to exit (in concrete talking to people and say to fuck off to the ones that are very rude with me)

sorry, had a call
Build new habits one at a time and you'll ease into new patterns. Just set new, routine bed/wake up times and stick to them and that will build confidence and a feeling of success. Then add, oh, a little exercise, or a new type.
Believe it or not, the Dale Carnegie online courses or free in person toastmasters courses can help you deal with rude people tremendously better

meeting, back soon

I'm a 27 year old woman and I just broke up with my boyfriend. I'm pretty confident but I can't help feeling that my value as a woman in society will just go downhill once I hit 30, the older I get, wether I'm married with kids by then or not. I have a good job, friends and everything but sometimes I just can't deal with those feelings.

What do I do to stop feeling like shit ?

I have two young kids. My wife and I are not the most social people. We've always been the couple who would just as soon stay home and smoke pot on a Friday night as opposed to going out with friends. Will our anti-social behaviour get in the way of our kids making friends or is it best to just not worry about it?

You seem pretty wholesome, user
I appreciate that

I've lost desire for women, how do I get it back?

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Realize it is not completely true. Especially mothers get better with age.

Make sure that your kids have an outlet - sports, dances, something. Neighborhood kids, too

As an user with antisocial parents, I beg of you, please socialize more. My life would be radically different if my parents had groups of friends they hanged out with, instead of holing up in the house every weekend. The world feels too small when the only links you have are your parents, and the few friends you've miraculously made.

Stop masturbating - a waste of time and energy.
Eat right, exercise, get good sleep. Don't got to Jow Forums

The wife and I are homebodies, but we go to church (sunday school = friends; church dances; volunteer work; sports). We homeschool but we were in little league, soccer, and Habitat for Humanity. Our kids ended up with more outlets than you can imagine and our oldest son is a top salesman in his early 20's, now.
YOU can be a homebody without isolating the kids

I feel as though I have no future. Everyone tells me I can be whatever I want to be, but I don't know what I'd choose. Aside from money, how can I know what career is right for me? I'm interested in Literature, Arts, humanities. The stuff that keeps you unemployed. I've thought about getting a PhD in English (non-native tongue here where I live) and becoming a professor, but I'm not sure. Obviously, like any Litfag, I'm interested in writing, but I know for a fact I'll never make a career out of it. So that's out of the question.

We tried church for a while, but it didn't last very long. We didn't even socialize that much inside it. I'd love to go back, but I'm not exactly a believer or anything, so I'd only be showing up for the community aspect of it—which is completely pointless and wrong.

Any advice for Master's course if i have no passion or interest in my undergrad?

Im 20, my parents made it clear to me that I should pursue a masters since a BA in product Design isn't enough and i'd only get stuck as a technician.

Im a highly observant thinking individual, with talent for problem solving, improvising and general tinkering.
My personality is the ISTP - The explorer!(

I have no passion for whatever i study, and Im no good with academic or theory, Im practical by nature. Unfortuneatly I dont want to dissapoint my parents by going in a trade.

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Why not? Plenty of people make a living as writers. Self-publishing is huge.
Get a job doing something else that won't make you suck on a shotgun and write on the side until you can switch. Try the Well Fed Writer and try.
Why not take the risk? Life is full of opportunities

Unitarian Universalists - try them if you can

We go out and do stuff with the kids. We'll take them to McDonald's and get breakfast and play with the other kids in the playland for a few hours once or twice a month. We take them to the mall and let them run around and get on the mall rides and stuff. We'll take them to the playground in the summer and let them play with other kids on the playground, depressingly there often aren't other kids there. We hang out the few friends we do have and their kids. They're not in sports or anything yet because they're only two or three. It's not like we don't go do stuff when the kids are up, and it's not like we don't talk to other parents when we're out and our kids are playing. To be frank, the wife and I are pretty frugal, have no debt and aren't on social media and we find most people kind of annoying because sometimes it seems all they do is post to Instagram and buy stuff. We also find people who give their kids a tablet at two and three years old and give them free reign over youtube so they don't have to deal with them kind of disgusting and that seems increasingly common. I think we just have very different priorities compared to most people. Sometimes it just feels like we're the only couple in the room whose life isn't a total trainwreck.

I'd definitely like to give it a shot. I really would like to make it as a traditional writer though. With publishers and all that. Self published has a negative connotation attached to it and I feel as though no one would take me seriously if I went that route. And even if I know it means nothing, I need the validation and recognition from my peers.

Is this summary correct?
"I don't like what I am studying now, should I spend a fortune to keep doing it much longer?"
Because if it is, don't do that.
Most people change *careers* three or four times in their life.
"I don't want to disappoint my parents by going into a trade"
Is university a title of nobility?
I know a woman with a MBA from Yale who is a SAHM; her husband in a Welder that makes $95K/yr.
Being able to support yourself without wanting to jump off a cliff is your goal, and should be the goal of your parents.
They can't live your life for you, it is all you.
Do what *you* think is best, you're an adult, now

Sounds like you are doing very well, keep it up!
Debt is a trap and doing things just because others do them doubly so.

Thanks for the advice, how it is important to build the new abits one at a time? (Sorry for spaghetti-english, non native speaker)

>Self published has a negative connotation attached to it and I feel as though no one would take me seriously if I went that route.
Do you want to make a living from writing or do you want others to be impressed because you are a writer?

Start one at a time; doing something new every day = about 7 weeks to make a new habit. After 2-3 new habits you can build 2-3 at once because your are used to it, mentally

Ideally, I want to write stories my readers and I both feel strongly about, get payed for it, and be taken seriously. It's not about impressing people, but I'd love for that to be a part of the experience.

> Work is for making money, not friends. Be friendly, but remember that
What does that mean? fake it? be the friendly sociopath or something like that?

Thank you, all, for indulging me. I wish all of you all the best

First time breaking up, please give me advice.
Also, why am I feeling scared of letting her down?

Hi Married Oldfag!

I'm 30, working in IT (officially began working post-study 1 year ago), no gf.
Always been in science stuff while what I have always praised about, and always felt good when doing it, is giving advices and explaining stuff.
Always wanted to feel a social legitimacy and secure money with an ill (now deceased, rip) father, thus not going to teaching/coaching/commercial, but doing data science & stuff that do not excite my curiosity.
I feel at the edge of burnout several times a year.

I want to stop burning my health doing a job in which I feel I cannot excel in, that feel senseless.

But I fear a lot about going in a teaching field (no expertise), in a coaching field (not experienced enough to avoid projecting a lot on those I would counsel), or commercial stuff (educational prejudice toward salespeople/politician/marketing).

What should I do about that?

Did you ever get blood knots/bubbles in the inside of the mouth/cheek and on the under-tongue? I googled about it and as usually everything is related to cancer, those health-related sites are useless, I thought maybe you had personal experience with something similar. I'm 29 and male by the way, if it makes any difference.

How did you meet your wife Oldfag? Any advice on just getting out there and meeting women? I'm expanding into new hobbies such as astronomy, carpentry, and hiking once the weather breaks, so comfort zone isn't an issue I feel.

Girls definitely like me, but receiving attention from them actually makes me feel terrible about myself due to some stuff that happened to me when I was younger. I'd like to be able to finally have a relationship and consensual sex, but I just can't. I've been going to therapy, which has helped, but this feels impossible. Do you have any advice?