How do you deal with having never had anyone like you romantically?
I'm 25, and I guess it just feels hopeless. All I've ever wanted out of life is love, and yet there's nothing. I've tried the old hat tricks "just talk to women, join dating sites, etc" and had no luck.
While many say that people like me should merely come to terms with being alone for life, I'm scared of that.
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Codependency-- neediness-- kills charm. Your first impression basically becomes "I need you."
Not good.
I wouldn't describe myself as codependent, since I've been on my own for most my life.
It's not "OMG MY LIFE IS OVER", it's more...wanting it, I guess. Is it wrong to want love?
This. It's a common trait in Jow Forums with regular "I'm going to tell this girl that I like her" threads
I'll just bluntly open with saying that I can't relate. I have no idea how you got to 25 with no romantic interest. But what I can presume is that the solution is going to start with empathy. Without any redpill, MGTOW, incel, etc. rhetoric, you're going to have to put yourself in some hypothetical woman's shoes and figure out what she wants in a man. Wherever you can measure to up to those standards yet fall short at present, you rise to the occasion.
My experience in saying this to people tends to be a reaction of
>Why should I have to strive for such heights just to get the attention of mediocre women?
And that's fair. You don't have to strive for anything. But if you are here hoping for something to happen I could only expect that you're willing to give it your all just for the sake of doing so.
So there's my intro. If you think there's even a nugget of value in that, keep talking. Tell us where you think you're falling short. Tell us where you think you aren't, lest you're mistaken. Tell us if you don't even know where to begin.
I know you wouldn't.
And I know you'd side-step the neediness point.
I'm telling you what I'm seeing, as an external body.
Nothing wrong with wanting love, but 'feeling hopeless' is not a great sign.
try losing weight fatty.
>I've tried the old hat tricks "just talk to women, join dating sites, etc" and had no luck.
If you're that guy who's asked 0 women out n his lifetime and still acts confuse as to why he hasn't had a date, I swear I am going to eat my god damn computer. The way you wrote that sentence is highly suspicious, like you joined a dating site and when you didn't have women flooding your inbox you gave up on that and then also gave up when you said "hello" to a girl and she didn't immediately jump your bones.
I don't think that's 'the same'.
Understandable.
>I have no idea how you got to 25 with no romantic interest
In interest of being transparent; I'm fat, and I spent a lot of my youth being in a bad place. I was super depressed, so depressed I eventually dropped out of school.
So, as you can see, not an appealing package. I don't resent women for not wanting to take a shot with a fat, deadbeat drop out, but...I dunno, man. It's a lonely life.
I do, but I've been fat all my life more or less(I fattened up after my parents divorced at) so it's hard to break habits that ingrained. I make some progress and I have a bad week, or something and I relapse.
It's soda, mostly. Devil's water, that is.
I've been on POF since I was 18, asked out basically every girl in my area, and joined a ton of others.
Well that's fair, but at that point I don't really have anything to contest. "Yeah bro I don't care" just isn't true, and what's the point of lying when you want advice?
You don't understand desperation then. There is an existential fear motivating OP. No girlfriend means no reproduction which means 3.5 years of evolution just to dead end at this random genetic seed that turned in to OP ending up unsuccessful and dying with no offspring.
Hard to agree that "don't feel hopeless, it looks bad" is good advice that addresses the issue.
>So, as you can see, not an appealing package. I don't resent women for not wanting to take a shot with a fat, deadbeat drop out, but...I dunno, man. It's a lonely life.
You should lose weight and go back to school.
I have no doubt that it's a lonely life. But when you say "was depressed," did that depression get left in the past? Because you seem to have a grip on the lackluster qualities which may stand between you and romantic success. My only guess as to why you aren't overcoming those barriers is that ongoing depression is halting you.
There's no "coming to terms" with that choice, if that's the case. It's just a function of whether you're going to do anything about it. To keep being blunt: if you don't, of course you're going to end up empty handed. But you don't get to call that hopelessness. You're not allowing yourself a reasonable situation to even have hope.
I understand desperation. I'm telling you nothing will burn your chances up quicker than desperation.
You guys are the ones who live under the thumbs of your fears. Don't project that on to the rest of us.
>But when you say "was depressed," did that depression get left in the past?
Not really, and it never will. It's a family legacy, and I only got diagnosed with it at like...20. I've put in some work to deal with it, but it's something I'll always have.
>My only guess as to why you aren't overcoming those barriers is that ongoing depression is halting you.
I'll be straight up: it's because I'm scared. I'm scared of the humiliation of being a big fat fuck finishing highschool, scared of how long it'll take and scared of failing yet again.
>You're not allowing yourself a reasonable situation to even have hope.
But I've seen even more pathetic excuses than I have success? Is it just luck, then?
Yes, it's just luck. I've seen it happen too, and what I'll add is that those people also tend to have abysmally awful relationships as a result. Lots of self-destruction.
>I have no idea how you got to 25 with no romantic interest.
It's pretty easy if you're a boring, friendless loser with no interesting or redeeming qualities that rarely leaves the house.
I'm 27 and going strong.
why is it that women can get away with this, and some men even find it cute?
this seems like the only "male version" of promiscuous women.
If only there was some equivalent to anti-slut shaming sentiment.
fuck you loser "men cant be lonely" thinking ass fucking faggot fuck you and your type which is like 99% of the dumb faggots on this board...
imagine being a dumb fuckin faggot who thinks hes got all the answers fuck you
take a fucktonne of psychedelics and regret every point in life that i have made.
its soon monday again :^)
>All I've ever wanted out of life is love
Don't wanna rag on you bro, but I think that right there may be your biggest problem. It's alright to want to be loved, you're only human after all, most of us want to be loved. But you've gotta work on yourself and finding meaning and purpose within yourself first. Don't seek fulfillment from without, don't pin your life's happiness upon having a romantic relationship, don't seek and hope for someone to complete you. You've gotta be complete on your own.
I understand, man, no harm done. Maybe lack of ambition is part of my problem.
Look, you can achieve what you are looking for, and I don't mean be your self. just approach, know what you are looking for, she is probably looking for the same. dont be an asshole, be kind. you are not looking for ass, you are just looking for a friend you understand?
>All I've ever wanted out of life is love
I somehow doubt that this is all you ever wanted and you've made it 25 years and still not had it happen.
>I spent a lot of my youth being in a bad place. I was super depressed, so depressed I eventually dropped out of school.
Doesn't sound like something somebody does because they want love.
>I'm scared of the humiliation
So you didn't want love, you wanted to avoid humiliation. That's not the same thing as wanting love. Important distinction. You always wanted what you always tried to get, which is emotional safety.
I did a lot of the same things you did, and I didn't do them because I wanted love.
just ask yourself, is this ok? ask her if it is ok. real sex is not like pornos. That depends in the relationship. Just let her be comfortable, and the same with you. if it doesnt work, that is ok.
I wish you all the best user.
>So you didn't want love, you wanted to avoid humiliation
Those aren't mutually exclusive.
Of course they are.
Jesus fucking same, idk at some point you’ll either have to settle on being alone or just settle, unless a miracle happens :(
Wanting to have a relationship doesn’t mean having a relationship is all the person cares about having
Honestly working out is really good advice, it’ll boost your confidence
When I was 19 I decided that I wanted to start playing the violin. I bought a violin, started trying to learn. It was fun for a little, but after a while I started to get really anxious. I regretted the fact that I hadn't started playing the violin at an early age. I envied people who had, and all the great violinists I read about and watched video of, all of them I knew had started when they were little. Even most mediocre violinists started as kids. I felt inadequate, silly, pathetic, like there was no way I could ever possibly be good at it. I felt that all I wanted was to get good at playing violin, but it was too late for me.
I could have gotten good at it, but I never did. Why? Because after a while every time I looked at that violin, I felt nothing but inadequacy, inferiority, and shame.
>I don't like the truth
>Fuck you!
The sooner you stop running, the sooner you can change
u dont know shit about truth lol, you're a fuckin dumbass average faggot who can't think outside of truisms or appreciate the variety of circumstance in matters. All u can offer is some "hard truth" truism like trying harder or some other psychologically misinformed advice lol because u're a fuckin conventionally-minded dunce who cant form novel thoughts shut the fuck up lol... dont you have some shit to study for faggot
I got my first gf at 25. She was 21, a sweet girl, was upfront about being asexual from the time we first started talking, incredibly selfless but strong willed with her convictions. After 3 years without a single fight she recently broke us up. Discovered I have Asperger's soon after and my inability to understand or communicate our wants properly drained her to the point of giving up. I wish I could tell her this and try to recover since these years were fun for both of us and she requested we remain friends, but she doesn't want to hear from me for a while and I want to respect her desires as she respected mine.
If there's anything you should take from this it's that you shouldn't give up yet. I was almost 26 when she came along, and if a dipshit on the autism spectrum can be lucky enough to meet someone you can too.
It's less about being autistic and more about being boring.
Do you have any hobbies or interests? eg. Do you play a sport, or are you skilled in speaking another language, acting, or playing an instrument or something? Usually that's the saving grace for an ugly dude, or a guy with poor people skills.
It's really scary being 27 and having none of those things.
>I have no idea how you got to 25 with no romantic interest.
Why does this sentence make me so angry?
I had this problem a d stayed with people just because I felt like I was supposed to and really like sex, then I a tually fell for someone and it turned out they were playing me and now I'm going to kill myself. :)
It's the reverse side of the Dunning Kruger effect; experts tend to underestimate their skill, and thus overestimate the capability of the uninitiated- and it becomes inconceivable when they fail at something fundamental.
It's like someone growing up in a bilingual household and wondering why other people struggle to learn second languages: what a surprise, that having the privilege of growing up around something (in this case, female attention) makes you much better at it later in life.
This guy gets it.
Anyone that offer faggot advice like "try ur hardest! Lul!" Probably thinks happiness can be easily gained with a little elbow Grease.
Kys
OP here.
>Do you have any hobbies or interests
Yes, quite a few, in fact. But they're not really the things girls find interesting.
>Do you play a sport
I did kung fu for five years?
>or are you skilled in speaking another language
Sadly not, always wanted to learn nip but found it pretty scary
>acting
I'm a pretty good actor
>playing an instrument
I can do a drum solo on my fat gut
>Yes, quite a few, in fact. But they're not really the things girls find interesting.
Doesn't matter. As long as you're passionate.
>I did kung fu for five years?
Which means you do a sport, and are probably fit.
>I'm a pretty good actor
Which means you know how to fake confidence, at least to some extent.
>I can do a drum solo on my fat gut
And you have a sense of humor.
Meanwhile,
>I have no hobbies, not even video games
>I hate sports and don't go to the gym
>I have the charisma of a blobfish wearing a Kit Harrington mask and half the acting ability
>the only instrument I can play is the cowbell
>And the only thing funny about me is how much of a joke my life is
You could be doing a lot worse mate.