Proposals

I'm going to propose to my gf soon. We've been dating 9 months, and we've talked about marriage at length. She'll say yes for sure. I never thought this day would ever come for me, but the love is so real. It's surreal. I'm going to the jeweller tomorrow to have the ring made, it'll look sort of like pic related.

Am I doing the right thing?
Any advice on organizing a wedding?
Am I crazy?

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health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/advice/living-together-before-marriage1.htm

Don't let the silence to your thread throw you off. It's all just women hating trolls just being jelly.
>Am I doing the right thing?
I guess, do you feel so?
>Any advice on organizing a wedding?
amazon wishlist everything
>Am I crazy?
Yeah maybe, usually people wait a year even if they are 30.

Thanks user

>I guess, do you feel so?
Yeah, I know the timeline is shorter than normal, but everything feels so right together.
>amazon wishlist everything
Is that a good place to register? We were thinking some department stores. Any tips on banquets/venues vs hotels?
>Yeah maybe, usually people wait a year even if they are 30.
We are both 26 (she's getting more baby oriented now and wants 4), the plan is to have the ceremony in late 2020, so well be engaged longer than we dated

Wait until you're together for at least 2 years before trying to head towards marriage. Dating for a minimum of 2 years of a proven to increase the chances of a successful marriage. Make sure you two have tried living together for a length of time. Dont rush into it. It's easy to mistake infatuation with real love and the results are often terrible. Only bad things can happy from doing it too early. So wait, and let it ripen like a good wine.

idk what to say, I'm 29 and I've never been in love. From an outside perspective marriage seems like such a gamble for no payout.

Some people like to start their own business. Over 50% of small businesses fail within 5 years. Because of that, I don't want to start my own business.
Do you want to start your own business?

Yeah, even with the baby fever, you should probably wait a bit more. You know that the doubling .5% chance of birth defects only goes to 1% right?

>calling a tripfag user
I don't think that's how it works, newfag

>Living together before
You know thats a predictor of divorce right?

How much longer? Won't a year and a half of engagement be enough?

> it's a predictor of divorce

It's not though. It's the literal opposite, user. We have many studies that show this. This is why relationship counselors recommend you try living together first because it increases the likelihood of not getting divorced. If you can't survive together before you're married you're just gonna make yourself, your spouse, and your future children miserable.

I just think it would be healthier for a year's engagement before and I also agree on the living together before portion. As the only successful marriages I know are ones that did this.

health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/advice/living-together-before-marriage1.htm
>DU researcher Scott Stanley posits that these cohabiting couples get married for the wrong reasons; rather than making a decision about commitment, couples who live together may find themselves "sliding" into marriage because it's easy to do so [source: DU]. After all, once you have a joint lease and a shared dog, who wants the hassle of a breakup?

>dating 9 months
Wait a year and 3 months more, minimum. I've seen too many people do what you're doing, and regret it later. If you truly are meant to be married, some more time won't hurt.

i don’t think 9 months is long enough unless you plan on being engaged for at least a year or 2. marriage is for the rest of your life, waiting a couple years to be absolutely sure you are making the right decision shouldn’t be an issue.

We'll be engaged for a year and a half, so no shotgun wedding.

Buy a second-hand ring for much less money if she isn't a virgin

The amount of time is fine. The average is 2 years between meeting and getting married.
As a person that is 25 (my husband is 30) and already had 2 miscarriages, I would agree starting sooner than later is a good choice. People take fertility for granted until it isn’t easy anymore.

Sorry for your losses user. I’m of a similar mind. Thank you.

I hate that I already feel like we are fighting against the clock. We would also like 4 kids. We bought a 5 bedroom house. If a woman is over 35 it’s a high risk pregnancy.
And as I said my husband is only 30 and the % abnormal sperm increases with age. This last miscarriage was due to about 10% of the Y chromosome being missing (aka abnormal sperm)

>am i doing the right thing
absolutely the fuck not.
t. was in a very serious relationship that ended 2 months ago. She also said she would say yes when I eventually asked. I had a ring picked out, and i was going to propose to her last month. we were together 3 years and i still felt that it might be too early for us.

Turns out i was absolutely fucking correct. she left me out of nowhere for no reason other than "our relationship isnt good anymore"

Now I think yeah no shit, she mentally and verbally abused the shit out of me for 3 years. I didn't realize it until after she had left.

My point here user, is that it she might be great right now, but you don't know how she'll change over time. Please for the love of all that is holy listen to me here, the last thing i want is for someone to experience the same feelings that i've had; The crippling sadness, the heartache, growing to hate the person you thought you would love forever. It feels absolutely fucking disgusting until you get through it. I'm just starting to get better.

DO NOT FUCKING DO IT. Give the relationship more time to grow. If it's meant to be it WILL happen.

No matter your end decision I wish you the best.

>any advice on organizing a wedding?
no

>am I crazy?
a little. definitely crazy in love

also nice dubs

checked.

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bumping

DO NOT PROPOSE THIS FAG IS RIGHT I was in the exact same position as you and she broke us up last week after nearly 3 years together. She says we have different wants and needs in the relationship that simply aren't compatible with each other. After talking with her and her parents about marriage a couple years ago I had a total lack of urgency to pull the trigger instead of being ready to commit. Told her let's wait a few years first and she conceded. Had we gotten married earlier we'd have had kids by now and that would have made things hell for both of us for the next 18 years.

You're still in the honeymoon phase. I've felt it before and it was amazing and I felt invincible, but it typically goes away within the first 18 months, which is why it's important you don't marry within that time-frame.

You are not thinking straight. You're basically drunk on endorphins and acting on pair bonding chemicals that are trying to get you to reproduce.

Give it some time man. 9 months is early to be proposing, no matter how awesome this women is. There's no harm in waiting and seeing where the relationship goes.

hi guy that's basically me 2 months ago, are you doing okay?

Honestly I have no idea man. I've been close to proposing to my gf for a while. The only thing that holds me back is that she acts shady sometimes. I mean we do sexual stuff just about every day and talk to each other a lot. But she often says she needs to nap or something and just turns her FB status off. Half of me thinks shes doing this just to chat it up to other guys because why the fk pretend to sleep and obviously turn your FB status off. I dunno.

I'm half considering risking the whole thing and continuing with her, and half considering dumping her and not talking to her anymore because I don't like fucking games people play. I'm pretty happy alone and studying for my career too. Its a real mindfuck trying to figure this out.

be real with your feelings with her. tell her that you're uncomfortable when she does that, and it makes you anxious. if she isnt an awful bitch, she'll hear the "anxious" part and probably be a little more empathetic.

You're fucked...and I honestly feel bad for you.
I dated my girlfriend for 8 years and it didn't work out - she was a red-pilled unicorn too, we were best friends, and I mean that. She was actually my best friend for over 10 years, and likewise. Married for 4 years and divorced - you tend to grow apart as time goes on - we felt like we were married anyway even before we were officially "married" - I never thought divorce would happen to me. We're still friends, which is nice, no awkwardness either (at all) - we're still bros. We know more about each other than anyone else, and we joke to each-other partners about how little they know about us - my current= girlfriend doesn't like it, but she can fuck off for all I care. I'm sure we'll fuck again someday, but I'm not rushing it...it's bound to happen, though.

9 months though...good-luck boy - wait till life hits you like a sack of bricks. I do hope it works out, seriously - you're just not mature enough to make that decision, even though you think you are.

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>wait till life hits you like a sack of bricks.
um yeah thats just people responding to the stupid shit you do

We both did stupid shit user, the break-up was mutual, humans get bored - if you deny this, you're either extremely religious, or an insecure faggot.

I can assume things too, though - let me have a go:

You're an incel who has never has never had a true girlfriend who loves him unconditionally AND had the same interests. You're probably under 25 years old, and does the same "stupid shit" that I do.

Yeah mate...we're all the same when you think about it, don't assume shit about others without asking, it makes you look like a retarded cunt.

If you’d have married her and impregnated her straight away her thoughts wouldn’t have wandered and she wouldn’t have wanted different things in life you beta faggot you just failed to tie her down

I knew by the first week I was gonna marry my wife and I did. However we had been dating for almost 2 years before I asked her to marry me. You could be right and she's probably the one.
One thing people look over when thinking about marriage is about how she will support your ideas and future. I think this is much more important than your sex life. People tend to stress being "compatible sexually" when in reality you should be looking to see if she's going to be ACTUALLY supporting your dreams and future plans to better yourself. Also, marrying someone who is unable to handle crisis or personal problems will also end in divorce.
Look beyond "love" when you're looking for a life partner

How old are you, is the question.

nigger she clearly didnt love you unconditionally and vice versa. anyways you missed the point, being youre a fucking idiot. if you knew humans eventually get bored then why the fuck did you get married? thats a costly 'mistake'. not to mention you got so assmad about my comment you typed all that shit out lol

30

It's called learning you fucking child - we both didn't think that at the time obviously.

Holy shit, are you 16 or what...you need to meet more people dude...or whatever you want to call yourself.

literally every tard uses that line as a cope

Yes and no. It was sudden, unexpected, and amicable so I'm not sure if I'm just numb or in denial but I feel like she meant she just wanted a few days to think, not "I don't want to date you anymore but I do enjoy your company and input so I hope we can stay friends" like she said. She did remove our relationship status from all social media so I'm sure she's serious about it but there's still no sense of closure to me. On the plus side I since found out I have legitimate Asperger's so I'd like to see if she'd be willing to sit down and talk about that and where everything really fell apart in a few weeks so she can at least understand I'm literally autistic and can't into social cues. The happiest times of our lives were with each other, we met at a time when we were both suicidal, and we leaned on each other to get through it before we started dating. Now I'm wanting to share all of my discoveries and the exponential personal growth I've had over the past week with her like I would have 2 weeks ago but she's gone. I'm not expecting you to also have my disorder but how did you process everything and are you still in contact or is she essentially dead to you?

True, but as alluded to above my autism would have still caused whatever went wrong, my entire department getting outsourced last year and a few months of unemployment as I looked for another job wouldn't have helped anything, and with a kid or two in the picture it would have been much worse with her on maternity leave and zero income.

>she's getting more baby oriented now and wants 4

Dropped

sounds a lot like me, ADHD though, not Aspergers. It wasnt amicable for me though. i was pretty destroyed for like a month, until i found someone pretty kickass that ive been talking to. I kinda tossed her to the side like an idiot for a couple weeks because i was S U P E R not over my ex. (Back together now tho) Which leads to:

>how did you process everything, and are you still in contact or is she dead to you

absolutely fucking dead. I had the worst mental breakdown i've ever had because i hadn't blocked her on anything yet, and she posted a picture of herself on facebook (we werent friends anymore and i was being a dumb bitch and stalking her) and i lost it. Blocked her on every single social media platform i knew she had. I even went down to blocking her numbers, her email, literally every single form of contact she could possibly have with me, shy of a restraining order.

I absolutely hate her and wish she would die.

With that being said, that helped literally my entire mental state. Ever since i cut her abusive ass the fuck out of my life I've been stronger. I'm more confident, I've started taking opportunities I want to take that she wouldnt have supported, I'm saving money (with the exception of a pretty sick payment plan for tickets to bonnaroo) I've started making music again which literally makes me so emotional. I don't remember the last time i could open my software and attempt to make anything. I'm happier.

That also being said. Trying to reach out once more wouldn't hurt, but any more than that and i think you'll just start digging in the same hole i did.

I really hope for the best for you user.

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oh fuck i should clarify back together with the girl i was talking to not my ex this is a very important detail thank you

I have my ex's name tattooed on my butt. I think it's best not to rush these things user.

I hope it works out for you but I think love makes us stupid.

I thought that's what you meant but was a bit confused there. Sorry you got royally fucked but it's sounding like you're on the right track now with the new girl and I'm hoping it works out to where your ex gets jealous so you can have that "nah get fucked" moment when she comes back around.
I'll take your advice and reach out to my ex once she's had some time to herself. It'll be hard emotionally if things don't work out since most of the stuff I use daily were gifts from her -my keyring, favorite guitar pedal, all my favorite bands' last few albums, a backlog of video games and movies, sunglasses and glasses frames, my pillow, even my dog's bed and favorite toy- but I'll be able to appreciate them as gifts since they invoke self reflection over disgust and hatred.

top kek, if I did that and things went south I'd get an arrow tattooed from the name pointing to my asshole and send a pic to her occasionally with cheeks spread wide

that's how i've done things basically. i took like 3 mental health days off from work to remove all traces of her from my house other than a couple small things, and a desk she had when she moved in because that shit is useful. the first day was to clean, the 2 others were to mourn. i came out of it a lot better. you will too. remember that. everything happens for a reason.

also nice get

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> Make sure you two have tried living together for a length of time.
Actual bullshit, although there's a 95% chance OP has already fornicated, so it's not like the odds can get much worse as far as potential for divorce goes.

>Am I doing the right thing?
maybe, I'd wait a little longer, but you're not getting married the same day, so whatever
>Any advice on organizing a wedding?
ask friends, relatives and other people you know if they can help to keep costs down
>Am I crazy?
not really, but even if, who cares?

BASED AND SECONDHANDPILLED

In the 25-29 age group your fertility rate is 95%, compared to 98% of the 20-24.
You probably have some other problems, it's not about your age.

First things first, time spent together is not a determinant of success - that is merely correlation.

As people spend more time together, that initial infatuation flow wears off and how each individual handles disagreements, frustrations, and life in general starts to become more apparent.

You have very little control over the passage of time. The years will roll by and your jobs, aspirations, desires, health, looks, and even personalities will change/shift/evolve. You can date for 6 years before proposing and she might cheat on you in year 8 or it can be an arranged marriage and you grow to be warm and caring partners for life - there are no guarantees except that change can/will occur at any time.

Luckily, what you do have control over is how you treat each other and how you manage your own emotions. The better you can come to grips with this and the sooner you come to understand that you truly cease to be two completely separate people after marriage, the better off you'll be.

It might benefit you to attend a marriage prep course - if nothing else it will force you to talk about the difficult topics and hopefully reinforce the fact that you want to help each other succeed through life.

Thanks user, this is a really good common sense answer. We’re going to take marriage prep through our church, they have a good program from what we’ve seen. We’re very honest and level with how we communicate with each other, so I think that’s a step towards what you’re talking about.