Why do girls I like keep dating guys who are less attractive and less fashionable than me?
I know I'll get memed for asking that question but I genuinely believe this is the case. I'm a decent looking guy and I keep seeing girls I like going on dates or entering into relationships with guys who are a bit funny looking, short, dress like old men, etc. I don't get it. What have they got that I dont?
I don't claim to be hot, or to be god's gift to women... I'm not. But if some of these guys can get the girl despite not being great looking, why can't I?
Looks definitely matter, but dude maybe you’re not pleasant to be with, sorry, attitude is what gain girls, yes looks matter but to keep them close, attitude is definitely key
It's not my fault. I was born with decent looks but also with autism.
Am I really that fucked just because I'm autistic? It doesn't seem fair. I wish every day that I could have been ugly but with great social skills and confidence. Ugly guys with charisma get all the girls, and I get none.
You know what isn't fair? Being autistic AND ugly. So fuck off you spaz
It's not like I'm getting any dates either. Being semi-attractive hasn't brought me any advantages. I'm convinced that looks don't actually matter to women. They want charismatic, funny, confident guys. And my disability prevents me from being all of those things.
Well stop fucking judging people. You were born the way you are just like they were born the way they are, but learned how to play their cards right. Stop comparing yourself and get a grip, Elliot Rodgers.
>that looks don't actually matter to women How old are you and how are you just now realizing this?
No, you just never committed to learning the trade. An autist is almost the same as a sociopath anyway, why not take the necessary step?
I'm nothing like Elliot Rodgers. I don't hate women or blame them for my problems. I blame aspergers syndrome for my problems. Also being bullied at school, although the reasons for me being bullied are directly linked to me being an autismo.
I realized it years ago actually. It just still makes me upset. You can improve your looks. You can't change the fundamentals of your personality, or rid yourself of a brain disease like aspergers. So the fact that women are attracted to personality and not looks is actually horrifying to me. I can't change my personality on any meaningful level as an adult.
>You can't change the fundamentals of your personality, or rid yourself of a brain disease like aspergers. There's plenty of people on the autism spectrum that get dates and even get married and have kids.
Cause you seem like an arrogant asshole
Well I don't know how they do it. Perhaps they have a different "brand" of autism to me. Having mild aspergers like I have is in some ways worse than having full on autism. Proper autists, particularly if they're attractive, lack any form of social filter and so might adopt a firing on all cylinders approach and just ask out girls indiscriminately until one says yes. I know some guys who do exactly that and succeed, some of whom probably are high functioning autistic.
But for me, having mild aspergers is like a death sentence. I have a great brick wall preventing me from learning proper social and dating skills. But I also have a profound hyperawareness of literally everything that is wrong with me and many deep insecurities stemming from my brain affliction.
I'm not arrogant, I'm just confused
Those losers can make a girl smile. You look like a fuckin cardboard cut out.
One word: insecurity
Women cant stand people who look better than her. Be it woman or man. Just look at pic related. There js a reason women evolved to look sexy while massive majority of men look kinda ugly. And society even takes this firther by praising rugged manly man while lowkey shaming metrosexuals or any men who shave his legs or has long hair as gays...
No woman will ever want men looking better than her. She would die out of shame being seen next to him in public.
Just to make sure, it's POSSUBLE for a guy to have trouble with women without doing anything "wrong" right? Or is it impossible by definition for lack of romantic success to come from "outside" factors like bad luck or poor (unchangable) appearance?
>less attractive and less fashionable than me? Because attractive and fashionable are very subjective terms. Obviously, if they found you more attractive and fashionable than the guys they're dating then they would be with you and not them. Logic dictates that you are, in their eyes, not more attractive and fashionable than those other guys.
“ Remember that you must behave in life as at a dinner party. Is anything brought around to you? Put out your hand and take your share with moderation. Does it pass by you? Don't stop it. Is it not yet come? Don't stretch your desire towards it, but wait till it reaches you. Do this with regard to children, to a wife, to public posts, to riches, and you will eventually be a worthy partner of the feasts of the gods. And if you don't even take the things which are set before you, but are able even to reject them, then you will not only be a partner at the feasts of the gods, but also of their empire. For, by doing this, Diogenes, Heraclitus and others like them, deservedly became, and were called, divine.” Cool quote from Epictetus.
They're probably better looking than you and you just don't realise it.
No, not at all.
Look, ima make this real simple. Women are attracted to a whole well rounded person because they are wired to see the bigger picture. They see things in patterns and such. They guy who has ambitions, drive, and a aense od humor all while being calm is lady gold.
You feel me?
I relate to you in a sense if me being attractive is the reality, i.e. I think I look great in selfies and the mirror sometimes, modelling agencies pick me up easily, I've been compliments by a wide range of people both to my face and behind my back, and so on but think I look ugly af in certain selfies I take when drunkenly pregaming. Eh, who knows. But If I am indeed an attractive guy, I do agree personality matters. Never had a girl, guys unequivocally ugly have been more popular than me because of humour personality, and have no clue how to approach and am terrified of rejection. The incel partyline about personality being irrelevant altogether is bullshit in my opinion.
>What have they got that I don’t?
Take your pick from one or more of the below: >personality >confidence >initiative >charisma >some form of relatability >points of interest
But not every woman dates the most attractive/fashionable guy she meets. Plenty of women willingly date guys that are less physically attractive than they are capable of getting it. So many women will openly say "yeah my BF is a bit funny looking, and he dresses like a grandpa, but he's so sweet/funny/makes me feel good". So it's entirely possible for me to be more physically attractive and better dressed than most guys I meet and still be passed over in favor of them due to other factors.
Maybe some of them. But I see plenty of guys who are short as fuck, balding, have fucked up teeth, no jawline, chubby/fat, or a combination of several of those, and yet they still get dates and a GF while I get nothing. Again, I don't claim to be hot. But I don't have glaring physical flaws like that. On Tinder i get a lot of matches but they are repelled by my autism once we start talking, Most don't even respond to my messages because they are so autistic and cringeworthy.
So what am I supposed to do? I have literal autism/aspergers. I can't fix that. I feel very strongly that this unstoppable brain disease is what has kept me a virgin with no GF my whole life.
Do you let any of these women know that you're interested? Guys usually make the first move.
Any celebs you're comparable to or a mix of to give a reference as to how you look?
>Why do girls I like keep dating guys who are less attractive and less fashionable than me? Because she likes their personality more.
This is such a guy question. You think appearance means way more than it actually does. You have proof you are wrong now, and you'll probably still believe girls go for the "hot Chad", despite all evidence being the contrary.
There's a girl I liked with similar values and all that who literally chose a short, ugly, weirdo, with a kid. I'm fairly good looking, even her her friends said they have no fucking idea why she would choose him. I can at least accept if she was with some super Chad but this is just stupid.
Maybe it's a self esteem thing, or women make absolute no sense and lie about what they like in a guy.
No because they dont like me or show any signs that they like me romantically
I know that appearance doesn't matter to women. I just think it's unfair.
Dating would be much fairer if girls were really attracted to looks first and foremost. Because anyone can change their looks. If you're fat, you can lose weight and/or lift. If you're balding, you can shave your head or get a hair transplant. Good clothes, a skincare regime, and good hygiene improves everyones appearance too. And if you can grow a good beard, sometimes that helps. Failing all of that, if you really are truly hideous, you can still hold on to the hope of plastic surgery. Every problem to do with looks is fixable, some of them are fixable very very easily.
But problems with personality? How are you supposed to fix those? You can't rid yourself of an affliction like autism. You can't rid yourself of childhood trauma. Changing your basic personality traits, if they are repulsing women, takes years of effort and trial and error and therapy, and even that's not guaranteed to work. So in actuality, the fact that women aren't concerned very much about looks actually makes dating more unfair, not less. Personality is near impossible to change, so if you don't have one that is attractive to women, you are shit out of luck.
i have mild autism and girls are all over my cock.
you just sound like a mega faggot with a losing mentality.
might as well kill yourself
A nice personality probably?
You need to start asking girls out. Especially considering you're an autismo, they're probably giving you tons of signs that they're interested while you do nothing. Eventually they give up and go out with someone else that actually makes a move.
My autism prevents me from having the skills to ask girls out.
Like I said I even tried Tinder to see if that would help and while I can get dozens of matches with cute girls, none will respond to my messages. Or they respond to one or two and then give me nothing more to work with and everything dries up
>My autism prevents me from having the skills to ask girls out. No it doesn't. My boyfriend has Asperger and I'm not really his first girlfriend.
You don't put in the effort. I'd wager you don't put effort into most things in your life in general.
How? I don't understand how he could do that.
Perhaps he has a harsher form of aspergers where he just spergs out in front of people but is still mild enough to do so in a somewhat socially acceptable manner.
I couldn't even fathom asking a girl out. I'd be stumbling over my words, sweating profusely, would probably be on the verge of a panic attack
He makes fun of himself for being a sperg, but in such a lighthearted and fun way. It's endearing. I was sold after 5 minutes I talked to him. He started stuttering and flapping, cold sweating, and made a funny joke about it, and I just thought "shit, this is the guy I'm marrying". 3 yeas in, haven't changed my mind. Literally told me he gets like this only when he's very nervous, and he is this nervous just with very pretty girls who know about [thing we're both into]. Laughed. It was cool, am a fan. His dad is awesome, basically taught him how to get laid when he was 11.
I can't do that. I'm deeply ashamed of being a sperg and every sign I show of my disability makes me feel like throwing myself off the nearest bridge immediately. I would do anything to be normal
>His dad is awesome, basically taught him how to get laid when he was 11 I didn't have a dad. So I guess that's another way in which life fucked me in the ass anally and relentlessly since birth
There you go. You don't ask girls out, and that's why you don't have any dates or a girlfriend. Tinder is mostly for hookups. And women are bombarded with messages there so it's super competitive. I'd use Bumble or OkCupid if you want to try a dating app. Sounds like you're terrified of mild embarrassment. Figure out a way to deal with it or go see a therapist about it.
>I would do anything to be normal You're not tho. You can't pretend you are either. Trying to hide it makes things worse for you, too. It makes you come off as fake and people can almost always tell. It's part of who you are. Don't let it define you, but embrace it.
I'm disabled and let me tell you something that took me years to figure out. You can treat your disability as a part of you, and build yourself on it, and grow from it, or let it destroy you. Sitting there wishing you were normal doesn't do you any good. Accepting that it is there, accepting it gives you boundaries but it is also an unique opportunity to experience life from a point of view that most people can't is a pretty great thing. It hasn't always been easy for me to be sick, but it has taught me so much about myself, about others, and even really what I want out of life that while I still think it is a curse it is also such a big blessing. Most of the things I love about myself are there because of the way I decided to react about my disease. Decide to react to your disability in a better way. It will make you a better person.
I can't. There is nothing I like about being a sperg. It has ruined my life on several levels. Without being autistic, I probably wouldnt have been bullied. Without being autistic, my school years wouldnt have been such a misery, I probably would have developed normal friendships at an earlier age. And without being autistic, I definitely wouldn't be a kissless virgin as an adult.
Almost everything wrong in my life can be traced back to my disability. I have no choice but to hate it.
>It makes you come off as fake and people can almost always tell. What are the signs? I'm not the OP but it sounds like we have a lot of similarities, including the not-quite-normal-but-not-quite-outrageously-abnormal-but-some-see-through-attempts-to-hide thing.
>I just think it's unfair. The thing is, personality isnt an objective thing. Appearance is a lot easier to measure in some way, as no matter what some people might claim, there is such a thing as "objectively ugly", but personality is a lot more subjective. An autistic and shy guy might be appealing to one girl, but be awful to another.
It's just about finding the right match, because it does exist, as long as you aren't a gigantic asshole (and even those have a chance for some reason)
My disease has ruined my life in many ways, and I can see that because I'm not mentally challenged. But the things it put me through made me grow up in a person I like. The people I met thanks to my disease are people I love. The things I got into because the limitations I have are things I love.
And you don't know how life would have been without autism (just like I don't know how life would be without my disability). It's a nice scapegoat.
>That's my fetish
I prefer a normal guy who is cleany but not obsessed with appearance. A guy who isn't too shy nor too cocky. Just a normal guy who wears somewhat ill fitting clothes and a dorky backpack and scuffled hair and doesn't change his style much. Ahh dreamy ~
It sounds embarrassing but think of a generic harem anime main guy. That's hot to me.
Well what the fuck is even the point then? Why even bother as a man even putting effort in if people like you exist?
Where are all the girls who like guys who actually put effort into their appearance?
At the bar and on tinder, looking for a quick hookup.
Because you enjoy taking care of yourself? Kek.
Because social chemistry is a big part of it. That's why we keep fucking saying "just be yourself". If it isn't working for you you aren't meeting enough women in the right places.
Well unfortunately none of those girls will accept a guy like me with aspergers and social anxiety...
Have I fucked myself then? I assumed that because of my disability I needed to put double the effort into looking good and styling myself well, to make up for it. But it sounds like I've fucked myself by putting myself into a niche that no one finds attractive. The girls who like aspie guys don't like well dressed, stylish guys. The girls who like well dressed stylish guys don't like aspie guys.
>Where are all the girls who like guys who actually put effort into their appearance? Most girls on Jow Forums seem to fit that description.
Why did this crack me up so much? I like what I like. Lol if you want someone appearance focused get an insta girl. Seriously. Get a Chinese or Korean girl, that's their thing, appearance is most important.
None of those girls like me because they don't want an autist
The girls who can tolerate autistic/shy/weird guys don't want me, because I look normal, dress conventionally well, and aren't into nerd shit like anime or conventions or whatever the fuck
I really am screwed arent I? I appeal to no one.
Not really, there's nothing wrong with what you described. I don't want an autistic bf but I'd say your personality is the issue here. You don't seem fun, happy, confident, or in any way appealing or compementing to someones life.
Work on that.
>You don't seem fun, happy, confident, or in any way appealing or compementing to someones life.
How am I supposed to be any of those things when Im a kissless dateless virgin? Im facing a life crisis here. I could end up alone forever.
Dude since the first reply you acknowledged they the problem was you being autist. >I'd say your personality is the issue here. You don't seem fun, happy, confident, or in any way appealing or compementing to someones life. This is the issue so if you know you are the problem why don’t you work on yourself, in the matters of, yeah this is the issue I better start working in this BEFORE going back to this dating and failing situation. Recognizing the problem and doing nothing about it does jack shit.
How do you fix autism then?
He's saying it's not your autism.
Autism can be charming. Use it to your advantage. I get girls without much of a problem and I’m a big time autist but I’m also funny as shit.
You obviously have no clue what women want because they don't want you
It is if you don't put the work in to be sociable in spite of it.
Social grace is 10X more important than looks and fashion - sorry you have to work harder for that given your diagnosis but that doesn't change the facts. Nobody can out-dress a shitty personality, doesn't matter how good looking you are.