So when I had my own place I let gf stay with me for free, paid of a lot of stuff all the time, shit was all set up, I just wanted her to work because I told her she could stay with me and work so she could pay off her debts before she gets her degree next semester. So she lived with me for 6-9 months.
Then we move back in with my parents to my hometown because I was going to go to school there and I didnt have as much money as I did have (investments that I basically live off of arent doing well right now).
She constantly complains about how she goes to work, comes home, and I havent done any chores, or help her with anything all the time and all I do is game. (I basically am just taking part time classes at tech until I transfer next semester and I dont need, nor do I want a job that im not interested in just yet so to ME there is no rush really)
We finally got our own place last friday but I told her a really good friend of mine had already planned some 2-3 day gaming marathon shit and it was on friday. We still had a lot of work to do anyway. I thought we were just going to transfer everything over to the new apartment friday, I was going to do my thing on the weekend, and then we were just going to gradually get everything moved in and organized over the course of the next week.
Nope. Had 4hrs of sleep 2-3 nights in a row now, gf constantly complaining about how I am not helping her (again) and how all i do is game, and never give her any time and she is the one carrying all the weight blah blah blah
For the first time literally since I started dating her, I thought about my ex gf, about how it would feel to be single again, about how it would feel to be by myself, and I just feel fucking detached now because I feel like im just held the fuck down and she constantly complains about how I always "do whatever I want".
Someone give me some advice because I have no fucking clue what to do here.
Break up with her, and next time don't cohabitate until you're married. It's a terrible idea for this specific reason.
Also video games are for children and you should get a new hobby.
That's a terrible idea. So many people get divorced because they didn't learn to live, or to not live, with someone.
Absolutely not. A hobby is a hobby. Don't be rude just because your only skill is soiling socks.
Just talk to her about it. If she still doesn't give you the respect you need, even after a calm talk about it and how you feel, leave her.
Being too much of a noncommittal cunt to not take this risk is how you end up finding out ten years later that she cheated on you and because you aren't married there is nothing you can do about it. You can quickly figure out whether or not you're going to be compatible by asking the right questions during the courtship phase, and if you can't you should assume that you are wasting each other's time.
It's really funny because if you go here often enough you see stories play out one part at a time...either that or every shitty relationship is the same things lol.
We have discussed this many of times. Always her bringing it up. She feels as if she is always the one doing the work. I'm a typical guy. I do clothes or dishes or whatever after they have been sitting there for a while and need to get done. I do clothes as I need them to be done. I'm a "do things as you go" kind of guy when it comes to organization, and stuff like that. But not to the point where everything is a fucking mess either. She is very organizing, very clean, will literally pick everything up and move it to a different area because it "looks" better over there, will re-arrange the entire room layout every few months because it "refreshes" things etc etc.
So my point with all this is, she is constantly saying how I don't help her out, yet i'd be perfectly fine if we just both did our OWN dishes, clothes, etc etc. But she is upset because I don't "volunteer" to help all the time.
So you're both working and you still haven't renegotiated who does chores? Why don't you do at least one thing? What is wrong with you OP?
>guy You have to be a man. If you're letting her be a mommy figure this early on you're never going to be able to salvage this. This is one of the many reasons why premarital cohabitation is a terrible idea.
I'm basically just going to school part time, and have a lot of free time. She is working a lot but her job is relaxed, but I have 100% a much easier and "optional" way to choose how I spend my time so to speak.
As for the chores, no. I have asked her things like "what tasks would you like me to do" or "give me a job" or something like that and she replies with "im not your mother" or "I dont want to tell you what to do, or ask you to do it, I just want you to do it"
So you're the pussy in this relationship. Put on your pink apron and get to the chores, Nancy.
Not sure what the "mommy" archetype entails, or what being a "man" means because I never had a dad who was the breadwinner so to speak. My mom always just kind of took care of him (and constantly bitched about it).
Who pays the majority of the bills?
Wow this sounds awful and i 100% side with your girlfriend You sound like a parasite
I'm perfectly fine doing my own shit. I did it when I was by myself I didn't really care. Like stated though, this isn't really the problem. You constantly saying "don't co-habitate" isn't really helping when its already clear that we are.
I don't have any debt.
I pay half the rent, half the electricity, and I pay full internet.
Then do half the chores
So do the opposite of what your pussy father does. Break it off and don't pursue any relationship until you have graduated and have a good job and that any woman you accept into your home doesn't have to work. It is in this position that it is recognized that you provide for her because you love her and that it is her duty to maintain a pleasant home for you to return to. So essential to this, so much that if you don't achieve this she will not be satisfied in her role and will seek for her needs to be met by someone else, is for you to not be a pussy.
didn't mean to press enter.
As far as finances go though, she has what like 70k debt, has a 500 dollar car bill, student loans as well. Im basically scott free as far as finances go though. Just going to school.
Why are you still talking as if you are together? You've had plenty of time since this thread has been open to break it off. Do you keep good enough contact with your parents that they won't feel imposed if you stay with them long enough for you to find a roommate by whom you aren't getting fucked?
1. I still love her and things are definitely salvageable. 2. Her name is on the lease, not mine as I dont really use credit, and my parents or hers wouldn't sign for a co-signer. We had to wait for her to get a job making 35k+ a year to get an apartment here. Which is why I let her live at my place for 7-8 months, then we lived at my parents for another 9 months, all so she could finish school and get a job because that was what I told her i'd try and help her do to get out of the bad financial situation she was in when we first started talking.
I already got it from the previous posts that you're a complete pussy, but no it is not salvageable and you owe nothing to a woman who is not your wife. But by all means let this farce continue until years later when she tells you she's leaving to move in with the jockstrap she's been fucking all this time.
lmao dude you expect me to just ditch a woman who I just agreed to live with for a year and let her pay all the bills and deal with literally everything while I go on some journey to become a more enlightened man and leave her with "sorry, im leaving bc you aren't my wife"
She isn't fucking anyone else, and always is worried about me fucking or talking to other women btw. Not the other way around.
She's projecting, but fair enough. You've made your choice, and there's nothing I can do to convince you. Just let me know what subject you're going to put on your inevitable "my gf cheated on me after 5 years what do" thread so that I can filter it.
I think in this case maybe you should ask her to delegate at least a list of things to be done since you're an oblivious man child. I mean or you could ask your mother what kinds of chores do women do, and then she can beat your ass too because she raised a degenerate.
Sure thing bud
I'll just make a list myself instead and she can let me know how she feels about it and we can discuss it.
You're not that hopeless after all~
or i'll just hire a maid ayyyyyyyylmao
>[she] always is worried about me fucking or talking to other women. >She isn't fucking anyone else. user I...
But in all seriousness WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TELLING RANDOS ABOUT THIS NOT YOUR (MAYBE) SOON TO BE. You really need to have a long conversation with her about this. A long hard one where you share your worries and could also listen to hers - I guess Because if you don't, both of you are going to grow more resentful of each other and then your relationship will be fucked. ~fucked like the big bull dick she takes every night~
Trust me I know the saying lmao "if she thinks you might be cheating on her, she is probably cheating on you'.
and idk its 1:30 am and she is sleeping and I wanted someone else's input on it besides my own
Can't really expect a lot from Jow Forums though, it is already the Degen forum of the internet anyway
WEW I must be fucking retarded
My mother was exactly like this and I can tell you it drove my already crazy father completely nuts. It will not get better. She will do it to her kids. Leave now. She's too stupid to understand that she's doing work that doesn't need to be done, and perceives everyone as lazy because of it.
Yeah thing is she does mine and her stuff together all the time, so I don't really have enough time (in my eyes) to realize to do the dishes or wash the clothes etc etc. Because by the time I actually have something I want to wear and its dirty and im like "hey I should do some clothes" she has already done them and then tells me how I am not grateful because I don't volunteer to help out.
Like stated though im not sure if thats just me being a cunt and being selfish or what
People are being a bit rude to you itt. Honestly I think it’s not unreasonable for you guys to sit down as roommates first and foremost and decide a rotating list of weekly chores or something as reminders. It can be hard to balance work and fun and cleaning so people forget to clean things. Maybe she means beyond just laundry and dishes, things like mopping the floor and dusting and such which are pretty important over time. Try to do stuff like that too t doesn’t take long it needs to be done once every week or two weeks
Motherfucker you are literally describing my absolute harpy of a mom. She's doing the chores before you get a chance to then bitching at you about it. She's just doing this because she likes to cause conflict and probably has mental problems. I lived with a woman like this for TWENTY-TWO YEARS. It is not your fault. It will not get better. You should leave.
I had a platonic roommate who would always do my dishes instantly after I put one plate in the sink because I was in a rush, and then he’d complain about always doing my dishes. I’m like dude you don’t have to do my dishes, I never asked you, and I was going to get to it. He would also rearrange my food and every object in the house whether or not it was his. Could never find anything. He ended up being crazy but I think with your girlfriend it’s not quite on his level. You should tell her you appreciate her help but she doesn’t have to do your laundry and stuff for you. Tell her that you mentally schedule times to do it but she always beats you to it
lmao you're almost pinpointing the problem here. This weekend moving in to our new place was stressful as fuck because I basically had a 3 day bender more or less with a good friend of mine on PC planned 3 months ago and of course being her OCD self wants to do everything in 2 days, move in, organize, unbox, etc etc. Parents are 30mins away so i was just like "lets just do shit one piece at a time and we will be set in 7 days" but that to her means "it will never get done we have to do it now".
As for clothes, dishes, etc. Yeah, spot on bro. I've told her before "I appreciate that you do these things for me but I can do them on my own". Then that gets countered with "if you do them on your own, then how come you never do them" lol
I do think when she wakes up or after work a good talk and executable plan will make things a lot better though. If it means her only washing her own clothes, doing her own dishes or us taking turns certain nights with dishes etc etc. Maybe that will do some good.
That's ironic im 22 as well lol
I'll just have to sit down and have a talk with her about it and see what we can come up with.
I'm 26 now my man, I'm not living at home anymore. If I had spent another year in that hellhole I'd have blown my fucking brains out. I still wake up hearing my mother screaming at me to clean the bathroom for the 3rd time in a week. I wish I was kidding because having PTSD flashbacks over dumb shit like that sounds retarded, but it's true.
>watching a bunch of sweaty muscular men smack into each other on a grassy field Adult hobby >watching netflix shows Adult hobby >playing electronic games with your friends Grow the fuck up manchild. Get out of your mom's basement XD
spoken like a true ALPHA MALE boomer lel
I've made thousands of dollars from tourneys and hundreds of friends by gaming. I'd probably be a depressed sack of shit like you if I didn't have this hobby
Seems to me there may be another stuff going on. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Usually problems dont show themself directly, and you have to be smart enough to identify real problems from conflict in times of problems. Have you projected yourself in the future of the relationship? Is the future youre getting this way, the future you want?
You should try shit before buying it. People change when you move in together. Its good to see if you can handle that change or not.
I was in the position before (me being the girlfriend)... I talked to my boyfriend as I was keeping up with everything, cleaning and the pets, grocery shopping. In addition to these things I was in school and worked full time. He worked and was in school part time and loooves his video games.
I just felt like he didnt care I was tired or overworked. I even left everything to shit for a couple weeks to see if thatd get him to help -it didnt.
So we talked about it, he understood and agreed to do some of the chores. So now he is in the habit of doing the dishes and cleaning up clutter. We both dp laundry and trash days.
Its a learning process and it takes a minute to learn how to work together with 2 different schedules (including your gaming schedule). It takes 2 to cooperate, see what she expects and tell her what you expect. If neither of you can come to an agreement, unfortunately neither of you will be happy.
I have a buddy who makes a chore list assigned to either him or his GF for certain days. Like monday he does dishes and she sweeps/mops Tuesday she does laundry and he takes out trash Weds she does dishes and he cleans the bedroom