How can I get my bf to be more sexually assertive...

How can I get my bf to be more sexually assertive? I want him to be more dominant and to lead me when we fuck but for the most part I always have to initiate and he won't tell me what he wants me to do unless I interrogate him. For once I want him to just come from home and grab me by the hips or something instead of forcing me to bring it up when I see that he has a hard on. Is there a way for me to change this?

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Slip a Viagra into his drink.

Did you try talking to him?

Make a game of it. "Tonight you can do anything with me you want. Tomorrow I get to choose"

lol'd at the gif but idk how to help you. My last gf in our entire year long relationship only initiated sex twice, it felt kinda like I wasn't even desirable to her. Don't get me wrong, I loved to initiate and control her sexually but just to have her show some interest for once would've been nice.

I guess I'm saying that I relate to your feels

Top kek unironically best post
Talking is healthy, girl

I did. It basically just came down to "sorry I'm timid" and then shrugs.

I used to be this guy. If you want a nice boyfriend but they're young they're going to have their head full of idea about being respectful to women that don't translate into good sex

In my case it took a failed relationship and sleeping around. In your case I would just tell him "i know you want to be respectful but any aggressive/violent/degrading thing you want to do would probably turn me on too. You have proven you care and I love you for it, but I want you to be able to be yourself"

That would have worked for me. The submission dynamic is complicated so you can't come to him like you are the dominant one, or it won't be sexy.

Then pick a safe word, the idea being that you just go with the flow and if he goes too far you say the word and things stop. It can be to intense for some people but marijuana can get a shy person more in-tune with their partner, he probably isn't paying enough attention to cues that you want it harder, a second and possibly major factor

Last thought would be you get aggressive, sit on his face, slap him, etc. Just temporarily to make him realize that it's fine to be rough. Most guys will man up and most want to really rough, deep down.

This thread is already starting to devolve into "HE SHOULD CHOKE YOU OUT AND SLAP YOUR FACE AND THEN FUCK YOUR ASS FEMINISM WAS A MISTAKE" when OP was just asking how to have her guy be more active in sex.

I don't know why it always goes from 0 to 100 with you people

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Oh please, adults have rough sex just like that. Ask any happily married couple

Wife had same complaint about me and told me she found sex to be unsatisfying.

Im naturally dominant in bed but was having difficulty doing so with wife.

When we first met, I was very fit. I weighed about 145lb (8% body fat...almost pure muscle), she was about 120lb.
Over the years, i stopped working out and lost my strength. My weight grew to a high of 190. Inversely she also gained alot of weight through binge eating to deal with stress (unhealthy coping).

After she told me sex was unsatisfying...it hurt at first..because Ive always tried hard to please her.
Took the critique like a man....hit the gym atleast 3 times a week (now about 5 times a week).

Set an internal goal that i would be strong enough to fuck/handle my +200lb wife....now i can

Was still lacking confidence to truely dominate her.
On business trip, wife is ok with me going to club.
Had multiple threesomes/private dances.
The girls gave me lots of feedback of what they liked and what i should try on wife.
Being strong enough to handle +200lb wife made handling these 120lb girls a literal joke.

TLDR: 1) Tell your man what you need. 2) He needs to go to gym to get strong. 3) Take him to strip club and let the other girls teach your man how to handle you.
Bonus points: do a couples dance and let a girl touch/rub on you while your man watches/studies...he'll take mental notes and do the same to you later.

I don’t know the stats, I just know that my wife and I don’t need to abuse each other to get us to cum. To each their own though.

what

?

Thought i was pretty clear...questions?

so... your wife just lets you cheat on her?

>abuse each other
I get where you're coming from but for the women I've been with it's not abuse, they just like it. They want you to spit in their mouth etc etc. I really thought I shouldn't, though I wanted to, and held back for a long time. Once I realized it was fine sex became a lot more satisfying

Stop watching so much porn. It's warped your brains.

#

No

We trust each other to not cheat.

The way she and I both see it, we both really admire pole dancers and strippers for their poise and physique.
It takes alot of work behind the scenes to look good (eating right, gym, yoga, pole dancing lessons, etc). We both appreciate this.

Pole dancers/strippers are there to render a service. To be sexy as fuck and to tend to emotional needs/build confidence.
Also...who else has more experience with "turn ons" than someone who works day-in-day-out turning people on for a living?

Wife and i both know that I am there to observe and at most excercise/stretch my sexual side.

I'd never cheat on my wife and she and I both know that.
Cheating and sex are very clearly defined.
Cheating = doing something behind your partner's back
Sex = penis in vagina penetration

For reference, my wife would be ok with a mff threesome including herself (with penetration). This would not be cheating as she has knowledge of it and is actively participating.
But if I fucked a girl behind her back or without her...Cheating

She actually wants me to take selfies in the private room with the girls so she can rate them herself and assess whether or not i have good tastes.

Wife actually asked if they atleast offered a handjob the last time i got private dances. I said "no", she responded with "maybe next time".

I think my wife may be a bit more "open" than most.
We've gone to strip clubs together before. She actually used to go to a sex club before we met.

Once again, we both acknowledge that the girls are there to render a service.
Also...i get to drink and socialize/talk to other people in a manner thats very open and anonymous (like Jow Forums).

Its definitely given me a renewed motivation for working out (when i hit a goal, reward myself by having hot girls touch me all over and give compliments)

Even if they are pretending/building fantasy...the confidence boost is amazing...and wife can tell when i bring it home to her.

Also...


Very similar to I love and respect my wife alot and worry about hurting her if i get rough.

My wife isnt particularly communicative or vocal about what she likes sexually...we've even gone to sex therapist and the therapist was unable to get her to say much (therapist understood my frustration in trying to figure out what wife wants).

Private dances/strip clubs provide a safe space where i can try new things and get honest feedback without feeling of rejection.
They tell me if i need to be rougher and proper technique (i.e. if you choke...use fingertips and avoid windpipe..gives illusion of choking....cup hands when spanking, makes a louder noise and doesnt hurt/leave marks).

So there you go. He's timid so he's not going to dominate you in bed. You'll have to find another way to satisfy both your urges in bed.

>did. It basically just came down to "sorry I'm timid" and then shrugs.

But that implies there are things he wants to do that he is afraid to do. He didn't say "sorry, I'm gentle" he said he's afraid to

If that's not a turn off then you can just bring it out of him over time. Do it passively like "could you spank me?" Rather than "Slap my ass!" which is dominant and might scare the guy

Behave widely in bed talk dirty tell him what to do and make noise. If this doesn't cause him to behave aggressively he seriously my be gay or have a mild form of autism.

For real though watch porn while you do it elect porn where there is the amount of aggression you want and tell him to do it that way. We sometimes need to actually see how to do something to start doing it with full vigor.

Good luck

That's pretty good advice

People rag on porn for being unrealistic, and visually it is, but the energy in good porn and good irl sex is similar, a lot of us are just too uptight to get there without some help