Anyone have friends that they've known for a long time? I've known my best friend for 21 years and I can just tell our relationship is slowly dying as we get older. It's sad to see and I don't know if we can make it better.
I always thought that was like a myth and a feel-good story that they put in kids' shows. By the time I got to high school I stopped being friends with all the kids I was friends with in elementary, and by the time we graduated high school or maybe like a year or two after everyone in our group of friends had just naturally drifted apart and stopped having things in common. Same with the people I hung out with in college, etc.
Are you guys co-dependent or maybe one of you totally reliant on the other? Describing it as "relationship is slowly dying as we get older" sounds like something a 50 year old would say about their marriage.
>I always thought that was like a myth and a feel-good story that they put in kids' shows. I have a couple, though "friends" may be too strong of a word to use, they're more like people who fell off the social ladder and decided to latch onto me.
I'm guessing people with real friends, have actual long time friends.
>I'm guessing people with real friends, have actual long time friends.
I don't know about that. I know plenty of people who had friends that were as close as anything and they got them though the worst times of their lives while also being there for the best times of their lives - but eventually people move on. People change or they physically move to another country or another part of the country and they start their own lives. 28+ is when you should stop worrying about friends and think more about starting your own family.
With time I realized that making friends is a natural consequence of being forced into the same space and time with other people. Thus you make friends in school, work, sports or activities. Every once in a while you connect with someone enough to maintain that friendship for long time and outside those places, but people often confuse that rare genuine connection with the social norms that dictate that "you must remain friends with all your friends". And hence the disappointment when things just fall apart. Ironically, realizing all this has helped me to make friends fast and easy wherever I'm at. They're not "brothers for life", but they don't need to be either.
Exactly this. I was a-okay with naturally no longer being in touch with former friends. it was literally nothing personal it was just that we grew apart and become different people with different interests over the years.
The worst was when I had to "break up" with friends because they were still trying to act like we were in 10th grade or whatever.
>28+ is when you should stop worrying about friends and think more about starting your own family. Can't really do that without friends or meeting people, unless your from an old country that still does arranged marriages.
yeah but like said, friends are just people that you happen to connect with simply because you're at the right place at the right time.
Unless you're a 28+ year old NEET, you should be meeting new people all the time. Friends shouldn't be this lifelong commitment akin to being married.
>Unless you're a 28+ year old NEET, you should be meeting new people all the time. The only people I ever meet are the same ten guys at work.
Well go do other shit then. Take karate classes, volunteer at some Feed The Retards charity thing, participate in amateur improv, join a church, take and/or sell drugs, anything really.
Doing things I don't really want to do just for the sake of meeting people seems like a bad strategy. The chances of meeting someone I would actually care for meeting are small.
okay, well do nothing then. what do you want
go do something that you enjoy instead
That's the problem. I don't enjoy anything anymore.
I'm trying to figure out what the best thing to join would be.
That is kind of pathetic, to be honest. How come you did not figure out it by now? I mean, most musicians, developers and athletes are already fully blooming in that age, and for a while. I just dont understand how it could happen. What were you doing while you were 15-20 years old?
This makes no sense unless you were, say, a radical atheist and went and met a girl at a church.
of course then there would be irreconcilable difference between the two of you.
but why in the hell would the chances of you meeting you actually care for be small if you met at like an Open Mic night or a volunteer thing or whatever else
>I don't enjoy anything anymore.
That means it's time to take a break from Jow Forums and internet as a whole. You're burnt out and spread too thin from doing nothing online all the time. Take some time off and rediscover yourself. Go outside a read a book.
>best thing it doesn't matter as long as you're out in the world with people.
That's a very sad and dry view of life you got there.
It's totally okay to invest (I bet you like that way of saying this) a lot of time, effort and emotions into select friendships after 27. Affectionate relationships are always valuable. Cultivate them all.
Because I just don't like most people.
Nah. I like my friendships to remain friendships. They're casual. That's what friendships should be.
If you're putting a lot of time, effort and emotions into friendships then you're living in toxic relationships.
>don't like most people >don't enjoy anything anymore.
You're really making this extremely difficult. What advice are you expecting to get when you don't want to do anything to or talk to anyone?
If you're in your 30s and they're young enough to be your kids you'd be either retardedly young father or they're young enough to not be allowed here. Plus, even adult people have a right to goof off. Just don't overdo it and balance shitposting with some content of worth and you have nothing to worry about. I work, maintain my own place, help some people with their issues and generally am theoretically a responsible adult. I still plan to play games, watch weaboo shit and post here till old, old age in my free time. It's my free time and if someone doesn't like it, they can fuck off and do something else with their own free time.
Not him, but I did that, travelled a lot, slept in the streets, met a lot of people, did a lot of stuff. I still don't really enjoy things.
>It's sad to see and I don't know if we can make it better. It depends on both of you. Find time to hang out, find shared interests. I have a friend I was kinda distant with but we kinda started hanging out around somewhere in our late twenties and now every couple of weeks I visit the guy with some snacks or light alcohol, we watch some random stupid shit (tv series etc), talk, sometimes play vidya. It's good enough.
well then you should take anti-depressants
Your opinions are weird. Can you explain them to me ?
I used to love reading books when I was young. At some point I began feeling like there was nothing interesting left to read. And reading is not a very social thing to do.
One doesn't have to be the other. Some people are mostly in contact due to shared circumstances, workplace etc. Some make strong enough bonds and enjoy each other ocmpany to be in contact outside of such. But even those may move on, not because of contact itself weakening but them changing and sometimes they may also change and still be in contact. It's harder with age, but it happens.
If they're completely casual and transient it's sure as hell not actual friendship, more like acquaintanceship.
>If you're in your 30s and they're young enough to be your kids you'd be either retardedly young father or they're young enough to not be allowed here.
Come on dude, you see all these threads on this board that are like "hey guys I'm in high school and I have this problem with thI'M 18 BY THE WAY IT'S MY LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL I SWEAR I'M ABSOLUTELY NOT A 16 YEAR OLD KID" and even worse you see posts on other boards that talk about how they starterd lurking/posting here when they were like 12 years old.
For sure there are like 8-10 year olds that came here because of like Pewdiepie or some other youtuber retard and they think that Pepe The Frog is absolutely hilarious.
Maybe you just enjoy not being happy. Just saying.
...I honestly don't know. Maybe just a vain hope that someone will say something briliant that will spark something.
Anti-depressants don't bring me joy. They just make me numb so I don't want to kill myself.
So what's a biggest problem, not having friends or nor enjoying anything?
Yeah, you're right, but it doesn't mean they're majority - or even the norm. Even given the shit people talk about, I'd assume most of them are end-bracket teenagers to early twenties adults. You're fine, I'm fine, even if we're older than the average, we fucking belong here, we are the soul of the place and we fucking forgot more retarded memes than they got to know. Nothing to worry about as long as you don't go overboard with shitposting and it also doesn't affect your life offline much in any negative way.
I don't think transient friendship are any less friendships just because they're transient.
Maybe you just enjoy not being happy. Just saying.
It's not but I had a friend for quite some years with whom I really liked discussing books we read and exchanging recommendations. A lot of dynamics of your friendship depends on you and your/your friend's expectations.
If they're casual, without any greater loyalties, bond etc then they're really not that much of a friendship. Acquaintanceship is not a common term but it seems to really define what you've got going for you quite well. It doesn't mean it's something bad, just.. well, more fitting term. Most of people I know I also consider acquaintances, with exception of a couple of folks I hang around with now since maybe a couple of decades and it's also without putting in much effort.
As pointed out in this thread, I don't have friends because I don't enjoy things. I would be fine with not having many friends if I just had someone I really liked.
I feel like I'm talking with a bunch of 15 year olds or something.
The older you get, the more casual your social life becomes. It's that simple. You're not in school where most of your time is spent with other kids your age and you're socializing all the time. When you're a kid of course having friends and being cool and whatever else is the most important thing in your life since you have no responsibilities or anything.
A friendship, especially at our age, should just be a casual relationship where you're able to just hang out and maybe do things on weekends but like that other dude posted earlier in the thread if you find yourself distressed that you're not hanging out as much as you used to and you're like OH NO MY RELATIONSHIPS IS FALLING APART AND DYING WHAT DO I DO EVERYTHING IS ROTTEN FROM THE INSIDE WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING ANYMORE - that means that you're doing friendships wrong.
You should be able to casually let friendships go as casually as you're able to form them. You're not a kid, you're not even that much of a "young adult" anymore at this age. You're an adult. Don't be acting like your friend is your wife.
So the root is that you don't enjoy things. And as I pointed, usually that means that you enjoy not being happy.
>Anti-depressants don't bring me joy >don't like most people >don't enjoy anything anymore.
okay well shit dude, I'm out of options. Have you tried Yoga?
Like I said, the best thing to do is to just spend less time online especially on Jow Forums.
This is worse than people who say that they don't like music.
Without Jow Forums I'd feel very lonely.
Maybe. Being happy is not my goal and I like that i'm not easily moved, it makes me feel free.
I don't want advice on this : Ï was just giving myself as a counter example of that one advice.
Hey, by the way. Want to try to be friends with another joyless user ?
WTF are you talking about, it makes perfect sense. You are a emotional masochist.
The issue is that it seems that you assume that wanting to maintain relations with friends is some great chore all the time and fool's errand. Nah, that's actually how real friendship works - you hang around for long and got each other back even when there are times when the going gets tough. I had some bad times with friends but decided to work it out rather than just cut them off and thanks to that I have friends whom I know a very long time and the relationship is something where we actually do go out of our own way to help each other and overall, far better than a few casual relationships that fall apart over time. There's place for those too, sure, but don't disregard those who want sturdier relations with their close ones - those got cons, but there are also pros. And they're also quite rare, enough that they're worth holding onto them - not desperately, when there's no interest and point anymore, just well enough when you know the people are worth the effort and the thing can be made to work.
I don't like music either. I got sick of it.
Not him but some people don't enjoy things like music either. And are posting here just because it distracts them from the overwhelming awareness of how everything that surrounds them and everyone they interact with brings them no joy.
In that case I don't enjoy being an emotional masochist.
Of course, no one would admit to that, but I understand user. I've been around weirdos all my life.
>Want to try to be friends with another joyless user ? ...Not really. Sorry.
>The older you get, the more casual your social life becomes. It's that simple. A friendship should just be a casual relationship Well no, it's not that simple. Why do you believe this ? Attachment is a normal human emotion. There's various degrees of attachment too, it's not just either casual or marriage. And even then if two friends wanted to live together for the rest of their lives, there's no wrong in that.
Of course, trying to maintain bonds artificially is stupid, but so is trying to destroy them without cause.
That's probably good.
and you should embrace that loneliness. Filling up that void in your life with Jow Forums is extremely unhealthy and only leading you into a deeper spiral of loathing and sadness and isolation.
Cut that shit out of your life, and just sit alone in your room for an evening. See how that feels. That's what you're doing when you're on Jow Forums.
Do something else instead.
There's millions of hours of music from the past that you haven't heard yet, and millions more being produced everyday.
You can't seriously say that you're sick of music as a whole concept. That's like saying you don't like colors or shapes.
>Well no, it's not that simple. Why do you believe this ? Attachment is a normal human emotion. Because at this age you should be focused more on being attached to your wife and kids, or getting a wife and eventually having kids.
>And even then if two friends wanted to live together for the rest of their lives, there's no wrong in that.
I mean at that point you're pretty much in a gay relationship, especially if the two of you haven't found a wife and gotten kids.
>Of course, trying to maintain bonds artificially is stupid, but so is trying to destroy them without cause.
I never said anything about trying to destroy bonds without cause. I'm saying that it's normal that people change and drift apart over time. As an adult you shouldn't be investing all of time and effort and emotions into making sure that you play Mario Kart with your best buddy every weekend.
Well, I do like like colors, and some shapes.
There may be millions of hours of music, but they're all minor variations on the same few themes.
>but they're all minor variations so are colors, and shapes even.
>That's what you're doing when you're on Jow Forums. Wait, what? Are you saying that sitting alone in my room and not having any social interaction is the same as sitting alone in my room and having social interactions on Jow Forums?
True, and I suspect I'd grow sick of those too if I decided to take up painting as a hobby.
After several months of learning 3d computer graphics, I was so bloody sick of triangles.
>social interactions reading and slowly typing words on a screen is not a social interaction.
You're not "reading the room" or making eye contact with people and picking up on body language and laughing at people's jokes and making witty comments right there on the spot and knowing what to do when there's a lull in the conversation or anything that involves social skills.
Well yeah i guess if you're theoretically a musician or a composer you would be getting sick of music as whole, but that's certainly something you didn't say up front about yourself.
>theoretically a musician or a composer I'm not. I, like any teenager and young adult, used to enjoy and listen to music, until I stopped enjoying music.
I'm conversing with you. That's social interaction.
Listening to other peoples problems and world views, thinking about answers and solutions, sometimes insightful (imo) and sometimes dumb, that's also social interaction.
What a weird concept. Music is one of the most ancient art forms, it is literally prehistoric.
I knew of some people on the spectrum who also said that they didn't enjoy music, but that's only because they hadn't discovered what genre or very extremely specific artists they were into yet. One kid didn't get into music until he was like 17.
Also people's tastes change over time. What I enjoy now isn't what I enjoyed when I was in my 20s, and what I enjoyed in my 20 isn't what I enjoyed in my teens, and what I enjoyed in my teens isn't what I enjoyed in my pre-teens.
You just haven't found your next music genre or artists yet.
No it's not. Physical movement are an integral part of social relations.
>Also people's tastes change over time. What I enjoy now isn't what I enjoyed when I was in my 20s, and what I enjoyed in my 20 isn't what I enjoyed in my teens, and what I enjoyed in my teens isn't what I enjoyed in my pre-teens. So why is the concept of changing to not enjoy music so alien to you then?
>You just haven't found your next music genre or artists yet. I believe I've heard representations of most of the common ones. I even liked dubstep for a while. Of course, I'm not saying that I will never again enjoy any music.
>So why is the concept of changing to not enjoy music so alien to you then?
Because you're not a musician or an audio engineer or a music producer or a DJ or anything that would give you a logical reason to not enjoy music as a whole. i.e. being burnt out.
Do I need a logical reason? What's your logical reason for your change in music taste?
First I've heard of it. Even if I agreed to not qualify interactions on Jow Forums as social interaction, talking to people over the internet still is not the same as being entirely isolated.
>Do I need a logical reason? Sure, I guess. That's usually how most things go.
>What's your logical reason for your change in music taste? Pre-teen I was just into whatever what was on the radio at the time. My teens were rough and so I was into Punk and Metal. By my 20s I wasn't as angry at the world anymore, but I still wanted manly music so I got into hardcore gangster rap. Then by my late 20s and now my 30s I realized that I didn't have to define my manhood through what kind of music I listen to, so I'll listen to anything and everything.
People in prison are less isolated than you, because they still interact with other people in the real world. You are absolutely isolated if Jow Forums and the internet are your only forms of interaction.
You're not even -talking- to people over the internet. You're typing on a keyboard and looking at words on a screen. You get to to think for as long as you please about which words you want to use to express yourself, you can look over what you've written before hitting Post and editing some of it or even writing something altogether. Talking to people is making split-second decision about what words you're saying and you don't get to sit for a while and think about what you want to say and how you say it. You also have to detect things like sarcasm and the tone of people's voice to hear if they're frustrated or even if they're lying - and then there's the whole aspect of physicality of body language and everything else.
This, Jow Forums, is like reading a news article or someone's blog. It's not a real social interaction.
Then I suppose there are logical reasons for my changing tastes as well. I just not aware of them in the same way you are. At some point listening to music stopped feeling good and began to feel annoying or even nauseating. I still sometimes voluntarily listen to the occasional song but I'm not consuming music like I used to.
If it's logical, you should be able to logically articulate it. >annoying or even nauseating Maybe you have a brain tumor, I'm being serious.
I get that a lot of pop music is repetitive and overly simple so that's annoying to a lot of people, but all music is annoying and even nauseating? That ain't right.
>You're not even -talking- I'm talking in the sense that I'm stringing words together into sentences in order to communicate thoughts. And I'm listening to you do the same. If we commuincated through the newspaper, or handwritten letters, instead of a message board, I would still think if it as interaction.
You're typing on a keyboard and looking at words on a screen. You get to to think for as long as you please about which words you want to use to express yourself, you can look over what you've written before hitting Post and editing some of it or even writing something altogether. Talking to people is making split-second decision about what words you're saying and you don't get to sit for a while and think about what you want to say and how you say it. You also have to detect things like sarcasm and the tone of people's voice to hear if they're frustrated or even if they're lying - and then there's the whole aspect of physicality of body language and everything else.
If we communicated through handwritten letters it would be best for you because it would take weeks for the letters to come and go, and you'd have all the free time in the world to do anything other than this, and eventually realize how silly it is and stop writing altogether because you realized how better it is to actually talk to people in the real world.
If you're allowed to change taste, then I don't see why changing to simply not liking something should be different.
>you don't get to sit for a while and think about what you want to say and how you say it. Yes I do.
Like I said. If it's logical, you should be able to explain why. It's weird to suddenly not enjoy an entire form of art, especially one that can be enjoy casually while multi-tasking.
It's not like movies where you have to sit down and give it all if not most of your attention for 2-3 hours at a time, or video games that require absolutely all of your attention and can easily soak up over 40 hours for you to complete just the single player story mode.
Not in a real world conversation. Then you end up being the guy who just sits in a corner all night long and doesn't say anything, cause he's too busy thinking of something to say to something that someone said 2 minutes ago, every 2 minutes.
>especially one that can be enjoy casually while multi-tasking. Fine. I like music. My favourite song to listen to while multi-tasking is 4'33", composed by John Cage.
>Not in a real world conversation. Who's going to stop me?
I know what you're referring to, mister smarty pants.
You can not like music, it's your life, but don't be defensive when people look at you weird and ask you why you don't like one of the universal building blocks of human culture.
No one's going to stop you, but you're just going to sit there furrowing your brow in complete silence and then be like THAT REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER THING when the rest of the people there have already moved on from that point of the conversation
why am I explaining to you what conversations and social interactions are
>why am I explaining to you what conversations and social interactions are Because we didn't agree on the definitions of the words.
I don't like it because it annoys and/or nauseates me. Even when I was younger I never thought of it terms of >I am angry. Therefor I shall now like Metal. I listened to what made me feel good, and chose to not listen to what anoyed me.
>Unless you're a 28+ year old NEET, I hit those qualifications, in fact, I'm past 30. So what am I supposed to do as I haven't had a real friend, ever.
You didn't agree. You didn't even know that social interactions have a physical element to them.
Don't be a NEET would be the first step
I should make a thread on that, I also suffer from procrastination and the fact i can't focus on things for a long period of time.
I turned 28 last week, I have some of my shit together, no debt, steady income, moved outta my parents and live with shite roommates and spending time in the gym but it just feels so fucking futile still, of course and especially when it comes to dating