I work almost every day from morning to about 6pm. Then I get home shower, eat dinner and call my fiancé bc she likes to talk on the phone. But it’s starting to get old and yesterday I opted to read a book instead and she flipped out. Pic related but before I slept I told her she needs to compromise and understand I have hobbies and interests that I’d like to do when I get off work instead of always being on the phone.
Did I do the right thing?
Nah you should have picked up the phone and explained that you were tired and didn't feel like talking much and said goodnight, instead of doing it over text it sounds like you have something to hide.
yes
Although your delivery was pretty crude
op fucked up
Before the text she asked if I can talk, then I said not tonight I want to read. Then she called me even though I told her I didn’t want to. So she didn’t respect my wishes
Yes, you could have just picked up the phone and said you didn't feel like talking, or you need some time to yourself.
You were really rude.
Why are you so rude to her?
OP pls... your sentiment isn’t wrong by any means, but your tone is oozing passive aggressiveness. You dun goofed.
You should have answered the phone and explained it then. Just be honest about the situation, and not act so pissy about it right from the get go.
I don’t think I was passive aggressive to begin with. But after she called when I said I didn’t want to that’s why I got irked. Pic related is before op pic
time to breakup op i'll call her and say sweet nothings to my new lil bby thang
The passive aggressive part was giving her a curt, not now, with no explanation. She felt like you were dismissing her as a person and don’t really value your time together - in her mind, a book is more interesting to you than sustaining the relationship. It sounds batshit crazy, but when you don’t communicate, this is where the mind goes.
The problem is that you never explained WHY you wanted to read instead of talking with her. And it comes off as passive aggressive, like she owes you this and she is being a bitch for not understanding your thinking from "not tonight". She isn't a mind reader, obviously she doesn't realize how you sometimes need that alone time.
Something like "Look, I love talking to you, and it helps me a lot to hear your voice throughout the workweek. My problem is that I've had little time to just be by myself and relax with one of my hobbies. I just wanted an evening to recharge a bit you know?" And maybe throw in an apology for good measure.
Just talk to her like a person you trust with your feelings, you know? Maybe she will argue you can recharge by talking with her, but be strong enough to admit to her that sometimes you need to be alone too. You will still talk all the time, but maybe not EVERY day of the week.
That it's not because there is something wrong with her, because buddy, I promise you that is what you made her feel.
You are so fucking petty dude
And I thought I was bad in my past relationship
Thanks for this, I guess I should have explained in depth but it really does baffle me that I have to explain WHY I want to read a book. Women...
Petty?
Rude. If you all have a time set up and you want to do something answer the call anyway. Ask how she has been. Make sure she’s ok. Then say that you want some free time, then go do your thing. Send her a text later , a good night message or something. Do something to make up for it and show her you care
You sound like a passive aggressive douche talking down to her, and she's a clingy bitch.
Enjoy your breakup
You're not ready to get married yet my man
I am kind of in the same boat, luckily my gf is allowing me to take some space
Whatever the context is it sounds rude as fuck, I'd call it passive aggressive but it's not really passive at all.
You COULD have answered her call and tell her you're tired or some shit, instead you're just saying 'no' over text as if she's an acquaintance and not your fiance.
To me it doesn't come off as anything other than you saying "fuck off and leave me alone", and if you're taking that approach with your fiance maybe getting married is a retarded idea, generally speaking being sick of your fiance is a good sign for you to not marry her.
Also why would you get engaged to someone if you're not living together?
hahahaha you are so fucking rude and autistic to her it's unbelievable, there's no way you're getting married when this is how you're acting when you're engaged and you're supposed to be in the in peak of your relationship
You both seem shitty to me.
Did your fiance have something important to talk about, or did they just wanna shoot the shit?
I hate to break it to you, but if there wasn't an emergency that they needed your help with and they're honestly being salty that you want/need time alone and unplugged - I got bad news about your marriage.
High maintenance people are the worst. They THRIVE off of attention and drama. I'd throw that fish back into the water if they can't be alone without going crazy for attention.
OP, you fiance is reacting like this because she thinks that it's that you actively don't want to talk to her, and are using the book as an excuse. She loves you and cares about you and misses you. You reacted defensively, and your annoyance and anger makes her feel even MORE insecure. You could have addressed her insecurity right off the bat and gently told her that you really love her, but you need a little "me time" tonight. Tell her that you'll talk to soon and again, you love her.
YA goofed. Just talk on the fucking phone. Jesus Christ. Its literally just talking.
Yeah, I understand a bit of how this could be a two way street.
On one hand, if your girl has massive anxieties and just loves to gab, she's perfectly capable of texting you a new book about how her day went and waiting for a response. On the other hand, you need to be a little more empathetic about excusing yourself to read. A little please, dropped in anywhere, would have quickly garnered her attention that you are serious and still consider her feelings as valuable.
What you did wasn’t wrong, just the way you went about it was. Expect a random video of her sucking another man’s dick at some point if you don’t cheer her up soon.
Heres how you rescue the situation...
Call her and apologize.
Tell her you had a really hard time at work this week/that day.
You knew that you would be super irritable and just wanted some downtime away from everyone.
Apologize for being rude, but be stern in explaining to her that you just needed some time to yourself to decompress/relax through reading (something you havent done in a while).
You do sound like an asshole in the texts though
I think he meant pretty
>engaged
>not even living together
what the fuck lmao
Lol having such toxic dynamics. This relationship is over
I totally get u OP, if she calls u every day just to talk random bs about her day and ur just saying yes and sure and she did not etc.
It gets boring fast and she doesnt call because she misses her bf so much and wants romantic in-depth conversations like some ppl here suggest, no its become a habit for her and she uses ur time to spout her nonsense to.
However I basically messaged the same to 2 girls when I was dating them, but they will take it as if you dont pay attention to them every second when they want it you dont love them, and our relation was over pretty quickly after. You have to be a bit more discrete with the message and shower them with compliments until their ego is satisfied and u can finally relax.
The things we do for sex
lol this guy has never apologized in his life. why start now?
yep
Update: I called her yesterday morning at work and we talked over everything. I told her I just need some 'me time' every now and then and I didn't mean to make her feel like i didn't value her. We talked again at night and she told me that she felt like I was getting annoyed of her or needed space from her but I assured her that's not what it was and I just need time for myself every once in awhile. We're on the same page now and she also understands where I was coming from as well.
that’s how you lose your gf. whats the point of marrying someone you dont even want to talk to on the phone? if you keep this up shes gonna find herself another man to talk to on the phone
Why are you even apart from your fiance?
How old are you two?
btw freshly married people fight a lot, it's a thing
Op you are just asking to get cheated on, relationships take work, you asked for this.
>all of this schoolgirl-logic and whiteknighting
Why can't women not be the center of attention for a few hours?
And when you don't put up with their pestering, trying to call themselves the """""victim""""".
Why would you want to talk to anyone unless they have something important (i.e. leads to pleasure, food, or money) to say.
What the fuck ever happened to the virtue of silence?
Why not avoid the fight by making a short call and then stop texting.
"my phone is running low on battery, I have to go, have a nice evening" is a better way to get a evening to yourself instead of keep texting her inflammatory statements that sounds like you are ending things and then refusing to talk to her so she can hear the tone of your voice while you say things.
Call her tonight bro, you're entitled to your own time but if you're engaged she should take at least some special precedent.. I'm not taking an SJW approach but with my own girlfriend who is somewhat clingy and has high expectations for communication, it's easier to just humor her and talk to her for ten min and let her hear your voice and w/e and then you're off the hook. If you guys really love each other you'll work t out
What are you reading OP ?