My gf and I have always been on different "levels" in life. I make about triple what she does. I'm pretty slim and fit, but she calls herself "pudgy". That said, I still love her a lot and was planning on proposing soon. Less than a week ago, I bought her dream ring to the tune of $16k. I spent another $4k on the vacation I planned on using to propose. Then on Friday, I got hit with a bombshell.
I already owned a house when we met, so we moved in together easily enough. I've continued to pay all of the bills, so my gf has minimal living expenses. When I left for work on Friday, I found a Sheriff's Sale note taped to my door. It seems she "forgot" she owed thousands to her university, separate from the federal student loans she is still paying. Her car is due to be auctioned in one month, and she doesn't have the money to pay what she owes (now plus a bunch of fees and interest).
The level of irresponsibility to end up in her situation is stupidly far from how I live my life. On top of that, I'm now left in a really tough financial position. Her family is unable or unwilling to help her pay, so my options are either pay her debt for her, or let her go bankrupt. Obviously the second option isn't something I want to marry into.
How should I handle this situation? I love her a lot, but I'm now really questioning if I can live with someone who is capable of making such a large mistake. I also don't want to pay debts I have no responsibility for, especially when I've already spent so much money on her. On the other hand, I know if I don't help, she'll likely be without a car, job, and bankrupt next month.
Sell the ring and use that money to help her pay the debts. And wait for a while before proposing.
Jonathan Gray
She is totally and completely irresponsible and i’m afraid of what will happen if you have kids with her. Think about what the rest of your life will look like. Is she willing to get her butt in gear, be serious, and work hard to fix this and regain trust? She doesnt have mental issues that may have caused this (adhd, concussion?)
Ayden Gutierrez
idk what to tell you, man. If you still believe in marriage, and want to marry that particular girl, I guess you'd better pony up the dough before 'her debts' become 'our debts'
Anthony Cook
On one hand If you are serious about her being the woman of your life, take the bullet for her.
On the other hand Being with someone who is economically uneatable or irresponsible might lead to situations in the future you don't want to be in. In other words, if she handle her own money what tells you she would be able to handle yours?
The intention was for her to pay off her student loans, and then live off of my income so she could stay home after we had kids. Obviously this is the complete opposite direction, and I agree completely irresponsible. I thought I had made it pretty easy for her by continuing to pay all of the bills, sans some groceries she'd buy.
>She doesnt have mental issues that may have caused this (adhd, concussion?) No mental issues. The story is she knew she owed money for a semester several years ago when she was in school, but supposedly forgot over time. She claims she received no notice of the debt or from the court leading up to this, which also concerns me, because I imagine the school would hire a collections agency before paying a lawyer to file a case against her.
>In other words, if she handle her own money what tells you she would be able to handle yours? This is mostly what scares me, per the above single-income remark.
Mason Gonzalez
OP you own your home? This is simple issue to fix Get a Home equity line of credit to pay off her loans, and have her pay you back the monthly payment for it. In the meantime just teach her about personal finance. Have to figure out how to redpill her only one time, no need to ruin all your chances with that person because of this
Jose Hughes
holy fucking shit is pussy really that expensive? is like I am reading about some idiot throwing all of his money in the garbage.
Carter Sanchez
The fact that you prefaced your post with all that egostroking tells me you shouldn't marry this woman
Alexander Murphy
Look, if you didn't know she was like that, it's way too early to get married. I'm speaking from experience - getting divorced is a pain in the ass. You don't actually need to get married to succeed as a couple, and if you end up failing, the consequences are far easier to deal with.
Brayden Cook
I can pay without a loan or selling anything. I guess I was looking for another option or opinion, but I know there isn't one.
>egostroking They're all things she said to me actually, when she expected me to break up with her when I came home from work on Friday.
Dominic James
>she claims she recieved no notice of the debt or from the court
shes lying and completely stupid.wouldnt you freak out and seek legal action or at least call people if you werent notified about this sort of thing? Did she move around a lot and forgot which address she used? Sit her down and have her to call them (with you present) about why she didnt recieve any notifications.
Charles Rivera
that pic, damn
For one it sounds shady. Taped to your door? Do you live in Chucklefuck, Moronsville? Anything of any remote official nature in my country must be mailed to you. We've had a few easily-quashed waves of scammers, because anyone you ask will tell you: anything formally addressed to you with any level of contractual nature will end up at your mailing address as a mailed letter. If it does not, you have a case of not 'being notified.'
That all aside-- and I'm sure you've pursued that anyway-- you need to sit down and talk to her. It's a big situation and we can't really fill in blanks that she should be filling. We also can't say if she's consistently a fuckup, if this is one big mistake, if this is a product of something-- really, only she has any definite answer.
I think you need to figure it out with her, not us.
Aiden Moore
Help her out a little bit, just enough so she won't be bankrupt, and break things off. She's not going to change, she will be a constant financial drain on you.
Daniel Gomez
Refund that vacation OP. The chances of you ever recovering from her debt that YOU choose to take on is slim to none. But, keep that ring for your next girlfriend
Logan Bennett
Stop picking low hanging fruit you wannabe pedo
Carter James
Stop going giving her expensive items and pay for vacations and stuff. You wa t to date her seriously, her baggage cones with. Make a decision. You want a lazy pudgy girl that drains you?
Aaron Cox
This is quite easy.
If you really love her and believes she loves you let her go bankrupt.
For the future you control the finances. Never let her take on any financial responsibility.
Make her aware this has to be the arrangement.
If you both agree to this you actually can have a great marriage.
Oliver Wright
lol faggot
Financial instability -> shitty marriage -> divorce -> financial problems get 100x worse -> entire life is dominated by the consequences of having bad sex a few times.
This has been playing all around me on a loop my entire life. Relatives, employers, neighbors, people who just happen to live nearby; there is always massive damage and the damage always spills far beyond the boundaries of the actual family getting divorced. "We'll just get married and stuff will get easier" is drunk on Disney movies. Expectations get higher and penalties for not meeting them get harsher.
Jason Lopez
>getting married >getting married to someone functionally retarded
Austin Bailey
Don't be so short sighted.
He already states that he earns more and has done more.
If he takes charge, like a man should, she can contribute in many other ways except looking after the money and building wealth.
All you fags can't do it on your own. You need your woman to help you make it.
Nathaniel White
Leave negro, life is too short to be having people like her tieing you down and why did you spend so much money on her like an idiot
Michael Miller
I'm kind of surprised everybody is so against her because she forgot about an expense. Don't get me wrong I've been in a relationship like this. I had a girlfriend that kept going on about how desperate she was to move out yet kept buying stupid shit and bought a dog when she already had several she ignored. She was $2000 in debt to her mum and she showed no plans of saving. The difference is she wasn't trying to save. Having student fees and the like seems very different. You already seem like you've decided she's not good enough. That might be fair. Maybe your expectations are quite different to hers. I guess it's up to you what you value. Materialistic measure or the love and companionship of your partner.
Daniel Peterson
Keep in mind that marriage is fundamentally about money. It's there for the purpose of joining finances, Not marrying doesn't mean you don't love her or can't be with her. Be careful about common-law marriages though, some places the courts can decide you're on the hook for her debts if she lives with you.
Caleb Gonzalez
OP may I ask you how much you're earning and your age? How did you do to achieve such success to be able to buy fucking $16K ring? I'm in somehow difficult situation so your advices might help
Thanks
Jordan Murphy
>spend 16k on a piece of jewelry >call your girlfriend financially irresponsible retard
Adam Bailey
You claim that you are making a lot of money and she is making a lot less. Clearly money would be something you have discussed at some point.
Now, if you don't want her to leech of you or marry you for your money, stop spending so much money on her.
$20k on a proposal is a lot of money. You said you make 3x what she makes, Even if that means you make $150k and she makes $50k a year, $20k is too much on a symbol like that. How much are you planning to spend on the wedding? Are you paying for her loans too? Let's say you are willing to pay $150k for her loans, the wedding everything. Why would she stay with you? Give her everything she wants and she stops wanting you.
A better solution: Buy a second car (no, don't give her one), help her make a financial plan and THEN, find out if you really want to merge your finances with this girl.
Kayden Hernandez
>i bought her dream ring to the tune of 16k sorry to derail your thread but i'm 21 and naive but what's the point of doing this? i would never do such a thing nor i would be remotely attracted to someone who has a 'dream ring' that costs that much.
Christian Brooks
Sorry to just intrude on your topic OP but I've got to ask, how did you and your GF meet? The blokes in my area may start off nice in smalltalk but eventually it becomes clear they're just hoping for a cheap lay or to maybe leech off of me, no matter their financial background. Even as a financially-secured person, I'd prefer to meet someone equally willing to invest in a relationship.
Kayden Smith
So some good news. Her dad is going to help her pay the debt. We had a long talk about finances, and we worked out a budget for her to pay her dad back and eliminate any unnecessary expenses she had. She seems to be taking fixing this very seriously, so I think we can work things out if she keeps this up.
>OP may I ask you how much you're earning and your age? I'm 29 and make 150k. I work in IT, but specialized in pharma and FDA regulatory work, which pays really well.
>Sorry to just intrude on your topic OP but I've got to ask, how did you and your GF meet? This probably won't help you much, but we met on a cruise.
Parker Moore
>Make 150K but spend 16K on ring
Op your priorities are fucked up
Dominic Rogers
How long have you been together? It's good that her father is offering to help her. Imo, if you haven't been living together or have been dating for less than 1-2 years, I think it would be financially unwise to settle her debt for her. I would definitely hold off on the proposal as well until after you have seen what it is like to live together to make sure that she is responsible and the person you want to be tied to financially for the rest of your life. Remember, once you are married, her mistakes become yours.
Isaac Sullivan
>She claims she received no notice of the debt or from the court leading up to this, which also concerns me, because I imagine the school would hire a collections agency before paying a lawyer to file a case against her. To be fair, I've heard of this happening before. Universities can really fuck you over with things like that.
I don't know your girlfriend though, not saying she's necessarily telling the truth, but it's possible
