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Did she cheat on me, Jow Forums ?
Daylight savings time is a government conspiracy to steal time from us. They steal an hour of our time each year because they want people to die faster so they can depopulate the earth, and the people who are left will be more easily controlled
Yes, but that's not what I asked.
Yeesh, dude, these are the kinds of thoughts that you should keep to yourself. There's no indication here that she cheated on you, but if this is common behavior for you, you drove her away. You should NEVER send a message like that to somebody you're dating
I'm not saying she's blameless, she probably could've defused this by responding earlier, but come on man. You have to be a little more solid than that
well she does not give a singular fuck about you as you give a shitfuck tonne more fucks about her
>i really want to make this work
>if you're bored with me
>just want you to be happy
>lol just be my friend
she's seeing if she can fuck you by having your time and care without letting you fuck her, what the fuck are you doing? it doesn't matter if this girl cheated on you or not, you fucked it and she's become a girl who you deserved to be disrespected by
leave her, she's already cut the mental ties that make her actually love you
No user, she murdered your baby.
You get that hour back in spring. They only steal your time in winter.
You may never find out user, shame she jumped at the opportunity for a guilt free get-out.
I would assume she didn't, I would also move on completely, don't look back and defo don't go back, it never works.
Chalk it up and move forwards! Gl
We've been dating for two years and I know she has a history of it but I've never once brought it up before.
She's just been so distant for like the last month.
Can't tell one way or another. But she is definitely trying to break up with you, and she's too scared to just do it.
I don’t participate in daylight savings time. I refuse to set my clocks forward. I’ve been late for work every day this week, but I don’t care. The government doesn’t get to tell me what to do with my clocks.
Good on you, a true patriot.
Traffic lights are also a government conspiracy which is why I don’t obey those either, and I also only use my turn signal when I feel like it. The government isn’t allowed to tell me what to do with my car. I don’t need some stupid light to tell me when to stop and go. I’ll stop and go whenever I feel like it.
Don't be hysterical over text, especially as a male.
>I know she has a history of it
Well that's fair enough, but if you can't trust her you just shouldn't be with her. If you find yourself becoming a paranoid emotional wreck like this, it's just time to break it off clean, the relationship has become more bad than good. I can't blame you, I would not be with somebody if I knew they had a history of cheating.
That wall of text is seriously beta
*writes you a ticket*
nothing personell, lolbert
Def looking like she wants an easy out, but I wouldn't jump to conclusions.
Also p bad form to ask a question like that over text. Now you've pissed her off, AND she knows you suspect. You want to actually get a better clue, you very calmly ask her in person. If it's unexpected, you might catch her off-guard, but, again, you've already showed your hand.
I think she is involved with other male, maybe a better man (a chad), and she thinks you are a good person and wants to have you around in case chad leaves her or just to use you. Don't be a cuck and cut all contact with her
When you get to the point you are begging for her not to cheat on you even you know she cheated. She at least didn't lie or deny but only ignored your plea.
Anyway, even if she hasn't yet the relationship is already over so stop trying to hold on.
Are you ignoring she came right out and asked for a civil breakup? It doesn't matter the reason. The relationship is over. I guess guys like you and OP believe as long as you don't know if the cheated the relationship is somehow salvageable. Its not, its over, she has said so.
Solution? Move to shitty Arizona. Some parts here don’t do daylight savings time. Only blessing about this dump.
I'd wager on yes. you offered her an out if she cheated and she took that out without question, that screams cheating in my book. don't actively engage but keep her in you back pocket, she used you so you can use her back at a later date, in the mean time fuck her best friend and find someone twice as attractive as her and make her feel like shit by making her meet your new girl
sounds like you're a bit overbearing and she can't muster up the courage to break up with you
just let her go, user
>keep her in you back pocket
user, that only works if OP doesn't give a shit for her but he is emotionally invested and will get hurt even more.
>doesn't answer with a direct no-- follows up with some strawman immediately
She wants your attention away from the word 'cheating.' He didn't put his dick in her but he did put SOMEthing in her, she's just not gonna tell you what.
And future reference, bucko, if you ever get a couple lines to a wall of text with someone you're considered to be emotionally involved with-- it's 100% one-sided. You're not amazing or anything to her, she just doesn't want to be the 'bad person' who dumped your ass cold.
I've never been overbearing, this exchange was out-of-character for me. I was just fucked up because two months ago I was considering proposing to her.
Everything was totally fine, great even, until like 3ish weeks ago when she just kinda stopped talking to me, stopped coming over. I didn't want this to drag on longer than it needs to.
I'm just going to let her go.
I'm not trying to salvage it. I don't know, maybe I don't even want to know if she did. It's just so fucking sudden
Harsh, but fair.
looking like a needy BITCH with these texts
>do you still want to fuck sometimes?
At the risk of sounding like a MASSIVE FAGGOT...
I don't even care about the sex. Sex is easy to get. Feels are fucking hard.
Well yeah you do sound like a massive faggot. Text her that and keep it in your back pocket
You fucked up by immediately insinuating 'cheating' without any factual evidence of it and ergo potentially cause your own ruination to the relationship onward. I think you simply weren't acknowledging her stress and other factors and decided to emulate a sort of idealized romance than anything. And more importantly, you probably still acted as if you were friends than lovers.
Then, text with a reply of: "you are currently what I deserve, I want to be by your side so you won't have to combat your stress or any other internalize struggles alone. We come together by gravitating closer, not further." Something cheesy and cliche like that. Mention you don't want to distance the relationship ect cetera. Probably get her wet too.
There is no relationship onward.
user, you should be wary of people trying to shame you for expressing how you feel. When you're in a multi-year relationship with someone and the connection that you have with that someone is pulled out from beneath your feet, as has been done, this is the result. There's no shame in expressing your feelings regarding this situation. You sensed the distance and you know something was dreadfully wrong as the connection between you and her was being severed. You reacted in a way you need to in order to save the relationship.
You asked if your relationship was ok and you didn't receive a response. When you tried to test the connection you were met with the void which is why you made an emotional appeal to her. In your gut you knew it was the end which is why you are hurting in these texts. That she broke up with you over texts instead of face to face after a two years together shows how she values the relationship.
Her lack of empathy is shown here as she believes she can have her cake and eat it too by keeping you as a friend while I can 100% guarantee that she has someone else she's pursuing. This shows that she thinks you will stay as a member of her harem while she entwines herself with another man.
Relationships are powered by mutual trust and the trust in your relationship has been broken. You trust your partner to communicate with you but when you asked a question about the state of your relationship you were ignored and left to stew in your own mind. Instead of being honest with you she's more worried about losing as an object of possession than your feelings as a human being.
user, you should cut her off completely, go full no contact and heal from this. Her decision is made, now let her know what it's like to not enjoy her cake as much as she was expecting by keeping you like a dog on a leash while she "finds herself" in the bed of someone that's not you.
It sounds more like she's just exhausted with you. In one paragraph you managed to barrage her with fear, guilt tripping, anxiety, insecurity, groveling and several instances of self-deprecation. Even after she clearly communicated with you that this relationship is getting too much for her and she wants to crank things down all you can manage to hit her with is "Did you cheat on me?". It kind of communicates that the only thing in the relationship you've truly managed to fixate on is your own anxieties. My intention is not to be cruel to you, OP, but this is the most honest analysis I can give you. If this interaction is any indication of what your relationship as a whole is like then chances are she's just really tired of navigating your constant fears and can't do it anymore. After a long enough time the resentment builds and it honestly feels like (especially with throwing in things like "I can't sleep because of all these things you are making me feel") you're being held hostage by your partner's dysfunction. Its a terrible, burdensome feeling to know that the person you are with is having all these crazy fears and anxieties and psychiatric issues and that you are directly responsible at any given moment for helping them with those emotions. Its too much, OP. I think you should let this woman go and go into some therapy and work on yourself. It really sounds as though you have a lot of shit to work on before you can truly be a stable figure in someone's life.
I'm sorry but this is terrible advice. Its extremely dangerous to encourage OP to deal with his feelings by using them as guilt weapons against his girlfriend. There were infinitely better ways to deal with this situation other than to pelt her with fear, anxiety, guilt and self-deprecation. You try to portray her as lacking empathy but that kind of perspective can really only come from someone who has never been in a relationship with an emotional straight-jacket. If you had ever been in a relationship with someone who was constantly afraid and anxious and agonizing over whether or not you were happy or whether or not you cheated on them or why you weren't as close to them as you wanted them to be then you would know simply how exhausting it can be.
Her actions speak, breaking up over text is lacking empathy for your partner, especially after two years together. This isn't a Tinder fling. Neither you nor I know the extent of the relationship or whether or he was smothering, what we are witnessing, however, is the tail end of their relationship and from what I've seen here she does not respect him as a partner in a relationship. I've seen better treatment from 3 month flings than a breakup through text after two years together.
Have you been met with the silent treatment after asking a question regarding the fate of your relationship with someone you have spent this much time with? What happens after someone is met with this type of silence is the eruption of all of your insecurities which comes out without your conscious control. This is what happened after she decided not to talk to him and let him stew in his insecurities overnight, a cruel thing to do to a partner. This is a psychological Judo moved used by destructive personalities to point the finger at people who have emotions to gaslight them into believing they are unstable when they have only poured too much into a relationship with someone who didn't deserve that energy.
Breakups are full of emotions and this pelting your talking about is what happens during a breakup where one or both sides are hurt. She had been distancing herself and not communicating for a month and user, instead of confronting it early, let it boil over. This is the result. I don't see this as dangerous, emotional outbursts are natural when you're in a state of suffering, him playing it cool for a month is what's dangerous because it built up to the point of exploding.
>It's not you, It's me
oh it's definitely you
No it's not, it takes two people to make a relationship. Don't put all of it on him, this is the result of these two people coming together.
>Her actions speak, breaking up over text is lacking empathy for your partner, especially after two years together.
Its really easy to sit from the outside of their relationship and judge the empathy of her actions but, taking a page from your book, all we are witnessing is the tail end. Neither you nor I know the context of their relationship or whether or not meeting face to face and breaking up is something that would have been easier for either of them.
>Neither you nor I know the extent of the relationship or whether or he was smothering
>Have you been met with the silent treatment after asking a question regarding the fate of your relationship with someone you have spent this much time with?
>Breakups are full of emotions and this pelting your talking about is what happens during a breakup where one or both sides are hurt.
See, the problem is that you're making the much less realistic assumption that OP has been perfectly composed and emotionally mature during this relationship and now during the tail end of it her poor behavior has caused him to suddenly become this anxious, insecure, guilt-tripping mess. This doesn't really make any sense. Additionally, your perspective completely absolves him of any kind of responsibility for where he has ended up. You've chosen to lay 100% of the blame for both of their behaviors on her and that's just absurd. Its HER fault for not communicating. Its HER fault for him being anxiety ridden and a poor communicator. Its HER fault for forcing him to dump all of his fear and anxiety on her like a front-loader. At the very least my advice came with some input on what he could do to mitigate these kinds of things in the future and become more stable and secure in relationships. Your perspective leaves him absolutely no recourse or room for improvement because, according to you, this whole thing is her fault.
They all do.
You're making the assumption that people in relationships are supposed to be composed and stable at all times regardless of the need for proper expression of feelings that will break this supposed composure. This perpetual state of composure can only be likened to a fantasy. Your stable life doesn't exist except in stories and movies, it's unnatural and perpetual stability and composure will lead to psychic death of those within the relationship or the death of the relationship itself as perpetual composure is rigidty and rigidity is death in its purest form.
Human relationships are an exemplification of life itself, life is not static, composed, or something that doesn't have ups and downs, vibrations, oscillations, peaks, troughs and explosions. Relationships exhibit all the dynamics of the energy of this reality, energy that has created this universe and the power which flows through you as you read this text.
I'm not here to blame anyone, I've pointed out aspects which point to her nature so OP knows what happened. My nature is to come to the defense of those trodden over and the OP is being shamed in this thread. Shame and guilt are both destructive emotions and I will not let him be walked over while he's in a beaten down state. I'm not here to shame her or guilt her, her actions are her nature. You're assuming I'm blaming her for her actions and demonizing her, I'm not. Their relationship dynamic has plenty of points showing that of a codependent/dark triad relationship. Her history of infidelity and his overflow of emotions show this clearly. Now you may see this as blame but this isn't, this is a statement of a relationship dynamic, a dynamic that isn't healthy for either person. There are no all good or all bad people, we are all a mixture of both with tendencies to evoke more light or dark. The entirety of the spectrum is within all human beings and it's in her as well even if she tends to evoke the darker aspects of humanity.
For added context, we never really exchanged any kinds of negative emotions. We honestly never even had anything more than a minor disagreement and everything was handled amicably the entire time. She remarked a few times that I wasn't very emotional and asked me to be more open about my feelings and I tried to do that. She suffers from mild depression and I always tried to be there for her, but usually at the cost of my own mood. I'm not saying it was selfish of her but it did become a little taxing on me. I was ready to be that rock for her though.
I know this is the internet and you're likely to disbelieve me, but trust was also always really strong between us. I never lied to her about anything (or anything minor) and I thoroughly believe that up until recently, she hadn't lied to me either.
Maybe she's never lied to me at all, but simply stopped telling me things so she didn't have to.
A few weeks before things started ot go downhill, I discovered that in the beginning stages of our relationship, before dating, she'd still been seeing her last boyfriend and only broke things off with him when she started to develop feelings for me. She worded it differently, but she told me that herself.
So as of a month ago, I'm left knowing that she cheated on her last ex with me, doesn't offer any information about her activities (I hardly ever asked because we had such a strong repore, she mostly just told me all about her day when we'd talk) and additionally doesn't seem as interested in seeing me as she was previously. I'm a pretty stable guy and as I said above, this was admittedly very out-of-character for me.
Only about a week ago we had a bit of a talk where we talked about how a little of the spark was gone since we've both been so busy (my masters and her new job) but the end of that conversation was that we both agreed to try harder to make time for each other and pick fun ideas of things to do.
I guess she didn't want to try anymore :(
I believe there was mutual trust, especially on your side of the relationship, however, even in a destructive relationship there's a form of mutual trust at work as well. I'm seeing more evidence pointing to the codependent/narcissist relationship which I described earlier but I need a little more information.
How did her ex come up in the conversation a few weeks ago? It's a common narcissistic tactic to bring a third-party into the relationship as a form of devaluation before a discard. This third-party is usually an ex or a potential new partner.
Did she start making small digs at your insecurities during the last month? Digs that came off as a supposed to joke to her but hurt you?
It seemed like she knew the end was coming as she prepped the ground for the breakup by bringing up her previous infidelity just weeks before she discarded you. I use the term discarded here because it's not a breakup when it's done through text in such a fashion, that's a discard. Her talk with you to plan to reignite the relationship was the final groundwork before ending it, I don't think she had any intention of following through. As she said, she wants a "civil" breakup, so she's trying to ease you into it as to not hurt you because she does care about you to some extent. But she checked out awhile ago user, this is damage control because it would be unpleasant for her if you were to go no contact with her, which you should immediately, before she's well integrated with whomever you're being replaced with.
This out-of-character that you're mentioning doesn't exist, that you that hurts and has insecurities is also you, don't ignore it or try to pretend like it doesn't exist or as something that needs to be shoved in the closet. It will only feed these insecurities and lead to anxiety as you try to reconcile this out-of-character you that shouldn't exist. The best disinfectant is light, bring these feelings out into the light and integrate them.
>don't actively engage but keep her in you back pocket
Doesn't this just make you an orbiter?
>How did her ex come up
I can tell you with pretty good certainty it wasn't out of the blue. It was conversationally logical just happened to come up. She didn't explicitly tell me she cheated on him with me but the dates are spot on. She started having car trouble about a month into knowing and hanging out with her, which she finally got fixed. I guess her ex had held onto some part he'd bought for her and that delayed the repairs.
>Did she start making small digs
Never. Not even in jest. She wasn't always supportive, but was never demeaning.
Yeah, I'm not going to do that one. I'm also not the spiteful type. I don't need to "get back at her"
Understand, OP, that things exist outside of your perspective. Its not that I don't believe you, its just that your relationship has taken a steady nose dive but, according to you, everything was fine and everybody trusted each other and everything was stable. It just doesn't add up. My only suggestion to you is to do some soul searching. Really be honest with yourself about who you are in relationships and the things both of you have contributed to the downfall of this pairing. Everything was not as fine as you thought it was, OP. That much is obvious. Whether or not this particular relationship went sideways for reasons beyond your comprehension you do need to appreciate that bashing people over the head with your fears and anxieties is not a proper way to communicate. Guilt tripping your partners is not cool. Holding them responsible for your mental health is not cool. You could of done better, OP. Its nothing to be ashamed of, you just need to acknowledge it and work on it.
The overarching issue is you don't offer anything constructive. You've twisted every last bit of information OP has provided to make everything that has happened his girlfriend's fault. Your position is to defend OP from shame when, in reality, shame and guilt are unavoidable consequences, particularly when your behavior is as undesirable as OP's was. Ultimately, you have nothing constructive to offer because your confirmation bias is solely focused on denigrating OP's girlfriend and you refuse to hold him accountable for his shortcomings. You claim in one sentence that we can't make judgements because we only have a small view of their relationship and then in the next sentence you accuse her of an array of things based solely on your compulsion to paint her as the guilty party. Your nature to defend people who you view as victims has greatly skewed your ability to give constructive, objective advice.
Well, I will have to trust your recollection of events as I have no other option. I know that people in a destructive relationship don't know it until they've been outside of it for awhile but with all things there are gradients. This was a cold way to end a relationship though user, she really should have ended it by facing your hurt instead of being cowardly because heaven forbid if things become uncivil. Your intuitive instinct was that she was having an affair on you and those bursts of intuition happen for a reason. Something was drastically wrong with your relationship and you knew it in your gut.
My best advice to you is that you should tell her you're going no contact with her and stick with it. Remove her from all social media and do not respond to her for at least a few months if she reaches out. She needs to figure out what she wants and she needs to know what it's like to not have you there being her stone. If you love her and she loves you she will come back.. unfortunately this usually happens after bedding another guy but you'll have to make that call if and when that happens.
I understand that I'm not blameless (I'm not claiming that I am), but like I said we always had excellent communication. The only thing I can think of is that I needed to be there more for her on her bad days. She asked me if I could a while back and I'd been making a concerted effort to do so. Basically anything there was an issue, she told me or I told her before we really got a chance to internalize any resentment. Clearly something happened a month ago but without her asking me to fix it, I didn't know what it was. We had that talk a week ago and I really thought that's all it was.
I admit I don't have the best angle to observe whether or not there were abusive aspects to the relationship but if there were any, they were VERY subtle. My ex before her was an absolute terror in the abusive sphere so I definitely know what that's like, what the signs are, etc.
The breaking up over text is really the sticking point to me. What was so wrong that she couldn't talk to me about it?
For fucks sake, man the hell up OP! Please don't cheat me. Sheesh. Think about what you wrote there. You are with someone who you are pleading with not to cheat on you. Damn. Learn from this and get better.
Suck my dick.
>The breaking up over text is really the sticking point to me. What was so wrong that she couldn't talk to me about it?
Listen, OP. People are complicated. Emotions are strange. It would be great if we lived in a perfect world where everyone felt strong and confident enough to look people in the eye and communicate the unfiltered truth all of the time but that is a fantasy. Ultimately, you have no idea what is going on in this girl's head. I'm not here to say that breaking over text was the right decision. All I'm saying is that life and behavior is not as simple as we've like it to be. For some odd reason she just couldn't/wouldn't do it in person. Whether it be because she didn't feel strong enough, because she was exhausted with the relationship or she just didn't have the confidence to look you in the eye and say things what would hurt you. We don't know. The fact that it happened isn't important. What is important is learning to divorce your expectation of reality from what reality really is and the reality is that people are messy. Like I said, in a perfect world we'd all feel strong and confident all the time but that isn't the case. Something wrong happened in your relationship and, for better or worse, you both coped in less than desirable ways. You both own the responsibility for that. Its not really a matter of right and wrong. It just really isn't that simple when emotions are involved.
There are no objective human opinions, views, or judgements user. I will never claim to be objective.
Pointing out areas of interest that pointed toward a relationship dynamic can be called confirmation bias if you want it to be but I left the door open for input as I'm not sure. You're saying he's bashing her yet you don't empathize with his pain from the feeling of knowing his relationship was being destroyed over the past month. These events are mutually arising there's a dynamic here and both have a role to play. There was evidence of a codependent/narcissistic dynamic but now I have retreated from this position as new information has been provided. But I'm not going to prevent going down that path on the case that I might step on your toes or anyone else's.
Pointing out her darker traits is not blame, it just is. I see it as a natural occurrence and even a necessary one in life. I'm not twisting anything, your perception of reality differs from mine, I feel the interconnection of all life and I talk about it in this way. That you're feeling twisted up from my words is your perception of them.
I have provided user constructive advice twice, both of which are the healthiest thing for him to do, which is to go no contact and allow himself to heal. Either you didn't read that or you are unaware of the healing benefits of no contact after the end of a relationship. Your soul searching advice is vapid and absurd, unless you're using Zen tactics of setting someone searching for their own head only to lead them to enlightenment when they realize there was never head to be found. If so, I will give you credit as that's a masterful play.
never let a woman cuck you this bad.
>There are no objective human opinions
No, but there are opinions which are not heavily skewed towards one specific bias. Before we even got started in this thread you decided that OP was the victim and that his girlfriend was the guilty party and all of your advice has been compulsively fixated on that one narrative.
>Pointing out her darker traits is not blame
The only thing you know about this girl is the contents of the OP's picture. You are clearly seeing what you want to see.
>Your soul searching advice is vapid and absurd, unless you're using Zen tactics of setting someone searching for their own head only to lead them to enlightenment when they realize there was never head to be found.
There is nothing "zen" about introspection, user. It speaks volumes about your personal development if you genuinely think introspection is vapid and absurd. Its obvious that you refuse to be unseated from this obnoxious "girl bad guy good" narrative that you so desperately cling to so I just don't think there's anything left to discuss.
Guys chill, it's ok.
I genuinely don't believe there was any real abusive aspects to the relationship. I don't view being her rock as abusive, she's a big girl, I was just helping.
I know I need to do some introspection or I'll never understand what happened. It's just I wish she'd have tried to communicate it. It's harder and takes longer to find your own faults than for others to point them out, you have to admit that.
It’s over man, she wants to break up. It doesn’t matter if she cheated or not. I wish you well in your upcoming heartache. It’ll get better though
Supporting a partner emotionally is not abusive, you have nothing to worry about there OP. I hope you consider going no contact with her.
Oh lord, you have no idea what zen is user, if you knew you would know that what you've mentioned here is pretty silly. Although, I want to be careful here, because even though I'm well versed in zen, the essence of it can never be known nor put it into words. No language can do it justice, language is too rigid, music can get close but only to a degree. Anyway, that's an entirely different discussion.
You're using introspection and soul searching as a way to say that there's something wrong with OP and that he needs to get back to being this fantastical, normal, composed, lifeless person which you perceive to be the human ideal. Something, as I've mentioned previously that doesn't exist. Of course, if taken seriously, and to its bitter end, one, through introspection, will find that there was nothing to be found and they were it all along.
You're right about my initial impression, I decided, and by decided I mean being decisive in my actions, from what was presented in the initial text and user's posts that there was evidence of destructive relationship which, if you read my posts, were well founded until further information was provided.
Your good boy/bad girl theme is what you've conjured up. I see it as one working system she's the destructive element in this dynamic which cannot be denied as she provided the final destruction of this relationship while OP attempted to reanimate it. But destruction brings new life which is why I don't go blaming and shaming her. This is her role in this dynamic, if you feel like that's blaming and shaming her as evil then so be it. Without destroyers that can't be healers. OP will have new life and new relationships from this.
>I want to break up but can we still be friends
>You're amazing and I don't want to lose that
I think in theory maybe something like this could happen, but the way it's written out just seems so disingenuous. I can't seem to put it in words besides "it's bullshit/insulting."
Can someone else elaborate how it's insulting?
It's a way of letting OP down gently to keep things "civil". If she was genuinely amazed by him she would have showed up to say this to him in person. The insult which you're picking up comes from her lack of action to back up her words. It's best to be honest with how you feel even if that honesty causes pain, but that's a quality that takes some people a lifetime to learn.