>felt really fucking fat during the night, like I was drowning in fatness, after a fast food binge
>woke up today
>browse internet, drink coffee
>have two large shits, feel a lot better
>get rejected from job I had an interview for last week
>go outside
>drive around pointlessly, walk around park I hadn't been to since childhood
>place was smaller than I remembered; felt pathetic being in a place I hadn't been to for 14 years, like I was childishly clinging on to a zero responsibility time
>currently drinking Starboocks
>not sure what else I'll do
It's a sunny day. This is exactly like one of those pointless, aimless, zero inspiration summer days. I simply have nothing to do and no motivation to do anything productive. I'm not in London anymore so I can't walk around and ride the tube and feel important, like some future great guy in his lost youth. Today, everyone worthwhile finishes Oxbridge at 21, does 2 years at McKinsey / IBD, then in to startups / private equity.
I should be happy because I have a good job lined up and lots of free time but I feel awful. I want to binge for the last time and postpone the start of my real life until tomorrow.
The idea of being a 9 to 5 wagecuck is depressing. That's life: all daylight hours forfeited.
I get £10 a day NEETbux but my bank balance is so low because of my binging. I'm such a perfect consumercuck. Keynes would be proud.
The boring pseudy book is within arms reach. I try not to think about it.
The past 5 years of my life have consisted of binging, procrastination of everything, feeling guilty about not doing anything and guilt about methods when I do anything, incel blackpill ideology (I wouldn't call it a pill, in my case it is vapourised and pumped through me like I'm wearing a Bane mask). I'm on track for millenial nu-poor-middle class mediocrity, but without the social life or Instagram travelling.
The IQ meme got to me. Now if I don't find anything easy, I see it as pointless for me to try.
