I moved to the city where nobody knows, but my dirty secret is always with me. I don’t seem to get over completely. Sometimes I feel like I’m lying to the world about my true self. It’s so shameful I can’t share it with the only human that loves me and even wants to spend his life with me. And I really don’t want to share, I did no harm, nothing immoral, yet extremely repulsive drunk college situation made public. After years it doesn’t seem to affect me, but what if this trauma is like a time bomb in me, spreading destructive miasms in my subconscious, making me live like not deserving anything good in life, predisposing me to fail?
How did the most shameful experience of your life affect you? How did it form you? Did it take away something from you? Please share your thoughts and advice.
How to deal with extreme shameful experience?
I love the stripes on mackerel
I'm ashamed of a good decade or so of my life. Even more so a recent few. Things have been on the up lately through my own effort and I was feeling pretty confident. Unfortunately, all the insecurity and shame came flooding back because of a girl who made me realise that I've still got a hell of a way to go to make up for many wasted years.
It hurts more because I think I've ruined the chance of anything more developing between us as a result.
Do you like feet user?
Why do you think it's ruined? What happened?
Combination of her realising I'm in a pretty uncertain place in life and probably can't be what she wants any time soon and me being reticent due to related insecurities. She's too together to risk it with me.
Things hit a wall and we've not met alone for a while. Can't stop thinking about her but it's not doing me any good.
Well user just get over it
I appreciate your delicacy.
I’m not concerned about major reputation stuff (like status, achievements, good looks etc). But what I did was borderline taboo (well, not borderline). Have you ever heard about people pissing or shitting themselves in drunk sleep? I think every (even most edgy) person on the planet (except the most devoted GG Allin fans) will be utterly repulsed hearing something like that about real person they know. It changes perception rather dramatically, and you feeling it now. And even though I have my exuses who need them in that kind of shit.
Still thinking through your post. Thank you.
You're afraid. She probably noticed you're pulling back. Women are super sensitive to these sorts of things.
Go out on a limb. I bet she likes you and it will pay off.
You love her?
TF happened with the post I replied to
>Have you ever heard about people pissing or shitting themselves in drunk sleep?
Yes, actually. It's not that uncommon. I think you need to learn to laugh at yourself. Accept that what happened was to a worse version of you, not you as you are. I've gotten over a few embarassing moments that make me physically cringe that way.
>You're afraid.
Deathly. I confidently dove in to a freezing pool and now I'm feeling the effect.
>Go out on a limb.
I plan to do something to clear this uncertainty next time I see her.
Probably early to say that, maybe it's infatuation, but I obviously have pretty significant feelings for her hence all this worry.
Anyway, sorry for hijacking OP. Hope you can work through it.
That repulsion you speak to is your own repulsion. Everyone has a friend of a friend (if not a friend) who has shit themselves drunk. People aren't making a huge deal about it if you aren't.
Hahaha oh god, that's all it is? If I'm following what's going on, you shouldn't feel as embarrassed about the original incident as for caring about it.
Either way - I've got a friend, when you search for his name online it comes up with articles that make him look like a complete monster. I knew him at the time the articles were written. He was a pretty nice guy, he just made a mistake. And his life was ruined, whether he wanted it to happen in some sort of guilt-driven penance or not. It sounds like you have a choice, though, OP. Even if you don't, the past is gone. The future may not come. Make good choices in the here and now. A mind that is only occupied with compassion and love is a blameless mind. So go pick up some litter or some shit until you feel better, and don't feel any need to nail yourself to some cross telling people about your "sins".
Thank you.
I hope you’ll learn more about that place she wants you to be in, maybe you’re not far and maybe there’s no place at all.
Wise words. I’ll be reading these in my bad days. Thank you! I’m working on my meditation and want to serve the humanity. I don’t have to nail myself to that cross.
But how exactly your freand’s life was ruined?
> nothing immoral
>drunk college situation
Pick one, degenerate.
Statutory. They got a warrant for that and ten minutes later it was "predator contacted over 100 girls!" most of whom were within a couple years of his age.
What the guy did was definitely wrong. But he wasn't a "predator", he was less mature than the girls most of the time. He was doing what everyone did before this century. Still bad, still gross, he deserved to do some time. But I miss him, wish I knew where he was now.
This is insane! I hope he’s able to have a good life.
>>Go out on a limb.
>I plan to do something to clear this uncertainty next time I see her.
Good luck user. I hope this guy I have a thing for at work does the same. Seems like everyone is talking about us, but all I want is to talk to him.
It's 2019, you can talk to him you know?
I gave him my number. I feel like the ball is in his court.