I'm really hurting, but I feel like it was the right decision. I’m having trouble separating normal stuff from the red flags. I’ll post some greentext so you get an idea of the stuff that went down after the 3 month mark of our 5 month relationship, not all of it is negative.
>it's my birthday >she puts in effort and makes first part of my day nice, pays for lunch >I get home and she lit some candles and shit >we cuddled a bit and I said I wanted some ice cream and food so I went to the store, gone for 15 mins >get back and she's shut down and doesn't want to cuddle, is upset that I left >next two days are shit, she breaks up with me and then begs for me back and we give it another shot >still thinks it was wrong for me to leave
>we agree to hang out on a saturday >don’t agree on any specific time >I get there around 3:30 pm >she gets upset because the previous times I came between 1 and 2 pm >causes a fight, day ruined >later admits she was wrong
Parker Parker
this happened twice >had plans >not feeling well the day of >tell her I’m going to stay home and rest >she shuts down, gets upset, and leaves >never admits that was a shitty thing to do
Sebastian Hernandez
>no higher education >still lives with her parents at 25, but is working on school >sleeping at her parents’ place >house always cold >bathroom always smells like bleach >her mom doesn’t want me to shower there >she has a single bed >always sleep terribly there >she says she feels like I am not comfortable there >mention aforementioned problems >she says she can get an air mattress and I can sleep in her bed
Jordan Wright
She made an effort to indulge you and you put ice cream over her. Yeah, that was a dick move. But obviously she has read a whole bunch of stuff into your actions. Like you wanting to get away from her, not loving her, not giving a fuck about her putting in effort, yadda yadda. It‘s a shit but it‘s what almost all people do. Solely someone‘s capable of separating someone‘s actions from their interpretation of the meaning of said actions.
>sleeping at her parent’s place again >she sleeps on the air mattress, I offer to sleep on it but she says no >ask her for a pillow case for my pillow >she gets upset that I need yet another thing, says I’m not flexible >she finally reluctantly gets me a pillow case and we go to sleep
Aaron Roberts
*seldomly
Jayden Gomez
some other misc stuff >don’t have much in common >disagree on a lot of stuff >easily gets snappy when she is upset by something >tends to shut down when she is upset and causes 1-2 days of suffering >tends to make big problems out of little things >we live around 25 mins apart by car, she mostly drove to my place during our relationship >would usually pick me up from the train station when I went to her place >she had cancer and got out of an 8 year relationship 2 years ago >not very athletic or into physical fitness
Christian Roberts
Alright I get that for sure, and I think that's what she felt, but the evening was ruined after and not salvageable at all. I was still down to cuddle and enjoy what she had prepared.
Dylan Mitchell
he was gone for 15 minutes? are you high? I think you dodged a bullet OP. It'll hurt for a while, 5 months isn't too harsh to lose. Chin up.
Alexander Ortiz
Alright, thanks for the reply man.
Gabriel Gray
She's got BPD like my ex OP. You did the right thing. She would have sucked your soul.
James Wilson
Yeah I had an ex with BPD too before her, I guess it just manifested itself differently and I didn't see it. Thank you for your reply.
Bentley Wilson
you were really smart in getting out so i thought you had a lot of self worth or experience. have a good life don't look back.
Kayden Smith
thanks man, really wholesome thread.
Luke Scott
>feels like you don‘t love her >doesn‘t want to cuddle
Whoa whoa, who could have seen that coming? Ofc it was her „fault“ for interpreting it this way, but reading into what others do is what most people do. Probably including you, so don‘t get too self-adulating.
Gabriel Wood
But do you think leaving for 15 mins on my birthday to go to the grocery store was a bad thing to do? Something that would warrant a reaction like that?
Easton Peterson
So she fucking broke up with you because you wanted to get some ice cream?
Jace Davis
It was resulting from the whole ordeal the day before and he not feeling like I understood why it bothered her so much and being afraid that we would break up in the future anyway, but if you summarize it, yeah.
Blake Gomez
She sounds very clingy and insecure. I can understand why that might not work for you. Sounds like you did the right thing.
Grayson Moore
Debatable. You don‘t know what her plans were for you two. Maybe she has gotten nice new underwear and was trying to seduce you and instead you jumped up because you needed ice cream EIGHT NOW like a little boy. You could surely have waited another two hours until her „special treatment“ was over. Maybe then she would have gladly accompanied you and it would have been a pleasant day all around.
However, it might entirely be possible that you did nothing „wrong“. The issue i just how she interpreted your actions (the same issue caused almost all the greentexts you posted). You seem to completely fail to understand how this made her feel rejected or undesirable or like you don‘t value the effort she put in making your bday special. Not saying that‘s what you intentioned, but clearly that‘s what she got out of you leaving to get ice cream. Ofc it would also be her responsibility to mature and stop interpreting other‘s behavior and then act on those interpretations as truths. But you can not expect people to be mature, most aren‘t even remotely close, you included. I‘m just telling you this so you can reflect on your relationship and learn a few lessons so you don‘t keep repeating the same mistakes over and over like so many people. Often times when you feel intense (negative) emotions, the roots aren‘t someone‘s actions but your interpretations of said actions. For example: if you feel like you (((deserve))) a promotion at work but you get passed over for brad from sales. You could interpret that as „them not valueing your efforts“, when in fact maybe brad‘s personality just matched the position better. Now you feel unvalued, frustrated, overqualified, underpaid, angry, resentful and so on and you‘ll probably blame on your asshole bosses. But maybe this tendency to interpret and act on it is exactly why brad got the promotion and not you.
Jonathan Garcia
RUN Run faster!. Both of you needs to pull the heads out of the rear ends.... Life is much more simple than these micro nonsense arguments. In a relationship both people need to be willing and understanding and if one part can hold a grudge over something as simple as ice cream and being separated for 5-10 or however many minutes. then obviously not ready to commit to a relationship. If one person is playing childish activities like some of the ones you described then consider yourself lucky for only wasting 5 months and not 5 years. trust me it only gets worse if it is not right from the start then it never will be. Also In my experience if a relationship is off and on and constantly taking a break or separating for periods of time it will get worse every time you return into the relationship as future fights will hold the animosity of that period when you separated. .... Next think of the future? What if you have a child and need to go out for 20 minutes to get diapers? is that going t be grounds for separating? I have been in the spot where a relationship was off and on and i have seen friends and family go threw it and I do not know anyone who has formed a relationship after breaking up. Do you know anyone who has married and become happy after breaking up with the same person 5 or 10 times?
Carson Garcia
That is very wise insight.
Matthew Phillips
>You could surely have waited another two hours until her „special treatment“ was over
Part of the problem was that the stores were closing within the next 30 minutes and in the moment it felt important to do on my birthday, but yeah I could've stayed and gotten it the next day. I also apologized for making her feel that way.
Yeah I agree with you about the root of the problem being how my actions were interpreted, and that's why I broke up with her. Sometimes my actions are simple and don't have any hidden meaning behind them, but she read into them and assumed stuff that wasn't true and then got upset. It's what caused pretty much all of our fights.
Thank you for your thoughtful response.
Julian Parker
Thank you for your insight. I definitely agree with the breaking up part; I don't know of any relationships that have survived more than 1 or 2 breakups.
