Evening guys, I'm back open and I'm here to listen to what's going on in your life. It's been a while and I had a lot of things going on, but I'm back this evening and I'll stick around as long as I can.
Tell me what you're having and what's on your mind, user.
Why couldn't an alien abduct me and show me the stars? I just want to blow spaceships up as a part of a great alien space armada. I hate my life on this dirtball.
What's wrong, user? Why do you hate life?
also give me a cosmo
Here you go. So, what's going on?
I feel really behind. I graduated in august (a year late) with a shitty degree and shitty gpa. I'm turning 25 this winter and I spent the past 6 months without a job living with my college boyfriend. Things got really bad and I moved out.
Now I'm in my mid-20s, living at my parents, friendless (i isolated myself over the course of the relationship), and my career is going nowhere. I'd say jobless but I just got hired for a retail gig because I need money for my loans. It's weird because I feel happy having gotten SOMETHING after months of unemployment, and I also can feel my personality and happiness coming back after leaving this codependent toxic as hell relationship but I also feel extremely behind in life. I'm not upset that I moved out of state because I know I'd be wondering for the rest of my life what could have happened if I didn't at least go and try to work things out. I just feel so fucked. I was in such a better situation when I was in undergrad, working and living off campus with my friends.
Do you have any advice for this kind of situation? Should I reach out to my friends who I haven't talked to in over a year? I'm definitely not trying to get into a relationship again for at least a year. My resume gap is growing every day. It's crazy because emotionally I feel like I'm in a really good place.
And I'd like a Manhattan.
The only tolerable memories I had of being with my parents was watching Saturn and Jupiter while counting the moons around them. The rest was mainly spent on a computer, fruitlessly researching alien life, studying the structure of archaea to see if it could be replicated in the vacuum of space (also fruitless), but constantly having hope that one day a tractor beam would lift me up and I'd be trained by a militaristic alien armada so I could destroy this planet.
There's nothing good about it.
I have no life here. I feel hopeless and trapped by society with the inability to really move forward in my life. I'm not sure how to describe it but I just feel as though there's nothing to work towards in life. I feel as though I shouldn't be alive but in my perfect fantasy, I would be, up there in the stars, dogfighting in a space cruiser.
Evening boss, I'll have a gin neat for starters. The woman I've been dating for the past 15 months is showing signs that she wants to make our relationship official. She's a lot younger than me, and normally I would've made her my proper girlfriend ages ago, but she's very inexperienced as well, never had a boyfriend, so I always felt like taking it slow. We met on tinder and I told her from the beginning that I'm not interested in anything exclusive, but that in other aspects anything can happen. Thing is she's a lot more jealous than I first thought. We've had just a couple of conversations about dating other people, and not having any obligations towards each other, but it's been many months since. I still want the freedom to sleep with other women if I so see fit, but it's not a need I got and I haven't done so since we started dating. For me it's a principle thing, but I'm worried it might push her away if I bring it up again in our inevitable upcoming girlfriend/boyfriend talk, before I meet her family etc. Care to give me your two cents?
It sounds to me like you feel like you don't belong in our current society because you can't find what you're looking for in it, and that upsets you or makes you feel like you're out of place because you can't find what you want or what you need - it's a human need to desire something, after all. To be honest, I've never dealt with an existential crisis on a galactic scale, but what I can suggest is to maybe meet someone who feels similar to you - someone who wants to reach further beyond the planet or is interested in extraterrestrial life as much as you are. It may not be the real deal, but sharing that in common might help. With everything that's progressing in space travel with companies like SpaceX pushing for Mars, maybe that might just be a reality in our lifetime.
Mars is a really tiny planet. Venus is closer, larger, and could be used for aerothermal(?) energy.
One Manhattan, coming up.
I can somewhat relate to your situation, in terms of school and relationships. When I was coming to the end of high school, I got into a bad rut and I couldn't force myself to study at all, so I knew I was headed for bad results. At the time, I also met my first girlfriend but that relationship shortly ended and I ended up with bad grades from failing my exams and not getting into University. I took a year out to decide what to do with my life, and in the meanwhile I worked full-time so I could save up to go away during the summer. I ended up drowning myself in work because I couldn't think of anything better to do, and it was a kind of distraction from my first break up which took me a while to get over. I remember feeling god awful when I didn't do anything, and I developed a kind of workaholic mindset - I felt better if I was doing something or anything, despite my grades or what I was doing in my life at the time. But because I had thrown myself into a lot of work, I had no time to spend time with my friends, meet someone, or have much of a social life in general.
What are the circumstances of you not achieving the GPA you wanted, and graduating a year late?
I'd say it's great that you're moving forward by starting a job in retail - I don't know if that's what you were hoping for or if you're happy with where you are, but you're getting yourself out there and doing something every day rather than letting yourself get into a rut. It's definitely worth getting in touch with your friends and try to reconnect - I'm sure they'd understand why you might've lost contact and be supporting. As far as your resume gap goes, don't fret about how big the gap may be growing, but instead think of what you could do to perhaps prevent it from getting any larger. Can you apply your degree to where you'd like to? Is there anything you can do to perhaps alter the GPA or retake classes?
As for relationships, there's no need to rush into one - I think you've got the right idea by giving yourself space first to try and work things out. A gap in your resume isn't always as bad as you think - I've had a gap in mine, and it never even came up. If it does, honesty is the best policy - be open and explain what happened and what your circumstances were, just don't lie or stretch the truth.
But as far as my anecdotal advice goes, I eventually got back in touch with friends - it's never too late for that. I also discovered that I was determined to make something of myself and trying to go to University again, knowing that I can achieve better than I already have. You'll never know what will happen down the road.
Do you need to fight to be a man?
Predrinking a local brew, thanks.
I feel as if I'm inferior to everyone one around me. I'm short (5'1") I have a small penis (4.5" when erect) I'm stupid and have an ugly face. There is nothing for me on this Earth
A Hunch Punch with some Everclear instead of vodka, please.
What I ultimately want out of life, and my end goals, revolve around having a close support network of friends who I can help out and contribute to in some way.
However, I'm 27, and finding that people simply don't care to find and develop close friendships as easily as they once did. I also have some dispositions of my own that make it difficult to develop friendships as time goes on. I'm trans, and most people want to avoid me because of stigmas or fear of drama or politics, despite me being rather down to earth and actively avoiding that stuff, and I have some deep rooted insecurities and anxieties due to childhood and past experiences that aren't going to go away without external validation or support. I have no family, and I don't have anyone in my life I'd consider a close friend.
The past 5 or so years I've been doing every thing I can, given my knowledge of psychology and my self awareness, so try and improve myself so I can better integrate with society and fit in with other people, as well as with the hope that I'll eventually find my own peace of mind. I've gained a lot of hobbies and wisdom, and learned quite a bit during that time. But through all that, I'm just as lonely and bothered as I was when I began, and I've lost hope that things will get any better for me, considering what it is I ultimately want out of life.
I don't know what to do anymore, and I'm running out of steam to keep fighting for my own sake. There's only so much effort I can put into life without getting something in return that I feel inches me closer to my actual goals.
Here you go, friend.
Well, for starters - do you want to make the relationship official and be together along with everything that comes with it? You mentioned that you said to her from the start that you don't want anything exclusive, but has anything changed since then? You want to be clear with each other about what you're both expecting from the relationship now and in the future, and whether that means being committed, having an open relationship, or going separate ways. Talk to her about everything and find out if she wants to go official, and then go from there. I understand your point of principle - be clear on boundaries and what you're looking for. If it's not something you share, then better you both find out now so you don't waste each other's time.
Even better - we might even be able to reach something better soon. When that will happen, I have no idea.
I've become accepting of myself as a pedophile, but I fear that I've paved the path to hell for myself. I don't want to hate myself for what I am, but I don't want to hurt a child all the same.
It depends on what your idea of a man is.
Generally speaking, it depends on what your idea of a man is and what he should and shouldn't do. I'll try to avoid sounding philosophical, but given that we live in modern times I would say it's unnecessary. Unless it's for a good reason, fighting is normally seen as uncivilised and petty - not the hallmarks of a decent, modern-day man. Fighting like boxing makes for a great sport, so don't dismiss it too soon.
There are a lot of things that define if someone is a man, but everyone has their own idea of it. I define the quality of a man based on how they treat their peers and carry themselves among other people. Are they respectful and fair? Do they try to show off or one-up people? What is their overall character like? How they come across normally gives a good impression, regardless of how they might physically look. Sure, there's all the hallmarks of a traditional man who might sport a beard, take part in manly activities, and tends to fight others, but I think we've moved on from that idea. To me, a man is someone who defines themselves by who they are and what they like to do, irrespective of what others tell them. If you're a quality character and you're comfortable with yourself, then being able to fight doesn't seem that important.
>What are the circumstances of you not achieving the GPA you wanted, and graduating a year late?
I mean I can’t really fix that now so I’m not fixated on it, it’s just background. I can’t go to grad school with my gpa and I honestly don’t want to right now. I went into the sciences when I was shit at math, and I transferred into my college from another one so I was a year behind. It’s technically only 4 years at the college I graduated at but it was 5 total in college overall including the college I transferred from.
> I don't know if that's what you were hoping for or if you're happy with where you are, but you're getting yourself out there and doing something every day rather than letting yourself get into a rut.
Yeah I’m not trying to work in retail because I spent money on a degree. I have work experience in the field but it’s hard to find work in the life sciences right now. I’m gonna keep looking for work, but I will likely switch fields or change career paths entirely because all I care about right now is having a 9-5 and money.
I guess I’m just asking how to find direction and also make friends as an adult.
>If it's not something you share, then better you both find out now so you don't waste each other's time.
Absolutely agree. My inclination for open relationships is something hard to part with. Problem is we haven't talked enough about relationships in general, and although i respect that people differ on the subject of non-monogamy, I'm convinced a lot more women will be happy with such an arrangement that first willing to admit.
Thing is, there are a lot of other reasons why I want her to keep her options open. Although I'm a catch in terms of knowing how to treat women and arouse them, I'm in a terrible financial situation. I can't offer much, I'm barely hitting even just on my own, and I guess a lot of the attraction on my part is her indifference to all that, but I'd like to be in a better position before I settle with someone who's got so much more to discover. I do want to be official for sure, but I'd prefer if we could still maintain our freedom to explore what ever feels right, as long as we don't neglect our bond or agreements. This is something I'm quite adament about, but I'm not sure if she's ready to hear it.
Help yourself to as much as you'd like.
While I'm not trans myself, I know a friend who is trans themselves, and I knew them before and after they transitioned. I remember asking them something similar to what you're feeling about running out of steam, and they told me this: "don't fight for your own sake because of how other people want or don't want you to be - live as you want to, not on someone else's terms. Everything else will follow suit". Most of their friendship group alienated them after they transitioned, and they struggled for a long time - they couldn't really find friends because of that stigma that carries in today's society, and they were concerned on what people thought of her and they would be treated.
You sound like a good person who just doesn't have the recognition that they deserve yet. But don't worry about who you are because it doesn't work with some people - others will find you and appreciate you for who you are. Live life without caring and just go about your business, and eventually you'll meet new friends. Do you know if there's any communities or groups where you might meet other trans people? That might help to get you started.
Things will get better, don't you ever give up.
I tidied up a bit today.
Time to drink in my bubble bath.
Physical qualities are just that - physical. People are not just defined by how they look or what they're made of, but for their character, how they interact with other people, and what they do. What are you passionate about? What's something that you're really good at?
As far as penis size and physical features go, it's more about what you can do in the bedroom rather than your anatomy. I can't relate myself, but I have a friend who looks a bit like Danny DeVito - perhaps not the most attractive or impressive, but the guy seems to be walking away with a girl every single weekend - he has some kind of charm or good vibe about him. I can't judge on what he does in the bedroom, but he doesn't strike me as someone who's hung up about the things he's not happy with, but someone that's happy with how he is.
For all you know, there are people who might hold you in a completely different light than how you feel about yourself - I know I was cut up about how I was for a long time, but I eventually became comfortable in my skin and things like my attractiveness and penis size don't matter that much - I focused on building good bonds with people and developing my own character into something better - it's not all about looks, friend.
Why do you fear that you've paved the path to hell? You can't control what you like and don't like. It may not be the most comfortable thing to deal with, but you don't have to hate yourself or hurt a child. Have you spoken to anyone about it in depth?
No why would I?
As far as direction goes, I can't really help you with that - it's something you can only discover yourself - it doesn't sound very helpful, I know. I can't really help much because I'm still trying to find my own direction in the world, but I think it's something that comes to you as you progress through life, and you can't really force it and find something you actually want to follow.
Making friends is also a good question. Most of my friends are from school, and I've been struggling to find some since. I'm slowly starting to branch out, and I've done that through friends of friends and going from there, some from my hobbies and striking up a conversation. For example, I'm really into cars and modifying them to take them to track days. I've met some of my friends from striking about a conversation at the event and just taking initiative, and it kind of went from there.
In your case, you could try reconnecting with your friends, and perhaps ask them to introduce you to someone new and see how it goes - it might branch out somewhere new.
Do you know where your inclination comes from?
Definitely talk more about relationships and understand each other more - that's essential before going further until you're both clear. Perhaps women might be more open and happy with open relationships, but it depends on an individual basis - don't assume the case for everyone, and make sure she's on-board with it before going any further. As far as financial strength goes, it seems like you don't want to burden her or anyone else with it until you feel like you're more stable. Is it possible for you to improve your financial standing and keep it that way? That might help you resolve your feelings about relationships and where you want to go.
As far as freedom to explore goes and not neglecting bonds or agreements go, I don't think you can have both. Freedom to explore is great, but you can't truly have a bond if that's what you want to pursue. You first need to decide which is more important to you, and then talk to her about it, especially if you're adamant about it.
I'm happy for you, buddy. Enjoy your drink, you've deserved it.
It might help you to resolve your inner struggle over hell vs hurting a child, as you put it. By all means take my advice with a pinch of salt, but don't let it fester and boil over.
But who should I talk to?
Someone you trust and can confide in, or perhaps a professional? Honestly, I'm just a bartender - I don't know what to suggest that's best for you.
I'm heading off for the night, but I will try to get back to anyone tomorrow if I can.
>I don't think you can have both
In my estimate bonds come in many forms, desu.I still share a bond with my ex, even though we've strayed away from our sexual relation. I guess this is a matter of perspective and values.
>you don't want to burden her or anyone else with it until you feel like you're more stable
This is true, but I'm not entirely sure it would improve if I realised my potential. I'm diagnosed AvPD, so there might always be some lingering feelings of being a burden in some way or another. Perhaps I'm simply using finances as a proxy reason to keep her (or anyone) at some distance. This is not the first time I've thought this. I'm always going to be in a position where I can improve my finances, but I'm a lazy, indulgent fucker. I will happily skip doing work (I'm part-time self-employed,) just to stay in bed with my lady all day. Sacrificing the future for the present is something very familiar to me.
I think it's interesting that you ask whether i know where my inclination comes from. Quite early I discovered (while in a relationship) that non-monogamy suited me pretty well. I've always been of the opinion that the only thing that matters is the time we spend together, and not what we do on our own - which includes other people, no matter what our relation to those are. This can obviously turn into situations where we're losing some or all of the attraction (due to distraction or comparison), and to the extent that it's healthy to maintain that, I mentioned staying true to our bond and agreements. If a fling with someone else is starting to affect the relationship, it's important to me that we're honest about it, and in union decide how to deal with it together through sincere communication. If my partner isn't willing to that simple term, then I'm not going to continue to see her as my primary.
Nothing on my mind, I'll add a mint julep to my tab, thanks.
Ty, dude.
Forgot to elaborate on the origin of the inclination.
I have in the past turned into something neither me nor my partners enjoy witnessing when ever I've tried being exclusive. This is most evident in my neediness. I might have changed since, but I've also made it a habit to see myself as a man of options, and I believe it makes me a more attractive person to be with. Too many certainties will make a man lazy in the relationship. I think monogamy is a bad idea for both parties, but as I've stated before this is in principle - it doesn't mean that I'm actually going out of my way to fuck other women, but I won't police how I talk to other women. Flirting is fun and exciting, and I don't intend to become flat and boring just because I got a gal I care about.
Isnt there a place like this on Jow Forums street?
I havent been to that part of town in a while, its really gone to shit and I got out of there.
Whiskey and coke.
A woman I'm interested in doesn't know if she wants to be with her ex or be with me. I've been patient, but I'm tired of dealing with her bullshit only to get mixed signals constantly. I shouldn't have even considered dating her to begin with, but feelings develop when you least expect them. I've decided to move on tonight, I'm tired of getting the run around. I deserve better and I'm not wasting my time any longer.
Thanks for being here, barkeep.