Cheating Girlriend - Not wanting to get back with her, just trying to wrap my head around it

Jow Forums, I need some help wrapping my head around a mess

>be dating my girlfriend for just shy of 6 years
>around 2-3 years in, she starts getting distant, and found out that she cheated on me with a married coworker
>broke up with her immediately, I'm not going to take that shit
>this causes her family to practically disown her, I was like a son to them and they wanted to stay in touch with me even though I wasn't sure it was a good idea
>after a month or so, she reaches out to me and almost has a breakdown, saying that she destroyed everything over something stupid Swore she stopped talking to the guy immediately, wanted to do everything she could to work to fix us
>for anyone else I wouldn't have given her the time of day, but I convinced myself that she was being a stupid young kid, she made a mistake and she seemed genuinely regretful
>we decide to work on things slowly and see what happens
>since then, things have never been better
>she's incredibly sweet, loving, caring, understanding that I lost all trust I had in her and would do everything she could to show me that everything was okay, and that this was the right choice
>I'd get paranoid occasionally, but we'd talk and work through it

(cont.)

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Cut to a couple of weeks ago

>we've both been doing great (and that isn't through rose-tinted glasses, we haven't had a serious fight in probably 2 years and we get along amazingly)
>I graduated college last year and got a great job, she's about to graduate in May
>she stays the night on a Sunday night two weeks ago, we make dinner together and we're having an beautiful time
>she starts talking about planning logistics of her moving in
>real talk of marriage and kids
>my life couldn't be any better

>next morning, I wake up to go to a job site near me (work in IT), she leaves to go to her dad's where she usually stays
>I get done with the job early, call her on the phone and while I'm talking to her, drive to her dad's house to surprise her with breakfast
>pull into her dad's
>her car isn't there
>I casually ask her where she said she was again (sometimes she stays at her mom's)
>she confirms she's at her dad's
>I call her on her lie, she comes up with another lie out of nowhere, call her on that one too
>She hangs up on me
>I pull out of her dad's neighbood, start heading back to my place, and see her quickly pulling out of a parking spot at the house of the guy she cheated on me with years ago
>text her and tell her I just saw her, and bring her key to my place back to my apartment and leave it under my mat
>her family blew up on her once again, ready to disown her
>the faggot she was cheating with is terrified to leave his apartment

Since then I've actually been doing pretty well. Started lifting again, my spirits have been up, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sometimes though, I just get to thinking and trying to understand all of this, and it drives me up the wall.

I spoke to her briefly since this happened, and I found out that she's kept this up the entire time over the past 3 years.

This guy is from the UK, he met his ex wife from the US and married her simply to get access to the US. Once he was here he started fucking around on her back years ago with my girlfriend, when I had first found out about it. He graduated with an art degree from a community college, has never worked a job higher than overnights at fast food, has no car, no aspirations, and no future. And, as I just found out today, he never actually became a citizen and he has a patreon begging for money for legal fees to avoid his imminent deportation.

She kept up 3 years of what appeared to be a perfect relationship with me, and it was all fake? All of those times that we had sweet, intimate, loving moments, all of the vacations, all of the good times and talk of the future? How is someone capable of doing that for 3 years? I asked her why she didn't just leave and kept this up, and she said it was because "she knew how much I loved her, and how much she motivated me, and she didn't want to hurt my feelings." Bitch, what did you think would happen when this all came out? I feel like the last 3 years of my life were a complete lie and a charade.

Knowing that people exist like this in the world, how the hell am I supposed to trust someone again? I'm just waiting for the day for her to come back again, after he's been kicked out of the country and she has no other choice. I'll happily tell her to fuck off, but I just want to understand what the fuck happened.

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damn thats fucked up.

dont let this experience make you not trust people. that bitch is crazy and youll find someone who you deserve.

We could pull up the baseboards on her backstory for a glimmer of insight. But would it surprise anyone?

My cheating, sex obsessed ex girlfriend was touched as a kid. My brother's cheating, sex obsessed ex girlfriend, touched as a kid. The one girl I knew who had a tendency to emotionally reserve men, abused emotionally as a kid. The one girl I knew who couldn't have less than two guys fawning or she felt unwanted? Abused.

Look, the fact is these people usually don't have great agency over oneself. They're under the thumb of something else. It sure as fuck doesn't justify jack fuck all, but, it does tell you you shouldn't waste time trying to understand something that is inherently irrational by nature.

Feels bad man. I can't really help, but this is high key sad

That hits close to home.. Her sister is diagnosed bpd, her mom, while a good woman on the face of it, probably has bpd also. It wouldn't surprise me if my girlfriend is too, to an extent. It's like she lacks any kind of impulse control now.

I know what you're saying, I think the best thing for me at this point is to take some time from any kind of relationships to try to reset myself on how I feel.

While I don't think she was ever abused as a child by any family or friends or anything, I found out a couple of years after we were together that she had almost lived a double life in high school. Straight A's, always behaved her parents, and a good kid on one side, a practical whore on the other.. She didn't like to admit it or talk about it (she considered it a bad point in her life), but she admitted to me once she had fucked probably 25-30 people by the time she was 16. She told me she met up with a guy in his 40s in a hotel when she was 15. I think she has some serious issues, I don't know where exactly it stems from but it doesn't really matter, does it?

I appreciate it anyway man. I think part of me just needed to vent since I haven't had a chance since shit went down.

The tough part is, it probably wasn't ALL a lie. Obviously some of it was, but not all of it. It's what makes stuff like this into a real mind fuck. Her feelings for you were probably genuine to an extent. She's just a profoundly selfish person that cares about herself more than she cares about other people. Just focus on that, because it doesn't really matter if, or how much, she really loved you. What matters is, she put herself and her feelings ahead of yours. If she did love you, it obviously didn't stop her from cheating. If she didn't... well, then she didn't. It doesn't change anything either way.

You go on trusting people, because that's just the risk you run in life. Nothing good comes without the possibility of getting hurt. Yeah it sucks, but it's the only way you get something great.

I know it hurts right now, but ultimately, if this is the worst thing that happens to you in your life, you're waaaaaaay the fuck ahead of the curve. This doesn't have to negatively affect the rest of your life if you don't want it to.

I really needed to hear that, thanks