About a year ago I started dating this girl, and things got serious pretty quickly. What started as a night of passion became several dates, became a relationship. This week we found out she was pregnant. That's already a tough pill to swallow. But it's made more difficult by the fact that I am 38 years old, and she is 21.
We honestly didn't intend for this relationship to become as heavy as it did, and so we never got around to meeting each other's families, and still haven't. We have been putting it off due to the mighty age gap, and the fact that both our parents will likely disapprove. She doesn't have many friends, while I have a close group, and mine have urged me that "she doesn't really love me, she's using me for money" as I happen to make a comfortable salary while she comes from a poorer family. So finding support from friendship groups in this time is also extremely difficult.
She wants to keep the baby quite strongly, while I am about 75% sure I do too but have some reservations. The thing is, I also happen to have a child with my ex-wife (baby born in 2013, divorced in 2014). I've seen little of this child since we split up, I have an arrangement with my ex that I pay a small amount of informal child support in exchange for not being involved in their lives. I feel a moral dilemma, as my current girlfriend doesn't know I already have a child. I also feel bad that I want to keep this baby, but when my ex-wife was pregnant all those years ago, I was strongly against having a child and took the first opportunity to leave their lives. But now at this older age, I suddenly feel a calling to be a true and present father.
Should we keep the baby Jow Forums? And how should I navigate the rest of the situation re family, friends, ex? Any advice appreciated, thanks.
Marry her, make a commitment to make it work, and raise your child Your ages are really irrelevant, what matters is if you’re both up to the duty you both signed up for potentially having when you had sex. You were both ready to risk it, so I hope you’re both ready for this. What your parents think is irrelevant compared to the baby’s needs.
This might seem to be a terribly unfortunate occurrence, but it truly could be a blessing OP. Take a step back from freaking out and realize that you have another child now, and a chance to be a father. Whatever difficulty there is for you it couldn’t come close to how fucked over the kid would be if their life was ended or made terrible because neither parent could deal after forcing them into the world.
Landon Sanders
You are such a fucking loser, and yet you don't seem too bothered by that
This is an ideal situation. You are financially fit and she is fit fit. It is really how it should be done. You need to matter of factly let her know about your first born and simply maintain what you have. I recommend this to all those 35 year old virgins whining about here. It is much better than finding one your age with baggage or two kids not knowing wtf. Baby has grown responsible father and fun loving energetic mother. Her parents can learn your age gradually. It ain't really a big deal.
Im only the last (You) but I ain't pretending that. OP states 75 percent and that's like a hundred percent for most dudes. Nobody in their right mind 100 percent wants a kid.
James Foster
It's not an option though If OP's girl does not want it it's not going to happen and there's nothing he (or you) can do about it
Isaiah Gonzalez
Whatever happens, do not marry, that's just financial suicide
Just be the best parent you can be for your kid if you guys (and by that I mean her) decide to keep it
Gavin Ortiz
don't be a nigger and raise the child properly now, this is a blessing in disguise, also your ages are fine and once it's born noone will care
Kevin Perez
Why would you ever have sex with someone who is anti abortion?
What did you think was going to happen, OP? Now you get to bring a bastard child into the world, who will forever be weirded out by your age difference.
Do what you can to abort this kid. It will have a shitty life. If she's 21 then it's still possible to talk her out of it.
Dylan White
wew get a load of this sick fuck.
Cameron Rodriguez
There is miscarriage cocktail recipe floating around Jow Forums. Just don't get caught.
Michael Ross
This. My parents also have a high age difference. It's disgusting but my mother's mentally ill so that makes it even more disgusting.
Robert Lopez
Having a child may be a blessing in disguise,there are many people who can't even have a child if they wanted to.If you believe that your girlfriend genuinely wants a child too then i don't think its that bad of an idea,Good luck!
Camden Hill
Can you fuck off please. You can tell from his post he's not mentally stable, and even if it was this is just going to fuck up both their lives completely.
Dylan Hughes
If you play stupid games, you're going to win stupid prizes, OP. What did you expect would happen when you jizz inside a girl? Honestly, you're retarded if you're the slightest bit surprised that you got her pregnant.
Enjoy your unwanted child and your forced relationship with it's mother that you'll be stuck paying for the next 18 years of your life.
Christopher Butler
The guy's 38,the chances of him getting into a relationship again is a slim chance.This may be the only chance he has to ever be a father.And i sure as hell wouldn't wanna bear the guilt at the fact that i terminated a human life.If the guy has a pretty good salary,he could probably at least take care of one child.And its not like he doesn't want the baby,the girlfriend wants to keep the baby and the guy is 75%.Having a child may ruin their lives,but to some people it gives them a purpose to work hard and brightens their day whenever they see their child
Hunter Garcia
Learn how to use a spacebar you fucking retarded roastie. Stopped reading your post by the second sentence.
Austin Robinson
oh shit that exists.
I seriously couldn't care less if you read it.its a fucking shitty opinion that i'll forget by tomorrow.
good job getting to the second sentence i guess
Asher Hall
>incel mad that 21 yo, his age group, would rather fuck with 38 yo men than look in his autistic direction Like clockwork. Keep it up
Ayden Long
>38 years old on Jow Forums
wow
Nathaniel Walker
listen young man, there are people on here who are in their 50's. Jow Forums is an old website and some of us have been here since it's beginning. Things were very different back then and the cancer that has spread through it has pretty much changed it from what it used to be.
Besides, you do know that people who make kid shows and cartoons and shit are all fully grown adults too - right? Thinking about some 40 year old happily working on a show like "Teletubbies" is what really should skeev you out.
Luis Nelson
>you do know that people who make kid shows and cartoons and shit are all fully grown adults too - right? Yeah, but those are paedophiles.
Cooper Robinson
shut the fuck up BOOMER. surprised you even know how to get onto the interwebs. alas you might be one of those 1990s era computer scientists who used Windows 98.
Christopher Martin
Who do you think invented the internet that you're using? You are the cancer I was referring to.
>young people are cancer durr hurr Can't wait until your kind dies out.
Aaron Hall
Perhaps. But then again you could step outside some time today or tomorrow and get ran over by a truck. So don't make the mistake of being too cocky with how much time you THINK you have. Nobody is guaranteed anything more than the present moment.
Jeremiah Powell
Just have the kid, tell your gf you already have a baby with someone else and explain the situation, stop caring what other people who aren't you and your gf think.
In short, be a man. A lot of my friends (22, 23, 24, 25, 28 years old) are having kids with each other. They're mostly fuck ups and alcoholics, and they're doing okay with it. They have parents help and all of us in the group kind of came together to help watch each others kids and shit, but still, we're managing and the kids are healthy and having good lives.
Jaxon Evans
I didn't say young people are cancer. Just that one particular individual. I would recommend working on your reading comprehension skills and learning how not to project your own insecurities into a conversation that has nothing to do with you.
Nicholas Jackson
Stop being a faggot, old man. Go back to getting liver cirrhosis already.
Jaxson Reyes
>faggot
What's that old saying? Takes one to know one?
Ayden Parker
marry. have the kid. live your life and recognize this blessing. don't let the incels of Jow Forums tell you otherwise, they're just upset a 21 year old woman is with a 38 year old man with a healthy salary rather than with a 20 year old doomer living with mom.
Connor Nguyen
I must give recognition to that cute picture of baby chan.
Luke Barnes
>Any advice appreciated Put a bullet in your brain after telling her parents that they raised a whore.
Carson Roberts
>a legal adult is afraid Marry and raise a family or be a beta and throw everything away
Christopher Morris
Obv raise the baby and confess about the previous one. Also try to be a better human, as in get involved with the first child, realize you've been a selfish SOB. Growing up is hard, but lemme tell you - it all makes more sense when you are doing stuff for someone else, not just looking pout for no. 1. The little ones really react well to your sacrifice - time and effort is the important part.
Henry Gutierrez
I totally agree with this.
You're on the hook for child support if things go south. Don't ruin your life by risking a divorce rape.
Seriously.
Nathaniel Young
Write a screenplay about your situation and sell it to Hollywood. It's been done before, but romcoms are usually pretty safe momey makers.
Thomas Anderson
read the op brainlet he already has a six year old who he regularly pays money to not ever have to see
op if you're finally ready to be a father then go be one to the kid you abandoned, it's no fucking wonder you're not finding any support in this among your nearest and dearest. falling that, follow this advice
Gavin Roberts
life is more complicated than you think
Jeremiah Gonzalez
>If you play stupid games, you're going to win stupid prizes
this phrase is becoming incredibly gay
Joseph Gray
Abortion is only an option for people who like killing babies. Cope
David Harris
I really don't see how that makes OP any less of a loser
Well the decision is already made. You're having (another) kid. Congrats dad! What happens next depends on how you conduct the remainder of your relationship.
Is she in school right now? One of the issues with marrying/settling down with a girl so young is that she has not had the same life experiences as you. Raising a baby so young with few friends and real world experiences will be very stressful, lonely, and depressing. I suggest that after the baby has been born and nursed that she be encouraged to finish her schooling if she hasn't already. If her parents are involved they can babysit or you can get daycare.
Buck up, say that you've been married and have a child by a pervious marriage but are not considered a part of his life, say you want to be a part of this child's life.
Don't marry her YET. Marrying because of wedlock baby is not good. Talk it over long and hard. Go baby shopping, take baby classes with her, talk about your future and names, build something and visualize a life. Then propose when it feels right, before or after baby is born. Just don't rush. Make her feel supported, that you're engaged and involved, help her feel excited. Let her know YOU are excited. You are older than she is by A LOT. You have done almost twice as much living. Be a mature, stable, and supportive partner to her.
