i cheated on my girlfriend of years, no sex (of any kind) but kissing and groping.
I told her, and we had beef but a year later everything was fine.. i thought
since last year she's very distant and not intimate anymore, she doesn't want to go out with any of my friends and hates everything i do, but still doesn't manage to leave me as i can't leave her.
I've since (a little bit more than one year) been completely loyal, let her check my mobile etc. I've apologized and we both want our relationship to not feel weird or fake anymore
we want our relationship like it used to be. We thought about counceling but where we live it's way too expensive per hour, is it worth it?
How does the relationship recover?, We actually want to fix this before we marry.
You can't fix this. Your relationship is doomed, and it's 100% your fault.
Leo Evans
We are both hurting but neither of us ended or intends on ending the relationship. Other Couples recovered after cheating somehow, i can't believe this to be true
even if it was i'm sure there is a way to make this doomed relationship work.
right now what i tried is telling her, either you start treating me with love, or we will stop seeing each other because i can't take the distance anymore.
it was very weird, we kinda got close but not really. Only a day passed since but this might be helpful.
Just because you don't want it to end, doesn't mean it shouldn't end or that it won't end. Most breakups are due to someone "wanting" to move on and heal, but they can't. If your girlfriend can't forgive you, even if she wants to, and it's been a year? It's over, you're just extending her pain and suffering and making her relieve the humiliation of being cheated on each and every second she's with you.
Parker Brooks
So you're telling me to let her go? I was her first everything.. idk man..
You were her first everything, meaning the first person she was with cheated on her. Reflect on that for a bit, that you're her relationship basis, and that you defined her self-worth by not being good enough to prevent her first (and only) boyfriend from cheating on her.
Let that sink in for a bit. Maybe you'll realize how much of a selfish prick you are.
Hudson Young
I was in her shoes. Ex boyfriend, together for years, first everything, cheated on me. Try to forgive him, stick with him for a few years while resenting him. It took me 4 years to break up with him. I'm so glad I did and I found a person I am happy with.
Wyatt Adams
sometimes you just have to kill what already going to die, let her go user before this relationship[ ruins both of you socially forever
Aiden Ramirez
Generally speaking, cheating is like putting a band-aid on an infected wound in the relationship. People cheat because they've tried and tried to express that their (emotional, physical) needs aren't being met, and they weren't heard. There are exceptions, but most stories go that way. That said, the wound will never heal unless you've figured out what was going wrong and addressed it head-on. You don't NEED a counselor for that per se, but it helps facilitate communication.
Jose Rogers
all the time. all the time. and its my wife actually
Hunter Ward
listen, i hate myself for it, i hated myself before that too, i've changed, i try so hard to change my life and her life for the better. I started studying again even though i hate school
I'm working even though i rarely worked when i lived for myself, i started lifting, and playing guitar, I'm actually googling how to fix this shit while asking here for advice aswell, if i could fix that mistake i would.
I'm hurt too, i'm not a robot, i know i've made mistakes but HOW DO I FIX THIS DAMMIT
that's rough man. I can't get mine to shut up about hers. and our fights usually happen because she says I don't do a good enough job talking about my feelings.
William Cox
>HOW DO I FIX THIS DAMMIT Never do it again with a girl you haven't fucked it up with. If you wanted this relationship to last, you wouldn't have tossed it away like a used condom for your peepee to feel good for a few minutes.
Daniel Robinson
i did not even have sex with another woman
Wow literally the opposite side for me, can't get mine to open up
man all this advice here is depressing, But her brother's relationship has been saved after cheating.
>her brother's relationship has been saved after cheating. It doesn't matter. Yours won't be. She didn't forgive you. Just let her go.
Adam Diaz
You cheated. She isn't her brother/brother's gf, and it's obvious she can't move on. It's over. Just end it so she can be happy again.
Essentially, .
Tyler Lewis
Trust isn't something you "fix".
You have to rebuild it. You have to prove yourself to be trustworthy again. It sounds like you've worked hard at it, but time is the only thing that's going to mend that rift you created when you betrayed her trust.
Talk to her more about it.
Brayden Rivera
yeah Its been hard opening up to my wife about how i cheated. and its been rough. but its made us a stronger couple.
Carter Scott
no it's not always that way. most of the time it's just because the cheating side is a narcisstic bitch idiot. Been there, gone through relationship with such gf who was narcisstic constant cheater. Never. Again.
Christopher Gonzalez
look up Esther perel, she has very good advice on what is required to rebuild trust after cheating. but it could of course also just be that you don't really love eachother anymore but rather just don't want to let go
Sebastian Lopez
OP, I was in a similar boat to you, except my wife started flirting with another guy on IG. I could sense it and finally brought myself to look at the messages.
There is a road to redemption, and let me tell you from both ends it is not easy. Sometimes forgiveness takes a long time, and sometimes you've already been forgiven, but they need to forgive themselves too.
The other person who said cheating is a symptom is correct. There was an issue that led to that incident that needs to be addressed.
Don't listen to the negative people here. If two people want something and are willing to work at it, they can have it. Love isn't some cut and dry only emotional aspect.
OP, I strongly suggest you buy and read the book "The 5 Love Languages" By Gary Chapman. After you read it, have your GF read it. Then talk about it and take the time and EFFORT to be mindful about yourself and your significant other. After that, read the book "What About Me?" (Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship) by Dr. Jane Greer.
I suggest you read in that order. I can attest that by putting in the effort, and even if you don't feel the results, giving it 100% of everything you have you can get where you want to be. Just remember, it takes two people to make it work, and if you are both on board it will.
My wife wasn't on board at first, and it took me about 4 months of living hell until she got on board and our relationship is better than it ever has been. We communicate and are way more intimate now than ever before. It's almost like nirvana to a degree when you have realizations as you get older and go through these seemingly impossible times. On the other side is something most people only dream about and I hope you and your GF make it there!
Ryder Barnes
she's fucking someone else or planning to 100%
Aiden Young
A lot of the things mentioned by other anons are true, even tho they contradict eachother. I believe that person's core values determine whether or not trust can be rebuilt (in case of infidelity). For example, some culture and families have strong values when it comes down to relationships, where these values are close to being sacred. In such cases, rebuilding trust and 'going over' infidelity is practically impossible. However, when such values are lacking, or not strongly 'developed', rebuilding trust is a possibility, still not an easy one.
(Speaking out of personal experience and observations.)
You both should determine what your values are, which could steer in a good direction.
Grayson Gomez
She will forgive you... After (n) years user. I mean spend all your time with her otherwise she wont budge. It not over.
Isaiah Clark
I have seen relationships saved after cheating. Never figured out what they did, but one advice which could work is: try to lighten up. Just do something crazy, unexpected. Surprise her. Change the dynamic. Endless contrition kills all the joy.
Nathaniel Watson
Depending how long it's been, stop apologizing and move on yourself. Make it clear to her that you have forgiven yourself and don't let her guilt you into stuff, just try to move forward with your relationship. If she is still dragging the issue out, you might just want to end it
Cameron Long
>Esther (((perel))) >Gave a speech called "Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved." Every goddamn time. Jow Forums was right again.
David Brown
No matter how much you or she wants this relationshio to continue, you've broken her trust and it will always be in the back of her mind.
Just imagine, if she was the one that cheated, would you really be able to completely get over it? Not become a little bit paranoid every time she goes out with her friends, or if she needs to go abroad for a week for work? You can try all you want to forget the cheating, but it will never go away. She will never fully trust you and that's a relationship killer.
