I remember posting a similar thread on here about a year ago, so I guess here we go again. Since it might affect the kind of advice you give me, double standards and all, I'll preface this by saying I'm female and the person this is about is male.
I've been casually online stalking someone I believe is a "missed connection" for about 4 years now. By casually online stalking I mean googling their name every 3-4 months, aka every time my mental health declines. This person is extremely private, doesn't have a proper facebook, instagram, etc etc, so I would never really find anything, which I guess in part fueled this alongside the fact that I have a 0% chance of running into this person irl even though we live in the same city.
I've been doing really shitty recently and after about a year of not doing anything stalkerish googled this person again. However this time, for the first time, I managed to find a couple of usernames they go by, which lead me to find out that they're ******AN ANIME OBSESSED INCEL******.
Finding that out did two things: Made me even more interested in them, and made me believe that reaching out to them and coming clean about my stalking (at least in some part) would be a good idea.
Now, I myself am not an otaku incel (even though I am obviously autistic, I'm very functional other than the stalking) however I have a lot of compassion for people who are and honestly believe that I could technically have some sort of a positive impact on his life.
>tl;dr >I found out that the person I've been online stalking for 4 years is an incel and now all of a sudden I think it's not creepy to reach out to them >help
So my question to you Jow Forums is should I reach out to this person. If yes, how?
Do you know them through any other capacity other than the stalking? Like why this person of all the people?
It's definitely possible to reach out and initiate contact, but no matter what you do I wouldn't own up to the stalking. Googling them once every 4 months isn't really "stalking" and using that sort of language will really put you in a bad light.
Luke Stewart
Are you female and interested in them? If not, they might be paranoid and freak out hardcore.
Nolan Allen
We used to be colleagues, but barely talked, even though I would often catch him staring at me. I think we were both too awkward to initiate conversation.
I think it's this person specifically, because they fit my "type" probably better than anyone else I've ever met, but I might just be projecting.
Yes, I am female and interested in them
Caleb Nguyen
>We used to be colleagues Ok that's a good starting point for "Hey! Haven't seen you in a while, how have you been!"
Did you guys exchange contact information in any way before you stopped being colleagues? How you approach them is going to be your biggest question.
Wyatt Moore
We never exchanged any kind of contact information and he doesn't really have social media so the "Your profile just popped up and I was like wow I remember this person" is off the table too.
Literally the only way I could contact him is through his battle.net or steam and there is no way I can justify knowing his username without coming clean.
I mean I could somehow try to play it off as random, aka think of some grand scheme. The biggest problem here is that I think it's probably worth it, and I won't really stop cycling through this obsession every now and again until I actually try to do something about it.
Jonathan Wright
So this is getting into pretty creepy territory, but if you know where he shops for groceries? Running into him in person sounds like the most organic way to initiate contact. Obviously that turns into _literal_ stalking and that could get kinda bad.
How much do you actually know about this person? Like if you're dead honest with yourself, is this an obsession with a real person, or are you obsessed with the idea of who you think they are? It really doesn't sound like you've had all that much contact and that suggests that you don't actually know a ton about him.
Wyatt Lopez
I thought about this, but I think I'd just choke.
I wouldn't say I know a lot or even enough to justify this, but as of reading some posts that he's made (which informed my incel conclusion) I do believe that I somewhat know at least an aspect of him. Of course, this whole thing isn't normal though, and I am definitely obsessing over an idea more than a real person, but I think there's also something to the real person.
Nathan Foster
just send him a link to this thread
Brandon Robinson
Honestly this may not be a bad idea.
Jaxson Morgan
I mean no reason to choke if you just make it natural. Like if you know where he gets his coffee in the morning, or like I said a grocery store he shops at. Just start shopping there and don't worry about anything beyond that. If you ever see him, just go up and say hi. No one is going to smell anything funny about "Oh hey! Remember me? We worked together at ! How have you been!"
Though for things like this, where you obsess over a specific individual, can really be combated by just focusing that attention on something, or someone, else.
As a woman, do you ever use shit like Tinder? You could get dick pretty fast on Tinder, and maybe if you're getting laid regularly you'll find that this obsession isn't quite so pronounced.
Nicholas Ramirez
I've had great success with tinder, not only am I able to use it to get laid whenever I want I've also met a lot of great guys on there. I know this is awful but I've never been able to truly connect with any of them because they were all n o r m i e s. Like there were always certain aspects of my autistic ass that they couldn't understand or accept.
I've always been obsessed with the idea of "finding someone like me" and that's obviously the driving force for this whole thing.
Luis Rodriguez
I think you need to approach them as directly as possible (sans in person, I guess, since you'll choke) and just say, "hey, I think about you a ton."
Have you not interacted at all in these four years?
John Bell
I totally understand. I'm a guy (33) and was diagnosed with some serious ADD and minor autism / aspergers as a kid. I never told anyone at school and have worked my whole life to not let those labels define me (I don't want to be socially capable FOR an autist, I just want to be socially capable period, full stop.)
It makes a HUGE difference to find friends and partners that aren't what we call "surface dwellers" (that itself being a cringey Futurama reference). My suggestion is to just tailor your search criteria. I've never been obsessed with someone, but I've managed to live a very satisfying and functioning life. I've practiced all this stuff long enough and like to think I'm pretty good at it now. The honest truth is, no matter how unique this dude seems, he's not. There are TONS of dudes that are "like you" or "not n o r m i e s". Any single one of those guys would give you everything this guy would, give or take. Not saying this guy WOULDN'T be worth it, but you've put yourself in a spot where something organic would be hard. If you tell him you've been stalking him, chances are he won't be super into it. You would _have_ to make it organic somehow.
I'd say just get on Tinder / OKCupid whatever kids use these days and just try and really put some time into finding people that sound like they've got interests similar to your own. That's my best honest advice. By the sound of it this guy sounds like he's going to be more trouble than he's worth. Not because he's not a perfectly suitable dude, but because you're looking at quite a bit of trouble to orchestrate this thing, simply because of how disconnected you two are.
Charles Walker
ran into each other one time a long time ago and that's it
This is actually really helpful. You're right. I should just let it go and if an organic opportunity comes up great, if it doesn't whatever.
>mfw Jow Forums helps me work through my issues >thank you guys so much
No problem user. And again, I'm a 33 year old dude that was diagnosed with bad ADD and minor Autism as a kid (like ~8... they gave me adderall which sounds fucking insane to me... no 8 year old needs adderall... which is why I refused to take it after like a year. I didn't like what it did to me).
I'm married now. I have a house and I work as an engineer for a large game studio. I have a good circle of friends (like ~5 younger engineering kids that are like 25, and maybe 3-4 other married couples that we do things with regularly. None of them are surface dwellers).
My autism really only flares when I interact with my dog. Whom I love to what I am pretty sure is an unreasonable degree. He got me through a divorce, losing my old career and all my friends, as well as moving across the country. I would kill any number of humans for this dog, but my friends all just kinda laugh and accept it as one of my quirks.
POINT being, you can absolutely live a happy and pretty normal life with the asberger stuff. It's all about practice and learning what does / doesn't work in regards to both finding people you like interacting with and actually performing the interaction.
Best of luck to ya.
Austin Collins
if it were me OP, i might be really humbled and excited to find that someone was thinking about me so often, but probably really overwhelmed too. i think you should do your best to anticipate how this guy might react, and tread as carefully as you can so that you don't scare him off. you obviously have some sense of the kind of person he is, but the fact that he's apparently an "anime obsessed incel" might not mean that he'll eagerly embrace the opportunity to interact with a girl; in fact, the reason he's an incel implies a reluctance to reciprocate romantic/sexual interest IF he's not totally repulsive. i think the worst thing you could do is reintroduce yourself as if you're doing him a favor, even though you very well may be. that's just my opinion, though. i hope it works out for you, i think it's cute
Hunter Gomez
Whore
Grayson Stewart
not OP but the whole whore/degenerate thing is hilarious. you guys would fuck anyone in a heartbeat so long as they were of a "pure race" or some shit. i'm interpolating a lot here but i can't help but assume that statements like this come from Jow Forums vermin. don't get mad, though, i'm sure you're cool and i misjudged.
Isaac Jones
please stalk me
Henry Lewis
LARPs are getting more creative, at least
Luis Anderson
>how dare you have standards, you're just mad you can't get any Cringe and bluepilled
Nicholas Price
There is no universe in which the state of your existence gives you room you to cringe at anybody.
Jeremiah Morgan
The cringeworthy subject would remain such regardless of my involvement. Although, the laughably inaccurate assessment offered in that post tells me that your kind wouldn't do a very good job in sizing me up anyway. >tripfag say bad thing, tripfag bad Also cringe and bluepilled
