what is the correct way to respond to someone who starts to show disinterest after they had lead you on for months? I want an explanation but I can't ask because that seems desperate and just stupid.
im angry because i spent so much time on this guy, i told myself not to date other guys because i liked him that much.
I want to text him demanding an explanation but should i do that? it would be nice to get closure but I don't know anymore. I just wish i had never met him.
Just because it took someone months to realize that they need to change their decision doesn't mean they owe you an explanation. People are allowed to be bad at life, and unfortunately that's often going to impact others too.
The most important thing you should be doing for your sake right now is looking back on the past months and ask how many signs there were that things weren't going to last. Maybe there's something you can identify for your next try.
What would you gain from giving him any more attention?
Nothing worth getting worked up instead of moving on.
If you can’t find anyone decent then just stop looking for awhile and try to focus on things you like most, like art or singing or whatever. Put your creativity out there in the world and it’ll bring the right people to you.
Why did you go months without asking him out and just assuming he was interested in you despite not dating you?
I guess you're right. It just feels disrespectful. it feels like he's sayiing, 'hey i dont give a shit about any effort you put into me. go pound sand" its just so cold and hurtful.
I guess there were a couple signs. i remember he wanted to take me to his room on the second date which is kind of suspiciously fast. he follows lots of instagram models. and just to let you know im hideous wihtout makeup and cripplingly shy.
i turned off my phone i dont even want to wait for his texts im so exhausted
We're getting a lot of femcels. Is this some kind of counterpush troll effort, or did a bunch of lamer chicks turn 18 just recently?
Anyway, everyone sucks. You want to date someone worth investment then you'll be in it for the long search.
well the last time i asked him if he liked me he said 'obvioiusly'.
there was a time though where he had blocked me on the site we met on because i made him angry, but then he texted me back saying 'hey im not salty anymore, just dont do that to me again'.
but he is on okcupid everyday i can tell. i feel like thats a sign he doesnt want a real relationship
you can't really be a female incel, at least not at the rate that males are. females if they are young are naturally going to attract lots of males because males naturally want to approach anything thats goign to help them spread their seed. the women dont have to do work to procreate, but we do have to do work to get someone to commit to us
He probably gave a shit then. The thing is that caring about something in the past doesn't mean it deserves something in the future. Making that mistake would be along the lines of the sunk cost fallacy.
Ultimately it sounds like you dated on his terms rather than finding mutually satisfying terms. Then his needs simply changed. You may not have been wrong to like him--maybe he really is awesome otherwise--but as much as desperate guys are unattractive, you should also consider that guys who don't have long term reasons to stay won't stick around too long.
I guess I wouldn't gain anything. I think I just need to turn off my phone or something for a week.
im seriously wanting to even get a new phone or something.
i just want him to know how much this hurt me. why does he just get to do whatever he wants and then leave without knowing he hurt me?
i dont even want to type what i want to do because i know there are young kids here who let this website have so much influence over them. why hurt other people. whats the point
yes i do like art and illustration
i've thought about drawing the rest of the day but im so scared to waste time. then again doing something i love is never a waste.
i just cant help but feel im an evolutionary failure if i can't find a mate. if you dont pass on your genes how can you say you 'won' at life? but to pass on my genes i'd need to find someone i'd want to spend my life with. you can't settle you would need to find someone worthwhile.
Women and men do just as much work sifting through people who are shitty. One of the very few differences is that women end up with a lot more unwanted attention because they have to choose to either be an ice bitch or constantly reject men who took friendship to mean "please mash my minge with your manhammer."
Imagine, every single person of the opposite sex who bothers talking to you is interested in you only so long as the prospect of sex is on the table.
Ffffffffuck that. Fuck getting raped too, while I'm at it, and fuck having to deal with the minefield of "if I talk to this guy, is he gonna turn full incel/woman-hater on me?"
everytime i see a happy couple i just want them to die
i saw meghan markle smiling on the cover of a magazine one day. a part of me hopes she divorces him one day.
how disgusting is it that I wish those things on people? I dont like what this is doing to me.
my bad i meant to say "I saw Meghan Markle (the girl who married into the Royal Family) smling on the cover of a magazine today, and a part of me was hoping she would divorce Prince Henry."
thanks user i guess its cool he might have cared at one point.
i had to look up the sunk cost fallacy but that does sound similar to what I did. I can learn from that.
yes i think i did date on his terms. i use to drive to his house and he would never drive to mine. i initiated pretty much all our dates.
today i asked if he had plans for tomorrow and he said, "well im gonna work on my car"
which is a pretty clear "I dont like you anymore, go away. i'd rather do car repairs.' in my eyes that is what he said
also he is 28 years old practically 30, why would he not want a serious relationship. so stupid
I do hate that feeling that another human only wants to interact with me if there is a chance of sex with me. its natural i get it, but its also dehumanizing.
this is what htis guy reminds me of, like he is only interested in me so long as the prospect of sex is on the table.
i can understand that point of view being a reason why a women would want to be an incel or involuntarily an incel
Not trying to defend him, but maybe talking this through with someone in roughly the same position might help you process what happened. I'm 30 and single, I have a lot of demands on my time and as a result I need dates to happen on my terms to fit into my life. If those terms line up with my date's expectations, great. If not then eventually I'm going to put my needs first and she's got more to lose than I do.
None of this means that I don't want a serious relationship. I do practice monogamy and I am capable of committing. But I'm also not out there looking for "forever" right now. I'm looking for a companion that fits into my life rather than me having to make that room. I'm sure one day that'll change. If I'm lucky I'll be with someone already and we'll make that change together. But until then, if a girl I'm dating needs me to make my life around her then she's going to be sorely disappointed.
Why didn't you ever ask him to be your boyfriend after all that time?
i mean, i guess i could still ask him
but if a girl asks you to hang out and you say "im gonna work on my car'
isn't htat a pretty clear indication that he's not interested? unless he's a psychopath which i guess could be the case. ISTP people are so robotic and emotonally unavailable....
I dunno...
I think the next time i see him im gonna ask him to be my boyfriend. if he says no it'll be pretty obvious what I need to do
thanks user that was comforting. maybe he could be going through something similar.
so you feel maybe like you'd need a girl to initiate things right? i guess that gives me hope. i had always thought that me initiating meant he wasn't interested.
i admit i have somewhat of a peter pan syndrome.
At the very least I need my date to be as proactive as I am. I come up with ideas for myself because I'm responsible for my own entertainment/recreation, and I'm happy to invite my dates along to those things. (Unless I want to do them alone or, unfortunately, if I feel like my date doesn't have anything to add.) But I'm not going to be responsible for their entertainment too. If they want my time then they can take their own actions.
I actually had to spell this out to a girl recently which was awkward but whatever. "You don't like what I like. I don't like what you like. You have no passion for the things we try out together. Are we even dating, or are you just happy to be along for the ride?" Don't be her.
Don’t you think you deserve who willingly goes out of their way to be with you and initiate dates, instead of always relying on you to do the work? I can tell you have some self esteem issues, but trying to get this guy to be your boyfriend when there are many signs that he’s not interested is just going to make you even more miserable. Don’t do this to yourself. You deserve better than to be constantly wondering your position and worth in his life. Don’t you agree? You will never be happy with this person as long as he keeps up this behavior.
And some men are just cold and silent like that. Maybe your wavelengths are just incompatible. Don’t be that girl who chases after guys who don’t give a fuck about them. You can do better!
Maybe he wanted to work on his car
thanks user i appreciate the feedback ):
yes i'd love to be with a guy who (not to sound desperate but lets be real) gives me attention.
i mean i'd be willing to accomdate his schedule a bit though sure.
yes i think it'd make me even more miserable too.
thanks user i'll try to find someone better. its weird cause there will be days where i will give zero shits about him but then i'll be sitting at work and be reminded of a happy couple or something and then i think of him i dunno.
its probably a deeper issues like having bad self esteem yes. believe it or not you are like the 3rd person in the last 4 months to say that and i've never had people say that until this year
he could of ):
OP, how old are you?
I've made this girl waste a lot of time and money on me simply because I'm dumb, and I wonder if this is normal or not.
Mos celebrities get a divorce because they burn their relations too fast
>what is the correct way to respond to someone who starts to show disinterest after they had lead you on for months?
Leave it alone. Go find other people, don't waste your time and energy. Don't get angry if he's not interested. If he really is he'll come back when you get silent.
this is why waiting for marriage was a thing. easy way to weed out guys who want to pump an dump you.
Well recognizing the relationship isn’t good for you is the first step. When you love someone a lot it’s really difficult to “remove” themselves from you. After a while they do become a part of “you”, but you are you. You exist without him. And vice versa. It’s a painful process, but I believe it to be the most rewarding and healthiest for you in the long run. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you find someone who genuinely gives you all the attention you want!
its so weird cause i asked if he wants to hang out and he said he 'might be down' ugh i dunno
im 27 years old
i mean...i get it its hard to tell people you aren't interested cause you dont know how they'll respond
at the end of the day that girl chose to waste her time on you, and at the end of the day i chose to waste time on this guy. she's partly responsible for having her time be wasted.
perhaps his problem is the same as mine. I'm an insecure, oblivious dumbass who doesn't know what he wants.
You didn't ask to hang out! You asked him "What are your plans for tomorrow?" Those are not the same thing! Attention to detail MATTERS. Choice of words MATTERS. Capitalizing the first letter of each sentence and putting the apostrophes in contractions MATTERS. Not creating a brand new paragraph constantly MATTERS.
He may have had no idea you wanted to hang out, he can't read your mind, no one can - you need to TELL people what you are thinking using communication skills. You can try something like "My Saturday is completely free and I'd like to spend time with you, what do you have going on that day? If you're not too busy we could cook a meal together." etc.
If I was the guy in this situation I would lose interest in you as well after seeing your poor communication skills and knowing those would be a source of huge frustration and fights later on in the relationship.