I'm in a long distance relationship and we've been super committed and its been wonderful...

I'm in a long distance relationship and we've been super committed and its been wonderful, but lately I haven't been feeling the same drive and motivation to keep it working. It's hard to handle something like this. I started talking to girl who lives nearby and we're talking more intimately. what do I do here? I love my girl, but not being with her for some many days of the year is starting to affect me. I also know she would be devastated if I even suggest taking a break.

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I’m sorry to break this to you, but there is no such thing as a long distance relationship. That’s correct, you have no relationship. An LDR simply does not meet the criteria necessary for it to be considered a legitimate relationship. There is no reciprocity of anything more than words passing over a phone line or an IM text. Understand me here – you have no relationship. You have self-assumed accountability, self-assumed liability and internalized responsibilities to be loyal to this person. You are entertaining a commitment to fidelity with an idealization, and ignoring what everyone outside of your LDR will regularly tell you is insanity. LDRs are one of the more insidious forms of ONEitis.

>he fell for the ldr meme

LDRs are the most easily identifiable form of ONEitis, and it would be laughable if it weren’t so damaging to a guy’s life progression. The LDR man generally sacrifices years of his life in this pitiable effort to pursue his ‘soulmate’ across the planet or even a hundred miles away. The very thought of refuting the idea that an LDR can work is equatable to denying his belief this fantasized ONEitis fueled idealization that he’s swallowed for the better part of his life. It’s easy to criticize an LDR in the terms of questioning either party’s earnestness and fidelity in entertaining an LDR and this is usually the tact that most people giving advice on LDRs follow. One or both parties are or will ‘cheat’ on the other over the course of time, its true, but LDRs are far more telling of a mentality that results in much more damaging consequences as a result of deeply conditioned self-expectations and fears.

I would agree and I would say the exact same thing to my current self when i was younger, but we used to see eachother for a couple weekends a month. now its gotten to be about once every other month but we see eachother more often than most LDR. Also she and I have a goal that we're both actively working toward to move in together, we've known eachother long enough for me to know that can work out.

do you see it the same way?

I can’t begin to list the number of otherwise intelligent and ambitious men I’ve known who’ve drastically altered the course of their lives to follow their ONE. Men who’ve changed their majors in college, who’ve selected or switched universities, men who’ve applied for jobs in states they would never have considered, accepted jobs that are sub-standard to their ambitions or qualifications, men who’ve renounced former religions and men who’ve moved across the planet all in an effort to better accommodate an idealized woman with whom they’ve played pseudo-boyfriend with over the course of an LDR; only to find that she wasn’t the person they thought she was and were depressive over the gravity that their decisions played in their lives.

An LDR is like having an invisible friend with whom you’re constantly considering the course of your actions with. Consider the personal, romantic, familial, educational, career, personal maturity and growth opportunities that you’ve limited yourself from or never had a chance to experience because of this invisible friend. When you finally divorce yourself from this invisible friend, will it have all been worth it? Guys cling to LDRs because they’ve yet to learn that Rejection is better than Regret. AFCs will nurse along an LDR for years because it seems the better option when compared with actually going out and meeting new women who represent a potential for real rejection. They think its better to stick with the ‘sure thing’, but it’s the long term regret that is the inevitable result of an LDR that is life damaging. Nothing reeks of desperation or verifies a lack of confidence more than a guy who self-righteously proclaims he’s in an LDR. Women see you coming a mile off, because you are a guy without options, clinging to his one previously realized option. In fact the only reason a man entertains an LDR is due to a lack of options. If you had more plates spinning an LDR would never look like a good idea.

And finally, it’s not uncommon to see the “not in my case” defense offered about how you actually DO see your invisible friend once every 4 or six months. To this I’ll say again, what opportunities are you censoring yourself from experiencing by playing house with a woman you only see this often? Do you honestly think you’re the exception to the rule? The truth is you’re molding your lifestyle around what you hope your relationship will be in the future – that’s no way to live.

From "The Rational Male" by Rollo Tomassi

Been there. In a different LDR now, and while I understand why people are cynical about things, this is a beta as fuck internet forum.

The manly thing to do is to meet her dude, assuming you haven't already. If you want to talk to this other girl, now's the time to go see your long distance woman, face disappointment if she's not that great for you, and come back home as soon as possible to look into your new opportunity.

Just kick in that door to whatever you're waiting for, whether it's a giant manwhale lying about their gender or the woman of your dreams, or someone in between.

Don't listen to these near-eunuchs telling you it's a meme, that's just advice from experience not statistics. Go find out if THIS ONE is a meme or not.

>just advice from experience not statistics
Advice from experience is infinitely more valuable than statistics.
My doctor used to say "statistics are irrelevant to the individual" and he is right.
LDR is a dumb idea no matter how you look at it.
You are wasting time, resources and opportunities for basically nothing. Penpalship.

experiencing it for myself I agree with most of this, I see her more than once every four months

but desu I'm not really changing any of my goals or ambitions to be with her, I still get options here and there, I flirt with girls and sometimes it doesn't work and other times I can tell it does. so I know I do have options.

to me she's the type of girl I want in life when it comes to everything except work ethic but we both struggle there.

I appreciate what you're saying so much man, but I have met her

big meme coming from a guy in a LDR: I'm not stupid enough to be fooled by a girl who isn't who i think she is.

the manliest thing I ever did was deciding she was amazing 2 months into us just talking and driving 4 hours to see her without any of my family knowing. I saw her and it went so well, then i saw her again and again, but I've been talking about how I can handle the distance really well and this new girl is starting to break my strength

>the manliest thing I ever did was deciding she was amazing 2 months into us just talking and driving 4 hours to see her without any of my family knowing
So the manliest thing you ever did was an incredibly needy, beta-male thing to do?
Amazing!

I don't see it that way at all, call me what you want, but I sat there and told myself I'm gonna find out if she's worth it. at that moment she wasn't just a penpal. I actually met her, went on dates with her, met her family shes met mine, we've done things together I dont see how thats a beta-male thing to do

definitely needy, but the neediness isn't just on my end. she comes down to me whenever she can she doesnt have certain privileges I do so its harder for her to come to me.

I see your point of view, and sympathise within reason. But your argument here is basically like using Bible quotes to prove God is real. You literally used an anecdotal quote from X wise person you know to prove that anecdotes are better. It's circular.

Then I raise you to raise the stakes. If you've met, take the next risk. See LDR girl again, talk to her face to face, and see if she's worth going further. Trust her with something. See if she'll take the next step with you. If not, it's time to consider other options. Life is short.
I suggest that if you need time you tell this new girl what she means to you so far and why you'd be saying more by now but need time, That's right, tell her you need time if that works for her, be straightforward that you are not sure where you stand on other stuff. If not, have the balls to say no to yourself. She'll respect that. At worst you'll keep a friend (and that means better networking for next girls in the future) or you'll lose a booty call. At best you'll gain a partner in the future who respects you more for having a shred of honour.

Ive seen her plenty of times if you see we've seen eachother a lot, and weve been together for a while. we've talked about future plans through phone calls and in person. I love her and she loves me back, you guys might not believe that its mutual, in fact I know that if we were to break up it would hurt me a lot but I would move on, with her I know shed be devastated, she cries to me about how much she loves me. in person and over phone (in person it mostly happens before I leave because I have to say goodbye)

I know that me asking for her to give some time, especially to experiment and try new things we couldn't be friends in that time, and it would almost equally devastate her as if we broke up for good. I don't know how to tell her to let me experiment with myself and maybe this other girl without her being heart broken or to be able to later get her back

Then make it not long distance.

the problem now is that at this moment I can't

but in 2 or 3 years I can

in this current time if i was single I'd want to date this new girl and just experience a normal relationship. but I cant ask for a break and I don't want to lose her.

should I just power through it and cut ties with this local girl?

Power through your own limits. It depends what's really preventing you from going there "2 or 3 years" from now.
I don't approve of anything short of going straight for who you truly want. Anything less is an act of disrespect to yourself. If you somehow end up trying both these women, having one then the other, someday, will you look back poorly at failing to respect yourself here?
It's disrespecting yourself to just throw in the towel and fuck local girl too. Being honest is still the best thing you can do. Asking for time till you're sure. Then moving with your own decision. That way you strike while the iron is hot, and have none of the baggage cheating or lies can lead to. If you act dishonourably here, you risk LDR girl being a bitter ex someday who interferes with any future relationship with local girl. Treat both girls AND yourself with dignity, that's the key. Good luck and good night.

Do you two have a plan to live in the same city?

I appreciate what you have to say. the best thing to do here is to either cut off local girl, or ask for a break. the better thing being the latter
but
I know it won't be handled well, and I know that it will hurt things in the end if we were to get back together

yes we do, shes in college and her plan is to transfer close to me and we would then move in together, but that wont be for at least another year or two

>An LDR simply does not meet the criteria necessary for it to be considered a legitimate relationship
That is bullshit.

You’re saying that because you’re a needy beta cuck

I see where hes coming from, but to respond to me it was kinda pointless since I dont meet his idea of an LDR

Its controversial but I'll say it. An ldr isn't a real relationship. Let go.

You're infatuated online friends at best.
An ldr just isn't a real relationship.

He’s retarded.
You say that because you’re afraid. Your worthless life can’t survive unless you have a woman in person validate you constantly.

if u have a minute read what i've said about the relationship in the thread, we've done more than most LDRs even dream of

but in my case we have a physical relationship too

i dont want this thread to just be a debate on LDR

i really appreciate any advice cause I'm super stressed about it right now

it's all in the mind, making a LDR work needs discipline but i'm losing my discipline.

idk if you already have but do you have any words of advice for me as well?

Don’t listen to the retards.

Now look. You said that your girl is going to be moving back closer to you in a year. A year isn’t long. And think about it, it’s not always easy to find good girls. You already found one. Yeah she may be far away. But she’s still a good girl. If you cheat on her or dump her. There is a good chance you will regret it. That girl you’re talking to now. The only reason you like her is because she’s where you are. But she could be a total mess and you don’t even know it.

Stick with your gf

I am in a LDR. It can be hard sometimes, but I know my gf is better than any girl I’ve met here.

I think you guys are right here.

shes a great girl and our bond is something that i don't want to hurt.

so I think it's best that I don't mess with things and keep it good... im at odds

how do you think i should move on? should i just drop the local girl or let her know what my situation is and then tell her i cant do it?
and should I tell me gf about it now or wait for a better time in the future when my gf becomes local

>and should I tell me gf about it now or wait for a better time in the future when my gf becomes local
How could you possibly think that would be a good idea?

I don't think it's a good idea, but I feel bad keeping secrets.
but i can get over that

should i just keep it secret?

If you haven’t done anything with that girl. Just drop it. stop talking to that other girl

yeah I haven't done anything with the local girl, just flirting through text and light sexting.
but she wants to date me and ive been encouraging it stupidly

should i just ignore her or say I dont want anything anymore or i cant make this work, i want to let her down without hurting her, but if i do i'll get over it too. she doesnt matter compared to my gf

am i just over complicating it lol?

>st flirting through text and light sexting.
but she wants to date me and ive been encouraging it stupidly
Stop this immediately
>should I ignore her
Yes
>am I being complicated?
Yes

>not banging regularly
>relationship
pick one. you are butthurt because your fantasy penpalship got btfo to shreds.

>he really thinks an relationship is based off having constant sex
Wow. How old are you, 17?

>thinking relationships without sex are relationships
beta. absolute bottom of the barrel beta.

never said there wasn’t any sex, moron

haha thanks im being complicated for no reason at this point.

I know I can just ignore her, but there will be a part of me that'll feel bad, you dont think I should just tell her we cant work out?

if not just repeat urself one last time for me and tell me i should just ignore her

sex is great but a relationship focused only on how many times we bang isn't a relationship but a fwb

>know I can just ignore her, but there will be a part of me that'll feel bad, you dont think I should just tell her we cant work out?
doesn’t matter which you do. Just end it immediately

okay I hear you, i'll end it tomorrow when she wakes up and we talk.

I appreciate the guidance from everyone in the thread. this state im in is testing my patience and discipline. but I need to just man up and do whats right.

There really isn't though.
Getting laid twice a year is not a relationship.
You can get angry all you want, but LDR is a retarded meme, that is really not even up to debate. This thread is about making the best of OPs shitty situation.

Anyone with half a brain would go for real women within their reach as opposed to being pen pals. That is not my opinion, that is just a fact.
The fact that you are so vehement about defending this idea (without making an actual argument), just tells me that you are probably withing a LDR right now and desperately trying to rationalize your shit decision.

Convenient excuse to avoid rejection, really.
It's not unlike the "I have a girlfriend in Canada" excuse, when you are pressuring an incel to pursue women. The fact that there is actually a woman in Canada, who you are texting with, doesn't really change the situation, she might just as well be imaginary.

I mean well for you. I have not met a single person who made a LDR work, and not a single one who did not regret wasting all their time and effort. It's not worth it. It's really just oneitis and escapism. There are real women that you can talk to, laugh with and touch right now.
Why hide from them?

fwb is more real than ldr. your relationship could be accurately faked with a dude in india with a phone and a prostitute and it would cost you less.

No you’re just a retard. The fact you base a relationship entirely off of sex shows you’re immature. The fact that you assume every LDR is “not with a real woman” shows you’re retarded
>FwB more real
Lol enjoy your STDs

forgot to put OP in my name for the last couple posts

it seems as if you guys havent even read what ive been saying

espcially this retard

the girl that i've met had sex with multiple times, gone on dates with, met the parents of and even met her friends all in person isn't something a man from india can recreate

why are you even on this board if you're not gonna read the thread. this is an advice board, you have to understand whats going on before saying stupid bs

just because im not having sex every week or even every day doesnt mean anything in my case

You are misconstruing my words and being infantile without actually arguing.
Learn by experience then. Can't spare you the heartbreak apparently.

So you’re saying if you had a serious gf or a wife, if her job required for her to go abroad for a year, you’d dump her or divorce her over it? Pathetic

i've made my decision and I'm gonna drop this local girl and keep it to myself and act as if nothing happened to my actual gf

this local girl and I haven't done anything at this point, but it feels like cheating so i want to tell my gf about it, but it doesnt seem wise and I guess I'll take the small guilt as payment for wanting to cheat.

then to my relationship in general I think i need to pressure her and myself a bit more to get us closer to eachother in anyway.

im ready to move out and move in with her, but in her case she would need to move to me, so that would mean leaving her family and friends. which i understand can be hard because we're both still a little young. what do you guys have to say

So say you haven’t done anything with her. So just forget that you even talked to her

Yes i fucking would, if my own life goals conflict with it. I wont waste my own opportunities and life for some woman.
What a beta thing to say.

how do you choose to just forget something, ive been texting her and tomorrow shes gonna wake up and expect a guy to talk about dating and romance with her among other things, i cant just drop her i have to tell her it wont work out. forgetting her will take time but i'll never forget that I cheated even a little tiny bit.

imagine thinking a wife that youve shared your life with is just some woman

like your sister is just some girl you see a lot, your mom is just some lady who did things for you

idiots like you shouldnt breed

>yes I would divorce my wife if she had to go overseas just for 1 year
Lmao imagine being this much of a shitty, needy, and controlling of a person

Ok well just tell her “I’ve made a mistake and I can’t do this” and leave it at that

So you shared your life with your ldr girlfriend?
How long do you "know" her. Do tell, please.

Live your life being dictated by women then.
Classical feminized beta.

Stop being such an immense beta please. You texted with a girl, holy shit what a life changing investment.

i mean my ldr gf isn't my wife but we've known eachother for 3 years and dont get on any bs about not seeing her in person
read the thread,
no i haven't seen as much as people who live near or with their significant other but we talk everyday, we make jokes and when it gets physical we see eachother in person.

i don't get why you're speaking to me as if you're trying to talk down to me.
>do tell, please
lol okay

haha im just complicating shit in my mind. theres still an nagging part of me that wants to fuck the shit out of this local girl. and it sucks because she wants it too and i have to deny it.

reread this line there are anons begging on here for a gf and I have deny a girl who wants ME of all people.

but i mean if i let it proceed it could be a life changing investment, it's just something I needed advice on. thanks for giving it i guess

Lol with this logic, i guess you can’t have sex right? Because during sex, a woman has complete control over your life in that moment. So, by your own logic, sex would make you a feminized beta

Drive by postering here I ain't reading the other retarded posters shit because they are likely shit posting anyway, buncha faggots.

LDRs are a temporary state. how serious are you with this girl? because if you are even -THINKING- of breaking it off and -not- thinking of getting physical closer to you GF then you likely ain't in this for a life long partner. So, just break it off with your GF now, it'll hurt but it'll hurt way more to keep this shit up and never make an effort to get together.

just saw this post Yeah, you get it dude. relationships are hard work. Dumb fucks like don't get it. I speak from being in a LDR myself and marking it work till we got together, shit was rough but way worth it. good luck dude.

>during sex, a woman has complete control over your life in that moment
lmao.
What kind of sissified sex are you having?
Or rather not having lol

i love you man, knowing that you made yours work gives me more confidence. i only get thoughts of breaking it off because of the distance. shes such a good girl i cant even explain

speaking from experience what did you do with shit like my "local girl" temptations?

To any actual passerbys:
Only posts worth reading are here:

Learn from them. Don't be a pussywhipped beta.

>he is so dumb he doesn’t realize that if the girl gets pregnant your life is over
Lmao the state of you

>He leaves birth control up to the woman
You will definitely have a child retard.

>Thinking condoms are 100% effective

...

>speaking from experience what did you do with shit like my "local girl" temptations?

Asking myself anytime I felt those temptations why I was even in the LDR. For me I wanted a life long partner not just a fuck buddy. I wanted to have my own little family. I wanted someone to share my dumb thoughts with. and the person i was with was the only person in my life that had ever fit all my criteria. there were others inline for me and i could have easily said fuck it and shacked up with a local but maybe that was a night of sex, or maybe we had the same hobbies. but it was never the same as the long nights I used to spend talking on skype.

Sure I should go to r9k, because... I actually get laid with multiple women?
Sad state of beta affairs. Really. You are clearly underage, but instead of learning now, when it's easy, you are choosing to live the life of a pussy whipped beta.
Enjoy.

white incel rage :3

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Just imagine when you get them pregnant and now your life is over

fuck dude i needed to read this. i agree with you on every part. like what if i leave my girl for this local girl and it becomes a dumb little fling, a nice experience but i lose the girl that i share all those things you're talking about with.

thanks for sharing. you've helped me put in focus what I love about my relationship and my girl. thanks so much

i typed out a response but is it even worth it?

You are talking as if the only thing you could get out of a relationship is sex.
I gladly will get less sex than I could if it means that I get to have my girlfriend in my life. A year or two of fucking less than it'd be possible for me mean that I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend, the woman I trust the most, the best person I've ever met. It's such a small sacrifice that it is such a no brainer.

these people think sex with multiple women and dominance over women is all the matters in life

It literally is, up to like age 35.
Settling down before that is retarded.
Some people argue having any sort of exclusive relationship before 30 is retarded and I am inclined to agree.

whats the point though

>my best friend, the woman I trust the most, the best person I've ever met
She just passed you by on the street. You saw her and you felt it, but you didn't say anything. Because of your internet girlfriend.
Enjoy.

Finding out who your ideal woman is and "creating" her along with the skills needed to lead an actual LONG term relationship.
>experiencing lots of women, with lots of traits
>build mentality of abundance
>build skills necessary to even lead a relationship without being a beta provider
>build skills necessary to court and keep the women you actually want
>have a treasure trove of experiences to call back on
>have certainty that you didn't miss out, sexually fulfilled youth
etc.

Too many men think they just have to latch on to the first woman that will have them and then go from chumpy LTR to chumpy LTR. They don't have options. They are scared to walk away from a woman, cause they don't have anything else.
>She just wasn't the one
They think, getting pussywhipped yet again.

What these guys fail to realize is that "the one" is a retarded disney fairy tale.
There is no "the one" out there, you CREATE her.
By becoming a man that gets to demand, someone with sexual value, instead of a frustrated little beta.

I know full well that I am bringing beta rage upon me, but this is a tough pill to swallow.
The sexual reality is not the fairy tale you have been fed all your life.

Yeah, my best friend and the person I trust the most is a woman I never talked to, not the person I've known for years.
You're painfully retarded.

No you are. How would you know?
You have only ever been with one woman for years.
How the fuck would you know how many amazing people you passed up for some empty internet friendship?
Beta and delusional.

Kek. I have dated before, slept around, haven't missed out on anything. I met her when I was 27.
She's the best person I've ever met, and the love of my life.