Even when girls make the first move on me I'm too scared to do anything

Could relate until I read this and started thinking it might be another issue at that point, like latent homosexuality, because you say "need a girl to actually force kiss me or something" and that was definitely it.

>latent homosexuality

Sigh. Every time.

I'm very much attracted to women. I have a normal sex drive, masturbate regularly. I'm attracted to a lot of girls I meet. If a girl sits too close to me on a sofa, I get a raging hardon just from that minor amount of contact. The time a girl was sleeping in a bed with me cuddling with me, I had the world's fattest boner and my pants were soaked in precum ffs.

It's not that I'm not attracted to these girls. It's that I literally can't bring myself to act on that attraction. I am PETRIFIED of doing it wrong. I don't have any clue how to kiss or how to have sex or anything in between. 22 years old, never kissed, never been on a date, world's biggest virgin. I feel lost.

You are thinking of women as some godess you need to impress with your perfomance otherwise they will rip your head off.

These women exist guranteed. And they are going to get under your skin because chances are they can't hurt you on a physical level. But if you don't think about women as individuals that is your first mistake. Most things in life aren't based on gender but on character. Being an cold unfeeling asshole or a compassionate person is one of this.

Your second mistake is that you believe that healthy relationships aren't about sharing commonalities while respecting boundaries. You are thinking of relationships like a hierachjy based on perfomance and experience. Suppose you are a experienced and the girl is not, wouldn't you love to introduce her to the pleasures of sex and intimacy?

And don't put too much stress on experience. Being with a new partner is each time a new experience as people are individuals. Too much experience actually might be a disadvantage as it makes you less open and more routined.

Ok my bad dude I wasn't trying to offend

I'm not worried about getting my head ripped off though. I'm more worried about receiving a more subtle reaction.

I remember one girl who made a few moves on me. I had a massive crush on her but she would never come right out and say she liked me too, she just kept hinting at things and leaning on me or cuddling with me but never actually SAYING she liked me. I remember she said to me once, out of nowhere, "you're really insecure aren't you? i can tell. you struggle making eye contact with people". I fucking shit my pants with fear. I couldn't believe she'd figured me out like that. I tried so hard to hide all those things from her, from everyone.

I'm terrified of that sort of reaction from girls. Like, imagine I go in for a kiss with a girl, and I do it wrong. And she doesn't scream at me or reject me or anything stupid. But she notices. And she says something, like "oh, user, you're not doing it right haha". I would feel like crying right there. I'm still reeling and cringing over 4 years ago, when I tried to kiss a girl who was into me when I was drunk at a party, and a friend remarked to me that it "looked like I was trying to eat her face off". I felt humiliated. I knew I'd done it SO, so badly wrong.

Maybe you are caring a little too much about the opinion of others? If you didn't do anything seriously wrong like catcalling there is no reason to shame you. People who whould shame you anyway are either assholes who notice your insecuritiy or morons in general.

Besides no everybody has a borderline-personality-disorder. Loving you one day and hating you the next. It is more constant and if they show you signs of trust it will develop other time into a more serious relationships.

These are soime confidence issues (i.e. taking a blow and will I recover from it?) and trust isseus (i.e. will she hate me from one day to the next out of nowhere?)

>Maybe you are caring a little too much about the opinion of others?

Yeah. Definitely. I dont know how to stop though.

I feel like no one understands my problem. There are incels, who can't get attention from girls at all, or alienate girls in some way. And then there is me, who CAN get attention from girls, sometimes extreme attention and affection, but can't act on it due to fear of rejection/messing up and doing things wrong.

Whats the solution? I just don't understand

>Whats the solution?
Unironically seek therapy. You’ve made this thread hundreds of times and never change. It’s time to try professional help again.

In fact this quite a common. So might have a point. Jow Forums might tell you why your attitude is unsound but we are neither therapists nor could we fix your problems for you.

I've never heard of anyone else who has this problem.

Pretty much every guy I've ever met, if they had the opportunities I've had with women, would have grasped them with both hands. Whether they're a virgin or non-virgin.

I don't know how to overcome my fear of embarassment. No therapist i've ever had has been able to really get me to overcome it. When I'm in the moment, with a girl who wants me, my nerves are just so great that I can't bring myself to do anything. I become speechless too. All logic goes out the window.

same bro, kissless, handholdless, dateless and virgin. I have no idea where to start :(

Why do you expect us anons to have the solution? Honestly you should seek therapy for the sheer fact that you obsessively post these threads. You’ve got some serious anxiety issues that Jow Forums obviously can’t help with, given that you keep having to make the same thread asking about the same problem over and over.

>Whats the solution?
To accept defeat and that whatever wrong you think is gonna happen can just happen all the same, because the constant fear is no way to live either.
This is how you end paranoid delusions in psychosis and it should be the same for your situation.
There is immense relief in stopping fighting back the nightmare you dreamt up and realizing nothing bad happened after anyway.

I used to be like this, a while ago.
What I did was I literally forced myself to not think. Do not think. Feel. Do you want to kiss her? Tell her. Kiss her. Do not think of the consequences. The only way is to literally slam into it enough that eventually you meet a cute girl that likes you. It fucking sucks but it's worth it at the end. Don't overthink. Don't even think. Do.

>I've never heard of anyone else who has this problem.
You might feel like you are the first individual who ever was subjected to this torment but this doesn't make it anymore true. And it is a girl issue too, might even be more so.

>I don't know how to overcome my fear of embarassment.
By changing your attitude, making it more compatible with reality. Growing some confidence and getitng a more realistic concept of women and how they tend to communicate might help too.

>No therapist i've ever had has been able to really get me to overcome it.
When your therapists where either shit or you don't want to change and dwell on your misery. In this case nobody will be able to help you as you woudn't allow it and all discussion is moot at this point.

Xanax
Alcohol
Prostitute

Also some girls are into shy bois. Ask the girl from your story here on date and try again.

Are you a girl?

If so can you tell me how you would react if you were with a guy who was a virgin, and he tried to kiss you and did it really badly? Like so badly it was just laughable? And then if you had sex with him and he was just doing it so badly, moving his body all wrong, being clumsy, not doing anything right?

If any girls could answer those questions for me that'd be great. What would you think of a guy who did those things?

>Are you a girl?
No and it doesn't matter as this gender-divide is something in your head. People are either compassionate and will help you over your insecurities or they won't. This isn't based on gender but on character.

>f so can you tell me how you would react if you were with a guy who was a virgin, and he tried to kiss you and did it really badly?
Some girls might laugh at you but most won't. Women aren't like a borg collective holding the same opinion or having the same preferences.

Bro some might react badly (most wont) but you need to accept that. Please see this

that’s exceptional advice, you can be scared later, just do it and don’t think about anything else

excellent* ffs autocorrector

you get a thing called testicles.
or you leave them in your handbag and remain a incel. your choice. im old i dont have this problem...

Hey girl here, I would never, ever, laugh at someone in a situation like that, some would though, and you have to be prepared for that.

But even if you didn't laugh, what would you think in your head, privately? Surely you would think the guy was at least a bit stupid? Surely you would pity him a bit for being SO bad at kissing/sex?

Definitely wouldn’t think he’s stupid, nor feel pity. I would take him slowly, making sure to express how much i want him, making him feel comfortable little by little. Calm him down a bit; take good care of him. Would you make fun of someone who’s insecure and trying their hardest to please someone else?

But I don't think you're understanding the level of inexperience I'm trying to convey.

Like, imagine a guy just fumbling about without a clue what he's doing. He tries to kiss and he gets the motion of his lips and/or tongue all wrong, it just doesn't feel anything like right. You're in bed with him and you try to have sex and he just is awkward, seems uncomfortable in the motions of it all, hesitates in making physical contact, can't move his hips right, doesn't know where to put his hands. Imagine everything being wrong.

Surely, in that scenario, you'd think "what the fuck haha"? At least.

Yes she would. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it. But it doesn't fucking matter! Stop trying to control everything and just let go!

personally, no. once again, I would never make fun of someone not even in my head saying ‘look at this dumb cunt, can’t even do anything right.’ Even if it was *ridiculously* awkward. I always try my hardest to make people feel comfortable and loved. That situation wouldn’t be any different

But even if you don't say it or do anything about it, SURELY in your mind you'd be thinking "god, he's REALLY bad at this..."

But how can i prevent myself from being so bad at kissing/sex? What can i do beforehand to prevent this nightmare scenario from happening?

mate, you can’t *prevent* that from happening.
people always say fake it until you make it, but that’s garbage advice, you gotta face it until you make it, try again, get a little better every day, fail, cringe, cry, feel like a failure.. it’s really the only way to overcome this.
other people have no idea what they’re doing as well, it might be hard for us to acknowledge that, we tend to think some people have their shit together but they don’t, everyone else is experimenting, trying to figure out and struggling just as much as you, even though you say you have absolutely no experience. Everyone is insecure (to a certain extent). I’m trying my best to help you and I really wish you the best user. I suggest that you get intimate with someone before having sex with them. Perhaps being emotionally connected to them and opening up about this issue might help.

This might be the gayest thread ever.
OP all you need is a swift ass kicking, or a good fight. Nothing like an uppercut to the jaw to get the test flowing.

fuck off cunt

Not OP but I'm in a similar boat to him, got my test actually tested, and am above average. You pricks that think testosterone is something magic are stupid.

It's never REALLY really bad OP. At the absolute nadir imaginable for you, it's almost certainly preferable to a kiss from a drunken sleazy bum. Think about it that way. You take care of yourself and have the capacity of self-reflection, those are already big plusses in your favor.

Mind describing yourself OP so we have some idea of your level of physical attractiveness?

he should post a picture!

Lol ok. Enjoy stage freight for the rest of your life.
Shemale.

I'm speaking metaphorically dipshit. It's not about having your actual test tested, but remembering you're a man and ought to have some meddle in you. You can have the biggest balls in the world and still be like op if you're always afraid of taking the first step.

not op, but why don’t you fuck off cunt?

I have similar issues and have been in therapy for a little over a year and while I'm not in a relationship yet, I've made tons of progress.

OP, I want to let you know that you are not alone in this issue. I suffer from similar problems, although mine are tied less to insecurity over sexual performance and more to inhibition and lack of aggression (insecure about being insecure). I skipped a grade and was always a year behind my peers in physical development. After a while, I simply accepted that sexuality was not a part of who I was, and others seemed to agree. However, I’ve gotten much better looking in university and now receive a lot of attention that I lack the experience or intuition to know how to react to. I’v Sat beside girls at bars, looking into their eyes as they tell me that I’m too cautious and need to take more risks. I’ve shown up to parties and had girls tell me “girls give you drinks because they want to have sex with you” as they hand me a drink.

In both of these situations, and many others, I did nothing because I was paralyzed by fear. There’s a lot to be afraid of in sex. There’s the noise, the fluids, the smells, the distinctive lack of grace. It’s animalistic and primal. In No More Mr. Nice Guy, the author describes how many men try too hard to be flawless, like a finely cut gemstone that lacks any rough edges and thus appears cold and remote. I’m someone who occasionally does get described as “perfect”, so by some twisted logic, it follows that I must also be sexless. Another problem discussed in the book is how such men tend to be monogamous to their mothers. They fear that if they exercise independence and assertiveness, they will lose the love of their mothers. I know that when I imagine doing anything sexual, I can’t help but envision my mother’s disappointment at how her son is just another disgusting male pig. In my teen years, it was this oppressive image of parental shame that held me back from many experiences that form the backbone of most people’s sexual development.

Another issue is the idea that “I am a sexless person” and that if I were to try to break out of this mould”, people would push back. I see crowds of teenage girls giggling and saying eww at the idea that “user thinks HE can have sex”. There’s an image that conveys this scenario with terrifying accuracy. It’s the one with a chicken’s foot on a girl’s thigh and the caption “when a ‘nice guy’ tries to touch you”. Male timidity is inherently repulsive to women. A man is expected to be confident and self-assured. A woman wants to be led in romance. More than anything, she does not want to bear responsibility for you or even herself. She wants assurance that you are in control and whatever happens is not her fault.

I don’t have any sure solution to these problems. The closest I’ve been able to come to one is pure sociopathic deception. Taking advantage of the pseudo-anonymity that the Internet affords and using the fact that dating sites automatically endow you with social permission to be a sexual agent. It is possible to become a completely new person if you really commit to the performance. That is, of course, until you have a panic attack when she puts her hand down your pants. That’s what happened to me and it me back to square one. I don’t even meet the women now. I get them to agree to a date or “date”, the day arrives, and I delete my account out of guilt. This cycle has repeated itself many times.

My hope for the future is that I’ll soon be starting my Master’s at a new university. I’ll be in a completely new social environment, where I’ll hopefully experience more social permission since I’ll be able to construct my image from scratch. My hope is that by using this social permission to form stronger connections with these people, I won’t be overcome with guilt at the thought of being intimate with them, the same way I am in anonymity and with the people I currently know.

>cold approach girls daily and watch the fear disappear

Attached: Screenshot_20190501-014920.jpg (1182x1080, 275K)

die you fuck

watch rape porn they will teach you fag

I relate to this so much it's scary.

>There’s an image that conveys this scenario with terrifying accuracy. It’s the one with a chicken’s foot on a girl’s thigh and the caption “when a ‘nice guy’ tries to touch you”
I saw that exact meme shared by girls and it scared me so fucking bad. I'm terrified that girls might feel that way if I ever tried to touch them.

There's also the meme a lot of girls share with someone reeling in pain and the caption "when it's time to go on that date with the guy you only said yes to because you were bored". That scares the shit out of me because it makes me think that EVEN IF I ask a girl out and she says yes, she might still secretly think I'm repulsive