so, basically, i was sexually taken advantage of from the ages of 11-13 by older men eho were never reported to the police bbecause i have no idea who they are. they didnt technically touch me, they forced me to touch myself and do sexually explicit things to myself while they watched. anyway, now I have trauma and i still have a very hard time "moving on" from that era of my life, as in, i still want to be a child and the thought of growing older terrrifies the shit out of me. My innocence was forcefully taken away from me, so i have this desire to be innocent again and be a child again and I have a very hard time doing sexual or mature things because it feels like i'm "leaving my innocence behind" if that makes sense at all. is there a way to move on or do i just off myself
So, basically...
> from the ages of 11-13 by older men eho were never reported to the police bbecause i have no idea who they are. they didnt technically touch me, they forced me to touch myself and do sexually explicit things to myself while they watched
Who hasn't cammed on the internet when they were 12?
Man, calm down. That's just part of life. Raise your kids better than you were though.
Innocence is a meme.
can ye fuck off
>animeposter
No, can you?
if this happens to be anyone i know irl, kindly suck a fat cock
this. op it was your fault anyways, u cant change the past anyways. how old are u now? i highly doubt anyone gives a shit if its been so much years
"muh innocence muh trauma" man stfu and move
Lots of "compassionate guys who just haven't found the right girl yet" posting in this thread
Have yet to see an incel calling himself compassionate.
>it was your fault
gee, thanks, totally haven't been telling myself that for years. i was an 11-year old girl and you dont know trauma for shit, how do i >just move on
>i was an 11-year old girl
So you were in puberty and sexually active with older men. A whore.
Were you even abused or do you just feel kinda guilty about it all?
>how do i >just move on
>how do i >just move on
This. I'm sorry that your thread is being infested with incels, OP. Just ignore them.
Have you told anyone IRL about this? If not, I'd consider it. Gaining emotional support from someone you trust can be a huge help in recovering.
If that's not an option, at least seek therapy. If a close friend can't help you out, I'm sure a professional can.
I have a friend who's dealing with something very similar to what you're dealing with. Right now, she's doing all she can to remove herself from her past and focus on her present (e.g. hanging out with friends, working, building her own life). Recovery is a slow process, but she's getting there. I know you can get there too.
nigger i had an abusive alcoholic dad who never cared to even interact with me or my siblings. i never got any support
that trauma is all in the head, manipulate your mind. turn off your sensitivity tell yourself that event means nothing and you're captain of the sea
but i'm still obsessed with the idea of somehow being innocent
yes i was abused
my therapist told my family members, but, unsurprisingly, they're being assholes about it
Well, use your brain. It makes zero sense. There isn't even a straight line from childhood to adulthood, and the concept of innocence is even more vague and pointless. Besides the nice things like the sense of wonder people associate with it isn't something you have to give up.
Hell, you live in times when grown ass adults love movies based on picture books for children. You can be pretty damn childish as an adult and live life at your own pace.
Get therapy or engage with spiritual work like meditation or yoga (proper yoga, not the fitness rubbish). You need to work on letting go, it’s not easy but that’s the only way through.
different user but how were you abused if they didnt even touch you? and whats with that 11-13 range estimate? im willing to bet you arent even past 18
jeez it was your own decision and didnt stop for two whole goddamn years. did you not even think of the consequences? do you not even feel any guilt or are u just looking for something to blame?
ay yo but listen, those men aint worth shit. to let them get the better of your mind for so long...
Innocence and youth is not something to yearn for. I understand the dilemma you face and also understand the desire to hold onto something pure.
Rather than focus on the sexual things you experienced, please tell me about some of your favorite childhood hobbies. Things that brought you joy. The reason I ask is because I also grew up fast due to circumstances but preserved my childlike wonder through hobbies and activities that I enjoyed when I was little. You're not disgusting or anything, especially not to me. So go easy on yourself and find that comfort in your hobbies. What are they? What were they?
>did you not even think of the consequences?
A fucking kid not thinking of the consequences? JESUS, WHAT A ROASTIE. Totally asked for it.
>not image of Guy and Rock Lee
I think you know full well that Guy and Armstrong would bond in a heartbeat. I don't usually think of Naruto things because I last watched it in 2009 when I was barely out of middle school.
at that age, i would enjoy dancing, studying languages, listening to nightcore, dying my hair all sorts of different colours, playing with my cats, riding my bike. y'know, regular hobbies you would expect a pre-teen girl to have
What stops you from doing all the stuff now and rediscovering the fun of it? Neither hobbie is really age restricted in the slightest way.
The loss of innocents is never lost through gradual and willfulness to let go I am afraid to say. It usually is taken in some form when you are exposed to a reality that you wouldnt expect. However that being said the way you lost yours was waaaaay too harsh and criminal. Sexual offenses like these are hard to get over since the victims believes they did something bad and it's their fault to begin with.
You are having a hard time letting go because you are expecting it to disappear from your memory in the act of letting it go. It never disappears, letting go is accepting it and stop blaming yourself for it.
I have a hard time letting go of my child hood because I was isolated and abused by my stepmom.
Offing yourself isnt the option because part of innocents is losing it. You lost it too soon and that's a tradigity. But you can put that love for innocents into children who dont have to suffer like you did. Try volunteering so you can help kids grow in a more healthy light. Or seek the help of a therapist. They are there to help you heal.
>how were yiu abused if they didn't even touch you
literally me questioning myself for so long. but i'm pretty sure that an 11-year old girl is pretty damn vulnerable and doesn't stop to think of the consequences. also i was fucking groomed into child pornography trafficking so come off it
>forced
>without touching
>for THREE YEARS
what the fuck dude, this isnt a internet cam experience where you get this idea
jesus she was a fucking kid, of course she didnt think of the consequences. What the fuck is wrong with you.
>is there a way to move on or do i just off myself
Don't waste the value of a life you've yet to experience. Better to kill others instead of yourself, if you feel pushed to that extent.
Best, however, is to stop berating yourself for your lack of interest in "mature" or "sexual" things. If you don't wish to be active in that way, don't be fucking active in that way. Mandate it, wear it proudly, and do whatever the fuck you want with the remains of your slice of life. If someone tries to remind you of what it's like to feel as you did when you wrote this post, you've found someone in need of a good killing.
Then get back into dancing. Dancing, among those options, is the easiest to do on a whim. When you feel the need to restore that sense of youthful purity and innocence, play a song and DANCE! Alone or with others. Just dance and let your exhaustion and fun work away those worries. The keys to your liberation are within yourself. Don't be trapped in the void of those memories. Dance until you forget. Then, dance more. Embrace your inner child and then live your life for her and you.
The other things you listed are also options but I think of them languages are the ideal second best.
you were a child, probably liked the attention and felt like you were grown up but still a child. If anything you should forgive yourself for that.
I forgive you, OP. You didn't need to be forgiven but I just want you to know if you feel like you did something wrong, you are forgiven and need only focus on now doing what is right.
i still study a certain language, i would say what language, but that would give away too much information, it's still a hobby of mine, ever since i was a little kid and i still find enjoyment in it
That user is right, focus on that but dont force yourself to feel like a failure if it doesnt pan out.
Good for you! Keep that going. As for the other stuff, when you meet the right person and do your own work to get past your Peter pan syndrome, you'll be without these inhibitions.
Every time you feel or think about this stuff, just dance.
I'm 25 now and often wake up thinking about my mortality. It's rough. I don't want to get old either. Every year I worry about my potential diminishing, but I've been training my mind to understand that I'm better than I was a year before. I'm improving, so that passage of time is acceptable. As long as I do something meaningful with that time now, I can live a life with peace of mind.
Sounds like daddy issues