How do I become charismatic and have people, especially girls, become interested in me?

How do I become charismatic and have people, especially girls, become interested in me?
I have a few hobbies and such but they're not that appealing, I guess.

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have to "loosen" yourself up. Stop trying. If it's artificial then they'll know. Just be yourself and talk about stuff your interested in. If they are interested in you then they'll respond. If they aren't interested in what you say at the moment then let it go and stop talking and wait for another opportunity. If you try to chase conversation or some shit they WILL DETECT IT and know and you will look like a fucking loser that is trying too hard to chat with them and then they'll probably actually avoid you because you sound like a desperate loner.

>If you try to chase conversation
I'm usually not really talkative so I have to "force" myself to keep the conversation going because otherweise it would just die and make me look awkward.
Is it over for me?

How old are you?. It is possible for you to develop more as you get older if you're younger than 25. Truth is though it may take a lot of experiences to make you a different person and kind of develop a different personality. Have to open up your mind somehow. Hard to do but it can be done. If you stay that way and don't try to figure it out you may stay like that forever.

I'm 23 and I have been thinking about why I can't connect with people and be popular for years now.
Opening up is usually followed by emotional pain.

Where do you work?

Writing my bachelor's thesis at school. It's a stem major so I won't find alot of women there either.
There's a few guys in the neighboring lab that I chat with about their work every once in a while. I don't know how to make the conversation more personal and since they are smarter and older than me I don't know if they actually want to be my friends.
I had a real job a few months ago but I ended up getting fired. The people there were mostly jerks anyway.

What do you like talking about?

The single most attractive quality I see in men is passion. It's like when women like musicians. A huge part of that is because they are showcasing their hard work, talent, dedication and passion to their music.

I like dudes in stem who are intelligent and passionate about their careers. It's inspiring to me. You can be passionate about your career, field, your hobby, an intellectual interest, your family, etc. If you truly enjoy something for your own sake, that is attractive.

If you follow this path things come naturally - confidence, something to talk about, a sense of identity, not needing others to be happy, maybe even success. Then you will not have to try so hard, women will be drawn to you.

Motorbikes especially offroad ones from the 90s and 80s and collecting gear from that time is what I like. I also like electronics but my knowledge about is only minor so I'd rather be an active listener in that case.
I also like scale modelling regarding WW2 vehicles and their history.
I used to play baseball but I don't really care about the MLB so there's not much to talk about that.

> If you truly enjoy something for your own sake, that is attractive.
To whom? I don't really have any girls in my sorroundings and everytime I'm wrenching outside on the street or driveway I get weird looks from neighbors or they completely ignore me.
Most people aren't into that stuff that I'm into.
Boomers perhaps.

The key thing about musicians and other artists isn't just passion or dedication but creation of something. Hence people with passive hobbies are generally considered less attractive.

Well at least then you wouldn't seem total depresso on online dating

Doesn't have to be creation exactly, or why would so many girls have crushes on college professors, etc? I still say it's passion, and things like success, fulfillment, confidence.

Maybe you don't agree but that's something I find women really value and men often ignore. I'm tryna help u dorks get laid.

I had a few women make fun of my hobbies and no one seemed to care anyway so I stopped mentioning them.
Maybe more mature women think differently about it.

What are your hobbies? What did they say to make fun of you?

Doesnt help if your passion is programming lol
Girls cringe when I tell them my major

Motorbikes from the 80s and 90s especially offroad ones
Collecting offroad motorcycling gear from that period
WW2 scale modelling
And I used to play baseball but stopped due to an injury and lack of time

Aside from things like "that's interesting :)" the only negative feedback I got from them is regarding the scale modelling stuff
They just say it's childish and I might aswell go play with lego
Maybe the just wanted to tease me but then they wouldn't have ghosted me later on

>I had a real job a few months ago but I ended up getting fired. The people there were mostly jerks anyway.
You're probably insufferable
Sometimes it really is you

Well I guess I am just a fucking weirdo cause my last 2 exes were programmers. I'm taking computing courses myself along with my major. It's a good career. I think those girls were just immature.

Yeah those are pretty quirky and very niche "male" hobbies. Don't take it personally, that would be like a girl being upset guys didn't like her collecting dresses from 1970 or sephora palettes. It still adds personality and is a net positive because you are doing it for yourself. You shouldn't place so much value on what others think about the things you do for yourself. Place it elsewhere.

you must ride motorcycles then. Are you seriously complaining that motorcycles that you maintain or even ride are a turn off for women?

You need to be confident and that's quite possibly the hardest part of it. Second, you need to be relaxed and easygoing, and not be a tryhard, this usually comes with itself if you're confident.

Third, you need to show interest in people. You have to notice them, figure them out, their moods, feelings, preferences, desires, etc., and give them subtle indirect signs that you're learned those things about them, which makes them feel acknowledged and understood, it creates a connections.

You also need to enthusiastically greet people, smile a lot, give out compliments, show genuine pleasure when running into people, etc. All this needs to be done in an easygoing relaxed manner, without implying that it's very important to you, without seeming like you're investing an actual effort. It needs to become a reflex, something that is natural to you, and not a planned action, something you do without second-guessing.

That's when you truly become charismatic.

I know it's my fault which is why I asked how to be more charismatic

>Doesn't have to be creation exactly,
Sure but that's usually what generates the strongest positive reaction. Hell even with the college professor example, there is often a performative aspect and the good ol research/books.

>passion, and things like success, fulfillment, confidence
Are all super important too but are less likely to seal the deal without the "creates something" element. Though at the very worst they do help to stand out for sure.

Take A lot of the stuff is "nice" and "interesting" but unless the other person is into the very thing, it's a bit lacking no matter how passionate or full-filled he is.

Well, that still is still pretty arcane for most but at least the STEM women I know would see it as a big pro, especially if the thing isn't too fucking obscure like some db stuff.

>How do I become charismatic
Have you tried not being uncharismatic?

Thanks for the replies thus far

It's neither a turn off nor a turn on I feel
I think girls are more into guys sport bikes if anything

Hmm yes, when talking to people irl I have recently tried to ask them more stuff even though if it seems kind of irrelevant
Gaining confidence is the hardest part though
I know sports help but even when I actively played baseball I usually felt the way just like I do now

How did you meet your exes?
I mainly just talk to girls at bars around here, and you're right they are immature

You NEED to learn to BECOME more interested in the other person. This really should be a pre-requisite. No matter who you talk to whether a friend or parent, sister, boss, you should be able to steer the conversation in their direction in whatever they speak of and interests them. Even if you start right now you do that for a while and you LEARN about other things. That's what keeps other people liking you. Women love it when people are interested in them (and not their fucking phone number). Like a genuine question about something they like or just spoke of and if you know what you're doing and hit the right mark she'll answer like she really wants to. Just keep on doing that and she'll keep coming back to you for conversation.

One I met through a friend, one I met on okcupid (the only dating site I've tried) i am pretty introverted, it's always been hard for me as well, but it's all self imposed.

This is really good advice.

You are the champ.

Lol yes.