my dad kept it a secret for months that my mom has a smoking related lung disease..
he watched her smoke for months and didn’t say anything.
she only found out because she became curious enough to read through her whole doctor’s note.
she obviously feels betrayed that he didn’t at least let her know, but the climate in the house has gotten really tense and bad and they won’t talk to each other about it, and its prompting me to say something, but i don’t have the money to move me and my mom out if things went downhill fast..
she already confronted him when she found out but in the end he insisted that he didn’t know it was that serious (which is bs, his dad died from the same disease - even if it wasnt serious, why didn’t he say anything?)
she asked if he hated her that much to let her slowly kill herself without her knowing just to collect her life insurance.. and he didn’t say anything and just laughed, so thats why they arent talking to each other now..
im sorry for the mess of a post, just really having trouble grasping whats going on and what couldve been going through his mind..
My dad kept it a secret for months that my mom has a smoking related lung disease
Holy shit. It's hard to give advice on this situation. Are you in school? Do you have a counsellor, therapist, family or friends you can talk to this about? You need some support because this is a lot to deal with :(
> let her slowly kill herself
She did that all by herself via smoking. He probably didn't want her to worry too much and enjoy the time left instead of fighting addiction and the disease.
i been working for the past few months, crawling out of depression and neetdome, aside from maybe 1 online friend (all the way across the globe) that knows my situation, i dont have an irl support system
my parents are really all i have and i feel so guilty i wasnt more of an attentive daughter when mom needs me most and i dont have the answers or the money right now to know how to act
i think she’s prompting me to speak with him but what can i say??
he always stonewalls or lies whenever everyone knows he’s in the wrong
she knows this, she knows it was her choice to smoke and she said this all while sobbing to me
but shouldnt dad, her husband, say something? or anything?
i mean in the past, she’s tried to quit but they’d argue over it because he’s an addict and got her into smoking in the first place, isnt that cruel?
what scares me is that we spent time researching diabetes (bc he was recently diagnosed) and she’d make him all these weird remedy soups and teas, and he’s drink or eat it all and the msg that puts out (at least in her mind right now) is: okay, ill outlive you
So wait, let me make sure I understand this right. Your mother started smoking of her own free will. Now she's blaming your father for not warning her about what everyone on this planet clearly knows about? Did she never read the size of a box of cigarettes?
Your mom sounds like a special kind of stupid.
I would genuinely consider seeking out welfare options and quietly poisoning your useless wretch of a """father"""
>impregnating a smoker
I regret to inform you that your dad is a cuck
t. also the son of a cuck dad
she’s not disappointed in contracting the disease, she already has a non-smoking related cancer anyway
she’s just disappointed that dad kept it a secret from her that she had the disease and for months he watched her smoke and didnt think to say “maybe u should stop, the dr said..”
she’s made the assumption he wants her to die faster to collect insurance, and he had nothing to say when confronted about it and even laughed
she wasnt a smoker when they met, he was the smoker first and got her into it, unfortunately
maybe i shouldve tried more desperate measures to get them to quit and i am very regretful
Your parents have an extremely unhealthy relationship and you are suffering for that. Find out about possible social services in your area, book an appointment with a social worker if you can.
Both of your parents are sick addicts. You cannot fix them alone. Don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself, it's the only way you will be able to deal with any of this.
Fair enough.
It was the opposite when my parents met, where my mom was the smoker and my dad wasn't.
Safe to say that he is a giant pushover and a cuck, even by my white trash standards
Yeeeaaaaaah, blaming your father for your own willing ignorance and poor life choices is a dick move. Maybe your dad assumed that your mother was responsible enough to make her own choices as a consenting adult? Why should your dad be responsible for babysitting your mother? She can read, right? She has the ability to think for herself, right? I mean, your mother would have to have seen this warning label on every single box of smokes that she would have held in her hand and yet you're trying to say she never once put her eyeballs on it and read it and put 2 + 2 together?
Your father isn't responsible for her like that. He's her partner, her friend, her lover. Not her master, not her savior, not her father or doctor.
It sounds like your mom was stupid and wants to blame anyone but herself for fucking up. Which is wrong, because clearly mommy is to blame. Tell her for me that if she is going to play stupid games, she's going to win stupid prizes and cancer is one of them.
Savage, but I'm hard pressed to repeal or disagree with anything said here.
thank you for suggesting welfare, that seems so straightforward to think about, but i guess i really am not thinking logically..
>laughed
Either mental/10 or golddigger/10. Watch your father closely and push your mother towards treatment/quitting and to sign divorce paper.
Yes. Divorce.
she already blames herself and is idealizing suicide, they are fully aware of the risks, just like every smoker. but addiction is addiction.
and i don’t know what to say to you without it sounding naive and idealistic
but until recent years i had thought they had a loving relationship, and would none of that mean nothing to him now? what does a marriage mean or matter if your partner doesnt do something as simple as “hey.. maybe u should put that down, didn’t u read the doctors note” or “youre sick, dont do that anymore..”
that's crazy user. Must have been a massive shock to see people act that that. I cant really explain your father's behavior, but I imagine he can. Try to get him alone, in a non-blaming way, ask him what's going on. Tell him how you feel (not "I feel like you're an asshole," instead "I feel confused and shocked") and just wait for him to weigh in.
I get that, and I mean you'd think somewhere along the lines he'd get curious and ask about it once or twice - but at the same time, it's not his responsibility to slap common sense into her. It's not fair to be mad at him for having faith in her and thinking that she's smart enough to connect the dots on her own and to make her own decisions based on that basic knowledge.
And you know what? If this is how she treats him now, maybe it's a reflection of how she's always treated him in the past and he may be sick of it. Can you blame him for that?
There are options for sick people as well depending on your country (don't think you're USA are ya?), there may be options for you to become a fulltime caregiver.
At any rate, you need to explore literally any ol option you can. Fuck, even a loan you can work off to get you two into your own space.
Suicide ideation is usually a result of seeing a situation you believe you can't change. Introducing novelty, even if it's tenuous, could help you and mama get back on track.
She's no longer working, yeah? She should consider a hobby she can pine on Etsy or something.
Your mom is a fucktard for smoking in the first place and your dad is a fucktard for not convincing her to quit.
>gee my husband's father died from smoking
>lol it will never happen to me *chainsmokes 40 a day*
Either this or they just really are that fucking stupid. judging by op's post the apple didn't fall far from the tree.