Is marrying (and having kids) with 23/20 too young?

I've had my share of relationships, and it almost always didn't work because of miscommunication. Which didn't happen yet because we can discuss any issue efficiently. I honestly don't think I could have anyone who fits better to me. I don't see why I should keep waiting, because I'm not sure what I would be waiting for in first place.

A pretend-ring is not the same thing. I want the implied literal contract behind it, too. It's like a promise by law. I wish we could live together before, or already now but due to some complications we would have to marry before we can live together.

If you cant live together, then the whole marriage is kinda pointless.

Play sims 4 while you wait for the situation to actually allow you to live with your bf.

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Holy fucking shit that is way too young. There is no way either of you are in any kind of stable career yet. Please do not bring another human being in to this world. You are not as mature as you think you are.

It's a bit complicated because I have a third world passport and he lives in another country and I literally can't immigrate unless we do a spousal sponsorship thing. But this is okay because we have been saying (jokingly back then) that we should marry eventually before we even knew that.

How is maturity defined? Emotional control? Capability to deal with stress? Being able to make decisions based on logic and to ensure wellbeing instead of short-term-gain? I understand to wait with kids, but until then you could still be married.

Or it could be, that it hasn't happened yet because YOU'VE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER FOR 8 MONTHS.

What major hurdles in life have you two handled together? What sort of adversity have you faced? What's the biggest fight you've had?

Honestly, we only had a single small "fight" where we've been together and we went shopping and I paid for it the second time in a row (instead of taking turns) and didn't say that I thought that that's not fair but just gave him some attitude and calling him a jew. We talked it out & in 10minutes and it was over, because us just communicating solves miscommunication problems (which are most fights I think). We faced hurdles as problems that affect us both. Nothing is against each other. I came into trouble, and he was amazing support through it. We both have trouble with mental health but try to keep each other sane, and have that sort of stability as a goal for us both. We're handling the hurdle of a long distance relationship, and to work both in quite soulcrushing dead end jobs to collect money to make me move to him, marry and have a dog and then kids. I think at least one of those things must count, right? Him and the prospect of a future together is the only thing that gets me up in the morning.

> we only had a single small "fight"

Yeah, that right there is an indicator you aren't ready to get married. You think you're going to go through the rest of your life without fighting? How do you know what you're going to do when things get bad? You don't have any idea what he's like at his worst. You don't have any idea how he's going to respond to you at your worst.

You don't know what he does that's going to drive you crazy (there will be a bunch of stuff). You don't know what he's like to live with. You don't know any of the stuff that's potentially going to be an issue in the future. And you don't know this stuff because you've barely had a relationship with him.

I'm not telling you that you can't have those things with him. I'm not telling you to not get married eventually. But actually figure out if you have a relationship that's going to last before you get married.

no but be sure this is a person you want to be tied to for the rest of your life, there will be no going back

Do whatever you want. You may want to get married but put off having kids for a couple years.

wait at least 1 more year, also remember that being a parent is more than just being mature and responsible enough to raise a kid, a kid is a living, breathing, eating, shitting organism that requires food, shelter, clothing and an education in order to thrive. Are you both financially stable enough to take on the burden of a child? Have you thought this through financially? You'd both need to make a minimum of around 60k combined at the very least to raise a child comfortably with no government assistance. Add another 20k in income for each additional child.

That last sentence is raising red flags. One of the keys to a healthy and long-lasting relationship, especially when you have mental health issues, is to avoid this kind of codependent behavior. You need to be able to motivate yourself to get up in the morning and get through the day. To value yourself and your own life enough to be able to function independently of him and the love you share. In the event that you two split up, you will be in very bad shape with this kind of mentality.

I think that's a beautiful thing

I like to think we already went through this in theory. But I'll deeply consider those things.

We will get there, I thought with 40k you already could perhaps but thank you.

I feel like with our backstories and troubles this is already as good as it gets regarding that, so it's still somehow valid

Do you have money for kids?

considering you start the thread with animupicture you aint fit for kids ever

but other than that its not too young
however financial security is desirable which is hard to come by at that age

Not really, but when school is done there is a median prospect for around 40k for one and a bit over 20k for the other, could get lower if kept part time so that the child can be raised actually and not by a nursery or other bs from the society we live in.

Have a prettier, more artsy animu then. I like to think of how people in the past which even less certainty managed to be my ancestors, and I see bl*ck n*gros all the time on welfare and 3 kids and they seem to manage somehow, too.
The kids probably will get thrift store clothes and more books than Nitendo Basedboys, which only makes them even better imo.

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What about you+your girl
Do you guys both have your futures in check?
Also you should never marry (a fake badge of affection only meant to scam money out of couples)

not if you already have a career. You are ready when you can support that lifestyle.

>I feel quite mature
It's the wisdom thing. Only true wisdom lies in knowing you know nothing, and all that? Well, maturity is basically the same shit, true maturity lies in realizing you still have so far to go.

One of the problems with kids is it's just a grabbag of potential 'things.' Approaching it with candor is sweet and all, but it's also a procedure with a fatality rate and kids are not a simple thing unto themselves.

What I would suggest is seeing if you two can surpass a five year mark. You might be all, "Anonymous! We'll be weathered bags of bones and guts at that point!"
But remember, to properly see a kid off into the world is a bare minimum of eighteen years' investment, barring your own deaths. If five years scares you, the idea of five years makes you think 'it's all over,' then I suggest you question your motives.
>but GETTING OLDER means DED BABBY/MY BABBY AM A RETIRED
Eh, inflated statistics. Look 'em up, they're well-documented in multiple countries, and the fact is you wanna worry about birthing a kid around your late 30s as a woman. If you'll be 28 (or 25, even better) then it's not so bad.
If five years still seems ridiculous to you then push at least for three. Three is the amount of time it's going to take for the kid to develop serious faculties and interactions with the world.

Once more I insist; if the idea of holding off on a kid produces negative reactions, you should consider your motivations. A child does not need to be part of your journey of self-discovery only for you nonces to pick apart six years down the road that less-than-a-year of total time dated is barely anything to your life as it is, and proportionally might as well be literally nothing to someone with whom you intend to have a kid and marry.
Alternatively you're gonna tell me 'I'm not staying with them the rest of my life' in which case I don't know what to tell you anymore.

I'm the girl in that scenario and honestly, I don't care too much about my future, I work part time in a grocery store now and I would love to be a fulltime mom, or then start working again in retail when we're really together. I have some potential and skills in the branch of (web)design, just no completed education in that, so that might be an option. To my future husband, he's enrolled in a trade school and has thanks to that more or less a guaranteed job, because plumbing is not something that many people do.

Thank you, really. Those things are important and I'm honestly not sure how to respond to this while trying to think away that prevalent rose-tinted glasses that are there.
It's just that never in my life have I felt more certain than in the fact I want to spend every second for the rest of my life with my spouse and I have this constant dread of time running out, or missing some peak or so. I will think about this and hold it off for a little bit longer. At least the child(ren), but in marriage I feel 100% certain honestly.

I see. Well looks like you both more or less have your shit together so just see how it pans out, no children until you both have a stable income, you're both young so just focus on enjoying yourselves

so you think because negros on welfare live, its okay
very mature indeeed stupid animewhore

Obviously we won't be on welfare, I'm trying to make a point that people much less considerate and worse off financially manage to raise kids with seemingly not too many hurdles, to compare my own situation as better with that.

no if anything youre too late