Why don't I feel any sexual pleasure with my boyfriend? He's my first bf and I've never had sexual contact with anyone else. I find him attractive and I like him as a person, we wouldn't be going out if I didn't. But every time he touches me I get so turned off. I don't really enjoy kissing that much, even though he's doing nothing wrong, and every time he touches me intimately it just feels gross. We take it slow but I just end up wanting to stop him as soon as his hand goes up my shirt. Even when he's complimenting me like "babe you've got such a great body, I love your tits," etc., it still doesn't feel any better. In fact that might make it worse. And look, there are certainly guys on the planet more attractive than him, but he's a good-looking guy and he's not doing anything wrong. So I think the problem is me, which is worrying me a little bit. Does anyone have experience with this, or advice?
Why don't I feel any sexual pleasure with my boyfriend...
Maybe you're gay
It seems like he's a beta and your body is just letting you know that you better not let him pass on his genes. I'd suggest downgrading the relationship.
Definitely not. I've had crushes on men all my life
I'm in the same boat OP. Gonna lurk and hope someone has good advice.
This.
Literally beta bux personified.
To OP: if you actually respect this person, which I doubt, break up and tell him the harsh truth: he isn't sexually statisfying you and you need a better man to do it.
No idea, but I love the shirt picture you posted with this. Adding to collection.
1) You'r asexual and just don't enjoy sex at all.
2) You're uncomfortable with sex because this is your first experience.
3) You're deluding yourself into thinking you're attracted to him when you're not.
4) You're gay.
Pick one.
This sounds like my first relationship. I'm with a woman now. Rip OP, welcome to homo club
(Teasing aside he might just not be the right guy for you. Attraction is about more than just liking a person's company)
So had I, protips
You're either depressed and the prospect of intimacy and sex holds no appeal to you or given your inexperience you're too nervous to relax and ease up.
I think 3 is the most likely, to be honest, though I hate to say it. He's not an ugly guy at all. I've always thought he was cute. But I suppose there's a chance that he's not cute enough for my body to get interested. Which would be unfortunate, since I like him otherwise. And that's an awful reason to break up with someone. But it could also be 2. And I'm not really sure how to get over that because it doesn't seem to be getting any less uncomfortable over time (it's been several months of these little sexual interactions)
I know you're teasing but trust me I'm not gay. I masturbate a few times a week and never has my mind veered towards girls at all. I mean, I've considered them, but they're not hot to me.
>And that's an awful reason to break up
No it's not. And what is a better reason to break up with someone?
I've always felt like you should break up with someone because of something they do. Not just because you don't like their appearance. And I'm no supermodel myself. I'd feel really bad just saying that I'm not as attracted to him as I thought I was, because he hasn't done anything wrong.
he is not manly enough for you, your brain knows this, your heart doesn't want to accept it, end it now and tell him the truth, you will save everyone's time and emotional trauma
He's super manly though! He goes to the gym and always opens the door for me and pays for dinner and everything. He's never once struck me as "beta." But overall, point taken.
is he the type to roll over and do everything you say? is he the type to never get angry ? he lacks confidence maybe which can really turn off women
No neither. He is sometimes a little too harsh with me (he will sometimes overrule what I want to do and do what he wants instead). Although I don't mind that too much because I think we should both have a good say in the relationship. But I've always thought he had confidence.
...honestly, yes, I'm teasing, and by no means do I think this one event means you're actually gay, but I'm also being half serious too. I thought I was straight at one point - was always attracted to men, masturbated to thoughts of men. Hell, even now I see plenty I think are attractive to look at - but put one in front of me and expect any sort of romantic or sexual interaction and it's like a switch flips to off. I was turned off by the thoight of women until a certain one came along.
Legit not trying to say you are, just that my experience was similar.
>20855227 Simple, Gotta Go Fast
well whatever it is I hope you figure it out, don't drag the poor lad by the nose for too long
Yeah I totally get that. To be honest, my porn tastes are a bit weird, but still very much oriented around men. And I can't tell you if I'd be more attracted to a guy I find really hot. I probably would. I mean, if one of my celebrity crushes showed up, I can't imagine not wanting to have sexual contact with him. With my boyfriend, it may be different. I'm not sure.
I'm not trying to drag him by the nose! I'm trying to do what he wants, it's just not working for me. If we have to break up, we'll break up. I'm not going to make this go on for longer than it has to.
I know you don't but it's essentially what're you doing, don't force yourself to do anything if you feel like you need to have sex with him out of some duty, maybe he's not your type after all
I tried dating men for a while and the spark never really happened. I don't regret trying it. If you can't get a spark with him (after trying), then maybe he really isn't the one for you. I don't think it's fair either to him or yourself to be in a relationship where you can't feel sexual attraction to him (which will likely to cause relationship issues down the line). I'd still give it a fighting chance because I don't believe in throwing away relationships, but if there's nothing there, then are you much more than friends?
Additionally - it could be some kind of fear. Are you self conscious? Is there anything you worry about?
Also if your porn tastes are weird (and you watch a lot of porn), vanilla stuff might not cut it for you. Maybe laying off of it for a while would help
Eh, my guess is there's just no chemistry between you guys and you don't find him very sexually attractive.
with some guys I was mad attracted to them, like wanting to rip each other's close off the moment we were alone, while with some other guys even if they were likeable and physically attractive, one kiss would tell me there is zero chemistry and I never pursued anything then.
It sucks that this was not realised before you guys got together, but oh well. Hopefully you'll have better luck in the future
I'm not that self conscious. I'm not as thin as I'd like to be but I'm not overweight and definitely not ugly. And I have my worries but they don't overpower me. The porn thing is a decent suggestion but I'm not sure it covers all of the physical discomfort I feel. But I should probably lay off porn anyway, just for the sake of my mental health.
You're probably right. Which is a bummer. But I suppose it is what it is.
Do you actually like him? Also it sounds as if you're just not into committing to sex. You might as well wait until you meet someone you're really into, doesn't have to be until marriage.
Sexual satisfaction is technical and the only reason he’s not would be because he’s below average.
Ugh... I'm not sure if I like him as much as I should. It's hard to say. I'm not sure if that's why I'm not feeling satisfaction. He's a good guy, but he's not my perfect match. But still, plenty of girls are intimate with a guy who's not "Mister Perfect." I just don't get why it doesn't work for me.
Some people are just asexual and there's nothing wrong with that.
Alternatively, some people have weird sexual fetishes, and you might just need to find yours. It's hard because if your fetish isn't approved by society, people will look down on you for it. For example, lots of great girls get turned on by fucking assholes who beat them, or are ugly, or way older, or all of the above. They get some kind of weird gratification from being with someone who "society" tells them they shouldn't be with. And that's their thing. It's actually super common and kind of an overused joke at this point where women tend to fall for the wrong guy when better options obviously exist. Hate to break it to you, but some women are slags like this, and so probably are you.
You need to find your fetish. Something weird turns you on and you don't know what that is yet. It's very common for young women to not know how to get turned on, don't feel bad about it. But please do try to fix it.
What if I feel as though I may know it, but it's not really something I wanted to pursue? Is there a way to "train" myself out of it?