Girl doesn't have feelings for me but spends a lot of time exclusively with me

idk how to ask her out, she a friend that is online only and a long distance to actually go to meet in person. I told her how I felt and she said that "When i told her how i felt she said that she didn't know how she felt, and currently only thought of my as a friend."

You don't have to cut contact entirely, that way you don't have to lose the circle of friends along with it. But you do need to explain you can't unsee her romantically and that it's best you stop being so close due to this. It's going to be hard, I had to endure it myself many times. But there's no point in blue balling yourself every time you speak, and it's worse if you speak frequently. What are you gaining from this? She needs to find a friend she can have without friendzoning. Women seem to think they can just friendzone everyone and still maintain friend status with them as if everything is cool and there's no consequence to this.

But all it does is FORCE you to be a friend when you want more. It's manipulative and disgusting.

>Should I cut off contact with her if she's the closest person I have and without I'll also lose pretty much all of our circle of friends.

Yeah I'm pretty much in that exact spot.

>But you do need to explain you can't unsee her romantically and that it's best you stop being so close due to this.
This sounds super hard to do because talking to her and everything is just the reason I feel happy most of the days now. Dealing with some crap and slowly working through that but feel that she is the only thing that makes me happy, and giving up on it I can only imagine will make everything worse.

You need to find someone else to lean on. And it probably only makes you happy because you feel like there's hope for you to be something more, am I wrong?

I know that now I'm just being silly but we've been best friends for so many years, I can't see her out of my life.
There were times I would hope that she finally hated and I could finally kms in peace but as you can see I am still here.
She was in a relationship at the end of last year, it lasted really short, but even now I still have intrusive thoughts that tell me that I would never have a chance because she simply just knew that guy.
Even when she told me she had mixed feelings towards me and didn't know if she thought of me more than a friend and the difference is that we know each other for nearly eight years.

You're going to find me repeating myself here. Fuck this mixed feelings bullshit. Walk away. You're honestly just being walked on by her if you ask me. She thinks she can have you as a friend, you're being used as that. It's not fair toward what you want, your needs get tossed to the fucking floor.

She is the reason that i have any amount of happiness in my life currently, and it is sad to say, but walking away will just leave me back to my empty sad self.

this is a problem. you’re never going to have functional relationships or be attractive if you can’t make yourself happy or take care of yourself. you need to address this first.

You need an identity outside of another person. You sound like those people who never remain single becuase they have no identity outside of it.

Find an identity. Find hobbies. Read books. Find a life outside of another person. Become something else. Do anything but being who you are right now. And if it's unattractive to me, it's going to be equally unattractive to other people, including the woman you cling to.

I really apologize for this blogpost.
As someone else in the thread said that girl has become the reason I am living.
I know that my love for her has caused me so much pain but I without her I think I'll lose my everything.
When I'm with her I am truly happy and I can see that she is too, hell, even the other day we spent the whole afternoon alone by ourselves and had lots of fun.
I think it would take time but she will eventually replace me.
I know that by behaving like this I'm more something like a dog but maybe I just want her to hate me so I can have it easier to hang myself.
Sorry if I was overly dramatic but I really can't see myself getting much older.

yeah agree. this is exactly what I ( ) mean

I have never been in any relationship, and am seeing a therapist for depression and anxiety stuff. I feel like so much less of a person because of all of these things. Being a person is hard because of it. New hobbies, identity, just being able to function as a person is hard.

You’re not less of a person. You’re learning, just like the rest of us.

I'm It's not like I don't have hobbies, for the last few months I have been exercising a bit more and also I'm thinking of picking up playing the guitar

There isn't hope. Get out now.

People know how they feel towards someone. In just about every case, there's either something there, or there isn't. End of story, it's not much more complex than that.

Either she's lying to herself by saying that she doesn't know how she feels to make herself feel better about breaking your heart in the future, or she does know and thinks that she's sparing your feelings with an inconclusive answer.

Don't stay out of denial until you're even more emotionally attached to find out that you have to look the cold hard truth in the eye; she isn't into you.

You'll watch her love and be loved by someone else, and it'll kill you inside, but the most you'll be able to express to her is "I'm happy for you.".

Let go now, and move on while you can.

Yeah, finding identity is hard. Maybe start with some philosophy?

Stop thinking of starting hobbies, fucking start them. Pick up guitar already.

I don't want to just get out now. She really is the only reason I am happy, and when I'm upset she pushes me to talk about what's going on to try to help as much as she can.

She's the only reason you're happy? Mate you have no clue how pathetic that sounds. Please find identity.

How tho? How do I find an identity? How do I be happy on my own?

Why are you asking me? I think you need to look for yourself. You probably know what makes you happy to an extent as is, just dig deeper.

I'm asking because idk how to do it. Things that make me happy also make me upset because they are things that I enjoy because I do well, but when I do poorly or don't do well then it upsets me instead of make me happy.