>going to a club by myself
>slightly older crowd (late 20s+)
>i have no social skills
>going to be a salsa night at a club, so plan to dance
how do i initiate dances? afraid i'll get rejected (I'm a beginner dancer)
what do i say to people to start conversations? especially to groups of grills. how do i hold their attention?
just want to practice my social skills and salsa skills
Go ask
No tomorrow user
OP here, just looked at online reviews for the place
crowd is apparently 40+, should i still go? i'm late 20s
thank you, i do want to go and try just to get some practice talking to people and dancing
bump for any other suggestions
Just go and remember u can bail at anytime. Practice those skills user.
Go for it. Just be honest when you approach. Girls appreciate men who are honest and not fakers.
So go there. Find a girl or woman you fancy and say hi and don't worry about having to impress her or anything. If you fake it, she knows. So just go up to her and say something like
>"Hey, I noticed you on my way in. My name is user, what's yours?"
Once she gives her name to you, don't beat around the bush. Just say something like
>"You seem like a nice girl that won't bite so I'll ask... I'm new to salsa and wanted to know if you can help me improve my dancing skills? I'll give you my full attention"
You don't have to say these words exact. The important part is being honest. The girls and women you talk to will pick up on your honesty and having been to mature parties as a young lad myself. I am sure most older women would be delighted to show the ropes for a young man. Good luck, OP! Don't think about impressing anyone. Just be yourself and try have a good time. If it gets bad, just bail.
yes
watch out for cougars
have confidence/dont give a fuck
People go to a salsa place to dance. Asking then to dance with you is what they want and expect. There's nothing to be nervous about. Just be normal, no weird pickup lines or anything.
Youtube salsa lessons. Ask people to dance.
Don't be afraid to dance with the older cougar mamacita. She'll teach you the moves and might even wingwoman for you in front of the younger hyenas.
OP here, there are supposed to be dance lessons soon. But I think I might be the only person here
Think I'm going to bail
Don’t be a bitch, get the lessons so you’ll have those skills for a next time.
You failed. Just like in everything in your life.
I'm not sure about salsa, but for Tango there is a whole etiquette of looking at the person you want to dance with, to see if they want to dance with you too. You should look it up online and see if it exists for salsa too
The lessons started half an hour after advertised
Now everyone who knows each other is dancing with each other
A bunch of guys are standing around watching. I'm one of them
Now what though? Why would a girl dance with me versus someone they know?
Seriously? They’re lessons, go ask someone to teach you. Stop making stupid excuses. Think what an adult would do in your situation.
rev up by talking to a bunch of people malybe a few hours before or maybe a day before. coome prepared with a couple of lines to say. before the dance drink a sensible amount of beer or something but only enough to get you relaxed obviously be responsible about it. maybe make eye contact with a girl and smile if she looks back at you. if she smiles back maybe use one of the lines you prepared after you walk over to her. maybe introduce yourself, ask her if she's been there before, you know, stupid stuff. she's going to know what you want if you walk over lets be real. if she holds a conversation you can take that to mean she could want to dance with you, so ask her, but if she's acting cold i guess that means you can't ask her. figure out an excuse to leave and then wonder over to the next girl after she smiles back at you or whatever
im somewhat of a sales lady so when i approach people i'll say hello, how are you? blah blah introduce myself typical shit.
just tell yourself that if she thinks you're creepy thats her problem. and if you're rejected its good because you'll callous yourself to it eventually and not even give a shit after enough time because you'll forget those bitches her rejected you anyway if you approach 50 of them. they'll forget you too. no one cares.
sorry for my shitty attitude shitty day at work and i'm forever alone femcel.
and for the love of god make sure you dress nice. its okay to be a fatass but at least dress nice and look like you could get wamen
Lessons are over
Now people that know each other are dancing with each other
Just saw a group of guys come in, dance by themselves, then talk to girls and dance with them
It's easier with a group or if you know people
I'm just going to go home
One of my problems is I'm worried other people won't hear me, it's so loud
I didn't speak to a single person
Fucking hell lad, you didn’t even try
>a group of 2-3 girls are talking among themselves
what am i supposed to do exactly?
>walk up
>"looking good ladies, would any of you like to dance"
>then hope they are interested in speaking with me and dancing with me
i feel like either they will just talk to each other and ignore me, or they'll decline my request to dance
they would rather dance with someone who is good at dancing, or someone they know. i watched some people dance, they were really good
whatchu mean watch for cougars?
seek out the cougars but make up bullshit about how you have a wife to scare them away after you bang em.
easy pussy just like you devil men like
>what am i supposed to do exactly?
>>"looking good ladies, would any of you like to dance"
No, you could’ve told them you came for the dance lessons and asked if one of them would show you how to dance. That’s what this whole thing was about right? Why the fuck would you try to chat them up and ask for a dance when the whole point of you going to the club was to actually learn the dance?
just do it user, don't overthink. You're over-thinking and making it far more complex than it is. Even in the worst case that you'll get rejected, so? What will happen?
>looking good ladies, would any of you like to dance
kek
this is some weaponized autism shit
Look around and enjoy a drink and talk to someone who seems interested in dancing with you. Dont stare but scan around see if anyone meets you eye to eye and there is your dance partner. Go up and say lovely place or something more casual and talk about how you always wanted to come here dont know the dance moves. She maybe willing to teach you.
>looking good ladies
is a meme
i stood near the bar, no drink and stared at the dance area
no one met my eye
seems like there were a few groups of people
>guys who knew the girls they danced with, and would dance with people in their social circle
>guys with a significant other that they danced with
>guys who didn't know anyone and stood just staring around (like me)
at one point a few tall, bald ukrainian looking guys came in, started dancing together (not salsa dancing, club dancing) in the middle of the dance floor (wish i could do that) and then i saw them talking to a few girls
so will you be once your photo along with the transcription of your dialog finds a way to their personal tumblr
OP here
should i try again to go tonight to a club? a regular club, not a salsa dancing one
want to be able to talk to people in loud places, and make friends with strangers. how do i approach a group of people (girls or girls and guys) that are clearly friends and having their own conversation?
should i be talking to guys too?
Fuck, I need to change my life somehow, so I won't end up as OP (no offense). I'm 19, but never been to a club and don't have a group I could go there with.
bump
>what am i supposed to do exactly?
pull one of them out of the group after a little small talk and get to work
Does it have to be a club? They’re super loud and mostly for dancing. It’s hard to have conversations with people. I’d recommend a bar instead.
As for talking to strangers, there’s a lot of ways to start a conversation. If someone’s wearing an interesting graphic tee, say something about it. If you’re into sports, talk with the people watching a game. Play pool if you know how. Or just straight up tell people you’ve never been to this bar before and ask them about the place.
>pull one of them out of the group after a little small talk and get to work
so first talk to the group and say what, "how is everyone's night going"
>they say something (hopefully)
"what's your name"
>they say something (hopefully)
"cool, can i talk to your friend"
t. autist with no social skills
You need to drink you fucking idiot wtf stop being a fag your being boring, don't overdo it but one or two will loosen you up.
go and be yourself
Bump
Get drunk. Alcohol is a social lubricant. Best case scenario another girl is drunk enough to play along.
Oh and have decent cologne and dress well but not too well
yeah for real start when you're still a teen.
i reccomend getting a job in retail or something that forces you to talk to people that helps a lot.
ok op here's my idea
just keep going to these dance places. its okay if you were shy the first time you went, it was your first time right? maybe you can take baby steps. for right now JUST make it your goal to talk to someone in the club and be HEARD. that can be your ONE goal. that is a pretty easy goal right? you dont have to ask them out, just simply say 'hello' or figure out something to say. once you hit that goal your confidence will go up. then make it your goal to tallk to one other person and be heard and bam your confidence will go up even more.
just make teeny tiny little goals like that so you can build confidence for now. once you feel like you've built confidence then maybe you can graduate to approaching groups of girls.
actually if its possible may just approach one girl but i dunno maybe thats not possible. its hard for me to get a picture for what this salsa place is like. are you saying there are virtually no girls standing alone there at all?
nah dont get drunk just maybe drink enough to have a soft buzz. there is a difference between being all out drunk and reeking of alcohol and just being buzzed.
thanks, i can try making those small steps
>are you saying there are virtually no girls standing alone there at all?
yes, it's like a regular nightclub i would think. the girls i saw came with their friends and stuck with their friends
maye another thing you can do (just to piggyback off of what another user said) is go to a bar and start a small conversation with the bar tender. they are paid to be chatty and talk to people so they MIGHT engage in a tiny bit of smalltalk with you.
if you do that then your confidence will go up because you will have spoken to a stranger. the girls that you want to approach are the same as the bartender - a stranger. so you can tell yourself 'ok, if i can talk to a bartender, why cant i talk to a girl?'
also when im at work and im hesitant to approach a customer because im feeling ugly and shy and shitty that day, i'll just tell myself, 'whats the hardest thing i've had to go through in life?' and then it will help remind me of how strong i am. if i can get through 5 years of college, if i can get through having to have 3 jobs for an entire year to pay off student loans, if i can get through my dog dieing, if i can get through scoring that job promotion that i'd been aiming at for 4 years, then why can't i talk to a girl?"
humans were designed to be resilient. pick out a mantra to chant to yourself if you have to. i like to tell myself 'i am unstoppable' that helps a lot. you're like a warrior fighting for survival.
typing this out i feel sorry for how bad it can be for guys in the dating scene. as a female i rarely approach people but i know guys are pretty much forced to do so and i know that can be hard but just know that you can build esteem even with rejection because eventually when you're successfull you'll look back on the rejections and feeel proud that you pushed past that.
you're welcome.
you'd be surprised how nice people can be when you're a complete stranger and you approach them.
if they reject you just say, 'have a nice night' to excuse yourself. thats what i do . the worst that can happen i think is that they sort of ignore you i wanna say they can't do much more then that cause then it'll cause a scene.
thanks for the advice