How should i break up with my girlfriend in an epic way?

Come on anons, OP has a simple request, an epic way to break up with his gf, I say take her out to dinner and have it end with a clown smacking her in the face with a cream pie and handing a balloon that says "whore"

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I read some user drove his gf to a remote mall then excused himself to the bathroom and blocked her phone and went home.

Nah we need something that OP can actually record and share with us so he can prove he didn't pussy out

True. Being in a relationship is an artform, and im trying to paint a masterpiece with this breakup, im excited its gonna be fun.
>keep in mind my goal is also to be able to fuck her on the side in the future so i dont really want to humiliate her.

>break up with her in an epic way
>continue to fuck her
Pick one

>psychopath
not quite, but he does sound like an untrusting insecure douche.

Just imagine the quality of girl OP attracts?
I'm sure she's real special.

And yet its a refreshing change to the usual incel tier trash we're flooded with on this board

I'm not an incel,
I have an awesome hot gf

And we were in a long distance relationship for a while, and I can tell you from experience if you do not have an end game it is a terrible thing to be in.

faggot

>You guys haven't had sex in a week
>But you'll fuck her later
>Dont confront her
>Tells Jow Forums behind her back

OP I don't see anything wrong with this. You are obviously 100 level headed.

Wasn't calling you an incel sperg, was saying the board is flooded with them, but nice to see you suddenly jump on the defensive, something wrong with this gf of yours? How much did she cost to ship over from Taiwan?

No
i'm stoned and assumed you were being aggro because this is Jow Forums

Also i wouldn't call this post a refeshing change.
99% of posts here are driven entirely by insecurity. This is no exception

Still better than the thousands of "how do get gf if uggo?" threads

"we haven't fucked in like a week oh no the world is ending oh god oh fuck!"
Grow up, and fucking talk to her you crybaby. Imagine crying because you haven't got your dick wet in a very very short amount of time.

He's screwed if he ever gets married, once a month he's gonna have to go a whole week without sex if not months at a time because he forgot their anniversary

>The r9k containment barrier has failed

Well fuck that. Im not gonna be in a relationship where she uses her pussy power as a weapon.

Yea i am insecure when it comes to relationships. This is my second long term one. I was GETTNIT IN before we started dating and was feeling great about myself. Now i feel like an insecure mess and im not gonna sit around and wait til she wants to fuck me and i dont feel like cheating

I love this idea

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QUICK! DEPLOY THE SECURITY TEAMS TO FEND OF THE BOARDERS!

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>im not gonna sit around and wait til she wants to fuck me and i dont feel like cheating

that seems like a rather mature and fair stance

OP here. Pic related just in boys, this is getting good

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I told you she still wants fuck

>I want you
>to clean me up after Tyrone is done with me.

Has she shown that she's using her pussy as a weapon? God do you two still fuck when she's on her period? Not every girl wants to fuck 24/7, please grow some balls and stop being such a little bitch. Since you seem angry enough, you shouldn't have any trouble breaking up with her.

I know, right? This guy doesn't seem very mature or stable.

F

Not decent case, guy picking fights with women because no sex equals no desire from her. When a dude is pissy, silent, and nitpicking on her instead of doing and kind (like you are after you get sex or how you used to be in order to get sex), you kill her libido. Stop being a stupid fuck. You won't find pussy as often or as soon as you think you will if you dump her.

At least he was smart enough to remove her number from the image unlike in the original of pic related

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Stop throwing that word around. It's like counterfeiting m, or false criminal allegations. Your potty mouth is hurting actual victims of psychopathic abuse.

Thats the thing user, you cant worry about if youll get pussy elsewhere, gotta have an abundance mindset and not settle for less than what i want. Anyways i already have a few hoes lined up who i could fuck tonight if i wanted including a cougar/sugar mama who i stopped fucking since i got my gf

Cont.
The problem is i really was in love with my gf but im not now :(

Then why do you care if you can still fuck her after dumping her? Hire the dammed clown already

Let's be real here, you only came to Jow Forums for validation in your paranoia didn't you?

Basically.

We're here to help people solve their problems, if you wanted someone to stroke your ego whilst giving you a reacharound should have gone to Jow Forums

How about be a mature human being and just break up with her.

Bro honestly idk what to do. I like her a lot but im not trying to be cucked

Alright now that we're finally through the bullshit denial phase we can sort something out, are you absolutely sure she's even cheating on you? Because you're only actually being cucked if you're willingly let it happen, all you can do is either keep going until you find out for sure, she ends it or you end it now because you feel you can't trust her and move onto other people that you both can trust better

Fuuuuck man. So i guess ill wait to find hard evidence. But its gonna be difficult if shes deleting evidence already. They are so sneaky i sware

If she is banging dudes on the side and not showing you any affection then it's just gonna be a matter of time before she decides to end it herself so all you can do is brace yourself for that chat, either that or you make yourself more desirable than the other guys. Just give it a couple more weeks neue deciding if you're going to end it yourself, see if the situation changes and if you still feel the same and want to end it because you can't be a pleasant bf to be around if you're constantly suspicious of her even if you pretend otherwise

Actual good advice, thanks user

You're welcome, and if all else fails you can still use my clown suggestion for when you catch her banging chad

This would be EPIC AF.
But before the clown walks in and smacks her with a pie OP should walk out on her to stick her with the bill.

If you show her how much this affects you, her malicious enjoyment of being a cheater will only grow a thousandfold.
So.
You tell her you felt her she has been distant lately, you tell her that probably this happened because you have been distant yourself in the first place.
You have been distant because there is this girl at work/ school/ neighbour you kind of having a thing going on.
You tell her you want to see where it's going to go and that maybe both of you need a break. Not actual break-up just something temporary.
Then you cut contact.
She is going to dig for info. You won't give her any details. You will one-word reply her text. Be always friendly, but like with a friend who has bad breath, like you want to listen but you want to get out of any conversation as soon as possible.
Never give into her curiosity and you will get the revenge you want.
If what's really going on is you want to dump her but can't because you can't get pussy in any way outside of rape, then keep fucking WHILE you tinder your dick all over the internet until you find somebody else.

Oh fuck lol I remember that thread. They contacted the chick and let her know that that retard she was talking to was posting her conversations on Jow Forums right? Good times what a retard.

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No no, he gets on one knee, the ring box says "you are dumped"
Then the clown with the cream pie

OP, those are mutually exclusive

Get her pregnant unknowingly then make the other guy raise your kid.

Indeed he did user, indeed he did

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I swear OP if you do this and get a friend to record it I will paypal you 50 bucks