Boyfriend and I broke up earlier this week. He had lied to me for months about loving me. He said he just didn't love me anymore after being prompted from a friend to actually break up with me. He promised a future that didn't exist, and I had panic attacks from the way he pushed me away and treated me. I tried to make him happy, to the point of subservience. I knew something was off, but he'd always tell me I was paranoid everytime I tried to talk about it. It hurt so badly, and I thought he was the one.
After I realized the kind of person he was, I don't love him anymore. Those feelings feel like they evaporated quickly after a confrontation with him. but I dont know if I have residual feelings hidden, and if I do, how do I get rid of them? How do I avoid this in the future?
I didn't know what else to do. It felt like I couldn't make him happy anymore. I thought that was what he wanted from me. Is there a reason guys do not like that?
Alexander Gutierrez
He sounds like he was emotionally abusive, and it's good things ended.
Currently going through a break up myself, from a 2 year relationship. The best advice I've gotten is that my brain is used to receiving happiness from and with my ex, so everything is painful. Even doing things I like is difficult. But you need to get out and do things that you like and make you happy regardless, so your brain can disassociate your ex with happiness.
Every person is different and likes different things. Personally, I do not like pure subservience because then it's just like a slave. It's lonely to be the only thinking and decision making one in a relationship like that. A girl with substance, goals, and passion is what I like personally. But that's not to say some level of subservience isn't nice.
Jose Johnson
Yeah. I think you're right. He brought out the worst in me, and no longer tried to communicate with me. It got to the point where I was so afraid and in pain that I thought I had to be physically punished in order to make that feeling go away and punish myself for not believing him. I thought I was right to do so, but in retrospect, I can see how horrible I felt and how fucked up it was.
At this point, I just worry if I'm not acknowledging a deeper feeling, because I've had two dreams of trying to repair it, but in reality there's absolutely no option or desire to do so as far as anyone is concerned.
Gabriel Morales
I guess I'm not sure if it's my brain decompiling information, or an unresolved issue.
Jackson Sanders
I think you're caught up with what could have been, and you're sad about all the blood and tears you put in to the relationship that is now lost. These are pretty human things to feel, but to repair yourself I think it comes down to investing yourself in other things and getting happiness from other things.
What you've described is pretty manipulative and emotionally abusive, and I think you can tell there's something wrong too.
I've never been in a bad relationship like that, but if you were this hopeful and willing with him, a guy that treated you unfairly in many ways, try to imagine what a relationship with someone right for you will be like. I think when you're with someone that treats you like you should in a real relationship you'll be much happier.
It all takes time regardless, but the best thing to do is what I said earlier.
Jaxon Perry
This is probably some of the best advice I've ever gotten, and you're right. I should focus on moving forward even if I'm unsure what to do now. I don't think I can be happy if I think about it much further. I'm tired of feeling lower than dirt. Thank you, user.
Noah Sanchez
You're welcome, and I'm happy I could help. I'm still struggling with my own break up too, but I found that blocking her in every way I can has helped a lot as well. Thinking about her less has been very good for me. Good luck user, we'll get through it.
Owen Kelly
Agreed, it'll pass. If you ever find yourself having a hard time with it, my kik is omnilithies A burden shared is a burden made lighter. Happy to talk and distract whenever you need.
Christopher Flores
Give yourself some time, but also don't avoid meeting new people. You might make some new friends but also have a lot of opportunities to talk with people that won't have any misconceptions about you and won't judge you. And oddly enough, I met my girlfriend 2 days after a rough breakup. Everyone told me I was just in a rebound and being emotionally fucked up. Turned out things went very smoothly for the past few months. So anything can happen, you can't predict who you're going to meet. That's the beauty of it.
Chase Morales
Hit up one of your orbiters.
Dylan Nelson
>how do I get rid of them? Remind yourself of the way he treated you.
>How do I avoid this in the future? Look back and try to find the first warning signs that he was the type he was. Look out for these next time.
Xavier Walker
Sent you a message. Always welcome to talk with me, but you should know I'm not exactly in the best place myself. We can try to fight through it together though, if you'd like.
I met my ex a month after my last girlfriend too, we dated 2 years and it was the best relationship I've had. What you said is true but not always the best idea. I was still not over my last girlfriend. At this point dating someone else would make me feel dead inside I think.
Michael Mitchell
This is gonna be looked down upon I’m sure but a rebound actually helps.
It helps your mind free up so you can feel like there’s happiness in other places as well. It’s a balancing act. If you don’t find other opportunities you’ll trick yourself into thinking that that was your one shot and you blew it. On the other hand if you try to indulge too much you’ll soon not be rebounding but trying to find that old happiness in short shitty interactions.
I’d say feel sad for a couple weeks then rebound, then find yourself. It’s all part of the journey man.
Samuel Murphy
you sound like a painful person to be in a relationship with. get your fucking shit together and install tinder and ubuntu
you sound clingy to the point of being annoying as hell
Evan King
Hey hey, user, speak for yourself! Sure, you may not like it but what of the rest of us? Really I'd quite like a slave-wife; shame these things aren't as common these days. You'd be hard pressed to find a women who doesn't earnestly believe that she's entitled to rights nowadays. It's a shame, really.
Aaron Long
my woman is basically like a slave. we like it
Benjamin Barnes
I guess it maybe depends how much the new person get you invested, idk. I can't explain it myself. The breakup was kinda weird thought, this can also have it's effect on how fast I moved to something else.
But without finding someone else in mind, talking to people outside of your usual relationship circle will allow for discussion without filter and I know it personally helped me a lot in the past. Good luck to both of you!
Ethan Kelly
few suggestions if u have left over residue or after affect since your incident:
*if u are strong, get up n pick yourself up. no body is stopping u. *do something to erase every relatable items, burn it throw it. *go out travel or move out far away. no need to visit the same bloody place. *go exercise until tired, eat, sleep, repeat. make your mind occupied and busy. *do something good, help charity, help at the old folks home.
if u are able bodied, it's the mental thoughts can be recovered, many physically disabled people or victim of raped have it worse after break up.
be strong.. good luck.
Hudson Martinez
>He had lied to me for months about loving me. He said he just didn't love me anymore after being prompted from a friend to actually break up with me. He promised a future that didn't exist why does this keep happening? I can't stand this, it seems like every woman had a guy in the past who she had sex with because he pretended to love her. I just can't stand it
Nathaniel Johnson
That's literally what I was asking about. Maybe, but I'm just trying my best. Well, it's difficult when you get put in the dark and want to fix things. Maybe that was the case and I'm annoying as hell, but it should have ended much sooner if it was. Kinda agree desu, but that's why I want to be certain there are no residual feelings. It was a year long, and I think the feelings were legitimate until the last couple months
Owen White
A girl I knew that I loved to the moon and back did the exact same thing with me. Promised a future and broke it off, after ignoring me for a long time. She was Bipolar and maybe this guy has some kind of mental illness too. I wish that stuff like this wouldn't happen. Promising something and especially talking about a future together and marriage, while also planning to break up is a horrible mixture.
As long as you're looking for a brighter future, it'll pass. Just remeber that after the rain, follows the sun. Read some books like siddhartha by hesse, do some thing with your friends, maybe pick up a new hobby. Just distract yourself for a bit, but don't forget to allow yourself to feel bad. It's a part of the healing process I wish you the very best for your future femanon.
>It was a year long, and I think the feelings were legitimate until the last couple months that is why you get him to marry you first. A man who actually loves you WILL be willing to marry you before you have sex, 100% of the time.
