I met a girl on Tinder a few months and and had been meeting up with her at weekends...

You're fine. If you had an understanding from the start that it was a FwB and now she is reneging on that. It's not on you as long as you were clear from the start with your intentions. If you really have no feelings for her, ghost her. let her know it's over.

You are overthinking bullshit. Ask her on new date and talk to her, not Jow Forums. People change all the time.

>i cant find serious relationship via tinder
It doesnt matter how you meet your future wife. Stop falling for memes. Every peraon is sort of unique. Stop generalizing and go talk to her.

Well yeah, I find with my good bro's usually when this situation happens it's a case of saying one thing and doing another. Not on purpose, it's easy to get carried away with the intimacy, and then forget to ever talk about where you're at with each other and what it means to you.

If that's the case, if you explain and apologize you could end up with a pretty cool friend you can talk sex with.

You guys are all right and I'm grateful for your replies. I've heard these things can be complicated but part of me wanted to experience something new.

Done it now and it isn't for me

OP i agree with the other people, you maybe should've communicated more continuously especially if you noticed that she might be developing feelings. but really that is equally her responsibility. other than that this is a case of her signing up for something she later on changed her mind on and wanted something else...

also, how do you get to the point of having superficial sex? I've only been in one relationship so far and it ended recently, it was my first for everything. now i kind of miss the sex, but a relationship is not something i want right now as i am leaving for a semester abroad in 3 months anyway... how do i find someone to have non serious sex with? i only kind of know the way of falling in love to get to the point of having sex.

I don't think meeting up for another date is an option any more. She asked me did I not ever see it working long term and I straight up gave a sorry but no.

This is as much communicating I need to know its time to draw the line. And any further calls or discussion I fear would only mess with her head and make things worse.

Yeah, all the communication on this was initiated by me, we really should have clarified our intentions throughout.

Well I get that you might be craving something physical after the long relationship, but as you can see from this conversation I'm maybe not the right person to be dishing out FwB advice.

If you want to go down this road then
Tinder is probably the easiest way to go about it since you likely have no ties with the person i.e. mutual friends. But if you must, then tread carefully and follow the advice of these other anons

Fair cop.

Yeah I don't agree with the people saying "never FwB," or whatever. I think casual sex holds wonderful moments and memories for people, and is invaluable to certain lifestyles. Ideally it can be done with more finesse than this, but how else to people learn?

I think the same thing as OP is about to happen to me, if I'm not careful.

Also you're never going to get away without hurt feelings, hurting is a part of loving, two sides of the same coin.

Just wanted to chime in here and counter all the dude bro talk generalising about women. I (M) have had FWBs where I have travelled with them, movie nights et cetera. Not all women are after relationships or angling to turn a predominantly sexual/companionship dynamic into romantic. It is about boundaries and having these sorts of relationships with people that know themselves and what they are looking for. Someone who can say, "I am looking for X, Y, and Z. You are not those things, user. We have pretty great sex and get along well though. Let's just enjoy that." You then have to not be jealous about other people they date and continue your romantic life/endeavours. If you notice they are not dating/investing too much of their time on your FWB relationship over romantic connections and dates, move on.

Keep in mind, these women were in their late twenties and early thirties. Cannot comment on young women.

All true, man.

Have to be careful with these things as its getting involved with other peoples emotions.

If you don't mind me asking, what's happening with you? A Tinder FwB sort of arrangement?

Sorry some actual advice.

Get into the habit of taking girls out. Here are the rules.

1. You must want to sincerely go to the thing you are going to, whether it's a concert, bowling, a bar, etc
2. The girl must be 'available.' I know that sounds weird, but it can't be your mum or your sister, or married to your landlord, or someone you can't fuck for whatever reason. Now you may very well not ACTUALLY be able to fuck this person, but this is more about your own psychology than anything to do with them, it's so you don't set yourself up for failure.
3. You must do this at least 3 times a month, preferably more.

Ideally you will be asking out a babe you feel fantastic chemistry with who you know will dress up like a star and make you feel like a champ.

When you first start out it will probably not be like this and you will be going out with your friends you don't really want to fuck at all, and have to call your brother cause of last minute cancels and so on.

The point is to make it a habit. Eventually you will get GOOD at it, after a few years you'll be a pro. Don't even worry about sex, that'll all flow from being able to show someone a wonderful time 1on1.

I am an older user and this advice is pretty on point.

Also, invest in yourself. Learn about the world, travel and so forth. Women are really attracted to men with well-earned worldly knowledge and tales. Yes, we are talking about women here. Fuck Instagram models and your run of the mill next door neighbour. Go to a dive bar and meet a tattooed lass with some stories to tell over some tumblers of scotch, sleep with a beautiful Italian girl you drunkenly met in Portugal talking about the latest novel you read, make eyes at a woman in a cafe and tell her she is beautiful even if it is unrequited.

Fucking do it you young bastards.

Not Tinder. But this woman who has recently divorced. I like her, she's really nice, both of us agreed we aren't serious, both of us emotionally destroyed from previous relationship.

But 2nd time fucking it turned into a pretty "serious" kind of fucking, and a lot cuddling. Now she's messaging me heaps.

I still don't want to be serious but I'm thinking she's changing her mind.

Well if there's anything to be learned from this thread, maybe its time to reiterate the boundaries that you guys set and check that feelings haven't changed since then. You never know it might have been just great sex

just to add to this, this only works if youre already physically hot (upper quartile). girls dont want to go out with ugly guys, though you may be able to convince 1 each month (>3 a month is obscene for uggos). additionally, stories, experiences and general worldliness are only appealing when attached to hot guys. girls will find you interesting, but not attractive

having interesting life experiences (dont limit this to "finding myself xd" travelling in SEA) is worth it in and of itself though

Look, there is surprisingly a lot of wriggle room in that definition of 'hot' with women. There is also a lot you can do with your style to maximise your appeal to women.

This BS about 'upper quartile' is self-affirming nonsense that only circulates on these types of boards. No woman worth your time and has interesting stories is weighing you up on some scale that only some dweebs on the internet are mythologising.

Now scram, kid.

I wouldn't worry too much about this. People will fuck a good time, an audacious time, an exciting time, just as much as a good looking time. People are bored, find yo groove, so long as you are actually creating the opportunities it'll come.

If you're 1on1 social skills are stellar, this will incline you to understanding appropriate dress and grooming as well. Goes with the territory.

Also don't be surprised if the actual fucks come later. Sometimes months later you'll run into someone you had a one-off "habit date" with, and the timing will be right for both of you and you'll start fucking.

not really, theres a definite composite of what is considered generally attractive but of course theres rare exceptions in both individual guys inside an arbitrary girls distribution and individual girls fitting the trend

youll also find that 'BS' circulates in industry with a focus on looks (media, fashion, advertising). go to a casting call sometime, its very revealing. so i think ill trust what the professionals whos income relies on this believe rather than some 30 yoboomer

sure, just the ordering of what girls value starts with good-looking, then exciting/audacious and then good (which i assume you to mine generally friendly, funny, etc.) with power gaps between each. that is to say, you can be a funny guy but youll lose out to the hot guy 9/10, where that rare victory is usually due to that girl finding you more attractive than the typically hot guy

and yes you can wait around for girls to run out of options, valid strategy but not one im interested in to be quite honest

This user is on the money.

I am an averagely handsome guy (some people find me average, some people find me attractive--nothing more, nothing less) and I have had relationships and prolific sex life with a lot of beautiful and intelligent women. A lot of these happened because sexuality is very complex. I have had women who wanted to sleep with me because of the sound of my voice, they liked the way I dressed, I had made them feel something they had not felt about world, et cetera.

Your body does some talking, but not all of it. You can stretch beyond it and make it something more. Humour, wit and developing charisma in how you have conversation never go amiss in any aspect of life, let alone romance.

>run out of options
Do you live in a small town?

if girls find you attractive or average, you are in the upper quartile of men (top of the S curve. thus, any advice you give cannot be considered generally applicable. congratulations on your good luck, but bear in mind the myopic effect your looks have when attributing your success

smallish, 200k in europe. i was more referring to girls relaxing their thresholds as their youth fades

>composite
>distribution
> trend

Ah, the pseudoscientific babble comes out to play. You are defining attraction purely in corporeal terms. If you take attraction more broadly, it refers to invoking appeal, desire or interest. Your body does that, but other dimensions of your being do that as well. Also, you are not factoring in that perceptions of attraction are context-dependent and are being filtered through very complex social and cultural systems (that exceed media, fashion and advertising). Just look at the variance of what is considered an 'ideal' aesthetic throughout history. People who were not conforming to those norms were definitely still getting laid. This is contained in your own choice of words which are (ironically) united in the them of variability.

>wth a focus on looks (media, fashion, advertising)

This in and of itself should show you the variability of attractiveness. There are elements you can say are strongly correlated, but you cannot de-contextualise the idealisation of these products to the everyday dynamics of people. You are overdetermining the power of mass media in the one-on-one interactions of people within a dating context. If these ideals as rendered through photoshop and less-than-candid photography are that strong, very few people would be getting laid.

>go to a casting call sometime

Dated an actress and model who made part of her living acting and have performed in plays myself. I can tell you that there are attractive women on catwalks and acting in plays have some goddamn average looking partners that bring something else to the table. A lot of people who in these professions are aesthetically pleasing (like walking artworks) but you do not necessarily want to fuck an artwork.

>rather than some 30 yoboomer

I will just keep enjoying fine wine and meeting women. You can keep chatting to your friends who parade about between casting calls and self-consciously appraise your looks. Sound like a deal?

i didnt say attraction isnt a complex function of many factors, just that physical appearance is the dominant one. we live in one point in time so previous anchor points in what was considered attractive is irrelevant

completely missing the point. there is an anchor point that moves about over time representing the intersections of whatever dimensions are considered attractive. it moves erratically in things like fashion but much more slowly on a societal level. current archetype is the 'tall, dark and handsome'

we arent talking about women but men, nice reading comprehension

Jow Forums

you better record and save all your initial conversation in case she report you as abusive or worse a rapist.

you can filed a court case of not to bother you or 10 meter range around u.

All the above, good luck

>just that physical appearance is the dominant one

How do you know the weightings of each individuals' attraction to another? Would studies in controlled contexts (i.e. present visual stimuli) be biased towards aesthetic appraisal as the predominant modes of assessing attraction? What about the variability of emotions and place on those weightings?

>we live in one point in time so previous anchor points in what was considered attractive is irrelevant

Time =/= space. There are a plurality of contexts, i.e. spaces. Spaces are socioculturally constituted. People exist and can exist multiple spaces with their own anchoring points and correlates of aesthetic attractiveness specific to that context.

>current archetype is the 'tall, dark and handsome'

Actually, the composition as generalised to global patterns is closer to Eurasian or mixed ancestry.

Your definition of 'attractive' also just referred to another masculinised synonym for attractive (handsome).

>we arent talking about women but men, nice reading comprehension

Erm, not following. I am bringing women into discussion by way of explaining the variability of the attractiveness of men to said women, i.e. my statements pertain to the attractiveness of men.

Sound a bit gay, but I swear it is not.

past literature and studies. yes. longitudinal studies/repeat sampling

certainly, but even in highly busy environments with multiple overlapping spaces (eg NYC), one eventually dominates and subsumes the others, which will reflect the dominant one even if not completely ingested (eg hijabis wearing designer jeans). more to the point, its possible to be in the bottom half of all contexts

thats just a rough name, a model. it doesnt preclude any ethnicity, in fact eurasian, middle eastern etc. fit it quite naturally. dark refers mostly to complexion and eyes, handsome refers to skull shape

these partners would still fit the above model

>past literature and studies. yes. longitudinal studies/repeat sampling

Not quite getting to the nub of my questions insofar as researchers are interjecting an aesthetic-based definition of attraction in their research designs and this is replicated in the purported 'dominance of looks' in understandings of attraction.

You are now also moving to diachronic studies, which, as I said before, have reflected variability of what is aesthetically attractive over time. They also generalise across multiple idiographic samples and then make generalisations.

>more to the point, its possible to be in the bottom half of all contexts

Yes, this is possible, but my original point was that "there is a lot of wriggle room in the definition of 'hot'" not an objection that there are some people appraised to be aesthetically displeasing across all contexts. The fact is someone could be 'hot' in one context, but be ugly in another.

> handsome refers to skull shape

This is the strangest definition of handsome I have read. Are you currently cradling a phrenology bust and looking for certain nose lengths?

this is why you never have just one FWB. look up any dating forum, if you gonna do the FWB thing you gotta either have or be actively going for other sexual partners. otherwise you latch on to the FWB.

>how do i find someone to have non serious sex with?
that's what all these swipe apps are for m8.