The guy I've been dating for 4 months just updated his dating profile slightly, and I'm trying not to freak out...

The guy I've been dating for 4 months just updated his dating profile slightly, and I'm trying not to freak out. He very much gave off the impression that he wasn't seeing anyone else, and even mentioned in passing that he wasn't using his app anymore. He only changed his job title and removed his hometown, but I went to his profile to check and it was definitely updated within the last week.

Am I reading into this, or is this genuinely something to be concerned about? I'm so fucking confused I thought things were going so well and I really feel like my heart is breaking and I did something wrong. I thought we were very close to becoming official, and now this happens and I'm thrown in a tizzy. I wanted to have the what are we conversation, but now I'm not sure how to compose myself and whether I can even trust him.

Am I freaking out for no good reason? Or am I fucked. I really feel so fucking bad right now.

Attached: heartbreak.jpg (275x183, 6K)

idk anything about your relationship but from the way you're freaking out it sounds like you're coming off as needy/desperate

I'm playing it very cool with him in real. I mean for gods sake it's been four months and we're not even official or tried to define the relationship at all. We spoke about not having seen other people since we started seeing each other, and he definitely gave off that vibe. We go on dates and see each other consistently. That's why this is so confusing to me.

Bump :(

If you see this I need some help

Get in a relationship with him. Ask him if he wants to be your boyfriend.

>He very much gave off the impression that he wasn't seeing anyone else
Yeah but did he ever explicitly tell you? Unless he says the words “Let’s be exclusive,” don’t assume you are. If you’re really serious about him, have the where-is-this-going talk with him next time you see him. But updating his profile is already a fuckboy red flag so don’t get your hopes up.

No he didn't. You're right it's a red flag.

Fuck I'm sad cause I just feel like this just means the good time is coming to an end. But perhaps it's better now than before I'm in too deep.

When I use dating sites I immediately disable my profile when I go on a second date with someone. You're being endlessly triangulated with other women and this manic state is a natural result of this type of situation. You need to tell him how you feel. It's possible he's unaware of what he's doing but it's more likely that you've found yourself involved with a narcissistic guy.

Really? 2nd date? That feels so early.

Fuck fuck this is really bad for me. I didn't even like him that much to start but then we started hanging out more and I started to get more into him. I was hoping the same would happen for him and I guess I was just an idiot this whole time.

>2nd date? That feels so early
I agree. That other user can do what he wants, but until I’m exclusive with a girl I’m not disabling shit. Two dates doesn’t always mean much in today’s dating scene.

That's what I think so as well. Also I live in new york where no one becomes exclusive super quickly. Lot's of my friends say it takes months for things to become serious. But even then, most of the time because it's new york, everyones looking for the next best thing.

Bump

>bumping after six minutes
what the fuck is wrong with you. what more advice could you need.

Hey I can bump if I want to

Just trying to get more perspective here

I know what I like and most people I date off these sites do not go any further than a first date.

If I go on a second date with someone I have a lot of interest in them and I want to give them my full attention and I want to put them at ease that I'm not triangulating them in the background with other people. Dating multiple people at once past a first date is destructive in my opinion and I think you're starting to feel why I feel this way about it as well.

Why the fuck especially he still have a dating profile

You're right, most definitely don't go past first date and that is very true for me. He literally told me he didn't have the app anymore (but still didnt delete his profile cause I saw it was there). He also said he hadnt been on any dates since we met up.

I also find thats he usually free when I ask him to hang out, which makes me think if he was seeing a bunch of other girls that wouldnt be possible.

He didnt delete his profile, but he said he deleted the app.

Don’t just bump without saying why you’re bumping. How are people supposed to add to your thread if they don’t know what more you want? Bumping after only a few minutes is pretty sad though. If you’re this needy on a Jow Forums thread, god knows how you’re acting with this guy.

If he's updating his profile he hasn't deleted the app either. Do you want a long-term relationship with someone who cannot be honest with you in the first 4 months of dating?

She's already in too deep even though she wants to believe that she isn't and she's in distress. Her persistent need for feedback is a result of her situation.

See I'm not sure if he was lying, or just something has changed.

But I guess in all likelihood after 4 months of dating, him still poking around this app must mean he's not very serious about me right? Even if he isn't trying to set up dates or anything.

How often are you seeing each other?

Listen I'm not denying it. I recognize I'm going crazy/distressed.

OK. Considering all of the above, when's the best time to ask him about it? Right away when we meet up? After we have sex? The morning after?

I've never had this conversation with someone before.

Once a week typically, but sometimes once every other week, and rarely twice in a week.

definitely not after sex

maybe right before sex, but if he gets the impression that you're manipulating him that could go badly

Why definitely not after sex? If anything that's when I thought would be the right time. Like during pillow talk or something.

Did the once every other week thing start recently?

No it started out like once every 2-3 weeks at first, gradually became like every 2 weeks, now more like once a week and its been once a week for about a month now.

Alright. Well, I think it's time to be honest and that means making yourself vulnerable to rejection. The more you put it off the more it's going to hurt. He also needs to be honest with what he wants. If he doesn't know what he wants that's ok but you should know that so you don't get hurt. If he tries to keep you roped in without being honest you need to protect yourself and cut him off even though it will hurt.

I think it's probably about time anyway. I think 4 months almost 5 is stretching it without having any idea of what we are.

I feel like he's gonna say something I'm not gonna wanna hear. I just wanted to avoid the feeling of rejection but I think it's inevitable at this point.

I think he may be trying to gauge how serious and invested YOU are in the relationship before he goes balls to the walls. It's a smart move. I don't think he's tryin to play you. Play the game, yeah. And that's because a lot of women these days don't want a relationship. they just want casual fun/FWB that sorta thing. (although, this isn't always made clear) And he probably is well aware of this and is trying not to look like a fool.

Or yeah, maybe he's just not that into you... But i think he is. Just ask him if he wants to be exclusive. Simple as that.

Yeah, this. It's 2019. The vast majority just want to have fun, low pressure, no strings attached fun. It's not that everybody has given up on love... it's just, they just wanna have a good time with people and if someone ends up being "the one", then they'll go for it. But meanwhile, people just wanna fuck and have fun. As long as everyone is open and honest and communicates this shit early, it's whatever.

But it sounds like he hasn't been open and communicative with you, has he, OP?

What makes you think he actually is? I feel like everything I've said would indicate that he isn't actually into me, and I'm being played like a fool?

No he hasn't, but he isn't a very open and communicative guy. A big part of this puzzle is that he is a reclusive/introverted/likes to be alone kind of guy. Therefore, it's hard for me to tell what he wants because he is hard to read.

> "He very much gave off the impression that he wasn't seeing anyone else"

>"I thought things were going so well"

>"We spoke about not having seen other people since we started seeing each other, and he definitely gave off that vibe. We go on dates and see each other consistently"

>"I also find thats he usually free when I ask him to hang out"

>"...pillow talk...".

>"started out like once every 2-3 weeka...became like every 2 weeks... now more like once a week..."

^ that's everything you've told me and its what I based my perspective on

Sometimes you women can be your own worst enemy.. I really don't see why you got your life vest on preparing to jump ship when you aint even left port yet!

Relax sweetie! It gon' be awlryt

Well maybe I was seeing things the way I wanted too and I was fooling myself.

End of the day he still felt the need to update his dating profile :/

Also I asked him to hang out this weekend and he said he couldnt. Im going to just wait to hear from him now and try my best to play it cool.

well best thing to do is be cool about this.
First, you may think everything seemed cool but infact he maybe bored.
2nd, he might want to break up because the spark is gone, I am sorry to say.
or he is the type to keep flirting so he can bring that feeling back to you. Still not cool but its possible. If anything dont expect much more from him.

It’s just strange cause we just had a very nice date that i thought went well. We’re very comfortable with each other now. Im starting to think maybe I got too comfortable with him and he didnt like that side of me?