My boyfriend's alcoholism

I'm a recovering alcoholic (but yeah American xd). If it's habitual then it's abuse.

If you drink any time you go to a social outing, or whenever you're emotionally vulnerable then yeah, you have some sort of issue.

Honestly OP, you’re screwed. Take it from a high functioning alcoholic who masks it, and cuts back majorly in relationships... nothing you say to him is going to work. Putting demands on him is going to be more stressful, leading to more drinking, and in all honesty, you and he will never see eye to eye on when it’s “appropriate” to drink. I think it is in all social settings where alcohol is available for the most part. You might not.

The best you can do is be supportive, maybe talk about setting limits for relaxing on a certain day... my mom lets my dad have three beers a day, or does a 20 drinks a week limit. It’s helped them to work together on it.

Nah. If you feel bad, you have some kind of issue.

If youre ok, youre ok

You can't feel anything meaningful when you drink you dingus.

> I was brainwashed by AA to believe that if you've ever enjoyed alcohol, even once, that you're an alcoholic with a myriad of psychological disorders.

I never went to AA :U

I understand my post might have been vague, so let me try to explain a little further. My partner has past trauma and has been locked into himself for a majority of his life despite his family's efforts in helping him. He has been depressed for a majority of his life and the reason why the alcohol is a problem is because he will always drink in order to solve temporary issues like stress, emotions and meeting people. He always drinks when we're meeting new people, he wanted to drink before meeting my family (I told him no), he wanted to drink before his first day of work, basically: he uses alcohol as a solution to his problems. But alcohol isn't a solution, it is temporary.
I have denied him access to alcohol because of this and because both him, and his mother, have told me he used to be an alcoholic (their own words) and that he'd sit in his room 20+ hours a day, doing nothing but playing video games and drinking alcohol. He didn't go outside, he didn't go to a doctor, he did nothing to improve himself because he was that depressed.
He is currently not an alcoholic, I am just worried that if I am not strict on this he will become one. Call me his mother all you want, I just don't want to see him fall down into that slope again, especially because it is not fair to himself to handicap his own emotional growth by relying on alcohol to feel better.

So rather than quitting it cold turkey allow it in very small doses?

I used to be a hard drinker as a 20-something.
Now I barely have 2 beers a month. Granted, I smoke weeds.

He’s using alcohol as a crutch so you’ll probably need to hold an intervention for him.

This can be controlled with blow jobs.

He's going to drink if he's going to drink. You can't stop him, you can only push him away by trying. If that's your goal then continue going as you are. Otherwise, leave him to his own decision making unless he starts becoming abusive etc. Really it isn't any of your business, it's his life and his decisions.

Encourage him to go to therapy and maybe get on medication that can relieve the feelings that make him drink in the first place.

I'm like your boyfriend. I drink every day because it's the only way I can feel emotionally okay anymore.

Yeah, I’m like her boyfriend too. I’m not sure how he’s supposed to solve his anxiety of meeting new people with just some magic wand. Lots of people drink when they meet. It loosens you up.

Unless you’re talking about putting him on medication like Xanax, which is just as bad.

Or is he supposed to just “get over it,” because you don’t feel that way and therefore refuse to try to understand it, OP?

This
You're not here to quietly debate. Ultimatums are the result of an adult forced to respond to another adult who is being childish (no matter the reason).

Yeah there's no way to fix it with a magic wand. He needs professional help the best thing OP could do is try to get him to see it as the problem that it is and feel motivated to get help. How do you motivate him? I don't know.

For me I felt motivated to try to reach out for help because I gained tolerance so I have to drink more now to get the same feelings, it's expensive and a money sink, and I'm scared whats going to happen to me and I don't want to give myself liver disease.

>Or is he supposed to just “get over it,” because you don’t feel that way and therefore refuse to try to understand it, OP?

OP absolutely do not be like this and use coercion and ultimatums. The drinking its not the problem the problem is the reasons WHY he is drinking and that is the thing that really needs to be solved or the drinking will not stop.

I don't want to get him on meds, I think he would benefit from opening up and talking to a therapist though as he has a lot of other past traumas that are still affecting him to this day.

I'm just worried that he'll convince me to let him drink whenever he wants, and he'll end up drinking every single day to the point where we only interact together when he is drunk.

You keep saying things like
>let him
>allow him
> He asked could he, and I said no
Throughout your posts ...and I gotta say, it's really triggering me. I don't know why he's staying with you at all lol.

I could go into a book about our relationship, but I'm keeping it small so we can just deal with this specific issue. I do have controlling tendencies, but they come out of my experiences with him, not because I was like that in the first place.
As for the last quote, if you aren't comfortable with something then you need to speak up, I am not comfortable with my partner being drunk meeting my family.

That's a bit blanket.
I'm a high functioning alcoholic and it's causing no strain on my relationship (6 years). Just costs a bit of money and probably not great for my health.

Everyone has vices. So here's your advice.
Does he drink to relax? Leave him the fuck alone. You're being controlling and probably even making it worse. You'll sabotage your relationship being like this.

Is he abusive when drunk? Is he behind on bills and rent? Is he legitimately ruining his life? Does he drive?
Now there's a real issue. Urge him to get help. It so deep nagging won't do shit. If e won't drop him.

But please for the fuck of love, if the dude just likes beer, you're the one wrong here.

She's BLATANTLY the one wrong. Did you even read all the posts? She's a control freak through and through.

He drinks frequently, but not heavily. I'm worried about the implications it could have on his health? He doesn't want me eating sugars at all, or smoke, or do any recreational drugs like weed, so I don't see why alcohol gets a free pass.

I think the bf is also wrong to be using alcohol the way he does but I see no hope for this situation because OP seems to lack empathy and therefore will not be able to help him.

She should just break up with him if she doesn't want to deal with it.

I'm being as curt as I can so I can keep the issue isolated. I will agree though I've not got much sympathy for this specific issue.

I can't break up with him for another year, and there are other qualities that I do like about him so I'd like to be able to find a compromise on this so neither of us are uncomfortable.

I said empathy not sympathy.

Doesn't matter. Not your body or concern.
You will lose him if you don't stop.

I've already tried to dump him several times and he won't leave, so I don't think that's the problem.
The problem here is that he'll keep drinking and I'll just stay with him.

Shoot his ass, you dopey bitch.

Then what do you even care? Also you leave.

How much is he actually drinking, like 4-5 beers a day? Or like a handle a day?

4 - 5 beers a day only gives you a slight buzz if you're a habitual user.

I have to admit, like the other guy, I'm getting annoyed by your "let him" and "allow him" talk... I'd dump you so fast your head would spin. Why did you end up dating an alcoholic?

Did he want to "get drunk," or did he want to have a beer or two to loosen up? You sound like my mom, who watches someone drink a Miller Lite over the span of an hour, and then calls them "drunk." It's because she rarely, if ever drinks, and doesn't realize that a grown man who drinks semi-regularly doesn't feel anything from that.

To be honest, I'd bet this guy is sneaking shit from you when you're away, because of your attitude.

Agree here.

No one lives forever, baby. It's stupid that he controls you on that shit though, another reason this relationship sounds stupid as fuck.

If I don't monitor it he drinks himself to a stupor. Also please do dump me, I don't wanna be with someone who doesn't enjoy being with me anyway.
He wants to loosen up all the time over the slightest problem. I compared it to me having a smoke every time I was stressed which he agreed was a pro lem, yet alcohol is fine?

I knew a woman who denied her alcoholic husband drank and so he got busted for CP. addictions are indicative of other issues. Leave him idiot.

Well, smoking causes stress to build up and give you the release from the addiction... but no, it doesn't mean alcohol is "fine."

As an alcoholic myself, I totally understand that drinking in every stressful situation is bad, but you're also adding a layer to it, where he has to second-guess himself every time he picks up a beer. It ironically makes you want to drink more, to forget how much drinking just a couple of drinks turns into a contentious argument.

It sounds like he has a lot of tension in life, so small things are bigger than they need to be.

Don't nag him about it, it'll make him more annoyed and in turn want to drink more.

Encourage him to be healthier instead, and say you find it a turn on when he exercises or something. If you just nag about a symptom of a larger problem you'll just come across as annoying. Encouragement to be better as a whole will help things fall into place. Try to do more things with him instead of just waving your finger at him.

That's what they all say kek

Allow 1-2 beers a day.