>blissful 4 dates >never run out of things to say >be honest with each other to avoid playing mindgames, either accidentally or on purpose >can't keep our hands off of each other whenever we meet >call to schedule date #5 >completely out of nowhere: "we should stop seeing each other" >"it's because there's no chemistry between us" (ouch) >"also we don't have enough common interests" >"you're probably wondering, no, I'm not seeing anyone else, my life is too busy for a relationship right now" >"but I legitimately enjoyed our time together, user, really. you are a very intelligent and fun person, it was a good time"
I don't understand, it all went so perfectly. The only negative signal I ever got was that it was "too early for her to come over". She is by far the cutest girl that ever showed any interest in me, and on top of that she has a very good head on her shoulders. Very honest, no games, very knowledgable, very mature and respectful, even during this difficult part. And I was the same to her.
It was one hell of a difficult phonecall for me (didn't seem so for her). I told her that I appreciate the honesty, but that this is still very difficult for me. I heavily disagree with the "no chemistry" part, perhaps it is one sided. It pains me to hear this, but I respect her decision, however I'm not going to give up, that I hope she can give this another chance.
She said there's no point, but agreed to talk again once I gather my thoughts.
Here is everything I ever wanted and she even happens to be my type. I'm used to rejection, but this time the walls are closing in on me, and I'm past the point of caring if I have to do something embarassing to try and save this. How do I unfuck this? I haven't seen anyone even remotely as amazing in about five years. What the hell do I do, Jow Forums?
Come on, Jow Forums. Someone must experience with this kind of thing...
David Torres
Yeah, usually not after 4 dates but I've had a couple dates go really well only for the girl to say they don't see it going anywhere
Zachary Johnson
>however I'm not going to give up, that I hope she can give this another chance.
You can't talk her into it, that never works.
The only solution is to walk away. Don't chase when someone doesn't want you.
What you say is, "Look I thought this over. I'm interested in being more than friends. Let me know if you change your mind."
Move on and don't look back. if she does call back, great, continue on. Otherwise, you gotta let this one go.
Brandon Walker
Maybe she is scared of commitment. Wait one week and then invite her out somewhere. If she will keep struggling, use the phrase >just as friends Remember, friends grope each other all the time.
Alexander Edwards
The proper response to that is asking if they just want to fuck instead. >user I'm too busy for a relationship right now >how about just hooking up then? Works a lot more often than you think.
Daniel Russell
>Yeah, usually not after 4 dates This is why I still think there's a chance of saving this, no matter how emotionless she appeared today.
I think I might've been too open with her on the last date. I made it very clear with my words and with my "body language" how much I want her. But I never said that we should be official or used the word "love" or any of those traps...
>You can't talk her into it, that never works I'm very surprised by how she flipped the switch. She's still respectful & courteous, but now emotionless and unshakable over the phone. I think you're right about not being able to talk her into it.
I'll probably do what you're suggesting, but I ain't gonna lie that this is tearing me apart on the inside. I'm wondering whether to suggest maybe trying until the end of the month, since we really do get along great. Or maybe tell her that I'm moving to Switzerland in September, and I'd like to try with a time limit until then. Or maybe we can be FWB because I fucking want her man. How could she not tell from the 20 minute groping makeout sessions and use a line like "no chemistry".
>you gotta let this one go I'm going to take this one to the grave if it doesn't work out. I was ready to forego my Switzerland contract if it meant being with her.
>I'm very surprised by how she flipped the switch. She's still respectful & courteous, but now emotionless and unshakable over the phone
She HAS to be cold. Otherwise, you'd think there's still a chance and you would cling onto false hope.
Joshua Smith
She is a bit shy, but idk about "scared of commitment".In the very beginning of our acquaintanceship she made it clear that she's looking for something "long term".
I honestly don't know. She told me that I'm a "greedy kisser ;)" on the last date. Looking back I think that she may have been a bit uncomfortable, but she was smiling. She could tell how hungry I was for sure, and we spent some 20 minutes feeling each other up. She said it's too early to go further, though.
After that we just walked around and I opened up about some personal stuff, while slurring my words from the excitement. She didn't seem affected, though. Maybe it's not the commitment she's scared of...
And yet, we still hung around for a bit with flowing rapport and got a goodbye kiss. I don't get it.
I would prefer the full package, but this works too, I guess. How would one suggest this? Keep in mind that this is a somewhat reserved & "proper" person, who told me that she's looking for something long term.
Too bad, I still have plenty of hope, even if I have to humiliate myself in my attempts.
Samuel Stewart
Serious women have to be very, very careful about who they court. They have a lot to lose when they're trying to select a mate. The way that sexual politics work is that most women at any point are chased by dozens of men who would kill their mothers for a chance to take them out for coffee. But once they pick a husband, that's it. The chance of a better man coming along closes. Childbirth ruins their bodies. They have to sit in the house and raise the child, watching your career boom while theirs crumbles. Then there's the pressures of normal relationships. The "good times" where you two had fun will disappear as stresses you can't even imagine will begin to pile. You see, women have a gamble. Women have to hope that the guy she picked will still be a good partner when the bad times come and she's vulnerable. She has to have confidence in you when she's going insane and doubting herself.
Good women will reject any suitor, for any reason, because there is lots of competition and the stakes are her life.
Don't take it too harshly. The best way to move on is to get another girl.
This happened to me multiple times. There's no reason to examine it. Just move on. There could be any number of reasons why she ended it and there's no reason to believe you did anything wrong.
I dated this girl for like 2 months. We had a great time, lots of sex. She was the perfect girl. Then she just ghosted me. No response via text or call. Nothing. I was like 2 years later on Facebook she was engaged to some fat guy. I'm in shape, handsome, big penis. So it's like what the fuck?
But women man. No reason to ever examine why they do the things they do or what their motivations are. Just have fun and get what you can get out of them. You can take that to the bank friendo.
Adrian Nelson
>Keep in mind that this is a somewhat reserved & "proper" person, who told me that she's looking for something long term. Another fool has fallen for the facade.
Jonathan Perry
What stakes? We're still young. Besides, she made it very clear that she's not seeing anyone else (without me even bringing it up). We've been autistically honest with each other so far, and it's one hell of a breath of fresh air.
At least you got sex. "Lots of it", as you said. Amazing, meaningful sex with a person who wasn't just another pointless hookup.
My dating pool is restricted because I am only interested in this kind of person. I've been around the block long enough to know how to ID them dude, especially after 4 dates...
Lincoln Mitchell
You feel bad now? Be glad that's she telling you after four dates instead of leading you on and telling you after four months or four years.
Is that what you want? A one-sided relationship where you're throwing money and affection on someone who has told you they don't love you? Because that's what you're going to get if you continue pursuing her.
Logan Garcia
I would be perfectly happy to keep this going for four months and end it in time for my overseas contract. With the added 50/50 chance that I grow on her and things work out in the end.
And seriously, someone telling you they don't love you after 4 dates? What the hell are you talking about I don't know if I love her either. I want to give this a shot and see where it goes. I'm sick of not being given a chance.
When I was young, I started dating a guy who was clearly in love with me. The problem is, I discovered after 5 dates that I didn't really love him back. But instead of doing what this chick did and cut him off early, I was a coward. I thought I would hurt him if I broke up with him. I dated him on and off for half a year until I very awkwardly pushed him off me when he tried to initiate sex with me. Because I waited, I ended up hurting him even more.
Isaiah Edwards
>no sex 6 months in I would've cut you loose not long after the 1 month mark. Were you physically repulsed by him?
Charles Gray
If you're happy orbiting a chick who's clearly not into you, you are the actual definition of a cuckold and I have no patience for you. Good luck in Switzerland.
Jeremiah Carter
You're not qualified to give me advice if you're talking about "love" after 4 dates, and the type of coward who dunks on people on advice boards. I bet you have no patience for other things as well, and you just let life wash all over you. Keep it to yourself. I'm going to go for what I want, you just sit there and shut your trap. That's the definition of a cuckold.
Gabriel Wood
>I was ready to forego my Switzerland contract if it meant being with her
this is too beta man. You clearly rely on women to make you happy. You need to be a man and stay on your purpose.
Andrew Bennett
>. I'm wondering whether to suggest maybe trying until the end of the month, since we really do get along great
Nah man, she dumped you and youre chasing her still? Have some respect for yourself and her. I don't want to give you false hope but moving on is actually the best way to get her back.
Women are fickle things. So I'm no surprised by her attitude change.
> I was ready to forego my Switzerland contract if it meant being with her.
See, things like this where you sacrifice your career for her is just too damn desperate. You shouldn't have to my dude. The right one will come along.
All the best
Jayden Barnes
Srry forgot to namefag
Josiah Moore
Money comes easy. Relationships do not.
I studied hard and as a result am succesful enough in my career that I will never have to worry about sustaining my lifestyle. Why do you think she opted for the word "intelligent" during the breakup? I don't need this contract. But it would be a convenient plot device for why I only have time until September, if she wanted a time limit on the commitment.
> You clearly rely on women to make you happy I already have everything else
It's the fact that a woman is able to steer you away from your purpose is what's troubling.
Well I don't know the specifics, but look at it this way. When a man goes into war, for example, for his country, of course his woman would try to hold him back. But does he stay? No, he goes on to fight for his cause. I hope you understand what I mean.
Ethan Stewart
Look I appreciate what you're trying to do. The thing is, by September I would know whether this was worth continuing or not.
And what purpose? Every single time in my life up until now I have chosen the career over the woman. Now I'm sitting on a pile of money completely alone, and lacking certain skills. Gold diggers don't count.
What difference will it make if I'm running in the career hamster wheel making 180k instead of 140k, if I had to sacrifice my happiness to get there? I've already given too much. I'm not going to make that mistake again. And I can't bear to see the rug pulled from under me yet again, especially when I was this close.
I will most likely do what you suggested, and tell her to get back to me if she changes her mind. Or maybe I'll fumble it and lose my composure because of how invested I am. But please do let me know if you think of anything with a higher chance of success. It took me an astoundingly long time to find this person and I have the resources to put my entire life on hold if that's what it takes.
Jace Nelson
My advice is the best course of action. It's counterintuitive but it's really the best for you and her as well.
And whatever you decide to do. Don't ever act on fear, fear of loss, fear of never finding another one!
> It took me an astoundingly long time to find this person and I have the resources to put my entire life on hold if that's what it takes.
I understand this but she has to come back on her own. In the meanwhile you also have to care for yourself, so you shouldn't be holding on to a vain hope.
Maybe she was looking for a really long term relationship and you werent the one for her? Don’t fret, the outcome was not up to you.
Easton Powell
>why she's not ready for a relationship She's not "not ready" for a relationship, though. She flat out told me that WE should stop seeing each other. That means me being undesirable.
Anyway, I think I'm going to take her up on her offer of answering questions tomorrow, and ask her the whole questionnaire on what I did wrong and how did X action make her feel. Because honestly the curiosity is killing me, and I might even get a true answer. Perhaps I'll even get to find discrepancies and explain things that were misinterpreted, but I'm not counting on it.
Then follow up with "if you change your mind (...)"
I mean, it's not like I'd be killing my non-existent chances, right? Or...?
Ian Barnes
Did you push her? Made a comment that had her blushing or giggling? Challenged anything she said at all?
It sounds like you would be great as friends, not as a couple.
Camden Murphy
>my life is too busy for a relationship right now
Same thing my dude
Just remember: stating your terms/offer and walking away is the best move. There's really not much to be said by her leaving you like that.
Anyway keep me updated. Best of luck to you.
David Turner
Yes to all four
Kayden Perez
>my life is too busy That was just fluff to make herself feel less bad about it. Before she came up with that she very clearly stated that I should stop seeing her because she doesn't feel the chemistry and that we can't talk about it but not in person from now on.
Cooper Brown
that we CAN talk about it, but not in person*
Nolan Fisher
Then make yourself scarce, if she enjoyed the attention you gave her she will surely miss it once it's gone.
Henry Powell
Nah fuck that.
“Let’s talk about how I dumped you and how I’m not gonna get u back”
Do what this user said. ^
Go in for your “talk”, tell her your offer and walk away. No contact forever unless she comes back.
Aiden Adams
been her plenty of times OP and she is being fair with you to cut this off now when she knows she's not feeling it and you are. Her/our wish is for you to find someone that will feel the same for you as you do. One purpose of dating is to see if there is anything to build upon and 4 dates is enough. She thinks not and you think so but do not mistake having a blissful 4 dates and being an adult as she tells you its not for her as your call to pursue with a different tactic.
Josiah Gonzalez
I wish I had a chair in my shower :[
Kevin Wilson
she's probably fucking someone else. Ghost out of her life and move on, she made her intentions clear.
Grayson Morgan
Seriously. Why do guys think if I go out with them 3 or 4 times I'm not also going out with some other guy too?
Christopher Rivera
What the hell are you two talking about? I made it very clear in the beginning of dating her that I will be seeing other people in the meantime unless this goes somewhere, and that I expect the same from her.
But then things went so well between us that I stopped, albeit without telling her. And without me asking, she said that she stopped too.
Sebastian Cruz
Whore.
James Morris
Women are attracted to purpose, which is easily confused with money but aren't the same.
If you feel comfy where you are financially and professionally, then maybe you ought to look higher. Women are replaceable, especially when you're only several dates in.
Go look up some patrice o'neal videos.
Tyler Peterson
just ghost her. She'll reach out if she changes her mind.
Anthony Perez
>she said that she stopped too well she wanted to start again
Oliver Davis
Move on.
David Sanders
You can't force her, you have to respect that she doesn't want to be with you the only thing you can do is move on
Landon Cruz
Its extremely unattractive to a girl for someone to pursue them when they aren't interested. It only makes your situation worse.
If she pulls away, you must pull away.
Colton Nguyen
>just focus on your career bro I've already fallen for this meme, you won't get me to make the same mistake a second time.
Do we really live in such a nihilistic world that the best thing is to sit on your ass and hope things happen to you? This is mind boggling
Isaac Long
>>completely out of nowhere: "we should stop seeing each other" Reply "ok" and drop her. She will be devastated.
Michael Johnson
I had something similar happen. "Best first 6 dates of her life," but she didn't have the time or money to spend with me. She did have the time and money to get drunk, apparently every other weekend. Some people just can't quite match their words and actions. We're all guilty of it every now and again, it just hurts extra when you're romantically involved with the person doing it. You've gotta learn to let go. You can't control another person
>Do we really live in such a nihilistic world that the best thing is to sit on your ass and hope things happen to you? You are being naive. She doesn't love you, she isn't worth your time if she just dropped you out of nowhere. This isn't you sitting on your ass, is the opposite. Go and find someone that is actually worth it.
Kayden Morris
Holy fuck women are dramatic.
Christian Hughes
It could be any reason, not necessarily your fault. Very good advices here.
I would say life is being a , you have many balls (responsabilities), like school, work, baggage, emotional issues, etc. Relationship is a huge ball to jugggle with. Some people know themselves pretty good to know when they cannot juggle with it. You were going in the relationship route and she just decided to end it because it's not something shes looking for, be by fear of commitment or literally anything else.
The first time this happened to me years ago i exploded with her by chat, not good.
Leo Powell
Makes sense
That's why the wall is such a huge deal for them
Tyler Turner
Too bad they play on easy automatic mode. They’d immediately pull a Kurt Cobain if they had to live as a man.
Angel Robinson
Last girl I dated did the same thing in a bit more fucked up way then yours and after a longer time but basically the same. She was both the cutest and funniest girl I've been with to that point. Anyways she wanted to be friends I said I dont want to be just friends and said maybe I'd get back to her when I've calmed down. Been 4 months now and I have no intention of messaging her again. Basically leave her alone and move on. You cant force feelings.
Brandon Morris
she met a chad, which bumped you from first place to second (or third, fourth maybe). everyone telling you otherwise is lying
Dominic Baker
So just take it like a cuck... Hot damn.
Jackson Brooks
Well find purpose elsewhere, clearly you've put a lot of effort into your career. What about your hobbies? Sports? Friends? All three get you more friends and more girls who you come into contact with.
But you got to live with the pretense for a few happy months
My career makes money, not friends
Noah Turner
Yep fuck you for that. Fuck anyone who leads on someone interested in them. I was in the same shoes as your ex and I'm still mad at the cunt that did it to me. I'll be very cautious about my feelings from now on die to that. Also answer please.
Daniel Adams
There always was a certain anxiety because I felt things were off compared to my last relationship. I never felt desired or wanted or even able to completely open up to her since she was pretty normie. Not much body contact either. Plus we only tried to have sex twice a few months in and it didn't go to well due to performance anxiety. There were signs I didn't notice in the moment but looking back it was clear where things were headed. Learn from it and move on. There will be others and it's not worth losing sleep over her.
Jordan Turner
Let it go bro. You like her but she dosent like you back. It sucks but take the defeat graciously and try to move on as chasing her despite what she said, is a bad look for both of you
Andrew Powell
>Do we really live in such a nihilistic world that the best thing is to sit on your ass and hope things happen to you? This is mind boggling
How is that nihilistic in anyway?
Andrew Young
Thread/
Justin Phillips
rofl men really fucking think the world revolves around them
that's literally what she wants
she has other shit in her life, right? she has family, friends, a job? for all you know, she has something going on that isn't any of your business, or for all you know, you said/did something that's a serious red flag for her. maybe she'll open up to you when you talk again, but if she doesn't, just let it go. it's creepy and obnoxious when you set a boundary and a guy just tries to push it as far as he can.
Joshua White
>rofl men really fucking think the world revolves around them It really does. Women just make babies.
John Clark
>The way that sexual politics work is that most women at any point are chased by dozens of men who would kill their mothers for a chance to take them out for coffee. >But once they pick a husband, that's it. A smart woman wouldn't go through men like a box of tissues.
Caleb Carter
proud of u user F
Anthony Davis
Which is why, OP, you should feel better about this. The way I would see it is she fucked up with ME. Not the other way around.
Eli Foster
Hate to kill ya but she let you down gently. Take the letdown and pick yourself up. And ignore her. She probably does have another guy. We have a saying in my family, about women: if she wanted it to work, she'd find a way to make it work.
So, focus on finding a girl who makes it work.
Cooper Carter
OP here. We talked. I didn't get any answers.
If I asked something, she would dodge the question. If I asked "was it xyz" she would always agree that it was xyz. She did this a lot now that I think of it - not answer your questions until you suggest something, and then go with your suggestion rather than ever saying anything about herself.
Judging by how emotionless and unaffected she is by this whole thing, I don't think I'll be hearing from her again. It also may explain why, in her capacity for cold hard logic and honesty, why she lost interest after I got emotional. Almost felt as though she were tainting me today.
In the end she didn't tell me what the red flag was.
Don't take this the wrong way but you kinda sound like a femcel man-hater. What would you tell an user who posted what you posted, but with the genders reversed?
Don't get your hopes up.
Another case of the man having to eat shit, while the woman can do no wrong.
I was literally bullied for rejecting a girl in the past that's as much into me as I am into the current one. Only I spent a lot of time telling her why, or what she can or can't change. When the roles are reversed it's still the guys fault no matter what.
Sounds like my ex. Don't be stressed over it, she's probably bipolar/a bit psycho.
No doubt she's actually interested in you, I do recommend avoiding asking her questions like that, being insecure, and overwhelming her emotionally. You have to take a positive attitude to make her want you. You have to make it seem like you've moved on, as hard as it seems, that will genuinely make her come back to you crawling on her knees.
I'm not fucking with you. Create distance, and make it seem like you're happy without her, and you'll fuck with her head. She'll say to herself "how can you get over me this quickly, I thought you said we had something together!"
>32 here Stop using your age like some kind of badge you absolute piece of shit I will tear your asshole through your goddamned mouth
Ian Wood
You think your special because your 32 and idiotically fucked up with women for years?
Matthew Lewis
I know who you are. Fuck you A.
Nolan Evans
what if a girl is in a relationship, and the last time we saw each other i kissed her neck ,after that we coincidentally saw each other and she was waving and smiling back at me and is still open to hanging out one on one
shes also submissive to me alot, i dont know how to continue
Camden Hill
Stop being underage
My advice to you is to stop being an awkward faggot and own your actions
If she's submissive to you, you're already 90% there, you just have to be yourself and prove you're not a loser by being insecure
John Smith
>she has a very good head on her shoulders this is where it all went wrong user. Smart women are never dating material, they always leave
Colton Reyes
I appreciate that you used "a bit" psycho, leads me to believe you might actually know what you're talking about.
In today's final followup phonecall, I told her that I'll try to keep my composure, since she really took me by surprise yesterday. Ultimately I failed, but I did get the message across that I will go no contact with her from now on, and that she should let me know if she changes her mind. She has no idea whether or not I'll have moved on because we have zero mutual friends, and I don't post on social media. All she'll have to go by is that I was a wet sponge the last time I talked to her, but kept the promise of leaving her in silence. What's your take on that?
Hunter Walker
Probably because they realize you're a loser sooner or later
Leo Taylor
Well I'm a rich loser then, if that's a thing. I'm hopeless with dating because all my life I focused on the career, and now everyone left in the dating pool is a single mother or has tattoos. And when someone amazing comes along I just don't have the skills to court them.
Jaxson Brooks
My man, the answer is to start looking for new girls, and the next time you message her, or she messages you, try to weasel in that bit of information, preferably that you've already found someone.
Worst comes to worst, she isn't worth your effort. You don't want to keep up with the games she's playing to eventually be her Prince Charming
Josiah Price
I don't hate men, I've been in a relationship with one for a decade. I would tell a woman the exact same thing. If someone else says they aren't interested anymore, you back off. You aren't entitled to an answer after four dates. It sounds unfair that you got bullied, but you can reject anyone at any time, for any reason. No one is entitled to a date.
Caleb Carter
>You aren't entitled to an answer after four dates You have got to be shitting me. I extend the basic courtesy of giving an answer even to homeless people begging for money. How can you say that you're not entitled to an answer after four sensual and feely dates? What is the matter with you fucking people?
Juan Richardson
No one owes you a fucking thing, just as you DON'T owe an answer to homeless people begging for money, even if you make the choice to give one out of courtesy. What's the matter with you? You think that she's obligated to let you hear what you want to hear because she made the mistake of going out with you four times? Maybe I'm starting to see why she fucking fled the scene.
Brayden Hernandez
>What's your take on that?
Nothing, you just move on from this chick. There's plenty of cows in the sea
Jaxon Edwards
>What the hell do I do, Jow Forums? Let go. She'll just pull away further and further if you chase her. It's over. Move on.
Jaxon Lee
Definitely not a man-hater. LOL
Xavier Sullivan
Like I said, I'd give the exact same advice to a woman. Someone letting you in to a small part of their life four times doesn't give you entitlement to knowledge of the whole thing and everything they think. Sure, if I were in her position, I would go out of my way to explain things, but she really, literally does not owe you that.
Justin Jackson
>Besides, she made it very clear that she's not seeing anyone else (without me even bringing it up). I think she was actually saying that she found someone better, but indirectly so not to hurt your feelings.
Hudson Watson
Nah I can kinda figure out what I did wrong. She lost interest
It's no wonder men run the world if this behaviour is considered acceptable for you
Parker Bell
>dude approaches you for casual dating >have 4 fun dates >he suddenly decides you're 'the one' >ohfuckno.mp3 >uninstall.exe >be upfront about it, telling him you're not feeling it >he fucking demands answers as if he was participating in an assessment center training >dafuq
And this ladies is why you ghost if you want to avoid unnecessary shit. People take rejection quite personal these days.
@OP, there's nothing to do but to move on. She's not feeling it and that's that. You can't talk someone into loving you, and you most certainly can't make sudden demands about going exclusive when you made it clear that you'll take a casual approach to this. If you weren't so clingy you could've turned this into FWB, but now it's over.
Tyler Reyes
>a demographic which was oppressed for centuries isn't ruling the world
Wow, I'm sure she sensed your red flags. She's got a good head on her shoulders indeed, lmao.
Joshua Butler
>And this ladies is why you ghost if you want to avoid unnecessary shit. This only happens once per guy. Don't be a dick
Wyatt Cruz
Not OP, but I just fucking hate this modern culture, this fucking generation who think they bathe in abundance and ghosting, but in the end, just feel more lonely and closed off, not being able to trust, not being able to love, not being able to stay with one person and always thinking there is something better out there.
Ryan Morris
I wish. Got spammed by a dude once for not messaging him before I even got home. Not a single case.
Seem to be guy-problems more than girl-problems.
Gabriel Howard
>Seem to be guy-problems more than girl-problems. Only until 30 years old. Oh, they will cry.
David Campbell
More wishful thinking. A 30+ divorcee got a British royal. Hell, an old neighbour who lost her virginity as a 13 year old to a 50+ married taxi driver, was a single mother to a son, became infertile shortly thereafter due to HPV-induced cervical cancer, married a neurologist. But I'm sure such fantasies are helpful when dealing with resentment.
