Are these being deleted again?

Honestly I’m getting too old for this and I have made no connections, had no jobs, am hugely in debt and am so isolated. Failing this semester just sunk the nail into the coffin.

I considered doing drastic things or ending my life altogether. at this point I cannot even force myself to socialize or apply to jobs and I can tell random people find me repulsive to talk to or be around anyway. To boot, I cannot even imagine having the motivation to do any meaningful job that isn’t something brainless and minimum wage, and those types of jobs kill me physically.

I just feel so trapped. I need help but idk who to ask. I don’t want to die but I’m not seeing any other options.

I'm starting to learn to love again

I thought I knew how and thought it was easy

I was very hard hearted.

I didn't want to love again after being broken so many times. I just became the weed, Cigarette, and beer drinking wise cracker

It shocked my body a lot to feel like this again.

I feel alive and happy

Thank you for being my friend B

you saved me

I'll become what you became to me

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Just want to tell someone this.

Had a dream a while back that scares the living daylights out of me, keeps me up nights as well.

>Start of dream is night time; approximately 1:00 AM
>three intruders enter house as me and family are sleeping
>all neighbors are away and neighborhood is silent
>two head over into parents rooms and start stabbing them in their chests
>not enough to kill but enough to watch them die slow deaths
>march them into my room which I share with two other kids
>all is kept quiet while other intruder walks over to me and tells me to wake up
>I wake up and turn around
>I see masked intruder smile as he holds rifle to my face
>Before I can make a sound he fires a round into my jaw
>Mom is screaming blood and my jaw and tongue are gone
>Intruders start lopping off parents arms with machetes like sausages
>Intruder two starts stabbing younger sibling with large Bowie knife
>other intruder starts raping sibling as he bleeds out in tears
>parents can do nothing but scream to God
>God doesn't answer
>Leader makes me strip and makes me face fuck younger sibling's decapitated head
>Makes me stand on bed and up against a wall at gunpoint
>In too much pain to do anything
>They then send 9" nails into wrists in a crucifix motion
>pull away the bed and watch me dangle on my wrists
>Start caving out my body with various knives
>nail my feet to the wall
>use family's entrails to write profane language, swastikas, "all niggers need die", etc...
>Apartment now covered in cops

Do sharks see divers as aliens?

>spray my body in gas and set it alight
>parents already dead from shot and blood loss
>younger siblings already dead from decapitation, brutal rape, deep fatal stabs, etc...
>cops fill the room with bullets of every caliber
>they paralyze me and eventually pull me down
>wake up in hospital with no hands, dead legs, no jaw, one eye, half of face gone
> i spend the rest of my life as a symbol of violence
>never get seen as a genuine human being
>never get to have a girlfriend, wife, kids, grandkids
>always seen as a pathetic excuse
>nation gets divided and a race war starts because of me
>live for several more decades eating and shitting into tubes

What does this mean guys?

Pls be my Canadian-Aries husbando

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that's so fucking specific

Holy shit. Are you going through a lot of stress by any chance?

I think you need to lay off the drugs.
Is the scary ass dream recurring?

No it was pretty nice weed actually
Started the good buzz at 12 am
then the dream started at 1
didn't stop until 8 in the morning

previous to that I had a dream about how the apocalypse would come upon us, would you like to hear or not (not making this up)

You should. If you're being literal, then you risk the next kind of natural disaster that makes the evening news, and if if you're being figurative, then you're talking about the kind of burning self-destruction than you seek.

People have seen worse, either way, though, and we're all in the same boat in terms of wanting to explosively immolate into our passions.

>not enough to kill but enough to watch them die slow deaths

Problem, kemosabe.

This oddly specific post might be about me, but I don't post shit about hurting people or revenge. I hold no ill will towards anyone.

That is probably the stupid "artist" schizo.

I'm a stupid artist schizo but I've literally never talked about being schizophrenic (on this board) or posted any related to art. In fact, I drew a picture of an old man smoking earlier today trying to emulate natural color on a tritan red-green blindness color pallette but I forgot to post about it.
Unrelated, how did you figure out who I am? I don't even post much. Stop being creepy. Are you God? I don't think I'm who you think I am but it's as Emily Brontë said about how some people share the same qualities as others if they were made of the same particles of stardust or whatever.

>I don't post on this board
Right, the mental institution posts about being a pretty lady for two years never happened. Still waiting on the person who spams two years, and the person who larps as a gangster to show up now.

I've only used Jow Forums since getting kicked off of a different board for being Off-Topic too many times a month ago. That user isn't me. You're the schizo here.
I'd tell you to get help but that's what the Jews want you to do. Don't give any Jew any money. They don't deserve it.

Yeah, artists tend to interpret the entire universe as if it was built for them, and they have some responsibility to return the favor by building something that might match it, but they also know they have fucking no way of even coming close to a fraction of a fraction of what the universe possesses.

So they just frantically claw at it however they can, and it's often completely unrelatable to anyone else, but sometimes it drives the numbers higher.

The thing is that if you can get 100%, you're basically god, so that's why people keep creating art.

It's tragically impermanent, but it is a thing among humans.

What are you, a Jew? I'm talking to someone here. Don't interrupt us. We're having a very intimate conversation about societal as a whole on the internet. Fascinating stuff. Anyways, fuck off. I don't have any money for you, grub licking cat testicle looking mother fucker.

Yes, I’d like to hear.

>the person who larps as a gangster to show up now.

Oh, you think you can just say "gangster" and have it be specific like that.

Like that word isn't just a derogatory term for people who affiliate with a different group than you, but you don't think you belong to a gang.

I mean, it's possible that most humans are the same, but even if they formed some kind of monotonous majority, would you want to join that gang?

That's why gangsters exist in the first place: they know they don't belong.

Listen to Claude Debussy and you'll know what I'm talking about: youtu.be/9uKVI6_Fm4g

Ever have those flashbacks you regret having? The kind you wish were just buried instead of found?

Just remembered the time my father went into my room when I was 16 pretending to sleep under my covers. At first he told me he knew I was awake, then calmly asked me to admit it. I didn't. I was afraid of being in trouble. He snapped. Started crying. Told me that he's mad at himself and he thinks he's a terrible father and he'll never be good.

Not sure what that meant. Only time it happened. Could be his traumatic childhood. Idk. Creeps me out though. He never says anything.

Alright I'm going to leave for the next hour.
Should any of you reply to me, I'll look at the last digit when this hour passes.
If it's odd, I'm drinking tonight.
If it's even, I won't and I'll buy something healthy instead.

No rerolling allowed.

Personally I could go for a drink when the work ends, but I have a feeling stopping for a while also helps. I am indecisive.

Fucking amazing...

youtube.com/watch?v=_hZCsgcKa-g

it's a good night tonight, Jow Forums.

Thats heart warming. I came stumbling home drunk when i was seventeen and forgot to drop my pants in the shitter. My dad walked in on me, "been drinking huh" and never said another word about it.

Rolling for drink

> I don't have any money for you

Well, isn't that a huge disappointment, considering what kind of monetary watershed the internet has provided for people.

If you want to have a private conversation, there are plenty of options.

Jews just recognize that whatever they imagine as an omniscient superior can't keep up with whatever omniscient superior would have to exist to that.

If bringing that up disrupts your "very intimate conversation," then you might want to consider the possibility that it's not actually that intimate.

What's worse: someone actively trying to seek love elsewhere, or someone who is able to fall in love without trying?

Asking for a friend..

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>order some manga from japan through zenmarket
>completely forget about it
>packages come, no one home to sign
>no slip left/slip slipped away
>wonder when my packages will get here
>check tracking
>attempted delivery five days ago
>wut hard as fuck
>try to reschedule a delivery
>your items have been returned to sender
Well, I just lost about 80 dollars in shipping costs and I don't even know if I will be able to have everything resent.

productivity

>I see floods and shifts and heatwaves that kill off millions and starve millions more in the next two-three decades
>Insects die off, killing off major crops
>Ideological and cyber warfare skyrocket
>Civil war scale riots across the US
>Supremacist movements across the US and Europe
>Shots of people breaking into houses of other races and cutting off testicles and crippling their ability to reproduce
>Lynchings return; various US states designated war zones
>Major cities all put on quarantine and high alert
>Class wars in developing countries send many into devolved states of ruin
>Meteor Aphopis, named after the snake God of Chaos in Egyptian myth which was wrestled away by the God AmunRa returns and strikes NYC
>Yellowstone erupts, California sinks into several earthquakes
>Global states issue messages for ethnic relocation: Europeans to Europe, Asians to Asia, etc...
>US becomes mullato and white state
>Migrations of Latinos move into US, people wish the wall was built
>Nationalities switch to Corporations which hold all of our resources and lands
>Price of food and clean living skyrocket
>Planet held hostage by corporations
>New vaccine immune diseases wipe out billions, make the Black Death seem like a scratchy throat and the Yellow Fever of 1919 as a sick day
>Nukes released after global war between various super nations sends the world into chaos
>More migrations now to the south
>Major cities now sinking as the poles begin to melt

>I am still alive in this scenario, but with fake arms and legs
>I find the Black Book which was lost when global movements to slaughter christians and muslims and jews goes underway
>religion seen as a blight
>events actually mirror events made in book of Revelations
>mutated and dormant insects living in frozen antarctic ice now start spreading boils and plagues across humanity
>most survivors now live in warmer mountains
>no one looks at the sky with hope and possibility anymore, only fear
>pedophilia now legalized and seen as common practice as similar as eating breakfast before dinner
>humans slowly devolve
>higher societies divided between 0.5% corporation head families from this age/30% working slave consumers and workers/69.5% pure slaves
>foreigners see that higher ups eating their child as a sign of honor
>names replaced with code numbers and social credit points
>mark of the beast is ID chip that allows you in or out of designated habitable zones
>animals seeking food with slaughter people not living in designated zones
>remainder nations come together to use the Black Book as a tactic to win the heavenly war
>huge conglomeration moves to battlefield of old nuked Jerusalem (first city nuked) as a battle site
>sky opens up and beam of light sends all the armed forces in the billions into ash faster than the Snapped in Infinity War

I then wake up

Reality of people who go to Heaven = 5-10% of all of human populations in history other 90-95% sent into the undervoid of constant unbeing

>mountain of work to do
>insurmountable lethargy and disorientation
It's a miracle I even get out of bed in the morning.

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the ol Catch 22

He wanted to see if you were awake or not and to tell you what he told you. He never intended on hearing you say that

This has to be karma for breaking up with my only girlfriend ever on her birthday. This has to be karma for leading all those girls on. Karma for breaking your friend's heart even though it was just bad timing and miscommunication. I would have done anything for you.

I’m sorry but this hug thing is kind of a deal breaker. Too bad.

Boomers are cancer.

I've met maybe two or three in my entire life that weren't greedy selfish pieces of shit, its all muh gibs.

I see no way out, no path to success. No one wants me to succeed either, only to pull my down.

Unfortunately something I've observed is that people like to kick you when you are down

It takes a true friend to pick up when you are down

Chin up buddy

Give it another shot

I want you so bad but you're not yourself anymore. I want the touch of a ghost but I'll take anyone now

I'm conflicted.
You have trips, which are an odd number of numbers, and yet your number ends evenly.

Alas, I guess I have to drink another day. But man I hate waiting and today sucked so badly.

I did this in paint with my mouse to try to replicate how normal color would look to a person who has red-green color blindness.
Honestly want to kick myself in the heels because this is better than anything I do in real life with a pencil.

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I've never really had friends since I started high school, and it's never changed 13 years later.

I've met so many people trying along the way, and I've met with old friends, but none of them care about what I like and they don't care about me as a person. I invest myself to get to know them and care about them, but it's never returned.

Why is it so hard to find decent people in this world? I want someone to talk to.

What are we call ing boomers these days 1945-1959?

20 years old, got pulled out of school a shit ton of times by my mother due to her distrusting the school system, So I never finished Middle School, Made a lot of online friends, lost a good chunk of them, And recently lost a really good one over them believing bullshit someone they had barely known for a few months had told them. I wish I had just blown my brains out with my fathers revolver when I was younger like he asked me to.

It's really quite good.

Hopefully I get caught up today. I find the only thing that gets consistent results is to just grind for in excess of 8 hours straight. Clearly I'm not very smart but I gotta do what I gotta do.

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fuck it

I'll roll for one beer

Come on odd

dammit

I accidentally got some hydrogen peroxide on my chin and it's making it itchy. Should I rub more on? (dubs means yes but I'd also like some personal input as well)

apparently my dad listens to kpop now. his shit taste reaches a new low

I just want to be free to be who I am

What's holding you back from doing so?

Stop. Just stop believing that you have to ask anyone before adopting an attitude. You don't, because you are a whole-ass human being.

You're not here to please anyone.

I love you.

The law.

hopefully not

The past, the world, everyone

My god, the native americans never died in your eyes did they

but can your love trancen

d time and space?I let go about a week ago man dont blame me

>but can your love trancen
Lol yes fren

I feel like if I was a character in some form of media I would be disliked. I'd be characterized as lazy, dumb, and as crying, bitching and moaning over things that are my fault and that I could have changed or done something about but I did not over my incompetence and cowardice. I also would likely not be seen as a good person.

But it sure don't wanna.

we haven't even been together for one year, but i feel like i have outgrown my partner. i'm starting to feel trapped and burdened again, but it took so much to be together that i want to wait a little longer.

>the native americans never died in your eyes did they
HOW DO YOU FIGURE?
Sometimes, I tune into the mariachi station on the radio just to listen to modern day native American music.

I’m tired of us. We were once something and now were nothing. You were once my girl, once my friend, and now you’re none of those. What happened? I wish I could go back in time so I can ask you what’s wrong but its too late for that. You told me it didn’t matter anymore and that what we had meant nothing and that tore me up. I’m broken and haven’t been the same since. I thought we both agreed on a break but that meant a break up to you. You mocked me and shunned me indirectly and looking back after that you wanted to try and get back together. At that point I was beyond broken and I was just happy to be with you again but realizing after, I was only in love with you then because of the past. You tore my heart again and I still don’t want you to go but i’ll be hurt endlessly with you and there isn’t a point to this. I just want to be happy but I can’t be happy with you anymore. I need to have you out of my life for good. Neither of us are obligated to each other for anything so this is my goodbye. I never wanted to say that to you but it is what it is. I love you and I’ll cherish everything we went through and I wish you a happy life. Good-bye

That's called "having a low self-esteem."

Remember that even the most obvious villains have fan-bases. As impressive as you'd have to be as a writer to create a character who is universally despised, it's really more likely that you'd be someone who a lot of people identified with.

Fuck, like there are literally people who think Hitler was pretty cool, and Charles Manson was proposed to in prison, so like... just keep that in mind.

Am I weird for believing in numerology? Like numbers have some instrinic meaning. Like the number 8 for example. 8 is a lucky number in China. If you turn 8 90s degrees, it becomes the symbol for infinity. There's 8x8 grids on a chessboard. 88 keys on a traditional piano. 88 official constellations. Also, I just found out apparently "88" is a term used by neo-Nazis, which is crazy cause I remember watching American History X in middle school, and I had a nightmare of being chased by Neo-Nazis.

Ironically, I hate celebrating my birthday.

K thats all. Love you.

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>Remember that even the most obvious villains have fan-bases. As impressive as you'd have to be as a writer to create a character who is universally despised, it's really more likely that you'd be someone who a lot of people identified with.

Interesting thought, ty user

we all have our superstitious pitfalls

mine with numbers is that I bring up the English spelling and translate it to Hebrew to get the meaning of the number related to a certain context

> As impressive as you'd have to be as a writer to create a character who is universally despised, it's really more likely that you'd be someone who a lot of people identified with.
You should check out the reviews of the main character from the game YIIK then. He's he's universally despised AND not relatable.

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intersting. i shall look into this

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I still unironically believe in astrology. I've literally NEVER been friends with someone who wasn't Gemini for more than a year and I get along the worse with Virgos, Libras, and Scorpios. That said, I find it odd that people act certain ways due to their birthmonth. There's some books that blame it on how their early stages of development coincide with what they learn in school and having an overall affect on personality but that's still a weak explanation.

I also pray to the Dao gods whenever I have a conundrum I can't figure out and sometimes shake my 8Ball for extra help (but it needs to be replaced. The water's evaporated).

Brain: say, you haven't been thinking about this useless individual for a while. Here's a dream to remind you that this person exists.

Absolutely obnoxious. Why does this even happen? So dumb.

>That said, I find it odd that people act certain ways due to their birthmon

I've heard something about this too. That the birth month has some effect on that person's personality, ie a person born in the summer is quick tempered and a person born during fall is moody, melancholic.

>relatable

Same. I don't know whether that says more about deep seated trauma or it just picks people at random

Ha. Did you sign up for those laws?

We can't let the universe win!!

this site sucks because they won't ban spamming off topic schizos, tripfags, and incels

youtube.com/watch?v=B5xZ-Qw9nE0

Breathing in the Redwood air of California today made me happy and looking at the moon knowing all of you faggots are enjoying it too.

Especially you - you giggling dolphin daughter

I hope you enjoy the moon tonight

Goodnight. I did my work for the day. Took me all day, but I laid out all the groundwork

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I'm terribly afraid to say that scammers are targeting my family.

I do believe that somewhere, there exists legal documentation proving that I am married to a woman involved with said scammers, and that said woman is waiting to poke her head back into my life at the precise moment that will benefit her the most.

I vaguely remember getting married, but do remember when said scammers entered my workplace, back in 2017, and attempted to extort me for $10,000 in exchange for a briefcase supposedly containing the marriage certificate and other essential legal documents supposedly bearing my name.

I'm greatly angered by the fact that these scammers are working secretly to isolate me from other family members such as my grandma, and are probably hoping for her to pass sooner-rather-than-later so that they can scam me out of potential inheritance.

If your reading this, grandma, I love you with all my heart so stay strong and live a long, long life!

God bless you!

It scares me to think that these scammers are waiting for the moment when I am most vulnerable to strike again.

I already had to fight these fuckers tooth-and-nail, by myself, last time around, just to ensure that I could go on living a decent life, but if I lose anybody else than I'm afraid that they will end up taking my life because I don't really have any friends and don't often if ever communicate with family.

Scammers like this are notorious for taking advantage of kind-hearted oddballs like me!

odds sleep
evens no sleep

I had a dream where he texted that he had five tinder dates last week and gonna have some this week as well.

I like her so much. I love her. We have so much in common. I want to be better for her even if I know she likes me as I am. I don't know what to do to make her feel better, to make her feel happy.

I'm bored of dating black girls.

I want to stop loving my ex please get off my mind i hate you sont talk to me ever again

I have no problem socialize with people
I can talk to upto 2 people at a time for hours
but when it's 3 and more, I become a neck-beard virgin who can't/won't say a word
when I hang out with a large group, I try to put myself at one end of the table so I can concentrate on one conversation....

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