My girlfriend has borderline and her mental illness is eating her up completely, she currently can't lead a normal life. She helped me with my personality disorder and changed me for the better (by accident). I want her to feel good and confident and want her to be able to handle everyday business, but thats currently not possible. She has no job, no income and no motivation, I managed to get her to therapy but she quit after 2 months. I want to have a family with her, but if she doesn't change this will lead to complete chaos.
Has anyone been in a position liker hers or mine and made it?
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There is no way morally to get people to want your help when you want to help. There are manipulative ways but I dont think you should do it. Somethings are just best to let the individual find their own pace. For me I wanted help to get better, I knew something was wrong because I was made fun of alot bullied and hated.
so there were times where people were trying to help but ended up making me more angry.
accept that she wants to be left alone but let her know its straining the relationship and she needs to figure something out and make a decision.
Caleb Cook
If you want specific advice you need to give specific detail.
Dylan Torres
Alright here we go. Since I learned in my therapy to analyse behaviour (mine and hers), I noticed some things. First off she wants to be treated like a child, which probably stems from her parents divorce and the fact that she didn't have a childhood because of that. She had to make incredibly difficult decisions for her brother and herself and had to endure her stepfather's narcissistic and manipulative behaviour. She was diagnosed with borderline and an eating disorder with 15 but her parents never acknowledged her mental state and just kept pushing her. They never really tried to understand her and thus they didn't help her. She had to quit school because she couldn't handle it anymore and has been living with me for one year, I covered basically every cost since she can't do that right now. She also quit communicating with her parents since she can't handle the stress they give her to get a job, which also means that there is no financial aid from her parents. She is going to loose her medical insurance since she can't attend the course to the job centre, which I will have to cover for too.
I get that, I just fear that I might loose her completely, which would be very shit for my psyche too
Leo Carter
I dont think you would. You will when you lose intrest in her, but that doesnt seem like a problem for you.
Kayden Green
try helping her understand her illness. it might actually interest her alot. i personally have bpd (im a girl who lives w her bf and almost got us evicted from our apartments bc of it) when i began to read up on my illness it made me feel understood like i wasnt a crazy person (ive also been hospitalized on 4 different occasions and facilities made me feel alone bc no one i knew had been through what i had). Try talking to her calmly and try avoiding any attack words, otherwise it may trigger her and completely turn her away. i would suggest letting her know how you genuinely feel (like the family stuff, i thought it was really sweet) it would warm her up to the concept of change. then gently point her towards getting her to understand why she feels the way she feels (the more understood she feels the better) things like therapy and medicine tend to make people with illnesses feel even worse bc its actually really isolating and it makes them feel like something is wrong with them. i remember being 13 (currently 20 next week) and having to leave class to go therapy. i hated having to explain to my classmates why i was always missing class,none of them understood, they thought i was crazy. i felt completely ALONE. reading up on bpd actually relieved me. i found out its actually very common (3 million cases per year in the us) ALAS I WAS NOT SO FUCKING ALONE. IM NOT CRAZY!!!! i felt fucking amazing, it made it easier for me to realize when i was shifting over to the person i fucking hate, the mean impulsive ugly me who screams and throws things and mutilates her own skin in a fit of rage. i realized thats not me, just a mere manifestation of my shit brain chemicals.
Benjamin Powell
cont i decided to reply bc i honestly thought it was my bf who made the post im literally in the same position just on the opposite side. i truly feel like i was meant to read this post. its 3:30 am ive been typing this for like 10 min trying to make it meaningful but im afraid im just rambling (to be completely honest im vodka drunk). basically let her get to know herself i recommend telling her to read up on OCEAN (the five big personality traits) its a great way to introduce her to understanding behavior in general. i know she'll love it. hope this helped OP ( i maxed out the word limit in my previous post)
Jonathan Diaz
I don’t think you understand what you’re dealing with...
“Borderline PD was so called, because it was thought to lie on the "borderline" between neurotic (anxiety) disorders and psychotic disorders, such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. It has been suggested that borderline personality disorder often results from childhood sexual abuse, and that it is more common in women, in part because women are more likely to suffer sexual abuse.”
My advice is to abandon her.
Jackson Price
Thank you a lot, I means a lot to me that I hear a viewpoint from the other side. I get what you mean about feeling like someone who is feeling like there is something wrong with them. I mean it's not like I don't know that feeling, I was hospitalised for 3 weeks and attended a clinic daily for 2 months. I just got better through the responsibility for my girl, the household and building our future. Thanks for the insight, I'll be sure to follow them :)
Evan Jackson
BPD. Run. I don't think there is any disorder in all of psychology which can destroy human beings and families as much as people with BPD can.
Egg shells, psychological splitting, and the only treatment that is marginally effective is a lifetime of dialectic therapy and counseling. I am definitely in the camp of "Lost Cause."
Blake Nguyen
>How to help someone who doesn't want help
You can't.
All you can do is let her know you're there to help when she is ready to ask for it.
Thomas White
By accident how?
Jordan Jackson
im ready glad you read it. im actually a misanthrope and fucking hate people in general but your post spoke to me personally and it wouldn't feel right to just scroll. dont listen to these assholes, you cared enough to ask for help. i know she is sweet and intelligent. we dont choose our chemicals. stick it out. i helped my boyfriend out of his depression, and he's been with me on this ride of bpd ever since. its crazy how similar our stories are. you're not alone. i wont lie and say i still dont have my occasional fit or breakdown but its not nearly as bad as it used to be. humans are flawed. unconditional love exists.
Easton Hernandez
I'm very aware of symptoms and how a person with bpd might feel towards someone. She isn't a typical bpd case though, she never really has outbursts of anger or anything like that, she has that under control and just ignored me for a while. I am just concerned about her not trying to improve since she only thinks short term and can't deal with that level of anxiety By the time we moved together I was diagnosed with anxious avoidant personality disorder and she hit very hurtful spots in my psyche. I went through it because I loved her way too much to abandon her. That way she showed me countless weaknesses that I could work on and improve
Samuel Price
Thanks a lot, that's really sweet. You're actually giving me lots of hope, thanks for your kind words, we are all gonna make it.
This. I had a BPD ex who convinced me I was the one with BPD. I didn't know he was had any mental health issue and he slowly and carefully manipulated and gaslit the shit out of me until I believed him. He basically projected all of his issues onto me, and then became physically abusive. I got out and have never before or after been in an abusive relationship like that, but I learned my lesson about BPD. It's not something you can save someone from, and they can easily destroy you. My female friends with that diagnosis are similar levels of stable then unstable.
It seems cruel, but I would stay well away from someone with this illness unless they were extremely committed to therapy. Since your gf refuses therapy, I would recommend you leave the relationship.
Lincoln Brooks
it isnt something to cure, it is genetic it seems.
Parker Ross
Bump, does anyone else have a matter on this subject?
