So I've been dating this person for just under a year now, and we were perfect together. Except for one major issue. She is FtM. I'm an idiot for getting into this relationship, but I was trying to meet people on Tinder after finally getting over a past gay relationship. Long story short, being gay was a phase I regret and wish never happened. Anyway I met up with her under the expectation that we were just going to be friends. But then we hit it off really well, better than anyone I've ever met. It felt like we were made for each other and I ended up falling for her pretty quick. But the problem was her being trans. As you can probably guess, I don't like calling her a guy because I don't believe in trans stuff. I have my own beliefs regarding that and I'm not really trying to turn the thread into a debate on trans issues. Anyway, we had a few squabbles over this early on but got through them and we both just avoided the issue from then on. I avoided using pronouns at all. She still looked feminine enough that people seeing us hold hands in public would assume we're a normal couple, and I was happy with that. But then she cut her hair and adopted a much more butch style and this made me uncomfortable being seen holding her hand or displaying affection in public. This got me thinking and I realized she would also want our kids to refer to her as a man. I just can't do that to my own children. I still love her deeply, but I know that in the long run this is better for both of us. I want to be able to hang out with her, though. I wish I could still hold her and sleep together, sex or no sex, just being in bed holding each other.
Should I try to stay friends? I told her I wanted to and she said she would think about it but that she's really hurt right now. But even if she wants to be friends, I'm scared it'll just be hurting her. I'm scared of what I'll do if it happens because I definitely still love her. But I can't be in a relationship with her.
Sorry if this reeks of high school tier shit (we're both in college) . But man I care about this person so much and want them to succeed in life and I want to do what I can to support that.
Elijah Reyes
If you're having issues now, it'll be a whole lot more complicated when you're married to the person. You made the right choice.
Kevin Price
Gender Dysphoria is a helluva drug. Also the DSM-5 still foolishly treats it by placating the mental disorder and encouraging it, so there really is no hope as she'll be met with praise mostly for the societal benefit of fellating the current political sacrificial lamb.
She's gone bruh
Noah White
Be honest about your feelings and gently end the relationship. Your only options are to be all in or all out. DO NOT attempt to cuddle buddy. This is a huge issue spanning over sexuality, gender, politic and general world view differences between you two. It sounds irreconcilable. It sounds like you know you need to end it but don't want the emotional pain. Work through it.
Jaxon Carter
Before getting back with him you should figure these things out.
But I'll tell you one thing, gender dysphoria indeed is a mental disorder. And so is depression or bipolar disorder. And as a mental disorder, the person suffering from it will have issues. Now, what would you say to a person with depression that you loved? You wouldn't say "Just stop being a sad edgelord already and smile. You'll get over it" would you? Truth is, yes, these disorders impair a person's normal function to live in a society. But that doesn't mean we have to exclude them or make their lives worse. You'd give meds to a person with depression if they need it, even if taking meds solely to function is very unnatural.
Same thing with a trans person. Yes, they'll never have the opposite sex's chromosomes. But doctors, who know more than you do, know that their suffering can be alleviated by presenting and living as the opposite sex, sometimes including taking hormones (meds). As of today, there's no better way of going about people with gender dysphoria and trans people, as humans, want to be loved. But if you can't accept him, and you don't have to, you shouldn't try to stay friends, as you'll keep hurting him.
Kayden White
You just contradicted yourself. You said you should treat someone with a mental disorder in the correct way, and then presented an example of poorly treating it by telling a depressed person just to smile. Giving hormones to someone suffering from gender dysphoria is just like telling a depressed person to smile. It's like giving someone with body identity disorder steroids to get the muscles they perceive to lack, or making someone with anorexia not eat food to get the body they think is healthy. You're doing more harm to them that way, which is why the suicide rate is at 40%, even with the current treatment method. It should be treated with something like pimozide instead, so they'll drop their delusions, instead of indulging in them. Using rhetoric like "people want to be loved" is just a rationalization to yourself that your sick treatment is the correct one, while it clearly isn't working. Here's a study on the use of pimozide: ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8839957 I would post the Swedish study based off the 40% suicide rate, but I think everyone knows that one by now.
Zachary White
>him honestly kill yourself, freak enabler
Jose Mitchell
>doctors, who know more than you do, know that their suffering can be alleviated by presenting and living as the opposite sex Absolutely wrong. For a start doctors are extremely well trained in understanding the human body but when it comes to complex mental problems such as gender dysphoria doctors really don't know a concrete solution. Many allow the use of hormones to "transition" gender but there's no evidence to support this solves the problem long term, and in fact there are many health problems associated with hormone therapy such as greatly increased risk of cardiovascular disease. The idea that hormones fix the problems of transgender people mostly comes from transgender people and those who view their problems as physical and not mental. These people are wrong and the current treatment for gender dysphoria to use hormones is the only one psychiatrists can think of other than CBT and antidepressants. Also >he
Austin Russell
>But doctors, who know more than you do, know that their suffering can be alleviated by presenting and living as the opposite sex The doctor that invented SRS and was the first one to support it and actually perform it ended up realizing it's actually a terrible solution and that these people just need therapy instead. So he stopped performing it. Being trans is not the same as being depressed. It's a delusion and nothing more.
Lincoln Jenkins
>Should I try to stay friends? I Why do women have this obsession with becoming "friends" with everyone?
Jaxson Myers
What fucking part of my post implies I'm a woman?
Nicholas Hughes
Dont tell her about ypur feelinhs if you have mutual friends she'll absolutely turn everyone against you for being an intolerant bigot.
>doctors You mean the same ones that found out testosterone administered in FTMs literally make their mirochondria dysfunction? Atrophying her vagina and forever altering her vocal chords and making the bitch bald sure is a sensible choice. Thats not even gettiing into the cancer risks
Jayden Ward
I already told her that the trans thing is why we can't be together. She's not going to do anything like that.
Jose Gomez
Does she question her own trans-ness ever? Also is she really into online stuff like twitter/tumblr and animeshit or is she relatively normie?
Lincoln Russell
She's very into tumblr and Instagram lgbt communities. It's depressing a shell because I can literally see all the things that got her to this point but she's too far gone for me to save her. I tried for the better part of a year to pull her out of this stuff. She has no mother figure, shit living conditions, and her only friends are pro lgbt people. It's a fucking cult.
Brandon Hughes
Tbh you should research all the shit effects HRT has on FTMs and the god awful bottom surgeries and lowkey try to convert her. Full disclosure i was the same way and seeing that shit made me more comfortable in being a tomboy/ masculine woman
Easton Miller
I've had a lot of female friends find out their trans suddenly... as an adult... and conveniently as soon as they are immersed in that social group. I have exactly one trans friend, who was always so clearly just a woman (tried so hard throughout childhood/teens to be a man) that I was just happy for her when she transitioned. I think in rare cases gender dysmorphia is serious shit. In other cases, it's a fucking university meme, like veganism or social justice.
I used to be a bisexual tumblr SJW, and I grew out of it. There is hope, but you'll only make people hate you if you try to control the way they grow.
Gabriel Ward
She already knows how awful bottom surgery is and didn't want to do it. She was on HRT but I managed to convince her to get off of it until we had kids because that shit fucks with your fertility. She was convinced she would go back in it after kids though. She acts nothing like a guy, she is 100% female but insists on being referred to as a guy. She has a HUGE pregnancy fetish and desperately wants to get knocked up too. Yet she still goes on with the trans shit because she has a psychiatrist who's full on "gender is a spectrum" and her only real friend is another ftm who also happens to be the one who "helped me realize I'm a man".
Christian Fisher
Oof yep thats definitely a transtrender
Ian Sullivan
And yet she acts like she's on a personal crusade against transtrenders and preaches about how you need a medical diagnosis to be trans. "truemed" is what she called it I think, idk. There's so many terms in the trans community I couldn't keep up with them.
Parker Ward
Sounds like you just need to accept the fact you are gay, and apologize to your boyfriend so you can get back together. Love is love.
I'm literally not, though. I had a phase caused by prolonged extreme social isolation. The shit she is going through is familiar to me because I felt like I had a personal vendetta against "prison gays" which I now realize is literally exactly what I was and it was just deep denial. I've gotten out of the house and become a functioning adult again and I feel infinitely better now than when I was some pathetic incel who spent 16 hours a day on my computer and was desperate for any amount of human affection.
Fuck off with your propaganda. This kind of shit hurts people.
Jeremiah Gray
Well you are at least some kind of queer person if you fell in love with a FTM. You might have to do a bit of research to find out what flavor. I suggest hanging out on /lgbt/ more.
Sorry kid :( You are going to have to morn the loss of your heterosexuality before you can move on to be happy.
