Reminder for the breakup-happy population of Jow Forums

It's true that you sometimes need to forgive your partner for their mistakes, but it should be common sense. Saying that you should forgive your partner no matter what is straight up harmful and enables abusive relationships. You need boundaries.

The only hearts I've broken were trash anyways. Conscious decisions to break agreements or disregard the relationship contract don't deserve to be in relationships.
You're welcome for my service.

Based ancap gf

I've been with my gf for 5 years. The secret is cheating when you can get away with it.

This, but not to the extreme. When i ask for relationship advice i ask for real advice, because i want to continue. Im so done with people breaking up after one fight. How entitled can you be

There is a difference between the inevitable small disagreements that have minor inflictions on the relationship, and abusive situations where one person is lying and forcing multiple rewrites of the relationship contract in order to reap from the other.

That's no reason to stop forgiving. Find a new man and forgive him unlimited.

You don't understand the difference between forgiveness and gullibility. It's a very common problem on this board.

You might be new here, but OP was referring to the spirit of this board.

I'm not really sure what you meant by that because your sarcasm splits in different directions.

But nobody is perfect. Even great people make mistakes, which was the precise point OP was making. Not sure how you missed that.

OP's talking about mistakes and forgiveness, you're talking about incompatibility. Totally different things.

Perfectly compatible people, great relationships, have lots of mistakes throughout. The ones that last have their downs. Which was obviously the point OP was trying to make, which you missed.

You don't understand the difference between forgiveness and gullibility. Forgiveness is a virtue which should always be in unlimited, throttled supply.

But you'll never be able to embrace this virtue if you blur the lines between the virtue of forgiveness and the fear of gullibility.

>trash
I know you're a millennial, but don't call people trash, no matter how they act. Nobody is trash, we're all humans.

The vibes I got from OP was proper long-term, like marriages. Decades long.

Exactly

And why did you feel the need to say that, and drag the conversation to that low. Nobody is talking abotu abuse, we're talking about forgiveness.

The fact you springboard straight from "forgiveness" to "unsustainable abuse" is really telling of your personal life, but makes no impact on the point OP is trying to make. Virtues stands above everything else.

People get afraid of being alone, think they can't meet anyone they fit with, they think they should get married/have kids or whatever by a certain age, so they panic, stay with someone that doesn't work for them, and then 5 years later, end up getting a divorce when the reality is too major.

I don't think this is anything new. People routinely put up with bullshit from people they're especially attracted to. I've watched women run into the arms of abusers, literally. What hits me harder is knowing that it's all conditional and the moment they stop "feeling for you" (read: they lost attraction) it's over. Sounds like redpill/r9k shit but it's the honest god damn truth. I'm willing to put up with a reasonable level of imperfection but I'm not even good enough for the people I want to date so it's not like it matters.

You've spent enough time on this board to know that A) you're a shitty tripfag with awful opinions, and B) OP is pretty obviously someone who gets butthurt that people end relationships because he's super uncomfortable about the fact he got dumped once or whatever.

>You might be new here, but OP was referring to the spirit of this board

I'm not new. I'm quite used.

The "spirit" of this board is committed to helping people.

If you have any disagreement about what I said, then by all means address it.

What you said doesn't suggest that you do, though, so I fail to understand the purpose of your comment.

I mean it's a widespread meme that this board, in response to every relationship problem, just goes
"lulz just break up"

like, it's a meme.
welcome.

Your entire post was A) A character attack on me and B) a character attack on OP. Both lies.

Next time, engage in discussion, rather than puerile logical fallacies.

None of my friends or partners ever did. And while all of them are/were pretty cool people, I doubt they were that special/rare.

This is true, but there's a limit. When someone's significant is abusive or breaks their shit or goes off and fucks other people, it's probably still good advice to tell them to get away while they still can.

This impulse aversion to virtue.

Dude reflect on yourself. Forgiveness is a virtue, and the FIRST thing that came to your mind was all the extreme reasons you should avoid it, rather than all the ways you can apply it.

An abusive relationship means you're incompatible with each other. It bears nothing on forgiveness. And even after an abusive relationship ends, and you guys have parted ways, you can still forgive the person if they ask for it. Actually it could do you a lot of good.

>This is true, but there's a limit.
There is no limit on virtue and forgiveness. Virtue should be unlimited, all virtues are endlessly good. If you believe forgiveness should have a limit, then it only means that you don't completely understand how forgiveness works.

It's a very common problem on this board and among our generation. So I'm not frustrated with you. Just really trying to help you, because if you understand me, then it can seriously improve your life.

I was going to tell you that I didn't say shit about forgiveness, only that it's a bad idea to tell people that they shouldn't leave bad relationships, but then I saw that you were a tripfag on an anonymous image board, so obviously my words would be wasted.

Read the OP, it's the topic of the entire thread.

This impulse to anger, then resentment when I'm trying to help you, and an apparent unprovoked character attack on me speaks volumes about your personality. Somehow you're not seeing that I'm trying to help you. When you make an enemy of a virtuous man, then what must you be?

Seriously, if there's humanity in you, self-reflect. Spit vitriol at me in your next post, keep your pride, I don't care, just when you're done -- secretly and to yourself, self-reflect.

> Be a cuck or don't get into a long-term relationship.

fpbp

Agreed, this is OP's way of venting his frustration about a relationship he thought would last forever.

Harder to swallow pill

Attached: TbHwbVU_d.jpg (Conflict Resolution).jpg (640x527, 29K)

Did you actually read my post or are you honestly just this retarded

Walking away from shit that doesn't serve you is conflict resolution though.

No, you're a shitty tripfag who is either legitimately nuts, or trolling, or both. Fuck off in all ways, no one wants you here.

If this guy can use nuance, why can't the rest of you brain damaged retards? The message doesn't say "HURRR TOLERATE ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR". It's referring to the occasional, almost inevitable rough patches or accidental hurts that even the most healthy relationships between the most compatible people are bound to have here and there, in non-abusive and non-toxic relationships. It's saying to have realistic expectations and not to be too fast to end a good thing because not every single step along the way is completely and utterly perfect. Again, this only applies within reason, and mostly to honest mistakes and occasional mess-ups, and is not a get out of jail free card for abusive behavior.

I supported a female from age 19 to 22 and she just gave me "i don't have time for a relationship, i can give x day for you" ultimatum.

Epic

Because this board completely lacks nuance, and this guy is someone who obviously got his feefees hurt and thinks that everyone is supposed to be together forever.

Also, this shit isn't just about "abuse." You can break off a relationship because you've lost attraction, it's not fun anymore, or you like someone else. It doesn't have to be abuse or cheating to validly cut off a relationship.

I kind of agree with it, except for this line here:
>your partner will hurt you
I don't know, I take exception to this one.

Let's assume you have a relatively high level of self esteem and a subsequent thick skin. Not much can hurt you except for really bad shit, like being cheated on. Being belittled in an argument, etc. I really don't think if someone cared about you enough, they would ever hurt you that badly. And you certainly shouldn't have to rationalize it by saying "well, nobody is perfect". There's also the issue of "accidentally". After a certain age, you're expected to maintain control of your life and take responsibility for it. After a certain age, you're not going to expect people to believe you when you say you "accidentally" said something incredibly rude and hurtful, or rammed your tongue down your partner's best friend's throat.

Wow. You're an utterly disgusting person if you could leave your loving partner for someone else and not feel any guilt or compassion for the other person because 'lmao yolo do what you want nigga.' Pure and utter trash. Fall asleep on some train tracks, please.

>Not much can hurt you except for really bad shit, like being cheated on. Being belittled in an argument, etc.

I don't see any reason to make this assumption. Most people aren't this thick-skinned. People are sensitive. They can be hurt by things like their partner being busy and forgetting/neglecting to do something that their spouse wished for them to do.

>There's also the issue of "accidentally". After a certain age, you're expected to maintain control of your life and take responsibility for it. After a certain age, you're not going to expect people to believe you when you say you "accidentally" said something incredibly rude and hurtful, or rammed your tongue down your partner's best friend's throat.
Again, you're extending this beyond the scope of what the message said. The message didn't say anything about cheating, or being excessively harsh or mean (though if we're being realistic, if two people spend a lifetime together, this is something that's likely to happen at least once or twice). This is speaking about more mundane, mild, forgivable stuff.

And as for whether people make mistakes of that nature... uh, yes. There's no age where people go "I'm an adult now, so that means I'm perfect and will never make an honest mistake again!"

>I mean it's a widespread meme that this board, in response to every relationship problem, just goes "lulz just break up"

That isn't a meme; that's just the literal recognition that breaking up is always an option. I honestly haven't seen it, but I have less interaction with this board than I do /x/, /his/, or /lit/, so I guess I'll defer to your expertise.

I mean... like, I'm sort of old, to tell the truth, and I've known a whole fucking lot of people, and it seems like the idea that being "faithful" to others is something that seems to enable abuse by those who take advantage of the faithful more than anything else, so I really question the idea of staying in relationships where you give more than you get in the interest of maintaining what basically amounts to Snapstreaks.

A lot of people are really shallow, though, and just don't have the capacity to deal with more that that kind of surface-level relationship, so it's not like I can judge.

>Most people aren't this thick-skinned. People are sensitive.
Not in my experience. Or maybe they care about how they themselves feel, but not so much how others feel. Perhaps that's the bigger issue and why when they "accidentally hurt you", it's so troubling. Because you know that their "sensitivity" clearly only applies to themselves - I mean if somebody was that sensitive they would be able to recognize what they're doing would harm somebody else, no?

>it didn't say anything about cheating, or being excessively harsh or mean
No, it was very vague about what it means when it implies that anyone you are with will hurt, upset, and disappoint you. From experience, that doesn't happen if somebody cares about you enough, and somebody who routinely or even occasionally enough does this, simply does not respect you. Of all the stable couples I know, one thing they have in common is they do not fight very often. I mean once every year or two they'll fight. There's a reason for it.

>I'm an adult now, and I will never make mistakes again
If the mistakes involve not having the emotional intelligence or empathy to recognize that you're about to do or say something that's shitty, cruel, mean, whatever, you haven't really matured enough and that's not something you can project onto the entire population.

I can leave my "loving partner" if I don't love them back that way. What's better, for me to sit around and pretend I reciprocate the feelings when I don't? Is it more hurtful for them to look into my eyes years down the line and realize I stuck around with them because I was worried their feelings would be hurt?

Or should I bail so their love can be shared with someone who feels the same back?

Also, leaving doesn't mean I don't feel guilt or compassion, it means I don't want to waste their fucking time, just like I don't want someone to do that to me. It's a hell of a lot better than cheating on someone and betraying their trust.

>I mean it's a widespread meme that this board, in response to every relationship problem,

A lot of the shit I see on this board is so god-awful, i.e. obvious cheating, abuse or disrespect, that it's hard not to tell the OP to just bounce.

There's a flip side to this though, where I feel like in order to be in a relationship, I need to be perfect. People want the best out of you, because it benefits themselves, and that's fair enough. But why should I put up with shit other people do that irritates me, if I'm expected to put so much work into myself and my lifestyle just to be "good enough" because everyone of my peers feels entitled to this amazing creature that will just drop into their life and fulfill every last one of their untold physical and emotional needs? Why do I have to sit and even listen to you so much as chew with your mouth open or cackle like a Hyena when i need to be taller than you, muscular, confident 100% of the time, etc.?

>Of all the stable couples I know, one thing they have in common is they do not fight very often. I mean once every year or two they'll fight. There's a reason for it.

I think this is the "not completely perfect at all times but still very good" relationships that the opening picture is suggesting that people stick with. It's not saying to tolerate a relationship that's constantly throwing bad at you along with the good.

Regardless, you still misinterpreted the meaning of the opening picture. It's okay, Jow Forums has an average IQ of 15, I understand. The picture is clearly speaking to those who are still invested in the relationship, not those who have lost all interest or fallen out of love or whatever.

By the way, even if you 'play by the rules,' leaving your partner (assuming they're not abusive or neglectful) for someone else makes you a shit, fickle human being without the first traces of loyalty. Period. Playing within the rules while doing a shitty thing does not make that not a shitty thing. Anyone who trades relationships that way deserves to die alone with none of their loved ones surrounding them. If you don't care about anyone else's feelings, why should they care about yours?

Let me go into further detail about what I see people put up with and why I think it's ridiculous.

>getting cheated on, first and foremost
>being taken for granted by someone who is aloof/just uses them for sex or emotional hole-filling
>being berated for their appearance
>being belittled for how they feel at all
>feeling like the person doesn't simply care, constantly talking about it

All of this is what pops into my head when I read the quote. None of it strikes me as something you must endure in any given relationships. I realize people my age - young adults - are fucked in the head because so much of this generation is raised by single moms and really struggle with things like emotional intimacy, vulnerability, being truly available and present in a relationship because chances are at least one of their parents weren't. But that doesn't mean it's okay to just sit and lecture everyone about how people need to put up with someone else's shit because they can't be bothered to not monitor what they say or do, and just not be an asshole in general.

Nah I think most of those are well beyond the scope of what the picture implies

On this, though:

>being belittled for how they feel at all
Emotional invalidation is a pretty common thing. If I cut ties with anyone who's squashed my feelings like a bug here or there and acted like a complete asshole, I'd be completely alone in the world without any friends or family to speak of at all.

Maybe you would be better off that way.

Why? I love my friends and I love my family. They have, occasionally, showed callousness to completely disgusting levels, but I would still much rather have them in my life than not. I just know not to confide my problems in certain people because I know they're not therapist material and that my only response will be something to the effect of "Come back and whine whenever you have a REAL problem."

Please allow me to give you the advice that I wish someone had given me when I was in your situation.

Only you know how likely it is that you will find yourself in the situation where you might cheat on your partner.

Don't lie to yourself about it.

However, if the only reason you have left to stay with your partner is because you don't want to hurt their feelings, then it is absolutely your moral obligation to end the relationship, even if you have to jump off into the void and allow them to find someone who might provide the kind of companionship they need.

You know whether or not you are capable of that kind of commitment, and it's as simple as the mathematics of knowing that as much as you love them, you want more for them than a partner who is merely willing to suffer for them, which, if all that's left is the fear of hurting their feelings, you would be if you kept going.

Sometimes, the hardest part about loving someone is accepting that you aren't the last person they're going to fall in love with.

Maybe it means that you'll die alone, and you'll never get what you thought you were getting when you first committed to them.

But if they aren't the person you thought you were committing to, then you've been alone the entire time.

Don't drag people through your fantasies because you're afraid of facing the universe alone.

You're never alone.

It's a bittersweet recognition, but there are so many people they might find happiness with, it's ethically necessary to allow them to find their bliss.

That's what love is.

No, I didn't misinterpret the opening image, because I've posted on Jow Forums since 2004 and I know a fucking whiny, virgin, foreveralone mindset when I see it. Just like you, they demand some kind of contract to protect their emotions. It doesn't work that way.

You can leave your partner without specifically leaving them for someone else, or FOR someone else, because the honest truth is, we grow as human beings, and we learn that what we wanted years ago might not be what we want anymore. It might be your partner's lack of motivation. It might be that they got too comfortable. It might be that someone opened your eyes to something you never thought you knew you'd like. That's when it's time to leave.

That doesn't mean you don't give a shit about their feelings, you're just enough of an adult to stop playing house with someone who isn't right for you. Simple as that.

And no, I don't mean you do it every time you have your mildest doubt, but acting like you owe someone is bullshit until you get married or have kids. And even then, don't stick around in misery for the fucking sake of it.

>and I know a fucking whiny, virgin, foreveralone mindset when I see it. Just like you, they demand some kind of contract to protect their emotions.

Thanks, but I've had plenty of people like me, guys and girls alike. It's possible to have morals without fitting into whatever box you're trying to shove me in.

Considering I agree with everything you said in this reply, I'm wondering if you misinterpreted my post.

I think you're right.

Guess that's where we differ. My family couldn't give less of a shit about me. My friends are mostly all about themselves. And I stopped caring about them all after a point because if they don't, why should I?

I wasn't saying you specifically are in that mindset. OP is. The kind of guy who is crying into his pillow because his girl left him after two years, where he immediately became complacent, got chubby, and stopped caring about his life. But to him she's just a w-whore. But he's alternatively mad at men who do the same thing.

I can't comment on your situation, but my family and friends do care about me and love me. They might say 'stop whining' if I ever experience negative emotions, but that doesn't equate to a lack of love.

I am OP. My ex-fiancee and I had a troubled relationship (she was controlling and emotionally abusive in some ways and, during the second half of the relationship, very cold), but I don't have anything against her and I certainly wasn't stuck on her. Actually, she was so terrible during the second half of our relationship that I didn't really care much at all whenever she ghosted me out of the blue.

With that said, I still would rather things have worked out. Sometimes you just have to take what you can get, warts and all.

Truth be told, the constant stream of "just break up with him/her" and "just ignore him/her" and shit on this board does bother me because I had a stroke that's left me largely unable to function as a normal adult because it's damaged everything from my speech abilities to my sensory filtering abilities to my capacity to drive or even to walk. It's about physical dependence as much as emotional dependence, and all these cavalier "just leave him or her (even if they treat you well) and ignore their feelings even if they attempt to reconnect, yolo" freak the hell out of me because they don't seem to acknowledge that not everyone has the same tools for rebuilding that they themselves do, and that if I was left out to dry (a route that Jow Forums suggests people to take in every relationship ever) I might be fucked, depending on the circumstances.

I dunno, maybe I should just Hide threads that relate to relationship stuff, they're obviously pretty bad for me.

I have no connection with my family. We don't have a lot to talk about, they don't take interest in me or my life enough to ask me about it. I'll admit it's twofold as I don't do the same in return.

>Or should I bail so their love can be shared with someone who feels the same back?

Well, this question was essentially the one that seemed to be at the crux of your interest.

The problem is that it implies, to those who believe in an ordered and just universe, that you would also find someone who feels the same back at your love.

But you have absolutely no fucking guarantee whatsoever that that's the case, and you might wind up just sitting there watching your partner find a fantastic, fulfilling life while you suffer in a lonely cloud of isolation until you literally die, and that's part of the gamble you're taking.

I tend to misinterpret a lot of things, though, so it's surely not impossible.

Honestly I don't think being with someone to not be alone is such a bad thing. You could at least appreciate the company of someone who appreciates yours. Even if you're not wildly attracted to them every waking moment and desu it bothers me a little that people expect that. Like, the world doesn't owe you somebody that is perfect in every way for you. You could at least try to appreciate someone who cares about you enough to put up with your shit and love you for who you are. IMO, anyways.

>Sometimes you just have to take what you can get, warts and all.
That's the most toxic mindset I have ever heard in my entire life, man. You need to focus on fixing up the rest of your life if you feel this way. (I hadn't read the rest of your post when I wrote this and have more after the greentext)

>Stroke/breakup/etc.

Never count on anyone. I'm very sorry you had a stroke. I'm very sorry someone left you after it (or maybe stuck with you? I'm a little lost). That's some real shit. I genuinely wish the best for you. I have sympathy for your situation, but frankly, many people aren't in the situation you're in, and therefore have different opportunities to break up. Or... they are not capable of dealing with the kind of situation you are in.

That's an unfortunate truth, user. I agree with you, maybe you should hide these kinds of threads.

You're implying I'm going to feel bad if they find a wonderful life and I don't. Isn't it MORE empathetic that I'd be happy for them finding someone?

That's the crux of the nonsense, pretending that your life is a "lonely cloud of isolation until you literally die" just because you're not dating someone is the stupidest thing perpetuated by anyone. You can very much be happy alone.

See above. In my perspective, it's horrible to compromise and pretend that being "alone" is a bad thing. Make friends. Explore the world. Do things.

I have been very happily single for quite some time now. Someone you're with should enhance your life, not allay your fears.

Nah, the stroke happened when I was born. I've been brain damaged my whole life lel.

Is it really a toxic mindset? Honestly, the damage has gotten in the way of every kind of life goal so much that my attitude at this point, regarding basically every element of life, is pretty much just "take whatever you can get."

>Or... they are not capable of dealing with the kind of situation you are in.

Yeah, and to be clear, I'd never ask anyone or try to force them to be with me/stay with me for whatever reason if they didn't want to. Despite whatever panic relationship-based threads might cause inside my heads (the whole "let people sink or swim, focus on yourself" idea terrifies the hell out of me because I'm someone who's genuinely in need of some help), I do have the basic morality not to be a noose around someone's neck. In the worst case scenario there's always suicide.

Thanks user.

this is a tumblr-tier histrionic/BPD rationalization image

It's not about allaying fears. It's about allowing someone into your life so you can love each other and share it. I'm all about enhancing life in a relationship but I also think people aren't meant to just be alone forever. Only modern society pushes this by telling you to go to work in a fully tinted car, then go home and eat a frozen TV dinner while you watch Netflix and order shit off Amazon. It's amazing to me how many options we have to avoid interacting with others.

Yeah, but after a while, you find that nobody has to keep your company, ever, if they don't want to, and you're just basically foreveralone.jpg.

Eventually, this isn't a hypothetical question.

Your fucking opinion is completely irrelevant in terms of my lived experience, and I'm telling you that utter and complete isolation is a very real possibility, if you are living in contemporary society.

So I totally understand being with someone so as not be alone.

But even having that ability is a privilege.

You might discover that nobody has any reason to physically interact with you outside of the basic means of transactional interaction (i.e., you buy groceries from them), and otherwise you are absolutely inconsequential.

It's a thing.

>You're implying I'm going to feel bad if they find a wonderful life and I don't

I'm not implying that.

Maybe you're some advanced consciousness that understands more than I do, but I don't really see how I implied that.

>You can very much be happy alone

KEKEKEK... yeah... totally... it's fucking great. Being alone lets you do whatever you want to, right? You can do anything!

I can't say I strongly agree or disagree with this. By all means nobody has any obligation to anyone at all. I'm actually a living breathing example of the guy who's thoroughly isolated because nobody wants to interact with me much outside of work or social media. So you don't have to tell me, someone who's lived on his own for like seven years and never once had a real girlfriend or a friend group that lasted more than a couple years, what it means to be isolated. I'd rather be isolated than with bad company. But I would prefer good company to both.

>I can't say I strongly agree or disagree with this

I'm sort of sharing lived personal experience here, so I can't really say I think it's very relevant how much you agree or disagree with this.

It's not a fucking survey.

But I get that you also understand isolation, so I assume you're a homie, so like word and shit.

Why are we here?

No reason. Life has no reason. It just is.

Sorry about the damage, again. Lifelong disability must be tough. I get how that could affect this entire thing. And honestly? You seem well written and nice, so it'd be impossible for me to guess that you have a striking disability, which would have a genuine effect on the kind of advice I'd deliver to you.

It might not be totally toxic, but I do give advice here with the basic mindset that we all have mostly our faculties about us, whether that be physical or mental health, to some degree. I don't know a lot about your situation, but yes, if you are disabled to some degree, you need to find someone genuinely empathetic to that in the first place.

I think the issue here is that you've disregarded friends as a relationship that counts. I am a very happy single person, because I have friends I spend time with on a weekly basis, even here in my 30s. I go out 3-5 times a week, and have long standing bonds with these people.

I also don't see how a relationship where you go to work in a car with non-tinted windows, just to come home to a mediocre cooked meal, and then watch Netflix and order shit off Amazon with someone is any more fulfilling. In that case, you're not even getting to watch shit you really like.

(will reply more)

>By all means nobody has any obligation to anyone at all.

This philosophy is incredibly prevalent on Jow Forums, and I've never understood it. This isn't just a matter of wanting to take as much as I can from people (I don't); I hold myself to the same standards. If someone does something kind for me and I don't say thank you, I am in the wrong. If I ghost a close friend or a girlfriend even though they would let me go if I expressed a desire to leave, then I am in the wrong. If my family had just left our Alzheimer's-ridden grandmother to her own devices whenever her husband died, rather than attempt to care for her, we would morally (and perhaps legally) have been in the wrong.

There are things you owe people and things you don't. "Nobody ever has the obligation to be kind to their fellow man" is essentially just disposing of the concepts of morality and personality responsibility wholesale, and giving them a blank check to be however cruel and callous they wish.

Again, user, sorry to hear this. It's a shit pull on life. But advice in your unique situation doesn't apply on all levels. Sorry to be a normie, but you have a difficult life, and the rest of us aren't playing on hard mode.

I dunno, the way you went with a full binary of "committed relationship" or "forever alone until you die" made me think that.

Yeah, it's legitimately fucking awesome? I don't have to battle with someone over what's for dinner. My friends want to go to the bar on Friday night? No one can stop me. I want to scratch my ass, fart, and sleep in until noon on Saturday? Well no one is going to tell me I can do fucking different. No one digs through my phone looking for conspiracies about me cheating, I don't have to justify where I've been. It's the fucking best.

(OP here: that first post you're replying to wasn't me, to be clear. My only recent post has been )

A thank you is easy. A certain degree of morality is fine. Ghosting someone instead of being honest? It's shitty.

However, IF your grandmother had kids with the expectation they're supposed to take care of her, that's bullshit. No one signed up for that, she forced someone into a contract they had no opportunity to sign or consent to.

When I can't handle myself, I'll swallow a bullet, or die the way nature intended.

I agree with you. But people are technically allowed to walk out. It's not something I would do in most cases even though I could.

>However, IF your grandmother had kids with the expectation they're supposed to take care of her, that's bullshit

Haha, 'course not (I know you're not seriously suggesting this, just throwing it out there as an 'if' to demonstrate a point, but yeah). She just loved her husband and wanted to start a family. I doubt she was enough of a 4th dimensional chess expert to consider the future year of 2011 back in 1946 when she had her first kid. :p

Agreed. I dunno, I'd prefer to change the philosophy from "Nobody is owed anything" to "It's important to let people make their own decisions, even if you don't like them"?

Like, people say "Nobody is owed sex or a relationship" in the hopes of making girls (who are made to feel guilty sometimes for turning guys down) breathe easy and feel as though they're not doing anything wrong. And they're not doing anything wrong, so in this context that kind of ideal is perfectly fine.

But "nobody is owed anything by anyone" extends that to basically saying "You can never possibly be in the wrong by being selfish, by neglecting people, or abandoning people, because they don't deserve better treatment anyway." If the idea took root, it could really destroy society and turn people into a bunch of empathy-deprived, opportunistic cutthroats - and they wouldn't even see this as being a bad thing because society has given them permission to be this way.

If you're concerned about the advice given by "just break up," but not the concern of your grandmother's mindset, you're not reading into some other concerning Jow Forums tropes, like having kids so they can take care of you later in life, as if it were some obligation, or dying alone.

I am dealing with a dying grandmother at the moment, and have an aunt shrieking at me about how it's my responsibility to my elders to put aside life and either bring them into my home, or go out of my way to provide them a comfortable living situation alone.

>"nobody is owed anything by anyone" extends that to basically saying "You can never possibly be in the wrong by being selfish, by neglecting people, or abandoning people, because they don't deserve better treatment anyway." If the idea took root, it could really destroy society and turn people into a bunch of empathy-deprived, opportunistic cutthroats - and they wouldn't even see this as being a bad thing because society has given them permission to be this way.

This is practically never the argument. But if someone is unhappy, it's for a reason. And as completely anonymous people who have no insight into context or history, if you're sacrificing what makes a part of you for someone else's fragility, you need to move on. That's no-shit abuse, putting the burden of your own mental health onto someone when they're not happy.

No, "my boyfriend likes porn and I don't" doesn't warrant an immediate breakup, it warrants an honest conversation. But if two people are diametrically opposed to the issue? Man, end it. Move on. Find someone who agrees with you.

Yeah, it's not your responsibility to put your life on hold to take care of your grandmother. There's reasonable expectations and reasonable demands, and unreasonable expectations and unreasonable demands. Your aunt's fall under the latter.

If there was some kind of easy solution, like if nursing homes only cost $100 a month or something (as opposed to roughly 100,000 dollars per year), I would say then that you would have a moral obligation to help out. But as it is, nah. There's no solution here that wouldn't involve turning your life upside down, potentially for years. Blame the nursing homes for charging disgustingly high prices and removing an escape route for those who don't have the time and/or the desire to become caregivers.

I am afraid that this is true. 4 years here. I was on a senior class trip the other day and this cute black girl with a huge ass was flirting with me all day. Straight up told me "You are cute. I have a man things are complicated so we can't go all the way but I'd definitely suck your dick." with a smile. I took her to my dorm and got my dick sucked.

>Life has no reason

Imagine a species who has evolved after literally millions of years to specifically smash their faces into walls.

If life has no reason, then they will simply continue this behavior in perpetuity throughout as long as it takes to exhaust the known heat-death of the universe, and they will never ever understand anything more than that.

Is it hard to imagine? No, not really. It's as simple as watching a moth burn from the flame it seeks.

Is it something you refuse to accept as that simple, though?

Is it something that you would rather sacrifice your entire being than become?

Give it time. Seek everything you can seek. Maybe I legitimately have failed at being human, and fully deserve to disappear.

But maybe I haven't. Maybe I know something about life, and I'm someone who is worth listening to.

I'm probably not, to be quite honest.

But I do know that if you want to escape the eternal recurrence of one who suffers consciousness, you have no choice but to accept that there is some kind of consciousness that is larger than you can either experience or imagine.

It's basically inevitable, and it's something that you have to face over and over again.

There is something bigger than you, however fucking fantastically big you think you are.

Whoever you are. Whatever you are. Wherever you are. Whenever you are.

>the rest of us aren't playing on hard mode

Eventually, though, you'll get bored with playing on anything but that.

>the way you went with a full binary of "committed relationship" or "forever alone until you die" made me think that

Oh, well, that binary isn't something I chose. After you hit your late thirties, it's something that's chosen for you. It doesn't have to be a binary at all, but when you see literally everyone you know settle into committed relationships or hover in the lonesome void of not being in one, you either make sense of the pattern or you don't.

And those who don't aren't treated very well.

my ex gfs were hoooooes

>Yeah, it's legitimately fucking awesome? I don't have to battle with someone over what's for dinner. My friends want to go to the bar on Friday night? No one can stop me. I want to scratch my ass, fart, and sleep in until noon on Saturday? Well no one is going to tell me I can do fucking different. No one digs through my phone looking for conspiracies about me cheating, I don't have to justify where I've been. It's the fucking best.

How long has that been? A few months? A year? It's totally awesome until you realize that nobody gives a fucking shit about anything you do, and then you swivel toward the void.

Other people are the reason we're alive.

Does it hurt? Yes. Can we do anything about it? I sure don't know.

That is clear. You are totes cool, and have no responsibility in terms of whatever debacle your post has inspired.

I mean, you did sort of state some sort of claim that maintaining relationships was inherently noble and better than "breaking up," which is pretty much absolutely fucking wrong, and something you should take back, but I'm not going to question your lived experience, which might include being in a situation where you've found fulfillment in committing to someone who has lived up to all your expectations.

If you have, then bless your heart.

You win.

I'm pretty sure most people haven't, though, so you'll have to forgive the feedback.

>(I know you're not seriously suggesting this, just throwing it out there as an 'if' to demonstrate a point, but yeah)

Lol; you don't know about the birth-slavery that exists in cultures where it's not an option to farm out old people to various institutions, and you're literally expected to take care of your elders until they die.

I'm really lucky, because my parents are fine with having home-care social workers provide whatever needs they're not physically capable of, but that's some privileged-ass shit.

Most people don't have that.

Most people have about as much autonomy as is afforded them until their elders require their assistance, at which point they are expected to serve them as they require.

This is planet Earth, 2019, user. We have a long way to go.

>I mean, you did sort of state some sort of claim that maintaining relationships was inherently noble and better than "breaking up

That's not exactly what I was getting at. It's more just the attitude that Jow Forums sometimes has that you should take care of yourself, and only yourself, and leave everyone else out to dry. (No, I'm not saying that you're obligated to stay in draining or toxic relationships, to cover my ass since the first half of this thread was filled with people twisting my viewpoint to ridiculous extremes.)

Like I remember this one time someone posted a thread saying that a former bully of his from kindergarten apologized to him, and asked Jow Forums whether he should be forgiven. A lot of people here said that OP would be doing nothing wrong if his response was 'No, I don't forgive you,' and in my opinion he WOULD be doing something wrong. Being five or six years old is a pretty fucking big mitigating factor. It's not fair or right to make a grown adult feel guilty for actions that they took when they were barely older than a toddler.

Yes, taking care of yourself and having boundaries and such is important and healthy and good, but it's also important to take care of others to a certain degree (at least to the extent that you're dealing with reasonable people and not doing anything that makes yourself miserable). It's important to me, anyway - I don't want to just keep myself as comfy as possible while everyone else I care about stews in their own juices, unless they have somehow lost the privilege of being treated considerately by being assholes or unreasonable in some way.

I probably came on too strongly in some of my initial posts and turned Jow Forums into too much of a caricature - there's a wider variety of viewpoints here than I initially gave this place credit for - but I don't think my general point should be fully tossed out either. This place does, quite often, veer into 'excessively selfish' territory.

People get hurt most by people they love because they love them. it doesn't mean you should forgive if they hurt you, you should forgive misunderstandings because of the fragility and sensitivity of someone who loves you tends to feel less rationally. If someone hurts you often it's better to leave.

I think back to every good relationship and the best one I don't recall being hurt when together, I only felt hurt thinking if he didn't want to be together anymore.If someone was hurting me mentally or emotionally I left.

This is good one. Serving is backward abuse actually.

Yeah, obviously if a childhood bully apologizes after however many years, you forgive them.

Like, how fucking pathetic is it to imagine a world where being literally children entitles us to determine the course of existence for everyone we meet?

And yet, people do.

Children do.

We want it to be simple.

We want it to be easy.

When aren't we children compared to another, though?

If all you have is age to judge by, then you're going to be disappointed.

There are a lot of people who've lived very long lives without ever considering the experience of others, and I have literally no respect for them, regardless of how many years old they are.

To user saying that you might break up with partner and be dating someone else, do you realize that your dating pool gets smaller as you age. Not only because of lower attractiveness but also because other people tend to keep meaningful connections and therefore you won’t have to choose from. Not talking about dating people of significant younger age tho. This way you could have someone who stayed with you and support you out of loyalty or gratitude (not that bad tho), but you might not. Are you ready for such end?

I'm... not entirely sure if you're agreeing or disagreeing with me, or if you're being sarcastic or sincere.

I'm not doing any of those things.

Fuck agreeing or disagreeing with anyone ever.

I'm just saying what I think.

This thread is a nice place to hang. I fucking love you guys. Good shit on each side and down the middle.

I (the OP) do appreciate the nuanced posts and the fact that most of the posters here have been respectful even though I myself originally was not.

Actually married woman here, the right person will never disappoint you and they will live up to your expectations.

You just cuddle and be happy, maybe a few arguments over the years, thats it.

Attached: aniiiiiiiiime.gif (540x304, 1.56M)

I mean, yeah, despite the message my opening post seems to convey, I actually am pretty idealistic when it comes to relationships. People who describe marriage as 'work' and make it sound to be largely like a soap opera are too far on the cynical end of the spectrum. If two people mesh well and they're both easygoing people, marriage should be happy and peaceful and fun 99 percent of the time.

What anime is that by the way?

Idk what anime its from

there is a limit to forgiveness user, what OP pic is referring to is how people let go of petty arguments rather than holding on to being the person who "is In the right."

How big are your tits

What a relevant question. You must be like about ten years old.

Welcome.

It's relevant to my dick

Lel; oh, well let's all just defer to your fuckin' dick, then.

Do you have any idea what kind of an asshat you are?

Probably not. You're probably the kind of naive asshole who just crops up occasionally, and nobody has any idea how to deal with, so they just sort of accept them as an anomaly.

I guess congratulations?

What kind of feedback do you want, after all?

I sort of feel like nothing I could say would matter, because you don't actually give a fuck, though.

If you think you're special because you're a monster, though... you have a lot of life to live.