I need unbiased thoughts. A female friend has come back into my life. We met in college right after I broke up with a girl that cheated on me. I was interested in her but didn't move that fast because of feeling bad over being cheated on. Apparently she was interested? She asked me out 1 time but it was really silly and I wrote it off as a joke. Something about meeting up to dress her dog up in costumes.
Anyway, 2 weeks after that she started dating some other guy and from there on out she's dated assholes. I know, I know, every dork on this board thinks the other guy is an asshole. But they are all really assholes. Like, selfish, make her cry, assholes.
Sense we met, we've built an incredible bond. She would do anything for me and I anything for her. It some ways we are closer than family, as she is more faithful and dependable than my sisters and I am sweeter to her than her real brother. Like, she is really giving to me. She's helped me move, taken care of me while sick, came and helped me fix a flat on the side of the road.
But she got married a few years ago. I peaced out then, thinking my presence would only damage their marriage and he seemed like a nice guy at the time. Well, he was a secret asshole and she divorced him. Then she married another guy and had a kid.
I get a call from her mother around this time that my friend is in the hospital. I visit and it's clear that the new husband is a selfish sack of shit. Later a local friend dies in a car wreck. I visit again.
But the husband just depresses me. Why does she keep shacking up with these guys? She's the kind of friend that would give you the shirt off her back and she's wasting her time with these bozos.
One time I was over there Nd current hubby let her cry for an hour over something at work...
I just dont know. It breaks my heart. And I blame myself. I would never treat her that way. Why didn't I play fucking dress up with those dogs so many years ago?
Brody Gomez
'Cause you're a moron. Just take it to your grave and be there for her.
Jonathan Campbell
I know it's some straight pussy shit, but the night after.she cried, I wept in my bed.
It hurts so much to see her hurt and be so completely powerless.
Just why? Why would you stay with someone that only cares about himself? Shouldn't crying for a hour be a red flag? He just ignored her to watch Thor. And he does shit like this everytime I'm over. But she appears to be unphased, posting happy pictures on Facebook.
I've considered distancing myself from him and just not being around when he is. He just bums me out too much.
Worse comes to worse I might stop talking to her again. But I dont want to do that, we make each other very happy.
Ryan Nelson
This is just the kind of shit that's expected of us because we're the "emotional" ones. He probably has similar goals and she is really tired of trying. We often try to force these relationships to work with these obviously undeserving people because of our own insecurities. Please support her.
Leo Hughes
I dont know man, it's really hard on my mental health. I think about how he treats her every day. I think about her being stressed out about the baby and him ignoring her to watch family guy. I think about her getting an upset stomach over her job and him ignoring her. I contrast this with the kindness of the girl that made me chicken noodle soup when I had a cold.
I visit, we do fun stuff, then eventually he does one of his selfish things and i think about it for the next seven days.
I'm eventually going to put him through a window or some drywall. He keeps giving me small existential crisis. Like she'll be upset and he'll put on Rogue One and I'm like, really, am I living this?
Adrian Harris
I swear to God, I can still hear her crying and fucking chewbacca laughing as he watches tv...
Oliver Edwards
Yeah she makes you happy enough to cry before sleep. Your relationship with her is just as stupid as her relationship with those guys. Except youre not getting sex and romantic love out of it. She thinks those relationahips are making her happy too. Youre both idiots.
Nathaniel Powell
>Please support her.
I'm trying. I hope that something will click and she'll tell herself "you know, why do my friends treat me so well, but he ignores my feelings, I deserve better"
But, I also fear it is more likely that she will use me and others to recharge her batteries and just keep fighting this fight until she's a husk.
She wants a second kid and I just scream internally. They do not need more kids until he is more engaged.
Jayden Morales
Three guesses how I know you're a dude.
Thomas Green
He's right. What are you doing here? Looking for a woman's permission to ruin her marriage? Can you pay for her child's insurance? Can you house her? You don't even live in the same town anymore. You don't even know what you want. The truth is you're thinking about the lost time and what COULD have been if you said yes those years ago.
Daniel White
Uh...actually I could do all of that, yes. Husband is unemployed. I make six figures.
Joshua Turner
She goes for assholes. There are lots of girls like that. Even if you would have gotten with her, chances are she would have left you for some other asshole. It's her personality flaw. Move on.
Jack Gomez
Its fascinating how gendered the response is on the situation. I've talked to men and women about this irl. The women are always supportive. "Be there for her" and "she's.going to get a belly of that and leave him."
Men on the other say "fuck her" or "I bet you're trying to sneak a fuck"
Men can be told that a woman is suffering. That she's.in tears. That's she's ruining her life. And they will still prop up a system that locks a woman into a marriage. And why? Because deep down they have low self esteem and imagine one day they will be rhe shit husband and need a system that prevents their wife from leaving.
He is. I'd just fuck right off if he was a normal husband. Ultimately I want her to be happy.
Right now they're on the path to divorce in 8 years. He is employed and her mom takes care of the kid while she works.
It's done if they have a second baby or the mom passes away. There is no way she wont be constantly melting down if the stress goes up or she loses support.
dude if you like the chick and she makes you happy, you feel the same way about her let her know man. She might think that a second child will force him to be more engaged, fill her life with something joyful, a further distraction from the shambles that is her relationship.
However you could be the father of her second child, you can end up being the dude that fills that void she is feeling.
if you let this go you won't get a second chance my nigga.
Josiah Bailey
I havent dedected any romantic interest. Like she sends me cute texts when I do something nice. And she writes me long emails about hobbies. And when her friend died in the car wreck she told me I mean a whole to her and her mother.
But, nothing flirty. She hasn't brushed up against me. No touching outside of goodbye hugs. If I comment about ugly pics of myself she doesnt tell me I look alright.
BUT she also tells me when other people like something i did. Like her mom thought i was awesome. Or a coworker or another friend.
There is like this unwritten invisible line she wont cross. Is she not crossing it because she is not intrested? Or is it just one more thing she's doing to make her marriage work?
Jordan Scott
>I havent dedected any romantic
Havent detected
Asher Stewart
Like seriously, she sends me screenshots of other people saying I'm cool or awesome but will not give me a clear romantic compliment.
On one hand, who goes to that much trouble? On the other, maybe she wants me to know I'm great but doesnt want to lead me on? Or say something to piss the husband off.
So, I dont know. I'm picking up some huge feelings of affection and love from her. But no clear romance.
Don't know exactly man, seems like she is a good friend, wants to help you boost your self confidence and feel good about yourself, that's shit I do with my siblings and close friends. She is also explicitly telling you she needs you in her life. This means she loves you, but that doesn't mean it's romantic love.
If she does have more than freindly feelings for you she has a lot of baggage to deal with, she is still married with a child, these aren't easily dismissed or simple issues.
If this whole situation is hard for you, you need to broach the subject, you need to express your feelings and deal with the consequences. Even if she rejects a romantic relationship that doesn't mean that you can't be there to support her as friend.
At the end of the day you need to know why you are doing this. Do feel you like you need to save her? Are you doing this out of pity? Did you reconnect with this woman and realise you love her? What is your driving force here?
Nolan Hughes
She seems like a really good friend. She obviously loves you but that doesn't mean that there is a romantic interest.
If she does have more than friendly feelings for you it may be really hard for her to approach, she has a child and a marriage, this is part of a lot of baggage she has.
If this whole situation is bothering you so much you need to be the one to broach the subject. You need to express your feelings and deal with the consequences whatever they are, even if she does not feel romantic interest this does not mean you cannot be there for her as a friend.
Finally you need to know why you are doing this? Is it because you feel you have to save her? Do you pity her? Did you realise you always loved her? Did you fall in love with her now?
Alexander Brown
fucked up on mobile and rewrote whole post
Jonathan Hernandez
>What is your driving force here?
I want her to be happy. Yeah, there are some reawakened feelings there. But they aren't my driving force. If this guy got his shit together today, I'd be cool. That would be great even.
Like there kid is 2 and I'm not retarded. There is no way to play hero and not ve the villain for the child. I'd be the guy that took her dad away. And that kid loves me. She makes me read her books and play with her toys, etc.
I dont want her to have a weird childhood with all that kid swapping crap. But I also dont want her to grow up with watching her mom cry or have panic attacks because she works all day and doesnt get support at home.
Yeah, I could pretty easily fix all the problems I see. Selifishly I night even want that. But it isnt a perfect fix. That went out the window when she got pregnant the 1st time.
Parker Garcia
What's your role here?
Orbitter or friend?
Be a friend a listen. Tell her how it is and what you feel?
Charles Thompson
Breaking up a loveless marriage and giving her daughter a stable and happy childhood will not make you a villain.
However, the only reason to break up her marriage is if really fucking love this woman and want her in your life every day.
Otherwise be there to support her, be her friend and help her deal with a difficult situation, you can try and help her be happy without being her husband.
Don't ignore your feelings either though, but don't think you are doing this for her, imagine her having that baggage over her her entire life, do what you do because it is the most honest thing to do for you.
Hudson Baker
There hasn't been a good time to confront her with my concerns. Either he's around being a cunt, or her mom is around or she's recovering emotionally.
This is pretty stupid of me but I'm about to change jobs and I'm looking in her area. If I could just get a few good days I would ask straight up if she's happy. I dont even know if I'd bring him up. Just "are you happy, I've noticed you've been over loaded and stressed."
I've talked to a few divorced women and they say to not bring up the husband's behavior until the wife brings him up. Otherwise you run the risk of them doubling down on a failed relationship. "He might be a peice of shit, but he's my peice of shit." Etc.
And if she finally brings up divorce or being unhappy I night confront her with still having feelings for her.
I dont see what their is to gain from admitting feelings before she wants to move on. If I tell her before then he might try to make me a bad guy and she go along with it to gain his praise, further removing her support.
Elijah Nelson
>However, the only reason to break up her marriage is if really fucking love this woman and want her in your life every day.
This is what I want but I hate to admit it because it feels so selfish to say or think. I'd rather help her do laundry that fuck another woman. I just like being with her. She always makes me happy. Just being in the room with her. I dont understand the husband and his apathy. From my POV she's the best person ever and her child is the best child ever. I dont get how she can tell him that she's got a belly ache from worrying about family or work and him just sit there.
Gavin Foster
I dont think she is ready to admit it is loveless. She just double and triples down on trying to make it work. Her Facebook and home is full of happy staged pictures of him. It's pretty bizarre watching him disregard her feelings in front of one of her photo shrines to him
You need to talk about all the abusive aspects if she's sugar coating him. Eventually enough will mount and she'll figure out that it's time for therapy or evacuating the relationship. It's just highly enticing when guys suddenly go mute and stop everything when we're brought up as caretakers. But the reality is that this is also a manipulative tactic to get her to do all of the emotional work and even all the housework.
Jordan Richardson
It would be hilarious of it was a TV show but she told me they are going to marriage counseling, but assured me they didn't need it, it was good to go to...
Which just makes him dumber. So his wife is talking to him clearly about stress and he has a counselor talking to him, and he's still unengaged...
Dominic Evans
Has she said that either of them are open to taking medication for mental illness? I would take a shot in the dark that the marriage counselor sided with the man and told her to just cope. That would be worth seeing someone else over.
Cameron Perry
You're on a whole other level of orbiting, son. I'm impressed, but you're a pathetic piece of shit
Jacob Evans
Well fuck that counselor. She doesnt have mental illness. At least nothing she. Eeds medication for.
I've known her for 10 years and I can tell you probably what the problem is. She's attracted to men that ignore her. Probably because both of her parents worked at a hospital and would go long hours away from home, leaving her with a nanny. I wouldn't be surprised if me being distant when I was just getting over a break up was what first attracted her to me when we first met.
She needs to recognize this pattern and stop going after men that dont care. Sure it is comfortable at first. But then you have kids and take the world on and you break down and cry because life is too much.
I dont even know why this hasn't clicked with her yet. I give her very specific attention and it always makes her very happy. You would think even if she thought I was ugly now, she'd say to her self "i want a relationship with a guy like this. I want someone this involved. I like being treated this way"
Oliver Martinez
Quiet child. You dont know what the fuck you're talking about.
