Finical Domination

So where are all those girls who say that they have harder lives than guys?

I like your question, this is going to seem harsh but no. I do none of those things. Why? Because that’s not the type of Dom I am. There is those kinds of doms out there but it’s really unlikely, I’m what they call a Bratty Dom. I chose this approach when I started before I’m very good at talking down to someone and I have a sharp tongue. However I am nicer then some bratty doms but the more mean you are the more they like it believe it or not. I make it clear on my social media’s that I’m a bratty Dom so a sub who is into a nice type of dom doesn’t get ass hurt when coming to me. I can go on and on. Infact the conversations are usually more of me demanding and making them think I’m entitled to their hard earned cash. It works, it’s fun I’ll admit but it’s weird all at the same time. I had someone send me over $300 and I never said thanks. That’s because they don’t expect to hear it. The more degrading you are the more they will get addicted to the feeling of serving most time. I never showed I care, I never say thanks, I never beg, I never go out of my way for them. Sounds bitchy I know and it is but that’s just how it goes. I don’t know this answer your question or not as far as that goes.
Sessions though vary, different subs enjoy different things and have different fetishes. Whatever they pay for is what I do most the time. Sometimes I just wing it and do whatever I want during a session. Every session though has been different for the most part. So I couldn’t really say. But I will say that degrading and public humiliation seems to be the biggest thing during some of my sessions. I won’t get into detail but I will say that id never have a sub do anything that would seriously harm them or that would get them killed. Just preform degrading embarrassing tasks solely for my entertainment. I’m sorta unsure what you mean by after care? Hope this answers some of your questions. I’m still a bit new because most doms have been doing this for years.

Maybe life holds difficulties for everyone regardless of identity politicking and it’s nearly impossible for someone as simple as yourself to grasp the sheer magnitude of the context

Exactly! It’s hard to explain to outsiders sometimes

> I won’t get into detail but I will say that id never have a sub do anything that would seriously harm them or that would get them killed
I'm into D/s, and a switch, so I understand degradiation and stuff. Findom just seems like edge play to me at best. What I mean is if a sub was in actual danger, eg. of homelessness due to an inability to pay rent because of how much he's spending on you, or not being able to pay medical bills, school loans, etc. would you cut him off and tell him to get his shit together before you let him spend more money on you? To me findom has no regard for the sub's well-being, and if anything the subs have no regard for their own well-being either. It seems like a very unhealthy dynamic versus most other types of BDSM. And I say that as someone who tends more towards the RACK model of things than SSC.

>I’m sorta unsure what you mean by after care?
Aftercare comes after the session, basically aftercare is the BDSM equivalent to post-orgasm cuddling and talking and bonding. You check if the sub's okay with everything that happened in the session, talk about stuff, help them come down off sub space, and if you're in need of it a good sub should be helping you come to terms with anything that came up for you as well. Aftercare isn't strictly mandatory, but it helps build a good rapport and helps especially in more riskier play.

Anyway to me findom always seemed more like preying on people rather than a healthy variation of BDSM. Are the subs you've had willing to walk away if the money you ask for is too much? Are you, as a dom, willing to self-limit the money you ask for to ensure that they aren't putting themselves in harm's way?

Yes! I love to hear that! I love hearing a sub say that they are struggling to make ends meet because they have me all their money, I love to hear that they had to go pick up another job or maybe they went and applied for a credit card just to max it out for me! I love it so much. I love to know that my sub is going to work just to make money just for it to all go to me the end of the day. I could go on but honestly it’s a nice feeling lol also poor men aren’t only into this, Ive come across rich men as well.

Ahh I see, well then no, I’m not supposed to care. They like getting into debt and personally I like putting them into debt. I see what you mean though, from an outside point of view I can see it most definitely looks that way and sometimes it is. It’s more and hard to explain I guess . I wouldn’t be considered the type of Domme I am if i cared about making sure they had money to make it. So? How’s that my problem? Go pick up another job, get a credit card idgaf. I tell them that and they accept it. It’s weirdly arousing to me when I hear that they only have x amount of money left bc in drained them. Have I ever just carried on a conversation with a sub after a session sometimes, but we usually are done speaking until the session is over, sometimes they pay to have a conversation rather then a session.

Oh, and yes I have had a sub tell me no. Which is a deal breaker, I blocked him. No doesn’t exist to me as a Domme. I asked for x amount an he refused. So.

Do you miss being a sub? How hard was it for you to stop being a sub? These subs get so addicted to it so that’s why I’m asking.

You just sound like an insecure twat LOL

Do you treat each sub as an individual in terms of their budget, or do you just ask for $500 from everyone whether they're a stockbroker or a shelf stacker?

I mean, I appreciate you're sincerely into it and not just getting someone's money from them just to take their money. made that pretty obvious. But typically dom/mes are seen as having certain responsibilities to their subs. Imagine, if you will, a masochist who genuinely adores S&M to the point he or she won't ask for the scene to stop no matter how far it goes, no matter whether they're in physical danger or not. At that point it becomes the dom/me's responsibility to intuit when too much is too much and not cross that threshold. Imagine someone who gets off on degradiation and humiliation play and has no problems with going so far as to even get themselves ostracized from family and friends by doing horribly degradiating things in front of them. Again, if you're their dom/me you sort of have a responsibility to pull away for a minute and be like "okay, this is too much of a real life drawback and we're not going to have you do this, this has legal ramifications and/or could tear apart your family."

Findom seems incredibly predatory to me in that I've never actually heard of a domme who practices it ensuring things don't go too far. I understand that your subs consent, I understand that they're getting off to the scenario, and I understand that you enjoy it too. But there are some stakes that are honestly really high in the pursuit of fun, and being unable to pay medical bills, or being homeless or such seems like an unacceptably high consequence to an orgasm. In particular, you said that some of your subs have families. At that point you start involving people who are *not* consenting to this in your play, their children for instance whose college funds you might be draining, or otherwise harming by uprooting them.

Is there no point you would say "alright, this is hot, but really we're taking things too far right now" to a sub? If so, and if most dommes in the findom community wouldn't, then I'm not sure that it's ethical.

No, just being the Dom I am, I see your the type that couldn’t handle the Findom scene considering your response. It’s not for everyone. Don’t feel bad, most men couldn’t handle it with their tiny little fragile egos. x

Being insecure =/= being dominant

I understand that it's hard to grasp exercising power with tact and understanding is hard for someone not equipped to do so, but the reality is that you're just too retarded to do that

Additionally is incredibly questionable to me. You can be incompatible with someone, but blocking someone for voicing a limit or refusing to accept that limit is really dangerous territory to be getting into.

The only other thing I've heard of that has equal regard for a sub's wellbeing is Gorean BDSM where they legitimately consider their subs property that cannot leave once they enter a Gorean relationship. Get yourself into the local scene, do some reading on ethical BDSM. You have a responsibility to your subs/clients to be aware of their needs and to not take things too far. Especially in cases where families are involved. Think with your brain, not your clit, and not your purse.

My prices are like that lol, typically I charge x amount of money for an hour of a session etc. I treat my subs the same, so one won’t feel as if they are getting special treatment. I only show leniency on a sub if this sub has been persistent and loyal and we have been doing this for a long time. It’s a little bit of leniency though, I don’t wait long though and I grow impatient pretty quick. Most doms would cut the sub off, where as I would only threaten it to that particular sub who I feel has surpassed those things I mentioned above. I hate time wasters and some subs love to use a dom and not pay, if they see wiggle room they will keep pushing. Can’t have that.

Findom has to be the stupidest fetish ever the idea of giving other people you’re money or giving people money because you’re there bitch is retard as fuck what new forms of cuckery will happen next?

Agreed, fuck everyone in this thread

I am pretty submissive in relationships and I would be scared as shit if I gave money away like that. That is crazy.

Well if I’m being honest I never considered some of those things, but you know I don’t know my subs finical situation unless told. They are grown ass men if they are willing to get behind on bills or whatever the case maybe then that’s entirely on them. They know what they can and cannot do. As someone mentioned earlier, they stopped because of their finical struggles. So if things are THAT bad and they know they can’t afford this sort of thing then that’s on them. I’m not holding a gun to their head and forcing them, they come to me and I accept. I’m not going to personally quiz every sub that comes my way about their finical struggles. Shit, they know what their doing and they know their risks and if their willing to do it then yeah. That’s my input on it. They are more then capable of saying yes or no and giving in to their temptation. If a sub who I’ve known for a while came and explained to me that he’s taking a break then I’d understand, he’s not expecting a free things from me he’s simply putting the Findom thing on pause and I can work with that. The guy I blocked for telling me no was simply a time waster, he never had intentions on paying I’m pretty sure. If I tell him my prices and he can’t afford it then he can go to another Domme but that wasn’t the case he kept on asking and blowing my notifications up. “ one free session just this one time please.” I mean it was annoying and it’s my fault to point because I responded to him before he even paid me. Which as I said i charge to start the first convo. Which isn’t uncommon at all. It’s to know that the sub is genuine and won’t waste your time.

This thread is just another reminder that a woman's life in the West is easy mode

>Had to quit for financial reasons
the irony.

Well may be but I’m from the south.

it’s kinda confusing trying to keep up with everyone rn if I’m being honest.

Fair in the case of the guy you blocked, but frankly, once you enter a relationship with a sub you do become partly responsible for their well-being. As their domme it's your job to know when the BDSM is going too far. Maybe it's not something you've considered until now, but going forwards I strongly urge you to remember at all times these are real people on the other end that you're dominating, and that while they absolutely are responsible for their own well-being, you should at least keep their well-being in the back of your mind. You don't have to ask them about it constantly if you feel that'd take away from the mood, and you don't have to change how you and they play- have fun, absolutely! But do be aware of the consequences that your preferred form of BDSM has, and be aware that there are people beyond them who may be effected, or that some particularly vulnerable clients might find themselves addicted and veering too far into an unhealthy and dangerous situation where homelessness or other dangers become an actual concern. Do your thing, just try to be aware when to step back or consider stepping back. Even if it's just questions here or there outside of the play to gauge what their circumstances are like and if they're content with the circumstances of their finances once the glow of a D/s scene ends. It's up to you when too far is too far for your tastes, but ultimately if the sub is content with it even outside of that glow (as long as they don't have a family) yeah, I'd agree that then becomes their business and their business alone, unless you find it reaching a level you aren't okay with pursuing.

Thank you for the advice, I’ll keep that I mind. I am
Still learning everyday as I’m in the community. So thank you for your input. I get caught up often when I get into my dom role I do not think outside of the box. I appreciate you putting that in a way as to where you were simply informing me rather then talking shit bc you happen to not like the way I do things. Like some of the people on here. So I respect that, I’m far from perfect and as I said I’m a newer dom and there is a lot I still don’t know.

I appreciate that you're willing to consider what I said. It's good to hear. I don't really know much about the findom community itself and it was always a concern I had in the back of my mind whenever I've seen the subject come up as it does seem very much like edge play to me and I could easily see it attracting people who only care about getting money out of it. It's good to know though that you're willing to make sure to take a step back and think about potential ramifications for your subs/clients and their families, should they have any. Also, as far as finding a new community, if you're not already on there you might have some luck with keeping up with new subs on fetlife.

Good luck to you and your endeavours~

I am actually on fetlife, I joined it couple of days ago and it seems dry, but then again I don’t really know all bout it and how to use the website. It was sort of confusing. And thanks for the tip, maybe I’m just using Feltlife wrong some how lol

I've never used it myself, but some friends have. The way I've had it explained to me is that most people treat it like a BDSM oriented Facebook more than anything else. As another user suggested you could try /soc/ and even /d/, both boards are full of degenerates who might be willing to give you some advice on how to get an audience on fetlife.

Oh okay thanks I’ll check it out

>Bathing in fake money in a fake bathtub for the 'gram
I hope this all ends soon.

I can't imagine what sort of loser would be into findom. If you have money, you are the one who should dominate the girl. Sugar daddies are way way more common than paypigs.

I'm 25 and my mom still pays fof my bills since I'm a neet.
does that qualify as financial domm?

I'm happy to see the findom community gone.

Findom mruined the femdom community.