Sex and dates all but stopped. No more cute messages to wake up to in the morning, just messages throughout the day about how much he hated his job and what bullshit of the day he was dealing with at the moment. Less and less hugs and kisses. Less 'looks of desire'. Less 'how was your day, I missed you today' and more 'god my day sucked ass, let me dump all this on you real quick and not even listen to your day'. I didn't let it bother me because I was being sympathetic towards his job stress and physical state. Over time, I've began to feel less like a wife and more like an emotional punching bag.
I have had to BEG him for sex. It's almost always "I'm tired, my back hurts, my head hurts, I didn't sleep good last night, I haven't showered, we don't have time". I constantly feel rejected and like there's something wrong with me because every time I try to start something, he pushes my hands away and starts with the string of excuses. I can only be rejected so many times before I start to feel like I'm nothing more than someone to take up space. The last time he initiated sex was on my birthday in August, when we took a trip to Colorado and he was stoned out of his mind. Right now, we're averaging 1-2 times a MONTH. Even still, when it does happen, it's 10-15 minutes, hardly any foreplay, one position. It's boring and severely lacking in passion. One of my biggest ways of feeling loved by him and feeling connected through him is through sex and he knows this. He won't talk to me about spicing things up in the bedroom, 'because it's embarrassing to talk about it'. I try to talk dirty to him in person and through text, and he tells me 'lol shut up.'
If we go on dates, I have to plan all of it, where we go, what we do, what day we do it on. I still keep up with doing a majority the house stuff. I pay all the bills, clean, grocery shop, cook, make appointments, make important phone calls, etc. He will help with laundry and he takes the trash out. I've all but made it as simple for him as go to work and come home.
I've talked to him several times about how neglected I feel. The last time was 2 weeks ago, after he told me we would have sex (for the first time in over a month) and he fell asleep on me. He apologized to me the next day, told me he loved me very much, and told me he's been bad at showing me he loves me and said he would do better. He told me he can tell me all day long, but he needs to show it. I told him how I felt like he had no emotional or physical intimacy at all, because I feel like all I do is try to be everything and do everything and I don't get it in return anymore. I flat out told him that it doesn't matter how I feel about it or how upset I get about it because it doesn't change. I told him I felt more like roommates than husband and wife, and that I was feeling unloved and insecure in the relationship. He apologized again and said he's been trying really hard to be successful in his job and that he brings it home with him too much and uses too much energy there, so he'll work on separating the two. He said he would give more and we would start doing more things together.
Jackson Roberts
[cont]
This turns into an argument where he says that he 'works and comes home every night, what else do you want? what else is there? why do you keep fucking bitching at me about what I'm not doing enough of?' He doesn't feel like anything is wrong. Am I in the wrong for how I feel? Am I not being empathetic enough with his job? I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to him or how else to keep communication open. This is more than a dead bedroom situation. I just want some fucking attention and affection from my husband and to not feel like I'm secondary to his job. I just want his effort. Just a touch, just a fucking look from him. I'm tired. TL;DR: Had amazing relationship/beginning of marriage, husband checked out emotionally/sexually at some point between getting a high stress job and moving, I've talked to him about how I feel neglected and shown a lack of effort in the relationship, husband apologizes and provides empty promises to make things better, thinks he's husband of the year for bringing in a paycheck and coming home every night, doesn't see a problem in our marriage while I'm starving for his attention and doing everything I can to get it.
William Torres
You should try posting this on reddit if you want more reliable replies But i think u should just show this paragraph to ur husband and talk through it with him good luck
Isaac Lewis
Not having sex is the symptom of a bigger disease. Why exactly did he check out do you know and have you talked to him about it?
Alexander James
I fell my balls hurting just by reading you, no wonder he just wants to be left alone after busting his ass all day.
Jason Bennett
He doesn't believe he's checked out. He doesn't see where anything in wrong in our marriage.
Brayden Morales
Do you do anything OP day to day? It is extremely to bust your ass all day at work only to come home to someone who is under-stimulated. Demanding that you use your precious downtime to cater to their needs.
Anthony Wood
I work 40 hours a week and go to college full time, while also maintaining the house.
Hudson Sanchez
Then your relationships dynamic is fucked.
And you need to get a part time job to help him out with the bills.
That or divorce him.
Cameron Roberts
...
Aiden Bell
Didn't read this. Sorry.
Divorce him. And maybe one of those guy friends who seems really cool but you can't figure out why he is still single can step up the plate or something.
Kayden Howard
>I have had to BEG him for sex.
beg another man for sex, babe
Andrew Rivera
It sounds like he's really stressed out with work, life, etc. Instead of pressuring him into sex when he clearly doesn't want to and victimizing himself ask him how he's been feeling lately and try to actually support your partner when they're going through a hard time. He's literally too tired from keeping a roof over your head all day to have sex, instead of being such a fucking goddamn bitch mememe wah wah wah I want sex now be a little understanding god I fucking hate you. Give give give take take take, you don't even give a single fuck about how he feels jesus christ. Let the man actually rest on his days off
Christian Williams
Lmao normies why is it always the same like they follow a script?
NPC is real
Easton Adams
Sounds like it's time to sleep in different beds and cuck him with a man or a vibrator. He isn't handling the emotional responsibility of connecting with you. Does he still go out with friends, or is he becoming a recluse? Tell him that in order to check back in to your vagina he needs to go to therapy.
Jose Hernandez
At first I was going to troll you for being girl on the internet, but your situation just sucks, I think you should leave him, sorry
Nathaniel Hall
He probably should consider a less demanding job
Christopher Allen
This desu op, it’s hard as a woman to understand this because we are very emotional in our relationships, men are more simple in a sense; while you’re driving yourself crazy over “what wrong with me, I’m so ignored, I’m so ect ect, he’s dealing with bullshit at work and coming home to you nagging him about why he isn’t man enough to fuck you. Have you tried giving him a full body massage when he comes home from work?
Tyler Gonzalez
You could try attacking the problem by being comforting and helping him realize that there's more to life than career success. You could also just keep demanding sex but that's not really going to fix the problem either. Maybe he's still new to the job and is really paranoid about fucking up. Maybe his boss is a gigantic faggot. There's going to be a time where he's going to have to choose between the pursuit of power and his family life and if he chooses the former it's probably time to get out. I would just give it some more time though, it's still possible that he will learn how to deal with it eventually and it will balance out. You might also want to slowly introduce the idea to him that the marriage might actually fail in the long run rather than 'im horny please help'
Tyler Kelly
pretty close to getting a dildo and calling it a day. He goes to the gym with his work friends sometimes, so not really reclusive.
Jackson Phillips
he tells me about stuff that happened during his day but its usually positive things that hes proud of or what not. sometimes its venting about a shit day. I give him back and foot rubs nearly every night already. :(
Mason Bailey
I think a lot of it is probably him being paranoid about fucking up. theres not a lot of leeway with his job, because anything he does can either get him fired or put in jail if he fucks up. I get that, but theres a line, like you said. I hope it does smooth over eventually.
Parker Phillips
I don't understand this mentality. The way you describe it sex sounds like a chore. I work all day, come home and play with the kids till bed so the wife gets a break. I am exhausted in the evening, and sex is relaxing and stress relieving. I don't know why some people act like it's hard work or something. Unless your doing jackhammering in the wheelbarrow position, it's not a strenuous activity.
Gavin Hall
Wtf does he do?? Does he have to tell jokes about the holocaust to jews and hope he makes them laugh hard enough to not sue him? I mean yeah it sounds like this job is basically taking all the energy away from your husband, so much that he honestly has nothing left for you.
And clearly you can't fix things. You've been a great wife by the sounds of things but maybe you need a professional third party to help at this point. Counselling, even a therapist directly helping your husband cope with work. Does his work recognize the stress it places on employees? Do they have in-house mental health services he's not using?
Gabriel Perez
you said yes, now deal with it
Daniel Phillips
he's a corporal (think shift manager) at a county jail.
Caleb Garcia
I've been in a relationship very similar to this, it doesn't get better if he's stubborn. I would suggest couples counseling or something first before filing for divorce. Really you don't deserve to be treated like youre a bitch for wanting just a little attention. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate too as well which is even more unfair.
Aaron Phillips
No way, unless it's being run by ultra liberal lefties who hate the guards more than the prisoners. But assuming it is, ask your husband about a transfer to another part of law enforcement. Sticking for the rest of your life in a county jail must suck. Hopefully he has such career plans on which case this will hopefully be temporary. I'm not American but Jow Forums threads often talk about people swapping between leo jobs. From prisons to sheriffs to working in cities to federal agencies for whatever. Its all pretty interconnected and if you two plan on children, you two need to talk and he needs to think about career changes anyway.
Still, look for a good therapist. This sounds like it needs professional help. You do have the tenacity and devotion to make it work but your husband needs the knowledge and training of a professional to fix his own shit.
David Russell
Is it realistic for me to be able to find the more attached type of woman like OP? It seems like one person is always really into the relationship but another isn't. or neither of them are. how do I find the type of person that would desperately try to make a marriage work instead of trying to find a better partner?
Parker Anderson
You care less than the other persons cares and your sexual utopia will be in that power.
Ayden Walker
You're the one who didn't read the thread and came to bitch or whine fucktart. She works same hours and goes to school and does all the chores. The man is being useless and she should leave and find someone less pathetic. He's being a mopey bitch, and you're being a mopey bitch, and op is venting because her own husband won't bother to talk to her.
Benjamin Lewis
Sounds like a woman to me.
He’s a cunt, unmanly, and dumb. but don’t take it from me, ask reddit.
Carter Garcia
have you tried spicing things in any way particular? Also it sounds like you need another vacation. Also he hates his job and is very depressed. He might need to see a doctor.
Nolan Bell
Plan a date, and talk to him about it. It might help to rewrite these posts a few times so you can make a concise list of points you want to go over so you actually get somewhere.
Tell him what he can do to improve in ways that is reasonable. Allow him to slowly make more of an effort.
In the mean time, figure out what you can do. I mean, you must do something other than work and waiting for your husband not to fuck you. Do something that doesn't require him you find fun.
As for the sexual stuff, I don't know what will work for you. You can make signals that you want him to initiate, making your own language for this is fun and you get to request certain things without begging for it or making you feel guilty for wanting him to want you.
Last bit could be to make some ground rules. Never start a conversation with a complaint seems like a good one. You are a team, you can solve problems together but bitching about life being boring isn't a problem the other party can do much about. If you only talk when things are bad, you never share good experiences and it will always be bad between you. Change that.
Charles Nelson
Nothing kills your libido like stress. Maybe his colleagues are cunts, maybe his boss is an idiot, maybe he hates his job. It's not that he doesn't want to, he simply can't
Gavin Wright
Tell him to change job, even less paying one
Charles Richardson
>Sounds like it's time to sleep in different beds Thats a good advice
Benjamin Hill
>I have had to BEG him for sex Game over.
Kayden Johnson
The job is killing him inside, you and him need to talk about changing workplaces or careers otherwise he will always be worn down and unable to perform as a husband.
Oliver Phillips
How do I get a girl that wants me more than I want her? I want any one that pays attention to me so bad
Jaxson Campbell
Well the dude is spent knowing that there is no way out, just got to carry on till retirement
