My girlfriend keeps posting pics like this on instagram even though she knows it makes me uncomfortable...

Her body her choice, true, but I couldn't stand being with someone that narcissistic.

I know its not exactly the same situation but it is similar and Im hoping you could give me your thoughts as im kind of stressing hard over this and just want to let go of it if its not a big deal and enjoy the weekend.

My thread here ->

>There's nothing wrong with being a little protective of your girlfriend.

I never said there was. That's not what this is though. She was a person before him, and he chose to date someone who posts these things online. Telling someone they need to censor themselves because of their partner's insecurities is bad advice. OP is in the wrong here for both trying to step over a boundary line (he controls who she is on social media) and for not considering this before they became exclusive. When you're dating these are the things you consider and shop around for. Controlling behavior is often a slow creep in this way.

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this ain't the same situation. your jelousy is unnecessary and unjustified

>not enjoying that you have a hot and confident gf
It's like you would rather date the beastly women that beat you and tell you to stay home or she'll cut your dick off.

Thank you for your honesty. I needed that.

Not him but I would

It's only the same situation in a sense that both insecure males flip over nothing and want other insecure males from 4chains to tell them how right they are.

Not wanting her to fuck other men is
>controlling behavior
and there's nothing wrong with that. You don't whore yourself out on the internet when you're in a relationship.

I thought this was like normal behavior for youngsters these days.

I never said anything about her fucking other men.

Telling someone
>you can't fuck other people
is controlling that person's behavior whereas
>i won't date people who cheat in a monogamous relationship

is a boundary.

It's her account, and pictures of herself. That's all her. If he doesn't wanna date someone who posts images like that then that's his choice. Telling her how to post online and curate her social media is absolutely controlling. Those two things are conflated a lot.

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>Incels are seething

At least try to be logical you over emotional paranoid marshmellow.

Wrong. She's a cam whore and should know that if it makes you uncomfortable it's grounds to either end the relationship or stop doing it. It is a serious issue that the moronic posters here are not intelligent enough to understand. Sharing images of yourself on social media is a bigger issue than these 'kids' realize.

I'd suggest you leave her. She is not mature enough to understand the depth of what she's doing, and neither are the people supporting what she does.

Why does it make you uncomfortable? You’re the one fucking her at the end of the day. It’s like you’re cucking all the guys who see her pics

Leave. She's a whore. When she hits the wall she'll be a shrew. Eject! EJECT!

>Telling her how to post online and curate her social media is absolutely controlling

It's not clear to me that OP is doing this. He only stated that she does it despite knowing it makes him uncomfortable. Expressing his feelings != telling her how to behave.

OP, if you're feeling jealous, it's because of an underlying insecurity with the relationship. Jealousy is a second-order emotion and you need to uncover and discuss the root cause with your GF. If she cares for you, she'll want to alleviate your insecurity. This doesn't necessarily mean she'll stop posting, but if she can reassure you, her pics won't bother you anymore.

(On a personal note, I find such attention-seeking behavior a red flag and itwould make me seriously question the long-term prospects of your relationship)

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this
I will never get these insecurities

You won't until she starts flirting with other dudes on instagram and you find out theyre sending over dick pics and she thinks its no big deal because "shes with you dont worry"

>until she starts flirting with other dudes on instagram and you find out theyre sending over dick pics
So it’s a 100% guarantee that a girl posting a pic of herself in a bikini will result in that future behavior?

then just break up lol

Depends on your personality and relationship preferences.

For me, no fucking way. Modesty and loyalty are at the top of the list of my requirements of a woman. No way in fuck I would ever wife up an Instagram slut. Even if she brought in the money for both of us and I didn't have to work. Dignity is not worth any sacrifice.

But some guys are ok with it.

Would she mind if you were ripped like a body builder and posted nearly nude photos on your instagram every single day?

I think what bothers me most is, what is the motivation of a woman who does this kind of shit? To me it's that they get off on the attention and men throwing themselves at them. The power and the freedom to chose amongst hundreds of men.

That's not the kind of woman I would ever wife, and I can't imagine any smart man doing so.

U can't make a ho a housewife, no exceptions.

>He only stated that she does it despite knowing it makes him uncomfortable.

That's true, but it's phrased in a way that implies she should change her behavior because of his feeling about it. She's not responsible for his feelings, he's responsible for them.

>Expressing his feelings != telling her how to behave.

It's conditional though, like if he said "my girlfriend talks to her family even though she knows it makes me uncomfortable" kind of implies that the girlfriend should not talk to her family because it makes him uncomfortable, meaning essentially she's responsible for changing her behavior based on his emotions.

>it's phrased in a way that implies she should change her behavior because of his feeling about it
I agree, but this is not the same as telling her she can't post/curate her IG the way she likes. He dislikes what she's doing and wishes she'd change, but isn't telling her "No".
I understand where you're coming from, I just think we're not in "controlling" territory based on the little info we have.

>She's not responsible for his feelings, he's responsible for them.
I agree 100%. This is why I suggested he address the cause of his insecurity. It may be something they can work through (most likely), or it may be a fundamental difference of values...in which case she won't be his GF much longer.

>He dislikes what she's doing and wishes she'd change, but isn't telling her "No".

Yeah and that's called manipulating someone's behavior with your emotions. OP obviously doesn't have bad intentions but he should understand the issues with his reasoning.

>I understand where you're coming from, I just think we're not in "controlling" territory based on the little info we have.

I do think this is true, I could be looking at this wrong based on the wording.

Set ground rules, and actually talk about what makes you uncomfortable, or what you won't accept in your relationship. Make compromises, my dude.

Honestly though, if you've told her this before and she hasn't changed what she's doing without giving you a good reason, then breakup with her. I dated a dumb bitch like this who knew I didn't want either of us posting vaguely sexual stuff because I knew other dudes would interact with her posts.

tldr Set your boundaries with her, or dump her if she keeps acting like a thot.

Hey user. I might seem snide but I have genuine questions:

Do you think it would be controlling behaviour if OP said to his gf "hey you're free to do what you want but I don't want to date a girl who posts slutty pics of herself on Insta, so if you continue I'm going to break up with you" ?

What's the difference between a boundary and controlling someone by setting a boundary?
How do you set a boundary without imposing any consequences for someone crossing that boundary?

>My girlfriend keeps posting pics like this on instagram even though she knows it makes me uncomfortable. Should I break up or am I just a control freak who needs to go to therapy?

Leave her, unless you have a cuck fetish.

>Implying she won't open her legs to others when she can.

The fact that breaking up is on the table is a good sign for your intentions lad. Id say just do that. She knows it makes you uncomfortable. Thats a clear red flag. I'm not sure how roasties can be as emotionless as that, but they are sometimes. There's literally nothing but shallow intentions behind instagram anyway

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>Should I break up
Always yes.

>Do you think it would be controlling behaviour if OP said to his gf "hey you're free to do what you want but I don't want to date a girl who posts slutty pics of herself on Insta, so if you continue I'm going to break up with you" ?
Not that user but yes that’s pretty controlling.
>What's the difference between a boundary and controlling someone by setting a boundary?
>How do you set a boundary without imposing any consequences for someone crossing that boundary?
Not by giving an ultimatum for one. It’s all about communication and compromise. And if that can’t be done then break up. It seems like op and his gf have different ideas on acceptable boundaries, and they probably shouldn’t be together anyways if they don’t share each other’s values or trust each other. It does no good for op to try to force his gf to stop doing what she wants by threatening to leave.

Not that person but obviously it'd be controlling behaviour. If a chick even suggested that, it's break up time.

>What's the difference between a boundary and controlling someone by setting a boundary?
Now that's an interesting question. For me it'd be about the motivation and reasoning behind the boundary. "I'm too insecure if others find you hot and don't trust you not to act on their attention" doesn't offer a decent reason to bother with the person.

Why does it make you uncomfortable? Are you worried your boss is going to see it or she's looking for a new boyfriend?

You really don't want a girlfriend unattractive enough that no one else wants her.

Every settlement of boundaries would risk an ultimatum though?

So OP could compromise like this:
>OP: I'm ok with you posting pics, just not in bikinis and lingerie
>GF: No deal, how about I don't post lingerie?
>OP: I hereby accept this deal and/or compromise
And that's great. But what if it goes:
>OP: I'm ok with you posting pics, just not in bikinis and lingerie
>GF: No deal.
>OP: What about you just don't post lingerie?
>GF: Stop controlling me
>OP: Well if you can't compromise with me then I'm going to have to leave
>GF: Stop giving me an ultimatum

It leads to an ultimatum.

And then basically if OP is unhappy with his gf displaying herself sexually to others in a wide spectrum medium OP can either stay in a relationship that makes him unhappy or be a controlling abusive bf that she should break up with?

>For me it'd be about the motivation and reasoning behind the boundary. "I'm too insecure if others find you hot and don't trust you not to act on their attention" doesn't offer a decent reason to bother with the person.
I can't really argue with this as I think my perspective on people is too different to yours so we don't have common ground. But I think insecurity is not a bad, invalid thing (it's a sensory trigger) and I believe that over a long enough time frame nobody resists temptation, they can only avoid it.
I think OP's pic is not just "I'm here being hot, deal with it" it's a conscious display by the gf to enhance and display her attractiveness to gain attention from people other than OP which is just shy of the boundary of planning to fuck someone else.

That would be controlling behavior because it boils down to the last part:
>if you continue (behavior) I will do (bad thing)

>What's the difference between a boundary and controlling someone by setting a boundary?

I'm working on this myself which is why I pointed out the issues with OP's logic. It's hard to figure these things out when you're so used to things that society often passes off as normal that can actually be kind of toxic in the long run.

Boundaries are for yourself. So in this case OP would say TO HIMSELF "I won't continue to date her if I feel uncomfortable with her instagram posts again" and that would be setting a boundary for his relationship.

Controlling someone is not really setting a boundary, it's forcing a person into acting a certain way. Boundaries are about what you allow in, which is why they're boundaries.

>How do you set a boundary without imposing any consequences for someone crossing that boundary?

The consequences of the boundary being crossed are for you, not for the other person.

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i hear you man. im dating a girl that is way out of my league and i used to get really freaked out by it. afraid of other guys wanting her. shes choosing to date you. if she cheats on you its because she was always going to, not because of her posting a few pictures.

I’d absolutely dump a girl like that. I would never even date a girl who posts pictures like that. Obviously she wants to objectify her body. That is not a trait you want in a gf. That is something private between the two of you. Not her internet followers and beta orbiters.

Your gf is a whore

To summarise my post just above yours: if he sets himself that boundary (I won't date someone who posts on instagram like this) and she continues, he'll have to break up with her.

If he ghosts her and never tells her why by your rule he's a good person.
If he lets her know after the fact that it was because she kept posting on instagram I suppose that isn't controlling behaviour. But if he warned her beforehand "I'm thinking of breaking up over this" it would be controlling.

I don't think I understand how setting a condition for yourself to act in regards to someone else isn't controlling. I don't understand how you can interact with someone without controlling them and vice versa.

It's not the pictures, it's the woman. If she seeks male attention and you take away her online follwing for lewd pictures, she will go on to flirt with men irl if she isn't doing so already.

Fuck if you do, fucked if you don't. Either dominate her so that she submits to you entirely or leave, because otherwise she will nit be satisfied by you. You will avoid heartache if you leave, because even keeping a woman like that is not worth the effort. Let her be herself instead of trying to influence the whore.

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shes advertising herself for the alphas

>Every settlement of boundaries would risk an ultimatum though?
No? You can set boundaries without going straight for “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t stop X.” I mean you even gave an example of a compromise that didn’t lead to an ultimatum.
And again, if op and his gf don’t share the same values or trust each other, or aren’t able to compromise, then yes they should break up instead of trying to control each other.

>trust
trust what? His gf is willingly sexually objectifying her own body for internet followers and beta orbiters.. even if she’s not having sex with them, she’s a whore

No real gf would do shit like that

so you agree that OP doesn’t trust his gf

This. Exactly this. You aren't shit but the guy who fucks her right now and pays for her shit on occasion.

Don't argue. Their actions aren't based on logic and they will never admit it. Keep your dignity and realize that you are attacking a strawman.
Like this person. If she doesn't want to stop advertising herself to other men, OP has every right to leave. Her right to post? Then his right to leave. Fuck thou.

shoo shoo incels the adults are talking

what do you mean? it’s a fact that his gf is a whore. Not an opinion, a worry, or thought. He’s not sitting there like “im worried she will do something because I don’t trust her”. It’s a fact. She already did it.

Fuck off roastie. You can’t give a logical reason why any girl would post pictures like that while they’re in a relationship

The example I gave of the compromise that didn't lead to an ultimatum was dependent upon the gf.

If OP comes to the table with an offer and is willing to compromise but GF doesn't want to compromise at all, what does OP do?
My second example is what happens when GF won't compromise and OP realises they shouldn't be together, but if OP tells GF this that is controlling behaviour.

>OP: I'm ok with you posting pics, just not in bikinis and lingerie
>GF: No deal.
>OP: What about you just don't post lingerie?
>GF: Stop controlling me
>OP: Can you compromise with me in some way?
>GF: I shouldn't have to compromise because I'm entirely within the right
>OP: Well if you can't compromise with me then I'm going to have to leave
>GF: You're not allowed to do that because it's an ultimatum
>OP: Then I am a bad boyfriend and you should break up with me
>GF: No I value our relationship and want to keep it, but I also value posting pics of myself on Instagram
>OP: I value being single and secure more than I value being in a relationship and insecure, so I have to break up with you
>GF: Oh OP, I didn't realise it was so important to you. I now realise I value the relationship more than Instagram, I won't do it anymore, you have successfully controlled me with this ultimatum oh no you're terrible now I have to break up with you

yeah, this, her cunt her choice.
but it's your choice who you stick your cock into.
dump the cunt.

I have hundreds of tinder matches and do very well with women, actually. My friends literally call me chad. I know when to not invest and trying to deflect with insults or wrongly assumed information won't do shit to make you any more right. I can see right through you.

Based
BIG DICK ENERGY

I see, well OP if you knew she did this kind of thing in the first place why date her? You thought she would stop after getting together with you? Like other women have said, it's really her choice. A lot of guys out there will respect her relationship status but others will not. I happen to fall on the former category and I'm also the kind of guy to tolerate my gf doing this kind of thing.

The ONLY thing I ask from my partner is honesty, if she intends to cheat on me with some other chad just because he likes her tits then I expect her to tell me so I can end the relationship myself. I don't know what other women would think but I think that's about as fair as a man can be to preserve his dignity.

Shess and a whore.

Leave the bitch. If you got enough game to get a slut this fine then dump her and get a roastie that fucking listens..

>and I'm also the kind of guy to tolerate my gf doing this kind of thing.
>.t cuck

I don’t really see the point anymore if you’re going to make up hypothetical conversations for us to argue over.
>>OP: Well if you can't compromise with me then I'm going to have to leave
That line would be the end of it. OP and the gf don’t share the same values, it’s wntirely within OP’s right to break up with her.

How exactly? Believe me, I have my fair share of friends and if they knew my gf was cheating on me it's more than likely I'll find out. If she decides not to be honest about it and does cheat then she ends up on my blacklist of women I date and end of story, I move on to better things.

>she ends up on my blacklist
I'm sure that's a scary place to be, Fuckin' KEK

Because you’re cool with your gf intentionally objectifying her body for the enjoyment of other men. Who knows, maybe someone saved her pictures and they are regularly being posted on a /b/ instagram fap thread

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That's on her though isn't it? The moment she posts a single image wearing a bikini or something provocative, she did it the moment she posted an image like that. Guys will fap to just about anything revealing if they find someone attractive. A single image will do that.

>maybe someone saved her pictures and they are regularly being posted on a /b/ instagram fap thread
kek the OP pic is already in my personal folder
OP if you’re still here post more :)

She loves these

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Not to be taken literally, it basically means that person is out of my life and good riddance.

I take those to be the guys replying to her posts? Is that it OP?

Done

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You still there OP? What you have to keep in mind is men will fap to images even if it's a single image. If they like someone chances are they will fap to just about anything even remotely provocative or sexy. That means she won't be able to post anything revealing even if you happen to be in it. Likewise, if you posted an image with your girlfriend wearing something revealing men would do the same thing. The moment you post an image on the internet a lot of things can happen, if people like it the image will probably be saved and posted somewhere else by rejects. You can't avoid that unless you avoid posting stuff like this on the internet altogether.

That's alright user, I think we've gotten what we can from the discussion.

My point with the hypotheticals has just been to tease out that I think the "no ultimatums, no controlling" rule is a bit shallow.
To me it seems we've just swapped controlling someone with threats of a break up with controlling someone with threats of "we clearly don't share the same values".

How to act without unduly influencing others is a big philosophical question to me.

These types don't even need anything revealing.

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>if he sets himself that boundary (I won't date someone who posts on instagram like this) and she continues, he'll have to break up with her.
as he should
>If he ghosts her and never tells her why by your rule he's a good person.
No it's not about that. He can explain why he wants to break up. It's about not using his behavior as a negotiating tool.
>But if he warned her beforehand "I'm thinking of breaking up over this" it would be controlling.
Yeah. Think about this though, what exactly is the point in talking about this beforehand? Changing the way she acts based on his feelings. Communicating to this person that "hey i'm gonna do this thing if you continue to do that thing". You're minimizing the blow by making it about communicating his feelings but if you really explore that it's ultimately him saying "I'm thinking about breaking up...so don't do that behavior anymore because I said so"

>I don't think I understand how setting a condition for yourself to act in regards to someone else isn't controlling.

It's controlling yourself, not the other person. You're setting up a fence around your heart that only certain people can enter. OP's girlfriend does not meet that entry barrier (not taking hot insta pics) but he decided to date her anyway.

It's the difference between having a fence around your house and telling someone to get off your property. The fence establishes that property line even before the people enter, and only allows in those you chose. If you didn't chose to let them in then they're already actively breaking in and you can know immediately to be on the alert. The other is more of a threat.

>controlling someone with threats of "we clearly don't share the same values"
I don’t get how you see that as controlling though. You’re not threatening them to change their behavior. If two people in a relationship come to a serious disagreement that they can’t overcome, then there’s nothing more to be done. Nothing to control.

Was she like that before you started dating? If you started dating a slut and liked what she did when she was single it's entirely your fault for getting into it and now expecting a change
Hoes gonna ho

>break up
but be sure to share her n00dz with us, that'll learn the bitch.

you might just need to accept she does this. It makes her happy.

Hey OP I think you should talk with her about it. If she disagrees then just leave her. I think (as a girl myself) that you being uncomfortable b y these kind of public pictures is completely reasonable. Hope it ends well.

open bob on /soc/

She's a slut, you just need to decide whether you want to date a slut or not.

>I'm too insecure if others find you hot and don't trust you not to act on their attention

It's not about insecurity it's about mentality and aligning values
It's one thing to be found hot by others, because that is inevitably out of your control if people fancy you. But it's a very clear difference when you 'offer' yourself and your body to be ogled and jacked off to, it's clear the underlying motive is to gain attention of other males too.

What are we going to have next? They're going to pose themselves completely naked, with their legs spread open, showing off their genitals and claiming it's not cheating and it's completely okay so long as nobody puts a dick in it. Heck they'll jack off in front of their pussy but no biggie so long as it's not touching it and you'll be the one insecure that they're so 'proud' of their bodies they can't have a social media presence online without showing off every inch of their body. Nobody posts pics if they're not receiving likes

It's clear that the two of you have different values in life. You might have told her that it makes you uncomfortable, but you might need to give her more detail on the why. Is it distrust; fear of competition; fear that she might be exploited; low self-image; belief in only showing one's body to one's partner?

She might have had confidence issues in the past and become accustomed to affirmation from people online, she might be displaying fitness rather than attempting to arouse, or narcissism.

Why Why Why

Find your why's

You wish your girlfriend was like that.

itt : cucks who let women walk all over them

>tattoo
yikes

You’re insecure AND she’s most likely a whore

But really though, I know plenty of decent women who don’t need the validation of internet faggots, and they are pree good looking.

Even girls who don’t post pics like that get dick picks

But his gf actually wants to be sexualized by other men

No way. Shes just trying to show off how in shape her body is. That's why she's got that video on pornhub with Jamal, she just wants to show off her fit body.

So she’s an attention whore

Obviously. She wants others to enjoy her body and think of her sexually

>If you don't like your gf selling her meat on the internet it means you're insecure.
How deep can we fall into this moral decline?
Some Anons are right in that you should have checked this kind of stuff before getting into a relationship.
>PS Instagram is a tool of the Devil and this kind of social media will be our downfall.

Showing off is fine as long as she isn’t meeting up with anyone and seeing them. Let her show off, if you got it, flaunt it