tldr: Cheated on BF, want to work stuff out but nothing works.
>at a bar getting drunk with bf
>have a fight
>he deletes all photos of me from his social media
>leaves me at a gay bar (We were curious what it was like so we went with a mutual friend)
>friend also leaves
>being drunk I decided to go to a different bar where our other mutual friends were
>one mutual friend invites me to an after-party
>offers me ecstasy and cocaine (me and my BF have a history of drugs in our relationship, both ex-addicts)
>end up having oral sex with him
>feel like complete shit, confess the next day
Fast forward a couple months later to now
>try being very sweet and caring, buying flowers, dinners
>gets mad and says shit like "You're not acknowledging its a big deal!"
>try showing my loyalty by cleaning up my social media, posting more photos of us, giving him my passwords, deleting people that may seem shady
>again, gets pissed and says "I don't want to see your social media because it makes me angry when I see you."
>try showing my regret by apologising daily (I really do feel depressed and sad af about this, I'm crying about it more than him) but it seems it doesn't matter.
>goes as far as saying I'm "proud" of what I did which is not true at all, definitely NOT proud of it, infact i think it's disgusting
>just deactivated all my social media and removed all photos of myself from WhatsApp, etc..
We live together and he even proposed to buy his own bed so we have more space. That was really hurtful and sad because I've been trying my best to make things better. Ironically the guy was also nasty and unattractive so I'm really disgusted that I cheated and I really hate what happened. But that doesn't make anything better.
What can I do to make it up to him? We both say we're trying but I feel like we're getting fucking nowhere. The littlest stuff triggers him and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells just to try to make it up to him.
Tldr: Cheated on BF, want to work stuff out but nothing works
>tldr: Cheated on BF
you fucked up big time and you're a fool to expect forgiveness
nothing you can do but end it
you fucked up and now have to live with the consequences
I assume that your regret is genuine, but forgiving is not a logical thing, so you can't expect him to forgive you
he is rightfully upset, but you can't make him forgive you
So what do I do then, genius? He said he wanted to work it out too and I don't want to ditch if neither wants to leave.
he might want to try bease of the time he invested and all that, but if you have to walk on eggshells as you said, it's only a matter of time until it fails
neither of you will be happy in this relationship anymore
People like you should be killed
Wtf guys we post advices here...
Time will tell. He will either heal or come to the conclusion that it's not possible to live with you anymore.
If you want to increase your chances if staying with him, stay nice and positive, and open to him until then. Good luck!
You leave, you fucking retard. You've broken his trust and even if you try to put it back together, it'll always be a broken mirror. Once a cheater always a cheater, and fuck your righteous indignation when you're clearly the shithead in this scenario.
>the guy was also nasty and unattractive
This is the only reason of have any semblance of regret. As for the rest? I hope it doesn't work out for you
This. Stop trying to whiteknight simply because she's a woman. This will never work. You cheated on him. Broke his trust. That feeling is a feeling that looms over you for a life time, and the only way to get rid of that feeling is by getting away from the person who caused it. And yet, the person who causes you such misery, such anguish, is now suddenly goody two shoes happy to be with you. Fuck that. Leave the poor guy alone and go off yourself with some xan and vodka.
You know when you drop a drinking glass and it hits the floor and goes into about 30 pieces? That's your relationship. Yeah you can glue most of the large pieces back together but it will never be the same, look the same, or ever be useful for its intended purpose again,
It's simply time to say goodbye.
Give him time to heal and come to terms with the situation. All you can do is leave him alone with his thoughts and try to answer any doubts he has with truth and honesty. If he decides to give you a shot then take the opportunity to rebuild trust again (which will take time) and the relationship.
First things first, spend time apart from each other. By this, I mean end the relationship and let things simmer. Go out, do your own things, improve and invest in yourself. Become a better person. Give him time to do the same. You already fucked up and caused damage, so all there is to do is continue life and never do it again. Acknowledge what you did was wrong, you hurt someone you love, and now the consequence is to live with it.
If you can't work things out in the end, then that is another consequence of your actions. Some relationships can't recover after an event like that. I understand it hurts to lose someone, but you did choose to cheat on him, so don't be surprised if the animosity gets the best of him and ends it.
If you do work things out, just remember to still have respect for each other. You, mainly, don't cheat on him again. You broke the trust in the relationship so some things will be different, maybe permanently. But don't also just give up your privacy entirely and give him control over your entire online presence. You still have autonomy as a person, even if you did do something pretty shitty. So don't accept disrespect like name-calling, physical or emotional abuse, or constant passive-aggressiveness. Some anons will say that you deserve it, and part of me agrees because I've been cheated on before, but at that point, it stops being a relationship and it is just plain abuse. Do each other a favor and end it if that happens. At some point, you have to realize that this isn't love anymore, and the relationship is over. Too bad, start again with someone else, and learn from your mistakes.
Listen OP. As a man with former anger problems who was in your situation and acted much like your boyfriend did, he's not going to trust you again and neither would I. He's going to continue being angry and giving out your passwords will not change that because he'll never really believe what you say at this point. Once you cheat your relationship as it was is essentially over and never coming back, even if you "work it out" he'll always remember this and always wonder in the back of his mind if you'll do it again. He's basically very hurt and vulnerable right now, and his anger is more akin to a defense mechanism rather than lower his guard and let himself get hurt again. It's time you end things, he might take it badly but it's for the best.
dude you are a woman lmao just get over it in 2 days like you always do and find a new bf
Both of you are thrash
You made a mistake and apologized, problem is that it all depends on him. We always expect to be forgiven but it doesn't always work that way. It's his choice and there's nothing you can do about it since he is the only one that can choose, he's the one feeling anger, disappointment and sadness.
He, however, is acting like a dick, you don't need to apologize daily or humilliate yourself for someone that keeps being angry after months yet still wants you living with him. Both of you made mistakes that hurt deeply both sides.
I truly recommend breaking up, it's not healthy for both sides and I consider that the issues that happened before have developed more anger and they weren't adressed when it was necessary.
OP is a gay man. He should take these "problems" to . Everyone should know by now that gays do not have exclusive relationshisp and the concept of "cheating" does not exist.
shit like this I wish I didn't read
doesn't matter what you cheaters do, it doesn't fix what you broke and it's fucking scary and off-putting to see just how badly you can break a person with cheating
You will find no sympathy here.
I love it when women do this, they feel entitled to a mans affection before, during and after their cheating and get offended and feel wronged when they arent forgiven. Ye it would make me angry to see my girlfriend if she had just blown a guy. Also its funny that the guys attractiveness somehow makes things more or less legit as points out.This 'BUT I WAS DRUNK THO' excuse doesnt fly; if you cant handle your shit dont drink.
also see
most importantly
Yeah, I believe it is time to call it what it is, which is completely over, and if you really do care about this person, leaving em would be the best damm thing in the world for em.
nice bait
The absolute state of whores
He should dump you desu, or you should break up. But honestly its going to be a toxic situation, and he might once get over it, but the chances are slim. Decide for yourself. But really ask yourself why you cheated in the first place, and what the hell is going to prevent you from doing the same going forward?
>We both say we're trying but I feel like we're getting fucking nowhere
Because it's not going to. You fucked up and created a rift in the relationship and now you have to deal with that.
The trust is gone and he obviously doesn't care about you anymore. Break up, learn from this and don't do it again.
I wanna drop some hurtful shit on you but instead, I hope you figure this out. Here is some cryptic shit that might help: Sometimes you already know the answers to your questions it just takes time for you to do something your mind already knows.
Honestly, I think you blew it (literally and figuratively). I can't imagine that he'll ever really get past that and he'll probably torture you over it forever. But the bigger concern is not the harm you did to him but to yourself. Why would you take your anger on him out on yourself? That's what I would look at.
As someone who's kinda been in both situations before (I've never cheated, and never been cheated on to my knowledge though), trust is a funny thing. We take it for granted until it's gone and then would trade anything to get it back.
To be completely honest, it sounds like you've irreparably fucked up your relationship. I mean, I think I'd feel the same as your bf in the same situation, and I'm sure you would too. How would you feel if he had gone out and done something with another girl that night? You'd most likely be as pissed as he is now, angry and unhappy and untrusting.
To me, it sounds like your boyfriend is both scared of losing you forever and unwilling to let things go. In the end, it's okay if he decides he can't forgive you for what you did because it's completely reasonable, but what isn't reasonable is making you suffer while he tries to see if he can forgive you.
I wouldn't give much for your chances to make it work, but if you're willing to try you need to set some boundaries in your relationship - you shouldn't put up with abuse because of what you've done, but you need to keep a healthy distance between you and male friends from now on. It's a strange thing, but in my opinion you actually need to carve out some mental space for yourself and not let him walk all over you to make it work. Try and get closer to something that approximates a normal relationship, but with some extra restrictions. Make sure that he doesn't bring up your fuck-up whenever you're arguing about something as a way to silence you, because that's not fair either.
In the end, if you think it's not going to work or that he'll never forgive you, it's best for you just to end things yourself. Be apologetic, but firm. He'll probably be angry at you, but it's for the best.
Remember your fuckup and carry it and what you've learned from it with you going forwards. Either way, good luck, OP.
>I love it when women do this, they feel entitled to a mans affection before, during and after their cheating and get offended and feel wronged when they arent forgiven.
I know plenty of men who've done the same shit. But yeah OP fucked up and she doesn't deserve his forgiveness
What I'm wondering is what the fuck is wrong with him? Even considering staying with a cheating slut is just sad.
>>offers me ecstasy and cocaine (me and my BF have a history of drugs in our relationship, both ex-addicts)
Not only did you sexually cheat you relapsed with the guy that offered you dope and it didn't take much. The bj was a symptom of your addiction.
Anyway. I don't understand if both of you are trying to go sober you still are friends with people that use and offer you dope. That doesn't sound like you are serious.
And, the best for you and your bf is if he moves and gets away from you and your druggie friends, all of you will only bring him down.
Can you just kill yourself?