I think i just experienced everything that bad about relationships

This is a big one
also, yes i know, also, yeah I know even worse things could have happened, I agree

I'll start by just explaining the whole relationship, if you don't care, there is a Tl Dr, and if you only care about the July part, read the "(after break up)" thing

So, what happened. I'll start from the beginning

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(August)

I was told this one girl that I liked, liked me back, I asked her out on a date, told her that I like her, and then ended up dating for a month, at the end of the month she asked me if we want to be official together

I was so happy, i literally thought I got together with the prettiest girl on earth

---

(September)

Nothing happened, we went out a lot and I had to figure out how to have a GF, i really miss the times were my biggest problem was to find out how to kiss a girl.
At the end of the month I had my first real kiss (one interesting thing to remember, because It took us 2 months, at the end of the post she turns out to be kind of, a hoe)

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(October)

October was great, it was the first time making out with a girl, went out a lot, it was just a magical time

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(November)

November was pretty good, the end of the months was the first time she came over to my place. Normally she can't just come over, because my mum doesn't want girls in the house, so if she wants to come, it has to be at a point in time when I'm alone at home, So not very ideal.

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(December)

December was, kind of difficult, it was still great, but we had some small problems, nothing big though.

I was sad because she didn't put me, in her Instagram rewind thingy. She put a lot of big and basically useless stuff in that thing and to see that im not even mentioned really hurt. But if you would scroll though her Instagram you wouldn't find even a trace of a boyfriend.

Maybe im just too young.

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>---

>(January)

now this is where things get interesting, she started becoming more distant and dull, we talked about it.

She wrote me a long text, if I remember correctly it basically said: She pushes me away, doesn't know why. And that she does that with everyone close to her, and that she thinks it's better if she's alone...

>---

>(February)

...but at the end of January it got better. And February was amazing.

A lot of good things happened, she started giving me affection like she did at the beginning of the relationship.

It really was a good month... until it wasn't

>---

>(March)

March was the worst month (until now, because April didn't happen yet)

She started to become distant and dull again, but in a weirdly different way than in January. My birthday was the worst day, because even though I was with friends, I felt really depressed

oh right, maybe I should mention that, basically she had depressions and went to therapy for that, one interesting thing that happened was, I started to develop the same mindset she had, basically i started to become depressed (not the clinical kind, but still the same feeling of not wanting to do things you normally enjoy).

>---

>(April)

Now THIS, is where things get REALLY interesting.

The month began with her going to a birthday party of one of her friends, i wasn't invited (I guess because her friend forgot), and she didn't just take me with her. She ended up drinking A LOT, she was shitfaced drunk and just laying on a couch at the party.

I didn't tell anyone but that day I was very proud of myself that wasn't so "insecure" anymore when she drinks alcohol when I'm not around, it used to fuck me up really hard, also one of the reasons I got depressed. I knew that something stupid, but there was always a small part of me that believed she would. But I never told her that, I rather tried to work on myself so that I wouldn't become Jealous anymore.

So the day after the party we went out, and at the end of the day she said "hey, i gotta tell you something"

As a joke, I thought: "haha she probably cheated lol", but since she made it sound relatively "positive", I didn't think that something bad was coming.

Then she told me she made out with another guy at the party.

I don't think words can't describe how I felt haha.

The following days were the hardest days of my life, and it probably will stay that way for a while.
Sometimes I have the feeling that she forgot or didn't really take it seriously, what effects it had on me.

---

We talked about it, she told me what happened

- she was lying in a Couch because of being so fucking drunk
- and he was just sitting next to her
- He then went for a kiss
- and she went with it
- and everyone there Said "oh Look", I guess none of her friends did anything

---

I had no idea what to do. We talked about it more, she said "it could have happened to anyone"

and when i said,

"you don't give me the Feeling that your sorry for that"

(I knew she was, she was probably crying the whole night, but in Front of me she was a little defensive)

she said

"What do you want me to do, cry? hug you?"

I just said

"its your responsibility to figure Out what you should do"

---

I told myself that I wouldn't break up because of her mistake, but because of how she would Handel the situation... she Handled the Situation very poorly, she also said more things were I would just think "yeah that's maybe what happened but, it's not something to say in this situation"

And, like the idiot I am, I Ended up giving her a second chance. Because she started crying a little when I said that we should break up

>---

>(May)

Two days into the month, I broke up with her.

That was after we talked about a problem we had. As the conversation went along, I noticed something

That this relationship could not go any further.

The reason was that she was completely in a mindset that she can't stay in "relationships for a long time" or is not a "relationship capable person" or that's at least what she said in the conversation

And I think because she thought something like that, it eventually led her to stop trying in the relationship. To stop giving me the affection I wanted

>---

>(After the Breakup)

Now the really fucked up stuff.

The day I broke up, I felt a feeling that I'll probably feel in 2-3 months, I was really happy.

But then, some times past, I got really sad and started missing her, missing the good times we had. I knew I could find someone better, mostly because literally any girl is 10x better than she could have ever been.

Thing is, i didn't want to break up, i basically only broke up because otherwise she would have, (That would be fucking crazy to think about, I mean, just imagine that. First of she stopped trying, then cheated, and still lets the relationship fall apart, and THEN SHE breaks up because "it isn't working out"?! yeah! no shit its not working out if she doesn't even make it work out, relationship aren't hard work) (we also talked about it, she actually agreed with me when i said that i always tried to make it work, and - well she didn't)

*also.. i hate the way all of this sounds, its like "yeah its all her fault lol", i don't want it to sound that way, mostly because its always both persons, but this case is ... interesting to say the least*

I asked her multiple times if, the breakup is what she wanted, she always said yes.

But she still was very sad, told me the first week she had to cry every night

two weeks later, she started feeling better already, told her friends that she doesn't feel anything for me anymore.

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>---

Now to the reason im writing all of this.

Yesterday we went to a birthday party of a good friend, it was alright. But at the end of the day, she sat next to a guy, they talked, and i noticed one thing, i didn't hear a lot but the thing i heard was "yeah it happened 2 weeks ago, but im already over it, i actually wanted to break up a month ago"

I was right next to her.

Maybe i should mention that i was.. "a little drunk, while pretending to be really drunk, to get the max amount of information out of them"

i thought, "if i pretend to be very drunk, maybe they will act like i Mount remember anything" or something like that, i was never drunk before that by the way.

THEN

we got driven home, we were 4 people in the back of the car, my ex sat on his lap

they were talking the whole time

one girl that was also in the back, got out, so we were just the 3 of us in the back

he had his arm kind of around her, and she had one of her tights on top of his

And everything while I was just sitting next to them.

I got out next, so they were just the two of them in the back, I would bet money that they kissed each other

Remember the thing about "it took 2 months for us to kiss each other" thing.. yeah

>---

im devastated right now and i think at the end of this post the quality dropped, im sorry for that

>---

TlDr: Got together with a girl I knew for 5 years, after 5 months (August-December), she started becoming more distant (didn't want to come over etc, basically didn't give me the affection I needed). Then it got better for one month (February), after that it got worse (February-March). Then she ended up "kind of cheating" on me (April). Then I broke up with her (May). After 2 weeks we meet at a birthday party of a friend, and she ended up "flirting" (i guess) with one of the guys, then we got driven home, and they were a little "too close" with each other even though I was literally next to them.

>---

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Thanks for reading. I think what I need the most right now are just people voicing their opinions on my situation

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you can Just read this

they are the important parts

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I don’t know what advice you’re looking for here. You broke up with a girl and she’s getting over you. Your actions have consequences and if you can’t handle being around your ex then don’t hang out around your ex. It’s not that complicated.