Florida Man

Is this what happens when you play too much GTA?

Institutionalized man just wanted to go back in jail, this is not totally unheard of.

he was well hung

HE'S FUCKING A WHITE MALE

Nigger cringe

>be outside a Publix in Pompano Beach
>walking up to the sliding doors
>some qt is walking a black lab puppy
>6'5" bald dude with a mullet standing near the doors and is holding a bike lock
>he sees the qt walking the dog
>literally barks at the dog, very aggressively
>freaks the qt out and the dog starts barking at him
>he gets on his bike and looks at the dog and screams "MOTHERFUCKER!"
>literally holding the bike lock like he's ready to swing it at anybody who comes close to him
>rides away, still yelling "motherfucker" to himself repeatedly

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Floridaman.com

Jesus Christ what the fuck happened to that state. Rightists are always talking shit about how "democrat controlled cities have failed" but conservatives have failed entire regions of the god damned country.

Florida is crawling with jews you know. I think too its attractive to some guys because in divorce etc your home cant be taken. I heard that somewhere

True. He probably had some dope hidden inside,or someone owed him some and he needed some

>not showing respect for Florida Man

Be careful memeflag. Florida Man will find you.

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You don't shit where you eat and you don't shat where you're at.

if you haven't killed and eaten a gator by the time you hit puberty, can you even call yourself a man?

north floridians are real southerners. basically anything south of saint augustine is north cuba and needs to be nuked. 904 checking in

Fuck, my parents just got a second house in Florida for snow birding and I just have no fucking desire to go. Half of my extended family already lives there and have visited a good couple of times, is Florida worth it?

well at least you get to go into publix and get high quality products with acceptable prices

florida is worth it just to go to publix.

Oh come on Canadian drivers aren't that bad. Why do Floridians not like Canadians driving habits wtf? Also how often do Floridians see Canadian license plates?

It's not my fault but one day I will. That's why I'm getting annoyed at Floridians anti-Canadian sentiment, I'd love to kill an alligator.

I had to kill a gator in my aunt's pond cause it was eating all the fish. used an old rusty scythe

I grew up in Flagler. Can you grant an exception, based 904 lad?

>Also how often do Floridians see Canadian license plates?

Pretty often. In the area I grew I would start seeing NY, NJ, PA, Ontario pretty frequently starting at this time of year and dying off in September.

That's so fucking bad ass. One day I'm gonna do all kinds of cool shit like that once I get out of the shithole I live in.

How often did you hear French and see Quebec plates?

>all kinds of cool shit

Do you like fishing?

Ontario is easy to spot because our faggot laws requires us to have 2 license plates for extra tax cash.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard French once. The only places I heard it spoken in the states is Northern NH and Maine.

I don’t remember that. Is that a recent thing? I last lived there in 2007.

Been in place since the 90's.

Oh fuck yeah. It's the one thing I CAN do. Been waiting my whole life to hunt and do things with guns and I finally was able to send my application out in January but I still haven't got it.

People here in Quebec are obsessed with going to Florida. I would say it's the most common state people here visit after the states that border the province.

Nice. I would kill for some good bass fishing right now. I just got back from FL. Shared some gator jerky with my Jap neighbors and they went crazy over it.

>I would kill for some good bass fishing right now.
Yep. Same here. I haven't gone this year yet but I will this weekend hopefully. Soon I'll be moving out of the city permanently and I'll have fishing at my doorsteps and won't need to drive an hour for a peaceful spot.

it's fine. it's just too many fucking cubans in this state

Ok I'll remember that. Is Winn Dixie any better?

If you see a multi-story publix, go there. It's really nothing but another grocery store, but it can get pretty ghetto-deluxe.

Yeah. And New York Ricans are pretty bad too. It was comfy back in the 80s and early 90s in Flagler. Now too many boomers, goblins and white trash.

I want to buy a house in Nassau county with no neighbors and tell the world to fuck off.

saint augustine is where whites go

winn dixie is good and the official sponsor of the Jacksonville Jaguars, but Publix is a Florida staple. we also are "muh guns" and driving in florida at night is a dream

>Nassau
For what purpose? You want a comfy old house on the north fork in Suffolk, preferably away from the main road where it's nothing but traffic and big box stores.

St. Augustine is nice, but boomered out. I remember niggered areas west of US1, near downtown, but that was it. It’s too close to my psycho family in Flagler though. After a few die off I’ll settle on a comfy ranch in Nassau.

I’ve literally passed up six figure jobs at the Mayport base just so I don’t have to live near my family.

He probably knew he'd be homeless so prison he'd get a roof, 3 meals and all the rape he can take.

Just for a cheap land. I have a house in CA with skyrocketing value. Once I’m done here I want to sell it and get a tiny place with lots of land, I’ll live off of it and have tons of fruit trees, ducks, chickens and shoot hogs to feed my dogs.

Right, so you want a comfy old farm plot on the north fork in Suffolk.

I was referring to Nassau county in FL, not Long Island.

Oh. That makes more sense. "Cheap land" was in my queue of next replies. FL is basically South Long Island anyway.

Publix has crept at least as far north as the Carolinas.

fuck yeah another florida man thread

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What kind of autism is this?

AWWW YEAH, NIGGA! FLORIDA MAN GAME!
>go to Google
>Type in "Florida man" + the month/date of your birth
>Post results

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I see Florida Man is up to his old tricks again.

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Spent 15 days as a tourist in Fort L,Hollywood and Palm beach.Didn't see that many niggers or spics desu.Was i lucky?

Most of these Florida man stories usually come from either Polk County or Brevard County.

florida is basicly the australia of america.

There's no way to spend a single day in Ft. L without seeing every kind of nigger in exaggerated fashion. About the only way would be to stay locked in your motel room with a do not disturb thing on the door.

true
You can go DAYS without seeing one in Colorado, MT and ID bro

>Spent 15 days as a tourist in Fort L,Hollywood and Palm beach.Didn't see that many niggers or spics desu.Was i lucky?

Guessing you stayed east of A1A and never left your resort Hotel.

>There's no way to spend a single day in Ft. L without seeing every kind of nigger in exaggerated fashion. About the only way would be to stay locked in your motel room with a do not disturb thing on the door.

If you don't run into the niggers you have to watch out for the crackhead wiggers that will send their crackwhores out to rob you.

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Spent 4 days there.Maybe it's because i never went towards downtown? Was mainly moving between along the coastline ( from my hotel back and to Las Olas).

I don't have any idea how you managed it. I plotted out all these elaborate bus routes and whatnot so I could see what I thought were going to be sights to be seen, and also hit the liquor store.

It's an out-door zoo.

>Spent 4 days there.Maybe it's because i never went towards downtown? Was mainly moving between along the coastline ( from my hotel back and to Las Olas).

You stayed in the most hipster area where the college kids party at, just south of Scumrise Blvd that area?

>Guessing you stayed east of A1A
Yeah was google mapping to find out the name of these stupid bridges with heavy traffic.I only crossed those when going to the airport.

Can he be stopped?

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>go to major international airport
>didn't see any niggers
Maybe you need to make an appointment with the eye doctor. That place is rife with typical international airport types.

But at least they have electrical outlets here and there so you can sit next some comfy plants while you're charging up your laptop and wondering why the wifi doesn't work.

>Yeah was google mapping to find out the name of these stupid bridges with heavy traffic.I only crossed those when going to the airport.

Oakland Park and US1 is where all the sleazy action is unless things have changed there in recent years, Riverwalk is where you go to get pissed drunk and into fights!

GO BOLTS FUCK BOSTON FUCK CANADA AND FUCK THE BUCCANEERS

>just south of Scumrise Blvd that area
Yeah exactly .Dont think i even went as north to Sunrise more than twice desu.And it was like the other user said.Lots of college kids and older rich people.Hell even the guy that was driving the uber i used once was a crazy irish from Boston(was bitching non stop for 10 mins about how everything was expensive as fuck but how he hated the snow back at home kek).

At what point can we finally admit that Prison is not a "rehabilitation center" it's just a criminal housing facility and we should consider eliminating at least 25-50% of the prison population.

To be a fly on the wall...

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All violent/sex criminals get the bullet first. Statutory rape on a case by case basis. 18 year olds dont get the ax because their 17yo gf's parents dont like em.

>Yeah exactly .Dont think i even went as north to Sunrise more than twice desu.And it was like the other user said.Lots of college kids and older rich people.Hell even the guy that was driving the uber i used once was a crazy irish from Boston(was bitching non stop for 10 mins about how everything was expensive as fuck but how he hated the snow back at home kek).

Yeah, you would of probably got jumped if you went down to Riverwalk or down to Hollyhood/Dania but usually people go there looking for crack or pills, kek.

meth is a terrible drug, user.

Around the corner from the Publix at the East side of the river work is a police station. And it was very informative for my experience, because opposite the police station in full sunlight on this alleyway where the parked all the police station vehicles was a nigger hobo chilling on a rug obviously completely drunk in the middle of the morning.

I always like to take a walk around places I haven't been, because that's how you really see the sights.

>Around the corner from the Publix at the East side of the river work is a police station. And it was very informative for my experience, because opposite the police station in full sunlight on this alleyway where the parked all the police station vehicles was a nigger hobo chilling on a rug obviously completely drunk in the middle of the morning.
>I always like to take a walk around places I haven't been, because that's how you really see the sights.

lol go too far east and you'll get robbed by niggers, head north you'll get raped by the sodomites from wilton manors

>Brevard County
Wut? These sorts of things never come out of Brevard. Pinellas and Hillsborough, though...

You can avoid them if you stay on A1A, but the mainland is rampant with niggers. There's whole neighborhoods that look like located in Jamaica or Haiti, not Florida.

That little national park type thing by the bus stop for it where you can look at butterflies and see birds and little woods critters at the quiet end of the river is pretty chill, especially if you get there before too many other people do. Just make sure to watch out for huge spiderwebs you might hit your head on.

I always like to check out the local flora and fauna. Maybe it's because I'm white. Riding the bus with niggers in the back is also fun, but it seems disrespectful toward Rosa Parks to me.

>tfw 3 Broward County Sheriff Department cars in the parking lot
>I'm listening to them bantz
>Go back outside and some guy asks me if I can give his truck a jump
>in a motel parking lot lol
It makes me want to go back so I can see a little bit more of Broward County.

I AM FLORIDA MAN

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not even possible, are you blind? You can't drive 60 seconds in fort lauderdale without seeing a spic or nigger.

>It makes me want to go back so I can see a little bit more of Broward County.

Don't, that place is cursed and it's a communist county with literal mossad sleeper cells, it's always been known as a tourist trap, something fucked will happen to you and you'll be stuck there forever.

Ya know, I can really dig this, you know why?
This kinda thing happens to me like every week.

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Some crackwhore will get you hooked on pills, everyone from there has a criminal mentality and prey on dumbass tourists, before you know it you're going to get hooked on drugs, the women from there are the biggest whores and scumbags on the planet. You've been warned my dude.

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So then I'm using this alleged airport shuttle to get back
>yah man where to
Well, you know, the airport
>aye rastafar!
20 minutes later there are 18 nigger on a minibus and I can't even bother to give directions anymore because he's dropping them off at some kind of a port
>where next?
Why bother at this point?

The worst part is they all started talking about Jesus, but Jesus wasn't getting me to the airport on time.

>LE 13% of the population yet 50% of the crime niggers
KYS leaf.

Get a chicken tender pub sub from the boar’s head deli inside.

lol they're probably trying to sell you some crack